crab8217

[crab8217]

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They’d crack each other up

[crab8217]

If 9/10 people suffer from diarrhea,

Does that mean that 1/10 people enjoy it?

[crab8217]

[crab8217]

If Keanu Reeves ever has a scandal, it will divide the internet harder then catapults and trubechets.

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For 50 years, we have accepted a “scoop” as a standard unit of measurement for raisins without question.

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A lawyer is at an airport and starts feeling really bored while waiting for his flight. He notices that he’s sitting next to a blonde woman.

Keep reading

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You can totally have a telepathic conversation with your reflection.

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I went to the liquor store on my bicycle. 

Ibought a bottle of vodka, put it in the basket on the front of the bicycle and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it’s a good thing I did, cause I fell 7 times on the way home.