detective-like-i-give-a-damn

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

tired of fucking with those little bags that only have five in them? you can finally use the longaberger flower pot that's been living on top of the fridge for thirty years!

#tw needles #? anything else

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

facebook groups would be less of a cesspool if you could opt to hide comments until you click them because nothing brings out the worst in people like seeing someone bitch and piss and moan about stupid shit when you could have seen the meme and scrooooollllllleeeeedddd but then fb engagements would plummet and they'd lose shareholder value

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

I hate grabby fabric. unhand me.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

I think it sucks that you just get more and more exhausted during your menstrual cycle and never even realize your 'energy' is back because you're goddamn tired then too.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

RT if I'm allowed to go back to sleep. maybe we can outvote my cat.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

Billionaire’s Nantucket Beach House Swept Away

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

looks like she has a secret for you. and i think it involves her toebeans.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

there's a video on twitter of someone sneaking right up on one of these 'snipers' so yes for safety assume they're real but it would be funny if they were right-wing crisis actors, which they're accusing the protestors of being.

cant get more fascist police state than snipers on rooftops overlooking peaceful protests.

this is what democracy looks like.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

I put my retainer in for the first time in a month and my teeth hurt so bad that it gave me bad dreams

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

people who take their calls on speakerphone are fucking bizarre to me like what are they thinking? "I goddamn hate being able to tell what the other person is saying. I wish this phone call was taking place in a stairwell and recorded onto a police informant's walkman and replayed as evidence in a trial 20 years later. maybe if everyone in public can hear the person I'm talking to they can help me decipher what the fuck you said through all the echoes and distortion. nah I'll just ask you thirteen times in an increasingly furious tone, that'll do the trick."

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

Hi Sharks, I'm asking for $250,000 for drugs and alcohol.

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

when I see horses after sunset I wonder what time their mommies and daddies put them to bed

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

Biden better plant some votes if he wants that election bc I don’t see it for that hoe at all….. he better go to them Illuminati meetings and pop some pussy otherwise it’s curtains for grandpa

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

congress said they're the wrong kind of Jews last year

[detective-like-i-give-a-damn]

Can I sit with you, Willie?