Second Futurama Script
I wrote a script for an episode of Futurama a couple monthâs back, inspired by writing that first one I started a second, got stuck on where to go and have only a few weeks back finished it off. I donât think itâs as good as the first (I donât know if either are that good, but still) however I thought Iâd share it regardless. Feel free to criticize it, all opinions are welcome, as long as itâs not a personal attack then Iâm fine with it, we all have opinions on episodes of the actual show, so why should this be different?
Be warned, itâs 30 pages on Word so itâs a long read, itâs your choice, you donât have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is whoâs talking, normal is dialogue, (Under name is the way the line is delivered).
(Disclaimer: I obviously donât own the rights to Futurama, this is a non-profit idea and simply a writing exercise to keep me amused, so I believe it falls within fair use, please donât sue! If you want me to take it down, I will.)
OPENING CREDITS
CAPTION: (Typing onto the screen) HELP! THEY CAUGH- (Previous text is deleted, replaced by-) NOTHING TO READ HERE. CARRY ON.
BILLBOARD CARTOON: âThe Laughing Fishâ from âBatman: The Animated Seriesâ.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS â DAY
Low shot on the building as several ships fly overhead.
INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS â SAME TIME
The crew, minus Farnsworth, are sat watching the TV, but not really paying attention as they do other things
ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda present the news.
MORBO
-Sending prices skyrocketing again.
LINDA
(laughs)
Iâm just glad Iâm rich.
(pause)
Turning to more serious news and the late night robbery of a liquor store by a swarthy Latin bandit.
Everyone perks up and turns to Bender, who shrugs.
BENDER
Nope, wasnât me.
Theyâre still staring.
BENDER
What? I canât commit every robbery. I have a lot of scams to run.
Farnsworth enters. Fry turns off the TV.
FARNSWORTH
(happy)
Horrifying and terrible news everyone! Weâre all certain to be killed!
The crew cheer, it takes them a few moments to separate the tone from the words.
LEELA
Wait a second, what do you mean killed?
FARNSWORTH
Thatâs right, killed.
FRY
Well, I canât complain, I did live a thousand years.
FARNSWORTH
Alternatively however it may simply be-
(happy)
Good news everybody!
(normal)
And no one will be killed at all.
Bender tuts, half way through engraving a headstone, it reads: ZOIDBERG, FISH MONSTER, UNBELOVED BY ALL.
BENDER
Make your mind up, which is it?
FARNSWORTH
It all depends on the success, or lack thereof, of your latest mission. A delivery to the warring planets of Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. Two delightful little places located in the cheerfully named âMurder Zoneâ.
FRY
What bit am I supposed to understand here?
FARNSWORTH
Only that they exist a mere 100 miles apart and have been fighting over a perceived slight perhaps committed by one, or the other of them, sometime in the past. No ship has ever gone directly between the two planets, as anyone having been to either is labelled a threat by both. Luckily, however, Iâve prepared disguises for you and the ship so you can blend in on both planets.
FRY
Cool, disguises, I understood that part. Can I be a pirate?
FARNSWORTH
No.
LEELA
What are we delivering?
FARNSWORTH
Both planets are being delivered the same items, parts for there large manufacturing plants. So itâs vitally important you donât give them the wrong package, otherwise youâll be killed on the spot.
LEELA
(confused)
Okay?
AMY
Wait, I thought you said weâd all be killed?
FARNSWORTH
No, only Fry, Leela and Bender will be killed.
HERMES
So what about us?
FARNSWORTH
Weâre all going to take Nibbler for a walk, get ice-cream and have a generally pleasant time.
Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes cheer as they exit the room with Nibbler and Farnsworth. Fry, Leela and Bender sit, annoyed.
BENDER
Well this sucks.
They continue to sit. Farnsworth pops his head back in.
FARNSWORTH
Well, what are you waiting for? Iâm not paying you not to be killed.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â LATER
The ship idles a little way off from the twin planets of Alpha-Zeta (left) and Beta-Omega (right). A-Z seems to be covered in a thick smoke, where as B-O is incredibly clean, you can practical spot the people on the street.
INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â SAME TIME
Leela, Bender and Fry stand in the middle of the room, between the sets of clothes and packages for both planets. A-Zâs are very old looking, like something from Victorian London. B-Oâs look is ultra modern, all clean and sharp edges.
LEELA
Alright gang these are the disguises weâll have to wear. Alpha-Zeta first then Beta-Omega.
Fry picks up a pair of trousers from B-Oâs side, there baggy, the only item from there outfit which doesnât seem to fit.
FRY
Look at these clothes, they sure are goofy.
LEELA
Fry, itâs not for us to judge what these people wear, besides they arenât goofy, there just weird.
BENDER
(laughs)
Well, Iâm just glad I donât have to wear anything.
LEELA
Actually Bender, the professor said we had to re-spray you for both planets.
BENDER
(grumbles)
Fine.
Fry picks up a giant stencil and wraps it around Bender, Leela then uses spray paint to fill the gaps.
Completed the stencil comes off and Bender is now covered by a lot of light brown markings, he looks in a mirror.
BENDER
Well I still look better than you two do.
Leela and Fry have changed in the interim, itâs all drab greyâs and browns. Leela wears a flat cap that covers her hair and Fry has some raggedy fingerless gloves on. Both of them, despite the nature of there top half and shoes, are wearing very thin black trousers.
FRY
Thatâs for sure, this cotton is real rough.
Fry itches, quite uncomfortable.
LEELA (O.S)
Donât forget your moustache, Fry.
Leela throws Fry and identical moustache to the one sheâs wearing. Itâs a thick brushed early 1900âs design.
FRY
Whatâs this for?
LEELA
The air quality down there stinks and so does the planet, these will help us to breathe and release a blast of strawberry every few minutes.
Fry has put his moustache on. Can smell strawberryâs.
FRY
Oh, nice.
LEELA
Bender youâll-
Bender has already equipped a stick on handlebar moustache.
BENDER
Way ahead of ya.
LEELA
Alright, that just leaves the ship.
Leela press a button on the side of the hull, which...
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â CONTINUOUS
...sees tiny little lights pop up out of the ship. They turn on creating a hologram. In this case the ship looks like a steam punk version of itself.
It heads towards A-Z.
EXT. SIDE STREET, A-Z â A LITTLE WHILE LATER
The ship carefully lands. The buildings here are made of stone and sit very close together. There longer than they are tall.
EXT. STREETS, A-Z â A FEW MINUTES LATER
Fry carries the package as he, Leela and Bender stride on. They seem to fit in well, aside from the trousers.
Smoke hangs just over head height. It means the residents of this planet, who are quite tall, have developed a forward lean, always looking down.
FRY
Iâve never seen so much smoke.
BENDER
Then some more wonât matter.
Bender lights his cigar and puffs out yet more smoke.
LEELA
Bender, you shouldnât be revelling in the plight of these downtrodden people, you should be trying to help them.
BENDER
I donât see you leading the charge.
LEELA
Hey, I give to charity you know.
FRY
You do? Which one?
LEELA
How should I know?
EXT. A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT â A FEW MINUTES LATER
A large sign hangs above the plant: APLHA-ZETA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.). Only ânotâ is in red whereas the rest of the words are in white.
Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the area until they reach the main door, itâs oddly short.
Leela presses the call button on the intercom.
LEELA
(male voice)
Planet Express.
Its a few seconds and then the door opens, they enter.
INT. CORRIDOR, A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT â CONTINUOUS
Leela and Fry instantly have to lean forwards like the locals. The corridor is low because theyâve no need for the extra head space. All Bender has done is shorten his legs.
FRY
I think my spine just compressed.
LEELA
Mine too. Letâs get this over quick.
BENDER
(laughing)
You guys are always proving why your the infer-
Bender walks right into a low hanging light.
BENDER
Ow!
RECEPTION ROOM â MOMENTS LATER
The trio emerge into a slightly taller area. A woman sits behind a desk, is instantly suspicious of them.
RECEPTIONIST
Youâre the delivery crew?
FRY
Sure are.
RECEPTIONIST
Right.
Sheâs unconvinced for some reason, exits the room into the office behind it.
LEELA
(low)
Whatâs that about?
BENDER
Fry, you idiot!
FRY
What?
BENDER
I dunno, do I need an excuse?
The receptionist returns, false smile on her face.
RECEPTIONIST
Please enter.
Leela leads Fry and Bender into the office.
OFFICE â CONTINUOUS
The office is again slightly taller. The height of a room here defines the occupantâs social standing.
The plant manager stands behind his desk. He watches as figures approach the frosted window that separates this room from the reception area.
PLANT MANAGER
So, youâre the delivery crew?
FRY
(slightly worried)
Sure are.
PLANT MANAGER
Uh huh.
Fry steps forwards and hands over the package.
PLANT MANAGER
(suspicious)
Letâs see, shall we?
The manager opens the package, is surprised to find itâs exactly what he wanted.
PLANT MANAGER
How about that. Itâs what I asked for.
BENDER
Of course it is. What were you expecting?
Benderâs comment is ignored. The manager sinks to his desk and uses the phone, an old rotary model, talks very softly into it. The figures behind the frosted glass leave.
The manager gets back up.
PLANT MANAGER
Alright then, cheerio.
EXT. MANUFACTURINGÂ PLANT â A FEW MINUTES LATER
Fry, Leela and Bender walk out of the door and back into the smoke ridden area they were before. Bender extends his legs back to normal height.
LEELA
That was odd, right?
FRY
Definitely.
BENDER
They sure didnât trust us.
LEELA
Maybe the professor was right. Weâd better be careful.
They head back towards the ship, aware that there receiving a lot of attention.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â LATER
The ship flyâs from A-Z and stops a safe distance away. Off goes the first holographic design, replaced by the second, the ship now looks ultra modern, sleek and clean.
INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â SAME TIME
Fry and Leela have changed outfits. Again, the trousers donât seem to fit. As for their hair itâs pushed way up to a point, like a cone.
Bender is cleaned and then re-sprayed in the same manner as before. This time he looks a little like R2-D2.
EXT. METROPOLITAN CITY, B-O â A LITTLE LATER
The ship has no trouble landing, spaces are plentiful.
STREETS â LATER
Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the city. Its inhabitants are tall like their neighbours only they stand straight, making them almost eleven foot. Itâs not only their height but their gaze, everyone looks up.
FRY
I wonder what itâs like being that tall?
Bender extends his legs up, reaching the height of the people around him. Its a few seconds before he comes back down, tear in his eye.
BENDER
Itâs great.
LEELA
Did you see the building up there?
He extends again, comes down crying.
BENDER
Next left.
EXT. B-O MANUFACTURING PLANT â MINUTES LATER
This place is taller than any skyscraper on earth and itâs not even the biggest building here. It has almost the same sign to the first plant: BETA-OMEGA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.).
Leela, Fry and Bender approach the door. The intercom is too high for Leela to reach.
LEELA
Bender?
Bender lowers himself. Leela gets on his shoulders and then holds on as he extends his legs.
Fry is left alone for a few moments, canât quite here the conversation but itâs the same as before.
Leela and Bender come back down hugging and crying.
LEELA
Fry, itâs great up there.
The door opens.
INT. CORRIDOR, MANUFACTURING PLANT â MOMENTS LATER
This plant doesnât look like it needs any parts, itâs almost fully automated. The crew head down the huge corridor.
RECEPTION AREA â MOMENTS LATER
Fry, Leela and Bender enter. A male receptionist sits at his desk. Looks down his nose to see them.
MALE RECEPTIONIST
Youâre the delivery crew?
The tone is the same as before, the crew share a look.
LEELA
Sure are.
MALE RECEPTIONIST
A moment.
The receptionist exits into the office behind.
LEELA
So-
FRY
Yeah-
BENDER
Right-
There on the same uneasy page as the receptionist re-emerges.
MALE RECEPTIONIST
Enter, please.
OFFICE â MOMENTS LATER
A very tall room. The manager sits at his desk to make it easier for him to inspect Fry, Leela and Bender.
MANAGER
Well, it seems youâre the delivery crew.
LEELA
(strong)
Sure are.
MANAGER
All right then.
Fry walks the package over. To the tall manager itâs very small. He opens it keenly, looks stunned.
MANAGER
The supplies?
BENDER
(to Fry and Leela)
Jeez, what do these people think there getting?
MANAGER
If youâd stay there a moment.
Itâs a nervous few moments as they wait. The manager speaks hush tones into the phone.
The doors open, two security guards enter. The trio gulp.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â LATER
The ship, normal livery, heads away from the two planets.
INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â SAME TIME
The cork of a champagne bottle is popped. Leela pours the drink into three separate glasses. She takes one, Fry and Bender the others. They wear two medals each, clean gold and dirty bronze.
LEELA
Heroes! Can you believe it!?
FRY
I knew that psychic wasnât lying!
BENDER
Yet another achievement for me to add to the list.
They clink glasses, down the champagne.
Leela picks up a copy of the B-O paper, the headline reads: PACKAGE DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERS PEACE BETWEEN PLANETS. The picture is of the crew standing with the leaders of the planets A-Z and B-O, who shake hands.
LEELA
I canât wait until everyone knows!
FRY
Finally I can make my nephew proud of me.
BENDER
This calls for only one thing.
Fry and Leela wait to know what that is. Bender opens his compartment and takes out two more bottles of champagne.
BENDER
MORE CHAMPAGNE!
Bender shakes both bottles until the corks pop and the champagne flies out.
INT. OFFICE, MOM CORP. â LATER THAT DAY
A robot butler pours more champagne into Momâs glass. She soaks in a bubble bath, watching a TV the size of a cinema screen. On her left is a case of dodo eggs, she picks one out, dips it in caviar and then eats it like an apple.
ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda are reporting the news.
MORBO
Surprising news just coming in from the âMurder Zoneâ, Linda?
MOM
I feel richer already.
Single on Linda, the picture from the paper beside her.
LINDA
Thatâs right, Morbo. It seems a package delivery crew has brokered a peace deal between warring planetâs Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. This has-
MOM
(screaming)
WALT! GET ME FARNSWORTH!
WALT (O.S)
Philo or Hubert?
MOM
HUBERT!!
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS â THE NEXT DAY
The ship arrives rather sloppily into dock.
INT. LANDING BAY, PLANET EXPRESS â MOMENTS LATER
Noise can be heard before the crew comes down the stairs. All three are drunk. Eight bottles of champagne will do that to a person. Their arrival is something of a farce.
When they do focus, slightly, they find a furious Farnsworth standing waiting for them.
FRY
Good news, professor?
FARNSWORTH
No, not good news at all. The opposite in fact. Bad news.
LEELA
(laughing)
Bad news everyone?
FARNSWORTH
Yes. Youâre all fired.
That sobered them a little.
BENDER
Fired?
Mom enters, bucket of water in each hand.
MOM
FIRED!
She throws the water over Fry, Leela and Bender.
READY AREA â LATER
Leela and Fry are still soaking, though drying off with towels. They sit with Bender as Mom strides angrily around the room. Farnsworth watches on.
MOM
What exactly did you numbskulls do to broker peace?
FRY
Nothing, we just delivered a package to each planet.
MOM
Nonsense, you must have done more than that?
LEELA
No, we really didnât.
MOM
Hubert! What did you tell them to do?
FARNSWORTH
Nothing.
Mom picks up the B-O paper, rolls it to hit Farnsworth with. Unfurls it to show him to front again.
MOM
This isnât nothing!
Farnsworth looks at the picture. With Mom stressing him he really pays attention. Something clicks.
FARNSWORTH
Which planet did you go to second?
LEELA
Beta-Omega.
FARNSWORTH
(of picture)
And this is what you wore to it?
LEELA
Yes?
FARNSWORTH
God lord! You were wearing the trousers for Alpha-Zeta on Beta-Omega!
FRY
Thatâs how they were laid out?
FARNSWORTH
It was?
LEELA
Yes.
FARNSWORTH
My word. With you wearing the wrong trousers on each planet, they both must have thought you were ambassadors from the other. The resulting niceness fostered an atmosphere of peace between them.
MOM
Destroying my manufacturing concerns on both.
FRY
Donât you make, like, a billion dollars a minute anyway?
MOM
Not since you screwed everything up I donât!
BENDER
Then just start another scam. Iâve got a great one going with-
Mom takes out a remote, points it at Bender, presses a button to shock him.
MOM
Enough!
LEELA
What exactly do you want from us?
MOM
To re-start that war!
LEELA
And why would we do that? Both planets are going to be much better off without it.
Mom shocks Bender again.
BENDER
Shut up, Leela!
MOM
Youâre going to do it because if you donât Iâll not only destroy this company but the lives of everyone who works here!
FRY
(shocked)
Even Scruffy?
MOM
Especially Scruffy.
Scruffy, whoâs been stood just out of shot the whole time, looks very concerned.
SCRUFFY
I reckon you kids better go cause war.
He wanders off.
MOM
You have three days. Starting from two days ago.
FRY
(confused)
So we have?
MOM
ONE DAY, IDIOT!
Mom storms off.
FARNSWORTH
Okay, you heard the mean lady.
MOM (O.S)
AND SHE HEARD YOU!
FARNSWORTH
Iâd better be going.
Farnsworth scurries away.
INT. FRY AND BENDERâS PLACE â LATER
Leela paces up and down the room. Fry sits nervously beside a far calmer Bender, who sips a beer.
LEELA
We are catastrophically boned.
FRY
Got that right, I donât want to start a war.
BENDER
Why not? Plenty of money to be made from war.
LEELA
No Bender, no wars.
BENDER
Just a little one?
LEELA
No.
BENDER
Fine. Then Iâll guess weâll just let Mom destroy our lives.
LEELA
Weâre not doing that either.
FRY
Then what are we doing?
LEELA
I donât know.
FRY
Why does Mom even want a war?
LEELA
Thatâs a good question. We should find out. Sheâs bound to have files we can steal.
BENDER
How? Mom has the best security out there?
FRY
Itâd take some kind of thief to pull off that job.
BENDITO (O.S)
Perhaps I can help?
On a wire above them is BENDITO, a bending unit with a thin moustache and an eye patch covering a missing left eye. He drops down. Heâs like a more suave Bender.
BENDER
Bendito! What are you doing here?
LEELA
Bender you know this bending unit?
BENDER
Are you kidding? Benditoâs my mortal enemy.
BENDITO
Weâre also in the same book club.
FRY
Why are you here?
BENDITO
Bender scammed me. I came to even the score.
LEELA
Bender is this true?
BENDER
Do you even need to ask?
BENDITO
You cost me a grand total of three dollars.
From his compartment Bendito takes out the medals earned earlier.
BENDITO
These shall suffice as compensation.
FRY
Hey, those are my medals!
BENDITO
I found them in Benderâs room?
LEELA
Bender you stol-
(thinks about it)
Of course you did.
BENDITO
(handing medals to Fry)
My apologies.
BENDER
So, you gonna help us break into Mom Corp.?
BENDITO
Why should I?
BENDER
Itâll be fun.
BENDITO
Iâll do it.
INT. CAFE ACROSS FROM MOM CORP. â THAT NIGHT
Bender, Bendito, Fry and Leela occupy a window booth that looks out towards Momâs. They plot the potential heist.
BENDITO
According to my source-
BENDER
âSourceâ? You mean the robot mafia?
BENDITO
(sighs)
Yes. The robot mafia.
(starting again)
According to them the system installed in the offices works on facial recognition. If we can fool them, by dressing up as Mom and her sons weâll have a small window to hack the computer.
LEELA
How do we get in?
BENDITO
According to a different source-
BENDER
Elzar? Is it Elzar? Sometimes Elzar cooks there, youâre talking about Elzar, right? I know you know Elzar.
BENDITO
(louder sigh)
Yes, Bender. Elzar, I talked to Elzar! Any other questions?
The waitress passes by.
WAITRESS
Refill?
BENDITO
No.
A robot in the next booth turns round.
RANDOM ROBOT
Whatâs two times three?
BENDITO
Six.
FRY
Why does a robot need an eye patch, canât you just replace your eye?
BENDITO
Itâs a style choice.
(pauses waiting for more questions)
Any more questions?
BENDER
Weâll ask the questions here.
BENDITO
(even louder sigh)
Anyway. Elzar says thereâs an express elevator exclusive to Mom. If we can convince the operator that Leela is Mom we can gain access to the penthouse.
FRY
I wanted to be Mom.
BENDITO
Leela is Mom. Bender is Larry. Iâll play Walt and Fry youâll be Igner.
FRY
Igner?
BENDER
Larry?
LEELA
Fine with me.
BENDITO
Then itâs settled.
EXT. MOM CORP. â A LITTLE LATER
The group are now dressed as there respective characters. Leela wears sunglasses to cover her eye. Bender and Bendito are very obviously robots. Fry actually looks like Igner.
BENDER
At least if we get caught weâll have funny mug shots.
FRY
Thereâs a relief.
LEELA
Will you two shut up?
BENDER
Someoneâs already in character.
LEELA
What do you mean?
BENDER
Nothing, âMomâ.
They enter the building.
INT. FOYER, MOM CORP. â CONTINUOUS
This place is a lot busier then they were expecting. They walk as quickly as possible to the back and the waiting lift. A robot in a suit operates it.
LIFT ROBOT
Back already, Mom?
There are quick glances between each other, theyâve totally forgot to check if Mom was even out. Leela reacts fast.
LEELA
(sweet Mom)
Oh yes, uh, deary, we forgot the candies.
LIFT ROBOT
You and those candies.
The robot moves to let them into the lift, joins them.
LIFT
The doors shut. The five of them are closed in without the chance of escape, a most dangerous time. This is tempered somewhat by Bender whispering something about Leela being like Mom to Fry and Bendito, they chuckle to themselves.
Something else is said, the chuckles become laughs. Leela becomes annoyed. Turns.
LEELA
(mean Mom)
Will you knuckleheads knock that off?
Leela swings a slap that connects on the cheek of all three of them. Is oddly satisfied by it.
She turns back to see the Lift Robot minding his business.
LEELA
(sweet Mom)
Boyâs need discipline is what I always say.
LIFT ROBOT
Yes, Mom.
PENTHOUSE â MOMENTS LATER
The lift opens. All bar the lift robot flood out.
LEELA
(sweet Mom)
Weâll be but a minute.
The lift door shuts. Now theyâre in the clear.
FRY
So, ouch.
LEELA
Iâm starting to like being Mom.
BENDER
Already got the mood swings down.
He laughs, gets slapped by Leela.
BENDER
See?
She slaps him again.
OFFICE â A MINUTE LATER
The group are in the office. Bendito searches the computer without success. Fry watches the wall of security screens.
BENDITO
Nothing yet.
LEELA
Hurry up, who knows when sheâll be back.
Leela looks around, nervous, spots Bender rifling through a filing cabinet.
LEELA
Bender, what are you doing?
BENDER
I was trying to find my warranty but all I keep coming up with are replies to letters.
LEELA
Which letters?
She walks over and picks out a letter, itâs from Alpha-Zeta, dated a hundred years ago. She finds a different one, Beta-Omega, again, a hundred years old.
LEELA
Praise to Athena. These are replies from the two planets. Mom must have sent letters to them and started the war. We could expose her totally with these. Good work, Bender.
BENDER
Even when I not trying Iâm a genius.
FRY
Hey look, itâs the people weâre dressed as.
ON A SECURITY SCREEN: Mom and her sons approach the lift.
BENDER
We gotta cheese it.
LEELA
How, weâre on the top floor?
FRY
Bendito-
They turn to find Bendito has left the office already.
PENTHOUSE
Fry, Leela and Bender emerge from the office to find Bendito slowly opening one of the windows. He turns, caught.
BENDITO
Oh, hi.
(pause)
So I can explain.
MOM (O.S)
Can you?
Exiting the lift are Mom, Larry, Igner and Walt.
MOM
(to Leela)
Well, well, itâs like looking in an ugly, one eyed mirror.
BENDITO
(taking offence)
How dare you.
MOM
Quiet, Bendito.
LEELA
Itâs over Mom. We found the letters.
MOM
So I started a war so each side would buy equipment from me, who gives a crap? Iâve seen war start for a lot less.
(laughs)
How exactly are you going to leave with those letters anyway?
Fry, Leela and Bender look to one another, they have no idea. Leela catches Bendito edging towards the open window, spots his escape plan, a good old fashioned rope.
LEELA
I think the real question is. How are you going to catch us?
Leela rushes Fry and Bender to the window, together with a late reacting Bendito they grab the rope and begin to slide down it.
CUT BETWEEN PENTHOUSE AND EXT. MOM CORP.
Everyone is sliding down the rope at pace, but the building is huge, there not even a quarter way down.
FRY
(getting rope burn)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Mom looks down from the window at them.
MOM
Idiots.
She unties the rope. It slackens.
LEELA
Um, guys.
Everyone looks as the rope passes them by.
FRY
Thatâs bad, right?
Everyone bar Leela starts screaming, she has to think fast.
LEELA
Everyone grab on to my legs.
They do. Leela slips through the Mom dress, still wearing her normal clothes beneath, and grabs the bottom of each side of it. It catches the air and becomes a makeshift parachute.
Mom stares at them as they float away.
MOM
What the crap? I didnât know I could do that?
EXT. SKY â CONTINUOUS
Leela is barely clinging on to the dress, sheâs being weighed down too much, itâs starting to affect the altitude.
LEELA
Weâre too heavy.
FRY
(offended)
What are you trying to say?
BENDER
Wait, I have an idea.
Bender spots the roof of a building coming up. He kicks Bendito off of Leelaâs leg. He drops.
BENDITO
(falling)
See you Thursday.
Bendito lands with a thud on the roof. The gang laugh as they begin to gain altitude.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS â DAY
We whip around the building.
INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS â SAME TIME
The whole crew sit around watching the news on TV.
MORBO
Mom stock took a dip today as letters emerged showing her to have set the war between Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega in motion almost a hundred years ago. However Mom stock trebled in value just hours later when war broke out between Sigma-Epsilon and Kappa-Tau.
Leela turns off the TV, disgusted.
LEELA
Typical, we stop one war just to cause another.
FRY
But at least itâs not the same war, right?
BENDER
The important thing is itâs not happening here.
FRY
Amen.
LEELA
Ugh.
CUT TO CREDITS
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Futurama Script
So as I previously mentioned I wrote a script for an episode of Futurama. I was supposed to post it when I posted my Simpsons script but one thing and another has prevented my doing so. Anywho I thought Iâd put it up now rather than watch it sit in one of my folders. Feel free to criticize it, all opinions are welcome, as long as itâs not a personal attack then Iâm fine with it, we all have opinions on episodes of the actual show, so why should this be different?
Be warned, itâs 23 pages on Word so itâs a long read, itâs your choice, you donât have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is whoâs talking, normal is dialogue, (Under name is the way the line is delivered).
(Disclaimer: I obviously donât own the rights to Futurama, this is a non-profit idea and simply a writing exercise to keep me amused, so I believe it falls within fair use, please donât sue! If you want me to take it down, I will.)Â
OPENING CREDITS
CAPTION: Sponsored by Antarctic Heights apartments. âTheyâre Going Fast!â
BILLBOARD CARTOON: âItchy the Lucky Mouse in Manhattan Madnessâ By Chester J. Lampwick (From âThe Simpsonsâ episode âThe Day the Violence Diedâ.)
EXT. MYSTERY NEBULA
The Planet Express ship blasts away from a world orbited by two suns. The crew have just delivered a package there.
INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â SAME TIME
Leela inputs some coordinates and sets the ship to auto-pilot.
LEELA
Alright, letâs review our mission.
She turns round to find Fry and Bender playing snakes and ladders on the floor. Fry is four moves from the finish and two from a snake that would take him back to the start, Bender is way further back.
LEELA
(sighs)
Why is it that Iâm the only one who seems to care about the jobs weâre supposed to be doing?
Fry turns around to address Leela. Whilst he talks Bender switches the normal dice to loaded ones.
FRY
Oh, I care but I just need one roll to win.
BENDER
Yeah just let him roll.
Bender laughs to himself. Fry picks up the dice.
LEELA
Alright, one roll.
Fry rolls the dice. They skip across the board and fall onto snake eyes.
BENDER
All-
The ship jumps, the dice hop and land on twoâs.
FRY
Yay!
He moves the piece to the end of the board, winning.
BENDER
No fair, the universe cheated me, I want a redo.
LEELA
No redoâs, just re-views.
Leela presses a button on the ships ceiling, down comes a virtual whiteboard.
The board states: DID WE DELIVER THE PACKAGE? DID WE DO IT SAFELY? WERE THERE ANY PROBLEMS?
Bender and Fry have moved over to the whiteboard.
LEELA
Did we deliver the package?
FRY
Sure did.
LEELA
Did we do it safely?
BENDER
If you donât count that hitchhiker we hit.
LEELA
I wouldnât count that. Were there any problems?
FRY
No.
LEELA
Huh, we delivered a package without incident. That seems unlikely.
FRY
Iâll say, usually I break the thing before we deliver it.
BENDER
Or we end up giving it to the wrong person.
LEELA
Well, I suppose there must be more unlikely things.
FRY
Like that.
Fry points out the window to a flash of brilliant light.
EXT. MYSTERY NEBULA
The Planet Express Ship blasts towards a world orbited by two suns. The crew are heading there to deliver a package.
INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP
Leela punches in the coordinates, sets the ship to auto-pilot.
LEELA
We should be there in five minutes. Are we ready?
She turns to find Bender and Fry on the floor playing checkers. Fry only has one piece left. Bender has all his.
FRY
Yeah, weâre ready.
LEELA
It looks like youâre playing games. Iâd like us to go over the mission before we land. Itâd be nice if nothing went wrong.
FRY
Yeah but what are the odds of that?
BENDER
Nine million and twelve to one, the same odds as you winning this game.
The ship skips knocking the pieces around the board, lining them up perfectly for Fry to win.
FRY
Alright!
Fry jumps the all Benderâs pieces and wins. Bender fumes.
BENDER
Stupid predestination.
EXT. PLANET WITH TWO SUNS
The ship slowly glides down onto a platform, the platform then lowers into a building.
INT. CARGO HOLD, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP
Fry and Leela have put on there space suits. Bender holds the package.
LEELA
Okay, we donât know what to expect, so expect the unexpected.
FRY
Whatâs that?
LEELA
How should I know?
INT. LANDING AREA â CONTINUOUS
The cargo hold lowers. Fry, Bender and Leela wander out into the vast empty room.
BENDER
No oneâs home, so we can go, right?
VOICE (O.S)
Wrong.
Bender recoils. Leela steps up.
LEELA
Whoâs there?
A female entity, VOICE, materializes, stands just in front of the cargo hold.
VOICE
Sorry, I didnât mean to startle you. It took our systems a moment to recognize your species.
LEELA
Oh, okay.
VOICE
You can take off your gear, we have simulated oxygen here.
Bender instantly lights a cigar.
BENDER
Way ahead of ya baby.
INT. LONG CORRIDOR
Fry and Leela have returned to there normal outfits. They and Bender follow Voice down a corridor.
FRY
So what is this place?
VOICE
From here we control time and space.
Leela scoffs.
LEELA
You control time and space from here?
VOICE
Look up.
Leela looks up, on the ceiling is written: YES.
LEELA
Impressive.
FRY
Do something else cool!
A cream pie flies from the wall and hits Fry in the face. Bender laughs.
The sprinklers come on, soak Benderâs cigar out.
BENDER
Aww crap.
LEELA
Wait, if you know what we would do, how come you didnât know what we looked like?
VOICE
The universe is 1âs and 0âs, not pictures, let me show you.
A door appears in the wall, opens, everyone enters.
INT. UNIVERSE ROOM â CONTINUOUS
The universe room consists of a massive screen, showing only 1âs and 0âs, and an old looking computer tower, it only has a floppy disk slot.
VOICE
This is the entire universe. Past and future.
FRY
What about the present?
VOICE
The present doesnât exist, only the past and future.
LEELA
So weâve already done this?
VOICE
Several million times.
BENDER
Well I bet you didnât know Iâd do this!
Bender reaches into his chest compartment and pulls out, to his surprise, a note.
BENDER
What the?
The note says: I OWE YOU ONE TRUMPET. Bender screws up the note and throws it away.
LEELA
Bender, how about you just give me the package instead?
BENDER
Fine.
Bender takes the package from his compartment, hands it over to Leela, who hands it to Voice.
FRY
Thatâs our job done.
Voice opens the package, which contains a floppy disk.
VOICE
Would you like to see the future before you go?
Fry checks his watch, shrugs.
FRY
Nah.
LEELA
We may as well. We have nothing better to do.
FRY
Alright then.
Voice inserts the floppy. A flash of brilliant light.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS
The roof splits, the Planet Express Ship lands inside.
INT. LANDING BAY, PLANET EXPRESS
Fry, Leela and Bender exit the ship, with food in hand.
LEELA
Look Fry, it just wonât happen.
FRY
Tell me one good reason why.
LEELA
Iâll give you two, one, it was cancelled a thousand years ago and two, apart from you no one else has heard of it.
BENDER
And now us.
FRY
Well, Iâm still going to start a petition.
READY AREA â LATER
Fry and Bender are playing Scrabble, on the board is: BITE, MY, SHINY, METAL, ASS.
Leela enters.
LEELA
(to Fry)
Howâs the petition going?
BENDER
I wasnât going to start a petition.
FRY
Yeah, leave Bender alone.
Leela rolls her eyes.
LEELA
Nevermind.
She looks in the fridge for something to eat. Professor Farnsworth enters.
FARNSWORTH
Good, youâre all here.
LEELA
What about the others?
FARNSWORTH
What others? Who are you talking about?
Leela huffs, forgets about the fridge.
FARNSWORTH
Anyway, whoever you are, you need to deliver a package to a planet in the âMystery Nebulaâ.
BENDER
Whatâs so mysterious about this nebula?
FARNSWORTH
Itâs a mystery dummy, thatâs what!
FRY
This isnât going to be like when we went to the fire planet and nearly froze to death is it?
LEELA
Or our trip to the âDanger Zoneâ when we got free ice cream.
FARNSWORTH
How should I know? Itâs the mystery zone, a zone of infinite mystery!
(pause)
Anyway, the package is ready downstairs.
Fry, Bender and Leela look at one another as Farnsworth goes to leave but he stops short of the door, turns back.
FARNSWORTH
Remember, no one has ever come back from the Mystery nebula.
He leaves.
DIFFERENT TIME
Fry, Bender and Leela enter. Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes and Farnsworth are sat around the table.
LEELA
Weâre back from the Mystery Nebula.
HERMES
Great turkey of Albuquerque, we sent you for food, weâre hungry!
ZOIDBERG
I havenât eaten for three weeks.
LEELA
No, that was two days ago.
HERMES
Are you going to let Zoidberg starve because you canât remember what day it is?
BENDER
Iâm cool with that.
FRY
Now wait a second, Leelaâs right, we did already do this. Amy you had a walrus burger.
AMY
Spleesh, no split, thatâs what I ordered.
Farnsworth suddenly perks up.
FARNSWORTH
Did you say the Mystery Nebula? I told you never to go there!
LEELA
You were the one who told us to go there.
FARNSWORTH
I did? When did this happen?
LEELA
Given the information, in two days time.
FARNSWORTH
My God. Youâve seemingly stepped outside of the normal flow of time into an alternate timeline tangential to ours. This is very serious indeed.
BENDER
No it isnât, câmon Fry letâs go get drunk.
FARNSWORTH
No Bender! This isnât something that can be solved by alcohol.
BENDER
(gasps)
No?
FARNSWORTH
This is something only solvable by-
INT. UNIVERSE ROOM â CONTINUOUS
Voice has just finished explaining the future to Fry, Leela and Bender.
FRY
Huh, so thatâs the future, not bad.
VOICE
What about you Bender?
BENDER
Well, I was kinda hoping for more lottery numbers, eh, whatever.
Leela remains distinctly unimpressed.
VOICE
Whatâs wrong Leela, is it the eye infection you get?
LEELA
Though that is a concern, itâs not my main one. How on earth do you expect us live our lives we when know whatâs going to happen?
VOICE
But you donât know what will happen.
LEELA
No, wait.
(pause)
Okay, what?
VOICE
All the things I showed you will happen anyway, only you donât know when they will.
FRY
So I might not get hit with that pie for a while?
VOICE
No, actually that happens now.
On cue Fry is hit with a pie.
FRY
Can we go now?
VOICE
You already are gone.
A flash of brilliant light.
INT. READY AREA
Fry, Bender and Leela walk up the stairs food in hand.
LEELA
Weâre back with food.
Farnsworth, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes are sat around the table, confused.
HERMES
Why are you back so early?
LEELA
What are you talking about?
FARNSWORTH
I sent you to the Mystery Nebula this very morning you blithering monkey skeletons.
FRY
No, you sent us for food?
AMY
That was two days ago, you turned up without it, saying you just came back from the Mystery Nebula. We had leftovers instead.
ZOIDBERG
You guys ate without me?
Farnsworth perks back up.
FARNSWORTH
Amy, did you just say the Mystery Nebula?
(to Fry, Leela and Bender)
I told you never to go there!
BENDER
But you said you just sent us to the Mystery whatever?
FARNSWORTH
I did? This is most troubling indeed.
FRY
Nah, Iâm sure itâs fine. Câmon Bender letâs go watch some TV.
FARNSWORTH
No Fry! This isnât something that can be solved by watching TV.
FRY
It isnât?
FARNSWORTH
No, this is something that can only be solved with-
LEELA
(interrupting)
Does this seem awful familiar to anyone?
FRY
Hey, whatâs that?
A flash of brilliant light.
FARNSWORTHâS LAB
Fry, Leela and Bender enter the lab. Farnsworth is working on something using a giant supercomputer. 1âs and 0âs flash across the screen.
FRY
Hey professor, what you working on?
FARNSWORTH
Oh this? Itâs nothing important.
Bender tries to read the code.
BENDER
Whatâs this about a bathroom?
Farnsworth stops working, surprised at Benderâs knowledge.
FARNSWORTH
You can read this Bender, how?
BENDER
All robots can read basic binary.
FARNSWORTH
Youâre a robot? How remarkable.
FRY
So all of this is words?
FARNWORTH
Not just words, but a whole story.
LEELA
A story written entirely in binary, whoâd read that?
FARNSWORTH
Only a very special client, who I will need you to deliver this to very soon.
Farnsworth produces a floppy disc.
FRY
Oh wow, a floppy disc, I havenât seen one of those in years.
LEELA
There from your time Fry, what did you use them for?
FRY
Coasters.
FARNSWORTH
Well you canât use this one as a coaster, it has all that will ever happen on it. Even a small scratch can send the entire timeline careering off course.
BENDER
Oh boo hoo, whatâs the real reason?
FARNSWORTH
Because I only have a few floppy discs left. I used to have millions of them.
BENDER
(yawning)
Yeah, thatâs a great story professor.
FARNSWORTH
Itâs the greatest story you dope, itâs the story of all existence. Now all of you need to leave while I write the sexiest parts.
The trio leave, grumbling. Fry tries to glimpse the screen to see the sexy parts, despite not being able to read them.
EXT. THE MYSTERY NEBULA
The Planet Express Ship hurtles through space.
INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP â SAME TIME
Leela is using a chalkboard to run through the parameters of the mission: 1. LAND SAFELY 2. BE NICE 3. DELIVER THE PACKAGE.
LEELA
With these steps we will ensure a successful mission.
She looks to Fry and Bender, who are playing cards only half listening.
LEELA
Are you guys listening?
FRY
Sure but the Professor said weâve already been here, so why worry?
Leela scowls having already explained.
LEELA
Heâs only sending us back because we messed up the first time. It was probably one of you guys.
BENDER
One of us? Impossible, as a robot I donât make mistakes.
FRY
Alright Bender letâs see them.
Bender lays out a queen high flush, laughs. Fry sighs, reveals a royal flush, not realizing heâs won.
LEELA
Fry you won?
FRY
I did? Whoo!
BENDER
Crappy fate.
LOADING BAY - LATER
Fry and Leela have put on space suits, Bender holds the package.
LEELA
Here goes.
Leela presses a button that lowers the loading bay.
LANDING BAY â CONTINUOUS
The crew find VOICE is already waiting for them.
VOICE
Hello there.
LONG CORRIDOR
Leela and Fry are back in there normal clothes. Bender smokes a cigar as Voice leads them down a long corridor.
LEELA
So weâve been here before?
VOICE
Millions of times.
LEELA
Oh, I meant recently?
Voice stops.
VOICE
Recently?
LEELA
The Professor said there was a problem, we had to come back.
VOICE
Ah finally, the versions of you with the correct disc.
FRY
Versions of us?
VOICE
Let me show you.
UNIVERSE ROOM â LATER
Voice is stood by the old tower, the crew across from her.
VOICE
The last time you came here and delivered the disc the data was corrupted, unfortunately as I live outside of time Iâve had to wait until you finally arrived with a new copy.
BENDER
So that means what? Weâve been doing the same things again and again?
VOICE
Precisely, but with this new disc time will smooth out and your mission will be successful first time.
Voice puts the disc in the computer, it boots up and then sends an infinite amount of ones and zeroes up on the screen.
FRY
So how did the disc break anyway?
VOICE
Iâm glad youâve asked, let me explain.
The numbers move rapidly until they become a clear image.
FARNSWORTHâS LAB â PREVIOUS TIMELINE
Leela enters the room.
LEELA
(to Fry and Bender)
I canât believe those guys didnât want their food. Well, no use in letting it go to waste.
She enters further and finds Bender and Fry have eaten almost all of it already.
Fry puts down his drink.
LEELA
Fry!
Leela is annoyed she didnât get any of the food but Fry looks at his drink and gets a different impression.
FRY
Sorry Leela.
(pause)
Bender hand me a coaster.
Bender extends his arm out, misses three actual coasters and picks up the floppy disc.
BENDER
Here you go buddy.
He puts it down in front of Fry who immediately places his drink on it, the force is such that it splashes the disc.
Leela sighs, having not been understood.
The pictures return the 1âs and 0âs.
UNIVERSE ROOM
Fry looks around nervously. Voice having explained to the crew what weâve been able to see.
FRY
So it was my fault?
VOICE
Yes, this time.
LEELA
So how did we escape the time loop?
VOICE
You must have taken the advice the professor gave you.
LEELA
But he didnât give us any advice?
VOICE
Not that you remember, speaking of which.
A flash brilliant light.
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS
The bay doors open and the planet express ship flies gently in.
INT. LANDING BAY â MOMENTS LATER
Fry, Leela and Bender walk out of the ship, carrying food.
FRY
And thatâs why it was the greatest show.
LEELA
Well it doesnât sound very good.
BENDER
Not enough robots if you ask me.
READY AREA
Zoidberg, Hermes and Amy are sat around the table waiting. Fry, Leela and Bender walk up the stairs with the food.
HERMES
Finally! Iâm as hungry as a humming bird.
ZOIDBERG
And I, as hungry as a big fat lobster so I am.
FRY
Sorry Zoidberg they didnât have your order.
ZOIDBERG
Awww.
Fry wipes away some food from his mouth, they begin putting the rest on the table.
Farnsworth enters carrying a floppy disc.
FARNSWORTH
Good news everyone! Iâve finally finished writing the story of the entire universe.
There are congratulations from the group.
FARNSWORTH
Yes, Iâve done it again. Fry, Leela, Bender youâll have to deliver it to the Mystery Nebula.
FRY
Whereâs that?
Farnsworth points north.
FARNSWORTH
A billion light years that way. It should take about a day to get there.
LEELA
Sounds easy.
BENDER
Too easy. Whatâs the catch old man?
FARNSWORTH
Oh thereâs no catch.
FRY
Phew.
FARNSWORTH
But if you make one mistake youâll be trapped in an infinite loop unable to ever escape.
FRY
Ever?
FARNSWORTH
Youâll only get one chance to break the cycle, by coming back here and writing a reality in which you arenât trapped, then taking it to the Mystery Nebula.
LEELA
But what if weâve already done that? How would we know?
FARNSWORTH
You wouldnât but delivering the disc safely will ensure that you donât have to go back again, if you already have been there before, again.
FRY
What?
FARNSWORTH
Just deliver the disc and be careful with it!
INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP
Leela presses a button on the ships ceiling, down comes a virtual white board.
The board states: DID WE DELIVER THE PACKAGE? DID WE DO IT SAFELY? WHERE THERE ANY PROBLEMS?
Bender and Fry have moved over to the whiteboard.
LEELA
Did we deliver the package?
FRY
Sure did.
LEELA
Did we do it safely?
BENDER
If you donât count that hitchhiker we hit.
LEELA
I wouldnât count that. Were there any problems?
FRY
No.
LEELA
Huh, we delivered a package without incident. That seems unlikely.
FRY
Iâll say, usually I break the thing before we deliver it.
BENDER
Or we end up giving it to the wrong person.
LEELA
Well, I suppose there must be more unlikely things.
They all look around waiting for something unlikely to happen but nothing does.
LEELA
Huh, maybe not.
CUT TO CREDITS
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