dagasinfilo

[dagasinfilo]

#either card captor sakura or rurouni kenshin being aware of what Anime Is #unaware. dragon ball z when i was like. 5

[dagasinfilo]

POINT AND LAUGH

[dagasinfilo]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[dagasinfilo]

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

[dagasinfilo]

i wonder if it’d help me to arrange a somewhat rigid/structured schedule

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Knuckle tats that say Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

#oh i thought the last two ‘hate’ were like two additional hands

[dagasinfilo]

wish my brian got the memo that i enjoy doing things i enjoy and i am good at them and enjoy being good at them

#beautiful boy you are so stupid. #i wish you were more consistent. though.

[dagasinfilo]

one must imagine sisyphus horny. or whatever

#not even gonna ask is this anything i know it’s not i just need to say words

[dagasinfilo]

[choking back tears] okay vent over let’s take another crack at this fucking thing

#mate con café save me etcetera

[dagasinfilo]

considering just starting to take double my current dose with what i have left and see where that takes me since three weeks in i have no fucking clue if im gonna even get my meds before my next appointment

#even though that means i’ll run out before the appointment and i won’t be able to get more any time soon since. i can’t afford them. #i am. not doing very good im not gonna lie #i feel just. flat out plain incapable. like in general #and worst part is i can’t even. bring myself to care #not even in a depressive ‘what’s the point’ way i just. idk how to explain it. #in a second things just got considerably worse financially. in addition to how things are getting progressively worse in general #like. by the day. #i need to make things i need to sell things make money #at least finish the god damn commission i’ve been working on since fucking JANUARY #but i just. can not. move my brain towards action. #i said i’m gonna go make an appointment for doctor on monday to see if i can at least find a way to Be Less In Pain #but i kinda know i’m just. not gonna do it! #monday morning will come and i’ll wake up too late and i’ll be like. i’ll do it tomorrow. and tomorrow the same will happen and i’ll be like #i’ll do it later. #same as last week. same as the week before. #im just. so fucking frustrated. #it’s a shitty fucking cycle and i don’t know how to break away from it. #i won’t give up i’ll keep trying but god fucking damn

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died and came back exactly the same but something was so so so wrong with me before and now I have an excuse to really lean into it

[dagasinfilo]

@mxrattlebones

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Which main series game had the best box cover art?

#daggerfall obviously cmon #arenas good too but the daggerfall one has. more zest

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[dagasinfilo]

i wonder if cats understand music. like if my cat hears me singing. i wonder if he feels something about it or is he just like what the fuck is he saying and why is he saying it like that

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the resurgence of female separatism will be the fucking death us

[dagasinfilo]

#as you fish lol