diaryofastudent

[diaryofastudent]

I think I was just born with something dark and ugly inside of me. Always waiting to be found out.

planetarium - adrienne rich/@twoheadedfawnn/ugly, bitter, and true - suzanne rivecca/a burning hill - mitski/a hora da estrela- clarice lispector/ @100493503004422/sharp objects - gillian flynn

[diaryofastudent]

Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you

[diaryofastudent]

mary shelley writing about a monster rejected and abandoned by its creator and dedicating it to her own father i need to smoke a blunt with her i need to give her head

[diaryofastudent]

Gavin Yuan Gao, from "Lullaby"

[diaryofastudent]

that summer, Silas Denver Melvin

[diaryofastudent]

The Prestige, Hanif Abdurraqib

[ Text ID: the poem begins not where the knife enters / but where the blade twists. ] 

[diaryofastudent]

On desperation.

You make yourself smaller and smaller and smaller because you want to be loved.

Smaller because if someone were to give you a sliver of it, it would be more than enough for you.

You wish for the world to touch you delicately, as you walk with your freezing hands down a lane.

Almost ashamed of your desire- to live, to breathe, to consume; so you just hide it in the deepest ends of your pocket. Your want.

Desperation looks like a disease if done right. Desperation looks like loneliness if done right. Desperation sometimes becomes a distant memory, a letter to yourself, a plea to god.

Desperation is a hungry lover, ever consuming. Desperation is a doting mother, a loving father, a happy child, a homeless beggar. Desperation is you.

Desperation is consuming too quickly and then seeing it smeared on your face, crimson red like your blood. The evidence of your want, of your pleas, and so you try to hide it. And so you walk down the lane with your freezing hands in your pockets; fists shut.

Love is the warm tea that slides down your throat, soothing your heart and desperation is the cup that holds it. Far out of your reach.

Desperation looks like a peeled tangerine, shining in nectar, or you; with your ribs wide open, heart on show, blood in your mouth, fists open.

Desperation is being alive, it’s a plea to live, it’s a raw wound and it’s your mothers hand in your hair.

Desperation is wanting to be untouchable and having no needs.

It’s the hungry feelings that eat you alive. And you let them, and you think it’s the deepest form of love. And you search for it again and again and again, until you have nothing left to give.

[diaryofastudent]

(through gritted teeth) there's so much to learn (through sobs) there's so much to learn (through maniacal laughter) there's so much to learn (through sleepy eyes) there's so much to learn (through a tired smile) there's so much to learn

[diaryofastudent]

T.H. White, in his 1958 retelling of the Arthurian legend in Once and Future King

[diaryofastudent]

A mess🫧

[diaryofastudent]

angels in america - tony kushner / ilya kaminsky / yves olade / end of desire - MUNA / maggie stiefvater / oh god - miya folick / angels in america - tony kushner

[diaryofastudent]

On becoming someone else

i. War of the Foxes, Richard Siken / ii., v., viii., xi. Leisure, Hannah, Does Not Agree with You, Hannah Gamble / iii. unknown / iv. Mimmo Paladino / vi. Book 20e, In between here and there, Beata Wehr / vii. unknown / ix. unknown / x. @heartlessqueen

[diaryofastudent]

all this love i have refuses to die inside of me

pinterest / vonko magno on flickr / troye sivan, one of your girls / virginia woolf, a letter to vanessa bell, august 1908 / @hannahlockillustration on tumblr / sara luisa kirk, begin here / fyodor dostoevsky, a letter to anna gregorevna dostoevsky, may 1880 / archbudzar on instagram / jeanette winterson, lighthousekeeping (transcript under the cut) / caitlyn siehl / @wormbus-art on tumblr / jonathan safran foer, extremely loud and incredibly close / lidia yuknavitch, the chronology of water: a memoir / sleepy.corvid on instagram / @froody on tumblr / @borderlinejackiee on tumblr / always together 2, frrrankkky_art on instagram / andsome4747 on tiktok / arthur miller, the crucible / cheryl strayed, tiny beautiful things: advice on love and life from dear sugar

[diaryofastudent]

Miss you. Would like to grab that chilled tofu we love. by Gabrielle Calvocoressi

[diaryofastudent]

Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life

[diaryofastudent]

Franz Kafka, referring to Milena Jesenská in a letter to Max Brod featured in "Kafka: The Tremendous World I Have Inside my Head,"

[diaryofastudent]

Franz Kafka, from a letter featured in "Kafka: The Tremendous World I Have Inside my Head,"