craniumdemon

[craniumdemon]

Oh... Holy shit I forgot this was still even here... I am looking for a way to delete a different blog and I found this one 🤣😂🤦‍♂️ Still alive. Much better place. Cut out a shit ton of toxic people. Remember that partner I used to swoon over? She was cheating on a husband for a few years with me. Online dating amiright? So strange that her husband used to call me "Warhammer Boyfriend" but had no clue how right he was. I thought he knew but apparently not. That was awkward... I should of walked away when I realized what was going on but had "been in wove!"... I was going to visit her and then covid hit... Luckly I didn't go bc it was the same month her husband got her pregnant. I don't need to wonder if I had an international love-child with a Dutchie. She also cheated on her husband AND I with some guy from... Lelystad? I could go on but won't. So my son and I are getting tested for Sensory Processing Disorder. That's a whole thing. Makes a lot of sense on life now. I am still writing. Not fallout stuff though. Kind of a sour note after the above stated woman and a few other in the fandom made me lose interest but I am about 5+ chapters ahead of what is posted. Work is well. Exept for prices, I've not seen much of a difference with the world going to shit but then again between being an introvert and being an ACTUAL essential worker. Yeah. So I don't know what else. Maybe I will delete this later if I can remember what email and password this has. I can't believe the smut pages I have here still get hits that aren't bots. Take care and live good lives, CD

[craniumdemon]

My mind is a very odd place right now. I'm in such a great position as far as moving on with my life is concerned even with the way that the world is falling apart around me. I've been able to make friends and move on in many ways.

That girl that I fell in love with about 4 years ago has just informed me that she's having a child with her husband. I'm totally conflicted on this but not for the reasons of being a former lover. I've had to admit that she has borderline personality disorder. I've pushed her as far as I could from such a distance away to promote a healthy mindset for her which I know only went so far. When she stopped hyperfixating on me she went downhill. She's got the last stage of all of the things that she's ever wanted. I know she's lied to me a lot. I've called her out for it many times as well and I've gotten to the point of acceptance but this is the person that she is. But this horrible thought is popped into my head that she never really cared for me in the first place and then I was nothing more then a means ticket to fix.

L,

First and foremost please understand that I'm never blaming you for this. I don't think you're ever going to read this I know that most of the people that we had as mutual's have either stopped following me because I wasn't keeping up with the status quo of keeping my Victim Points. I also would call people out knowing that they were doing things that were wrong and only putting half of the information for their situation online to be able to play up and justify their actions. There's literally only one person who follows me on here that we were friends with four years ago.

I fear that you never loved me. I think that's the part that cuts the deepest for me. It's not like I stopped caring for you and it's not like I think I ever will because I know you in ways that none of your friends ever well. But I also know and I've come to grips with the fact that there are ways I will never know you because I've never gotten to see you in person. We would Skype for hours at a time for 5 or 6 days a week. We would talk about our hopes and our dreams. Your husband was ignoring you to the point where you could send me selfies with him in the background or do NSFW actions that you would either record or do you on Skype literally at arm's length away from him. I was in such a horrible place with my abusive wife but I didn't pay attention to any of the red flags that you gave off. I'm not blaming you please understand that. We both had been in a dark place.

You were able to get the house, the car the cats the husband and now soon the child. The thing that I fear the most for you is the idea if you're doing all of these things just a scratch that itch. I can't explain to you how or how much I care for you. I can't explain how it feels to look at your face and see the ghost of a woman that I fell for after 6 months of talking with almost everyday on Tumblr or Skype. It didn't happen right away I wasn't for lust. And then we had another year to year-and-a-half of a massive fire a flame between the two of us only to have your husband catch you finally. He blamed it on the guys that I didn't I want you to screw around with for experiment sexually with. I wanted you to tell him the truth but I've come to realize you could never really do that. Whether or not he actually was hinting that he would kill himself if you left.

At this point none of it matters, you're impulsive actions have chosen your life and the only thing that I can do is hope for the best. I fell in love with a woman who I am starting to feel truly never existed.

To be completely honest I do have to put in something that I have to smirk about. A bit of my dark humor because if it wasn't for the stupid pandemic I would have come to visit you. I would have hidden in a hotel room nearby your home and you would have come to visit me when your husband would be gone. The part that makes me chuckle and give off a little smile is knowing that you're asexual and that you hardly ever have a sex drive. The time frame that I expected to come visit you was around the time that you conceived. So if this pandemic didn't exist, I would have visited you and there could be a very good chance I could be having my kid and not his.

We would of had an international love child. I would be stuck with somebody compulsively does whatever they want and then progressed those actions only to do a lot of self-harm and I'd be raising one of two of my children alone.

Let's be honest though I've never been able to stop you from harming yourself. I can do the, "what if" but it's not like that's actually going to do anything. The fact that the one time I did try to get a hold of one of your friends and they told me that's just how you are and then I would have to learn to accept it and they even said that it was perfectly fine that you did physical self harm has made me realize that you don't always surround yourself with good people.

So now I have the great debate. Do I stay your friend? I know things about you that not even your primary school friends know. I don't say this in a threatening manner. I say this more because there's going to be a time where do you fall into darkness again and I can't help you. I told you that I knew that you were pregnant before you told me, I knew about the times that you cheated on me and could actually tell you word for word what you did with the other individual. I knew that when you were talking with somebody but it wasn't a good person and that you were giving in to desires that you regret later on. Hell I remember contacting you to ask if you're okay because you were fighting with your husband and I could sense it. I can't have that kind of a connection with you anymore and I know for the most part it's gone. ( I say this but I've known you're pregnant for probably about two months. It's actually in my stories that I've written in Archive of Our Own where the Dutch woman is working and having a kid)

So what do I do? I have to try to figure this out but the only thing that I can hope is that your car got a good life for yourself even though it's not with me. I'm so proud that you've been able to get your feet up. I guarantee I would have kicked your ass into a higher gear to get things done. But that's more because I live up to certain traits that I knew that you fell in love with.

In closing, I love you that won't stop. It's changed and it's not a bad thing but remember, you need to take care of yourself.

Your's always,

Your living version of Danse

[craniumdemon]

Checking in.

Yes this is true.

[craniumdemon]

Out of an abusive home

Finally. Thanks to those that have helped me along the way between here and my other tumblr account.

[craniumdemon]

Anyone actually follow this blog anymore?

It's not like I post fallout stuff or promote women's rights anymore.

I realize the mens rights stuff pushed a lot of people away.

Was it how I used to talk so highly about loving that partner?

I stopped writing smut?

I was smeared by a artist that had a heavy insecurity towards the character he had made and I was somehow a threat to.. his.. fallout character....?

[craniumdemon]

buss down thortiana

[craniumdemon]

Kim Jong Un meets with North Korea’s heads of state (2019)

[craniumdemon]

[craniumdemon]

[Image Description: Tags reading “fluff and smut, not really smut I am -7.43 years old”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is:

[craniumdemon]

Danse close ups, once again. Feel free to use these as references.

[craniumdemon]

You know when I zone out at work?

[craniumdemon]

[craniumdemon]

She’s a keeper

[craniumdemon]

Jess Black + Grace Armstrong

Yes please.

[craniumdemon]

My kink?

A hug… maybe holding a hand

[craniumdemon]

Resources for Male Victims of Abuse

How to Recognize Abuse

**Emotional Abuse of Men

**Sexual Assault of Men and Boys

**Men Can Be Victims of Abuse, Too

**Domestic Violence Against Men - Know the Signs

**Information for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

**Help for Battered Men

**Battered Men, Battered Husbands

**For Male Survivors of Rape and Sexual Abuse

**Male Survivors of Incest and Sexual Child Abuse

**Help for Men Who Are Being Abused

Help Lines (Phone and Text Chat)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone] (or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY)

National Dating Abuse Hotline: [phone]

National Sexual Assault Hotline: [phone]

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: [phone]

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men: 1-888-743-5754 (US and Canada)

Hopeline Suicide Prevention Hotline: [phone]

National Hotline for Victims of Crimes: 1-855-484-2846

National Human Trafficking Hotline: [phone]

Polaris Human Trafficking Text Line: Text “BEFREE” to 233733

**1in6/RAINN Chat for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Support Groups

**1in6 Support Groups

Male Survivor Support Groups

Pandora’s Aquarium - Chat (includes chats specifically for men)

Pandora’s Aquarium - Forums (includes forums specifically for men)

How to Find a Shelter

Domestic Shelters Search (shelter locator with filters to find shelters specifically for male survivors)

SAFE (located in Austin, TX, but states they can help people find resources/shelters in their area)

How to Find a Therapist

**Male Survivor Therapist Directory

Mental Health Services Locator

Resources for and About the Abuse of Kids/Teens

Love is Respect Hotline: [phone] (Hotline for teens)

Darkness to Light Helpline (Sexual Abuse): 1-866-367-5444

Darkness to Light Text Line: Text “LIGHT” to 741741

ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline: [phone]

Children of the Night Hotline (Children in Prostitution): 1-800-551-1300

National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-786-2929

Covenant House Nineline (Homeless Youth): 1-800-999-9999

Stop it Now Hotline: [phone] (for adults concerned about the welfare of a child)

Jennifer Ann’s Group (for teens experiencing dating violence)

Other Resource Lists 

(While I tried to include the most helpful resources I could here (i.e., resources that lend themselves to one-on-one communication, individual reading, etc.), there are plenty of other great resources, including regional resources, listed in these links. Some of the resources are specific to men and others aren’t, but they are all helpful for male survivors.)

**Male Survivor (regional, international, and online resources)

**Husband Battering: Men and Domestic Violence

**Help for Battered Men: Online Resources

**Help for Battered Men: National and International Resources

**Help for Guys: Help for Victims (some resources for men, many general resources)

[craniumdemon]

The look on his face is priceless