diorwoman

[diorwoman]

i want to be inconvenienced by you. i want to wait for you, i want to hold your things while you do something else, i want to make adjustments to my plans to make space for you. someone at your side who takes up no space and has no needs of their own is not a person, but a shadow. i don't want a shadow, i want you. i want my life to be altered by your presence in it. please, inconvenience me.

[diorwoman]

[diorwoman]

Bothered — Vinnie Hacker

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Pairing/s: Vinnie Hacker x fem!reader

Summary: Maybe the birthday boy should’ve finished what he started?

Warning/s: Angst, NSFW?, Language, Theme

Word Count: ~2.2k words

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It’s finally Vinnie’s special day! You were currently getting ready to go to his No Vacancy party down in Los Angeles when you saw him exiting his bathroom with only a towel draped around his waist. You eyed how his tattooed skin flexed because of his muscles, how prominent the dips on his stomach were, not to mention the newly adorned tattoo just at the bottom part of his right rib. You continued to glam at his computer desk with your makeshift setup, not wanting to sweat yourself in the bathroom while he was showering because the man loves hot showers. Plus, let’s just say you’d be tempted, and give in to said temptation, when you’re in there with him naked with just glass separating the two of you.

There was already a growing feeling in your stomach by how picturesque your boyfriend looked and you just wish for him to stop right now and get dressed because you both will never make it to the party his manager oh so graciously planned. You know Nick would kill him, well both of you, if the actual birthday boy wasn’t at his party.

“I can feel you staring, y’know,” Vinnie said with just a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

“Shut up. No, I’m not,” you said as you blushed your cheeks. Hopefully, this’ll cover up your actual redness?

“Hmmm, okay. Whatever you say, doll.” God, he just knows how to get you going. Nicknames like this will be the death of you.

“Quit teasing or else we won’t make it to your party,” you demanded but he was just a menace. He took slow strides towards you and you stopped your movements to look up at him.

“Maybe that’s what I wanna do right now, I don’t know, Y/n/n.” His fingers ghosted over your shoulder as chills crept up your spine. “I know you wanna get fucked against this table, baby.” He continued as he cupped your boobs through your baby tee. Your legs subconsciously parting, which wasn’t really a feat since you were wearing a micro miniskirt. He peppered sweet but sensual kisses to your neck as you tilted a bit to give him more room, his hand now squeezing it with his thumb swiping up and down. His other hand snaked its way down to your legs to part them even more as he inched his fingers closer to your core, his cold fingers a nice contrast to your heated middle.

“Vinnie…” you trailed off, eyes closing in the subtle pleasure. Even tiny actions like this send you off the rails and it’s taking too much of you to not give in.

“Just say the word, Y/n. They can always throw another party,” he cooed, voice dark and lustrous against your ear that you can feel the vibration from his lips.

He hitched your leg up so now your foot is resting on the edge of his table. You were completely sprawled out while Vinnie was still in his towel, his aching member begging to be freed and relieved. It was all completely up to you, even his continuous caressing of your ignited body. His large hand ghosted over your underwear and he felt how damp you were, already spoiling your panties. “So beautiful…” he trailed off.

“Fuck,” you said as you sucked in a breath, eyes closed to focus on the feeling. You let him continue with his actions as he now palmed your core, his middle finger just right on your slit. It didn’t help how you were wearing lingerie for later, which was when you actually intended to make love to him. But of course, he had other plans. His other hand squeezed your boob as you slightly recoiled and closed your legs all the while his hand still palming you down there.

“Fuck Vinnie, stop. We can’t,” you said in clarity as you gripped his forearm with all your strength, which wasn’t much because you were so weak from this forbidden pleasure. You shot straight up and opened your eyes, adjusting to the current situation, and made your way to the dresser to get new underwear but Vinnie stopped you.

“Nuh uh, princess. Keep wearing the one you have on now,” Vinnie said, looking at you up and down as if to torture you with your denial of him. Whatever. You rolled your eyes and scoffed as you put on your shoes and grabbed your bag, you won’t let this ruin the night. Plus, you were gonna get some later anyways someway somehow, it’s the boy’s birthday for goodness sake.

“Okay daddy,” you chirped and Vinnie slightly tensed. Two can play this game.

The ride was joyous given that Jett, Eamon, and Jack were all with you in Jack’s borrowed Range Rover because his Bronco broke, occasionally and randomly singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to annoy Vinnie. He had his hand in between your thighs the whole time, his pinky finger sometimes teasing you just because he can. But when you wanted to take matters into your own hands by guiding him to your core, he suddenly became a prude and muttered, “Not here, Y/n.” to stop you when he’s the one at fault in the first place. What an asshole.

“I fucking hate you, Vincent,” you said as you rolled your eyes in annoyance. You really tried to be in high spirits tonight but with this constant teasing and denial, you were definitely bound to break. Vinnie ignored your statement and just decided to leave you be, not wanting to cause a scene and potentially ruin the night when it barely just began.

Alas, you were finally at the club, and Nick, Rafy, and the rest of the team managed to pull off yet another party for your boyfriend. After an hour into arriving at the scene, the crowd sang for Vinnie, and well wishes and gifts were received by the very smiley boy beside you. Like always, the two of you were pushed back to the side to avoid the middle space full of drunk, underaged, and sweaty fellow influencers. Your back was on Vinnie’s chest while your ass was perfectly in place on his crotch area, his hands lingering now and then on your thighs and hips, keeping you close, too close, to him as if he’s afraid people will come and steal him away from you.

“You having fun, babe?” You asked, turning over your shoulder to meet his eyes as he sipped on his beer. The place was so dark and intimate that it would take someone to stare at you both to see you.

“Yeah but I wanna go home though…” he trailed off. Yes, it’s a normal thing for the both of you to want to ditch everybody just so you could lounge in sweats and pizza.

“Just a little longer, yeah?” You smiled as you kissed his cheek making him grin and chastely kiss you on the lips. Even these little kisses were enough to spark that unfinished satisfaction within you and you bucked your hips back to cause some friction but Vinnie’s hands stopped you from going further.

“No.” Vinnie sternly said. “If you’re a good girl then you’ll wait, right baby?” He continued as he placed a kiss right behind your ear.

“Yes.” You hesitated to call him what he wants to be called since you’re in public.

“Yes, what?” Vinnie pressed on further.

“Yes, daddy.”

“Atta girl.” He relished in the fact that he has this hold on you.

“C’mon let’s dance,” he said as he pulled you to the dance floor. Now I think this is the appropriate time to grind against your boyfriend and it would be acceptable because it’s in a dance setting, right? Well, that’s exactly what you did. This is how you’re getting revenge. You swayed your hips on his middle when you had the chance as you danced to the music, letting all the frustrations out of your body. You brushed up to his hard member now and then, oh you’re so glad you’re dancing with, well against, the golden boy, the man of the hour.

“Easy, Y/n.” You heard him well enough even if it was just a whisper. You giggled and did quite the opposite as you enjoyed the fact that he can’t exactly control you here. A couple more hours of dancing, him DJing at the booth, pouring down shots with friends, and going crazy as ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’ by ABBA and a few Britney songs played, you were spent. Luckily, the crowd was dying down and Vinnie wanted to leave as well.

You could barely walk out of the club so Vinnie opted to carry you instead. Unfortunately, this guy Vinnie met while playing Apex wanted to hitch a ride so he had to put you on his lap because it was already packed in the car. You were a giggling mess and had no grip on reality at the moment, it was embarrassing but it was understandable because you were wasted. To think you had more fun than the birthday boy…

“Vinnie, touch me please…” you whined and giggled. Vinnie’s whole body froze because you did not just say that in a tight space full of boys. “I’ve been good, right?”

“Please, Y/n, not here,” Vinnie begged. His face was beet red as he tried to contain you. You were sideways sitting on him but you threw your left leg over him so you were straddling the poor guy.

“I’ve been so good, daddy.” You tempted him. The air in the car was thick as the boys tried to look away to save both of your faces and to give you privacy (even if there was barely anything).

“No. We’re in public, baby.” He opposed again but you were restless. You started grinding your hips against him as your skirt rode up to your hips, Vinnie scrambling to put it down so they won’t see your underwear.

“Please, Vinnie. You didn’t let me cum earlier, I’m so horny.” A few stray tears escaped your eyes as the alcohol started to affect your emotions. You trailed kisses down his neck and felt up his toned chest.

“I’m still so wet…” shivers went up everybody’s spine when you said that and Vinnie sucked in a breath while one of the guys muttered “Jesus Christ” out of disbelief. Rightfully so because they never saw you act this needy, you were always Vinnie’s shy and good girlfriend.

Your boyfriend shot whoever that was a glare and begged the heavens, the universe, for the car ride to be over but you’re just barely getting out of LA. “I waited, I’ve been a good girl.”

“Please wait a little longer, baby.” Desperation was growing on Vinnie as he tried to stop whatever this borderline tantrum you’re throwing in front of everybody.

“Stop it, you’re humiliating yourself.” Vinnie sternly said with a shake to your body as if to snap you out of this state you’re in. His patience wearing thin.

“I don’t care, Vinnie. I want you so bad…” you whined as you continued your actions. He doesn’t know what to do with you right now and honestly, he just wishes for the earth to swallow him whole.

“Baby, please, we’re in a car with our friends.” He tried to reason out with your drunk ass but it wasn’t working. “Jett, drive faster for fuck’s sake.” He snapped.

“Let them watch, I bet they’d like that.” You slurred your words and a gasp left Vinnie’s mouth. He was shocked that you said that because he didn’t expect it at all, what happened to his good girl?

“No. And this is the last time I’m gonna say no. Stop it, I’m serious, Y/n.” He shifted your body around so you’re facing in front, careful to hide his hard-on. Because to be honest, he found it so sexy how much of a minx you’re acting right now.

“Fine, I’ll do it myself!” You huffed and spread your legs apart, well attempted to. This whole mess was his fault, if only he didn’t tease you or maybe it was alright that he did, he just didn’t finish what he started. What an asshole.

“Oh don’t you fucking dare.” He forcefully closed your legs and put a hand over your mouth to keep you from talking.

By some miracle, you were finally greeted by the big gates of the Hype House and Vinnie was so relieved. “Oh thank fucking God.” He said as the car stopped and he rushed to get the both of you out of there, throwing you over his shoulder.

You were giggling and shouting “yay” when your cloudy eyesight saw the familiar staircase and you knew you were finally getting what you wanted. There are a lot of scenarios that can happen tonight; the first is him edging you, the second is him fucking you to oblivion, and the third is him completely denying you. And of course, you wished for the first two.

He threw you over his shoulder down to the bed as you looked up at him, seeing him lock the door. You spread your legs apart (for the nth time tonight) and began to tease yourself through your underwear. Vinnie saw what you were doing and swatted your hand away, removing you of your skimpy clothes. “No, princess. We’re gonna do things my way.” He chillingly said as he reached for the box containing your very few toys and got the handcuffs. You knew you were locked in for the whole night.

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Author’s Note: Hello! I’m back hehe and I wanna get into writing again so here’s a half-baked but overly-checked angsty fanfic for u guys. Honestly dk if i did good so spare me HAHAHA will add the smut tag bc thats been rotting for so long i think?

#iaswritings

[diorwoman]

[diorwoman]

his laugh 🥺😩❤️

words can’t describe how much i adore him, it tugs on my heart. fuck off.

[diorwoman]

I was waiting for someone to edit this!😂

[diorwoman]

࿐ྂ

“Vinnie...Does it get easier?"

“Easier?"

"Handling all the stress you deal with in solitude...”

Sometimes...you see it in his eyes. The look of a man at war with himself, both sides losing, but neither admitting to defeat. But that's just the kind of man he is. A blasé, candid, sometimes abrupt personality who struggled with the idea of the world dwelling in some murky grayscale of confusion, rather than the clear-cut of black and white. And you can see it now, can hear that part of him in his voice:

"It's better to act like it doesn’t bother you...that's all."

Oh. That's all, he says.

“Mm...but that's...just pretending..." is all you can produce, palm drenched by the pearling condensation of a drink you've been nursing closely all this time, and yet your voice drips with it: "I know it seems easier to pretend that you’re okay. With so many eyes on you. I know it’s easier than having people constantly asking what’s wrong, but...”

Shifting, at a loss for words, your knee brushes his.

He forgets to protest.

It’s the unruly nest of his hair, the dingy t-shirt he’s been wearing since last night that still smells of moonlight and cigarettes and faded body spray. It's the tinged lilac barely etched beneath his eyes from the hours worth of conversation, and even the lazy tenor of his voice as he hums in acknowledgment, and they are all danger signs – not because he’s careless and doesn’t believe in your words enough to pull it all together, but because he’s becoming comfortable. In his own skin. To be so undone in another’s presence. 

With you.

He’s becoming himself. 

“...Yeah…” He takes another disquieted breath, but it’s stuck in his chest. “Pretending is easy until it becomes who you are. A part of you.”

There's a softer silence, defenseless in nature, and–

Your heartbeat is thick and lurid in your ears, and Vinnie's presence is like a furnace tucked at your side. There's a pressing urge for you to allow your nails to skim along his nape, to finally card your fingers through that curled, sun-dried hair – but you resist, favoring the careful press of your shoulder against his instead, as it should be.

“No,” you say, placing your drink on the balcony floor where you're both situated next to the other. “I think it’s just a way for you to move on from whatever’s hurting and holding you back. It’s only temporary. It’s not who you are. Not really.”

It’s when you observe him; that curious sweep of your gaze rolling over the way dawnlight seeps through and dusts his lashes – fascinatingly. And how he lets go, unraveling. Lucid. He seems relieved, to be seen so clearly. Like the first bloom of spring. Like the first drop of paint on a stark-white canvas. Like the last book finally plucked from the high shelf, once unreachable.

"Take my hand."

Ah. Your words flirt up his cheeks.

But he necessitates to do so, larger fingers slipping between yours, and you make it a point to lock in, softly squeezing. To anchor him there.

“...But, honestly, Vinnie...what do I really know?” you utter, voice clearer than it’s ever been – a bullet piercing through silence. “If you insist on bearing all the weight in solitude, then how would anyone know just how hard it is for you? How would I know? I promise you’ll go further by being the man that you are. No pretending. No longer having to bear all the weight in solitude. All you have to do is speak your truth...just be.”

. . .j u s t b e.

Vinnie exhales, and maybe...maybe he'll acquiesce to your heart's request.

࿐ྂ

somewhere, back in time, i left a part of me, i wanna see if you can try to bring it back to me – solitude, m83 (have a listen on spotify)

࿐ྂ

a/n: hello, sweetheart. ♡ my words are below the break:

i know, i'm still on my little "hiatus" that i announced a week ago, and shouldn't be writing much, but i just wanted to put this out and allow this blog rest with a bit more of my true character and words at its forefront, if that makes any sense (i hope it does). but more importantly, always remember to just be, and thank you so much for taking the time to read this, if you did. it means a lot, it does — i love you all.

[diorwoman]

I really would love to make some chai this autumn/winter, even though I’m probably gonna be the only one who will be drinking it..

[diorwoman]

From Oxygen, by Mary Oliver

[diorwoman]

https://evelionheart.medium.com/on-the-intimacy-of-the-mundane-863f9efb3c39

[diorwoman]

Ingeborg Bachmann, from Malina

Text ID: I had already belonged to him before a word was said.

[diorwoman]

“Please — consider me a dream.”

— Franz Kafka 

[diorwoman]

okay bunny

[diorwoman]

also his aries rising and leo mars gives him his beautiful hair. leo in mars loves the attention, little kisses on their body, shoulders and back being touched (leo rules the back and spine), compliments, pretty much just likes to be worshipped in bed, but still loves to give, will make you feel like royalty. he probably loves to talk about his sex life with his friends.

he does have beautiful hair 😩 and loves to show off hickeys LOL

it’s all coming together this is crazy. maybe i do believe in this stuff

[diorwoman]

a bit of a reading into his placements

this is gonna be long sorry x

- his virgo moon, prone to insecurities, and projecting them onto others. judgemental. quick to become annoyed, upset, worried. He is too shy. His mother was probably good at listening to his feelings and what he had to say. loves her dearly, would do anything for his mother but he feels she wasn’t there for him in the way he needed her. He’s scared to disappoint his mother.

- cancer sun can make him manipulative and overly sensitive (especially with his virgo moon)

- virgo venus oh man idk where to start. picky asf and has trouble with love. He is very devoted, but may not always show emotions; he doesn't always let himself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as he loves. He is therefore sometimes too undemonstrative. May give off the sense that his love is not for free. Caring but worries that he is not exciting enough. There can be sudden relationship status changes. There can be numerous love affairs or off-and-on relationships.

He may look for new sensations in love and might often feel unsatisfied by connections that quickly turn into purely conventional relationships.

- cancer mercury makes his emotions run deep. communication is important in his relationships. sharp mind. He is reflective and has one of the best memories around. He can be quick to pick up emotions and moods. He overthinks. He likes to please and to create a good impression, lana del rey has this placement. also i’ve found when people have a mercury in cancer a lot of their words get twisted because they are so emotional, it explains why he would get so much hate for “manipulating” his fandom when he was only hurt and trying to explain himself and his hurt.

- leo mars, doesn’t like disloyalty, their passion is long-standing. Mars in Leo enjoy sex more than most, as long as heavy doses of love and romance are involved. loves praise and scratching in bed, may want their partner to be loud in bed for others to hear (makes him feel like he’s doing a good job). They easily get fired up when they feel they've been humiliated (deji fight).

- now his aries rising (probably his most important placement in his chart), impulsive, competitive, prone to headaches. Broad shoulders and slim hips are common. Often, Aries rising people are quick to smile, and they possess a youthful charm throughout life.

Jupiter in V: He likes games and distractions, loves kids (especially his own).

Trine between Venus - Midheaven

He has good taste, an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career. Good reputation in the professional world. Well-liked for what he does for a living.

he has libra in the 8th house making libra energy attractive to him, aris has a libra sun. he may get into serious relationships earlier than most.

cancer in 4th house, like i said he loves kids, wants his own so bad. has a special place in his heart for home and family. loves nostalgia.

cancer in 5th, lowkey mummy issues.

He is a lover, and faithful - the most important thing is that they love each other. He basically lives to love and find his “person”.

BABY THIS THE TEA

holy shit thank you for breaking this down!! and it all makes so much sense for him. obviously we don’t know him personally but i do feel like we get decent glimpses of who he is offline through his streams and tweets. and he really does seem to be fairly open with his fan base about a lot of things, like he’s not afraid to express his emotions about stuff. i love this. i love you. thank you.

[diorwoman]

I think tender is one of the most human words

[diorwoman]

Zhang Jiuling, ed. by Jane Portal, from Chinese Love Poetry; “Looking at the moon and longing for a distant lover”