Last Seen Blogs
w3b-gmx
饾櫦饾殰_饾枌
your-sanshinkan-world-blog
Untitled
yeo-sik
yeo-sik
hannahs-hideout
Hannah's Hideout
Text
Maybe I'm scared to let go even though it's clearly toxic on both sides bc I won't have anyone and idk how long it'll be before the right one comes along but I need to keep remembering that faith and waiting go hand in hand. I look at my sister, at Nathan, at misty, and I see how they could be praying for their person and that person may not arrive for a long time, if ever. That scares me. So do I cling because I love him or do I cling because I'm desperate? It's been feeling like I'm desperate.
0 notes
Text
I'm sad and he's almost always on my mind but everything I could and have said to him is just so overdone, it's that cycle of unending bullshit and I see it for what it is and I still have a hard time stopping
0 notes
Text
When will I stop expecting a message? Or thinking about him when I use those emojis? Even if he did come back, what would I do? I don't trust him. I have been discarded again and again and again and again. Why do I miss the person who used me? I pulled myself into a false sense of security. A false sense of love. What made us so desperate to hang on to each other?
I want someone who isn't afraid to love me.
0 notes
Text
I love you and I miss you so much archie
I miss you and I feel the emptiness everyday.
0 notes
Text
I don't want there to be any bitterness between us.
I've been thinking about things you've said and it's brought me to the conclusion that I am very problematic.
I am a gossip. I'm responsible for the drama at work and we both know how I was at Acura. I do it with my friends and between my friends and even to people I have no problems with at all, who have treated me very decently and with the utmost respect.
I do still have a victim mentality and I always have a million excuses and i let it affect my life. The fact is that I've been talking about exercising and changing since January, and April is almost over.
I do come at you. I'm passive aggressive and also just aggressive. There's a reason that everywhere I go, people tell me I'm argumentative.
I've come to the realization that this was never going to work. That it's been a cycle from the very beginning. We are in a relationship and we do act like a couple, but we are always going to be missing key ingredients and that's why we keep falling apart. I think the only reason we couldn't let go of each other is because of how we felt in our hearts about one another. Now we're both just tired and burned out and left with a bad taste in our mouths.
I am sorry I won't be there for your next stage in life and that you won't be in mine either. Like you've always said, I know you'll be rooting for me. I'll be rooting for you too.
I'm always going to miss you and I'm always hoping it's you when my phone dings.
0 notes
Text
I don't miss you, but I've always got you on my mind.
You're figuring things out with your life. I'm glad I'm included in that. I've been figuring out stuff, too.
We want two different things and we'll never stop going in circles until we decide on one.
I'm prepared.
I really just want you to be happy. And I really want me to be happy too. I want you, all of you. I can't keep you as just a friend.
I'm prepared.
We both have to do what's best.
I love you. And I do miss you.
0 notes
Text
My love is a gift that you don't want. That's okay.
0 notes
Text
Can't convince someone to love you. Either they do or they don't. And when he tells you he doesn't, walk away. Don't wait for him to realize the truth. If they don't return the feelings, why stay? Why stay?
My Heavenly Father tells me He loves me, He tells me I am wonderfully made, He says I am worthy and my mind body heart and soul are crafted by Him. I am loved. I am valued. I am not alone. My Heavenly Father will let His chosen son come into my life. Just wait. Faith and waiting go hand in hand.
0 notes
Text
There will come a day when you'll realize what you had, and the part of you that I filled will be gone. I know you love me, I see it I feel it I hear it I know it. But you treat me like I am a burden and you tell me you don't love me.
0 notes
Text
Count blessings, go
1.: friendship w archie
2. Friendships w magen, misty, felisha, Ayesha, Mico, Nathan, Jordan
3. Feeling loved and cared for is a blessing
4. Both my parents and my brother and sister
5. Steady paycheck, affordable roof over my head, reliable car
6. New opportunities in graphic design, it, dispensary
7. Good roommates
8. Charles
9. Lifestyle changes in motion
10. Strength to overcome inner demons
11. Successfully being emotionally independent
Forgive myself and let go
1. Not being a perfect dog owner
2. drinking/drugs when they're not welcome
3. Anxiety melt downs. Gym, Archie, IT job, dad, roommates, charles, self sabotage, homeless people neighbors
4. Money
5. Fear of letting people down or giving negative experiences, that I'm ultimately so crazy I will be abandoned.
6. Fear of not being as intelligent or well spoken as others.
7. Being emotionally dependent
Live in the present. Move forward. Take past lessons with me. Love God with all my heart, mind, soul. Honor Him. Pray to Him. Try for Him and for myself. Trust in Him. I love myself because of Him. I am capable because of Him. I will rest in Him. Lord heavenly Father, I love You.
Thank You for loving me, too.
0 notes
Text
What I do know.
I'm better at being open and letting people into my life instead of chasing them.
I need to talk about my feelings. Express them. Get it out in the open.
Making up my mind is crucial. Archie Tyrone Hodge III doesn't fit into my life and holds no real value to me. It is what it is.
There are so many things that make me uncomfortable, that give me anxiety. In my own time, I meet those challenges and work to overcome them.
I am strong. I am independent. I am beautiful. I am valued. I am loveable. I am intelligent. I get back up. I keep moving forward.
The Lord is good to me. He takes care of me. He loves me. He will guide me to His path. I should realize where I'm at in life and stop resisting change. Lord, I love You. Thank You for loving me too.
0 notes
Text
It's silly that I went to the gyno today and realized birth control will not help my complexion. My lack of clear skin makes me want to change my lifestyle more than anything. I guess because I like it's within my power, within my control. I'm 31. I can make goals and achieve them now. I also need to take better care of my dog.
5.30 wake up and yoga
6.00-7.30 walk the dog
9.00-7.00 work
7.00-9.00 chill/eat/homework
9.00 pilates/meditate/ride bike
9.30-12.00 free time
Let's see how it goes. Let's tack on some brainwashing too.
Lord, I have been depressed and lonely and down. But Heavenly Father, I turned to You and asked for Your grace and comfort and You provided. Lord thank You for taking care of me. For guiding me back to the light. I felt the blessed assurance. I feel you shaping my mind and heart into deeper, better ways. I love You. Thank you Lord for loving me.
0 notes
Text
The thing is I want you to want me back. Blah blah same story. And my choices are to leave you behind and move on or stay here stuck with this turmoil and the struggle will continue to be real for me. I know you care but it isn't enough, it isn't enough. I know if i keep trying to be friends with you, I'll never stop looking back hoping you'll come.
I don't have to make a big production out of it. I don't even have to tell him it's happening. I'll just stop the effort and stop engaging. I have to focus on what's in front of me.
I'm deciding to focus on what's in front of me. Work school Charles friends family self. I'm deciding to leave Archie alone. These decisions are what's best for me at this time.
0 notes