diarydetp

[diarydetp]

Hate it here….contemplated starting this because there isn’t a big need for it. I have the notes app but something about these posts having an imaginary audience that helps I guess.

I needed to vent so I just started typing. I don’t feel comfortable telling people that I have these dark thoughts. Mainly because I don’t think I’ll actually do anything to myself. But I don’t feel great. I don’t think I’ve been able to say that I’m happy with life since at least college or maybe before. Maybe the pressures of adulthood squeezed the remainder of what made me happy out of my system.

I have many happy moments in my life but that’s just what they are; MOMENTS. I know my life is not the worse that it could be but I also hate that I have to compare my life to another persons in order to boost myself up….

Im rambling. Either way I’m having a moment. I hate that I can’t do shit right. Hate that loving someone and giving your all can go unseen or even seen as a negative. Sad and hurt that I very well may be left with all my closest people gone…in a blink. I feel like my life is just a lot of starting from zero and I’m tired of it. Everything. I just want a decent life. I don’t want an extravagant life. I can take mediocre life even. Why can’t it be stress free. Why do I have to suffer day in and day out? I don’t have the answer either. But I guess I’ll just have to live another day to find out huh……….I hate it here.