dftbapplepie

[dftbapplepie]

me when I say 'it is what it is'

#goddamnit i thought i could escape this stupid duck on tumblr yet it still haunts me

[dftbapplepie]

still amazes me that by season 45 or whatever, Supernatural was being exclusively watched by delusionally hopeful women with flamingo-salinity tolerance for bad writing and the creators still couldn’t pander to them because maybe there was 1 straight guy out there still accidentally watching it

#TIL #new flamingo fact

[dftbapplepie]

Israel has killed more children in Gaza since October than in four years of worldwide conflict

[dftbapplepie]

me: chat what do we think

the angel and devil on my shoulders: can you not call us that please

[dftbapplepie]

#imagine if you will a wojack #heck #imagine two wojacks

[dftbapplepie]

i am NOT gaslighting you. i am lying to you. gaslighting implies a level of effort that i am simply not putting in. deceiving you does not require much

[dftbapplepie]

just scrolling through a random catholic’s blog and this one had me burst out laughing

[dftbapplepie]

[dftbapplepie]

hate it when I'm eating and my stomach starts growling

[dftbapplepie]

extremely fucked up that the only way out is through

[dftbapplepie]

and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

[dftbapplepie]

#date idea #you take me to the maritime museum in whitefish bay and i yap about the Great Lakes for hours #I am normal and can be trusted in museums

[dftbapplepie]

hey :/ i need some advice, feeling super ill today and my wife calpurnia had a weird dream about me dying. should i go to the senate meeting today anyway? not rlly feeling up to it

if you don’t go to the senate the senators will think you’re cringe

[dftbapplepie]

had a dream i posted a poll to this blog that was like 'DECIDE MY FUTURE' and the options were 'banishment' 'beheading' 'sent to sea' 'become medieval reenactor' 'titanic' and i was out front trying to desperately rally for being sent to sea when everyone kept voting beheading

[dftbapplepie]

a "midwife" you say... tch. such a foolish word. a wife could never be mid. all women are epic

[dftbapplepie]

[dftbapplepie]

if you learn to love bugs with all your heart the world will feel half as hostile and a thousand times as big

#respect for bugs #respect for all other creatures even #!