cutiesncantrips

[cutiesncantrips]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

#I think I've gotten better over the years in some respects but yeah

[cutiesncantrips]

i keep trying to save money then having to pay like $250 a month in dental bills alone and it's really really fucking demoralizing lol like i haven't dropped into the red in some time but i keep getting heckled to pay bills when im a couple days late on them and holding out until my next check and i get that this is not an uncommon experience but i am sooo not built for this kind of financial stress. you can beat me for hours straight but i hate dealing with money

[cutiesncantrips]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

#One of the wolves inside me totally agrees with this post #the other just thinks about how easily I'd forget stuff and how much work it must be to maintain that kinda stuff

[cutiesncantrips]

I don't know if this is a symptom of OCD or something (which I'm not officially tested for just yet, so don't quote me on it), but ever since being introduced to the concept of "micro plastics" I am consistently thinking in the back of my mind that various plastics I handle over the course of the day (especially cheaper shit) is just constantly leaving toxic imperceptible residue on me. Like, I'm thankfully not constantly feeling dirty and needing to wash or anything, but it's just a lot of intrusive thoughts like "just imagine what kind of unseen damages you're doing all the time"

#Certainly doesn't help when most shoes have like synthetic materials that are getting scraped apart and worn down by walking #Like yeah here's hoping eco scientists can perfect those like plastic eating mushrooms or whatever

[cutiesncantrips]

Konatsuya Happy Set 2023

[cutiesncantrips]

20240404

[cutiesncantrips]

Im slowly losing the ability to walk or stand at all, please let me be able to walk Ricky in a harness once and take a trip to the local aquarium once before I do. I likely wont be able to fundraise for a wheelchair so these might be the last places I go without special medical transport. Im a disabled trans woman scientist working on a decentralized internet for lgbt+ people and other marginalized groups

Venmo: agief

Cashapp: $cmder

Paypal: https://paypal.me/agieocean

[cutiesncantrips]

to all my mutuals and friends. im so sorry

[cutiesncantrips]

Sailor Princesses

A fashion collection inspired by the Sailor Senshi in their princess forms.

See more of my Sailor Moon fashion designs here and my other fashion illustration work here!

[cutiesncantrips]

dumb puppy

[cutiesncantrips]

My Mane 6 Redesigns all together! I was going to post them separately but ended up finishing them all before I got around to it lol

[cutiesncantrips]

[cutiesncantrips]

Today's dog girl of the day is Hana Venom from 920London!

She’s trans and sapphic!! wooo

[cutiesncantrips]

not now kitten, daddy's about to have a mental breakdown from seeing the prices at the grocery store

[cutiesncantrips]

i almost always find out my thoughts are irrational for the first time when i watch other people react to them. "sorry, i can't walk to the library with you now because i just made coffee but i'm not allowed to drink it until 3:10p + i have an email to send but i can't send it until i've drunk the coffee + i can't send the email from my phone or else it Will Send Wrong + i have to send it before 4pm even though nobody has told me this + the email actually isn't even necessary like literally nobody asked me to send this email" doesn't poll well with crowds but unfortunately polls quite well with me, the guy who came up with it,

#How I feel a lot of the time

[cutiesncantrips]

[cutiesncantrips]

Hey please help my friend Katherine if you can. She is a trans woman in Seattle who has been struggling to find work for months and is in a pretty bad place financially.

Here is her paypal, any dollars you can spare her way are appreciated.

Additionally, if anyone has any leads on places she could apply to work, please DM me!