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you’re very special to me *gives you this*

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My dumbass brain visualizing The Stormfather whenever he talks to Dalinar in Oathbringer

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imagine if doorways grew back like scabbed over with fresh drywall and you had to keep carving them back out with a jabsaw to keep the doorway clear etc

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literally any upper middle class tiktok self-identified ‘that girl’ in a pastel workout set with a thirteen step skincare routine and a green juice is a million times closer to being patrick bateman irl than any self-identified sigma film bro

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I'm not even kidding I think food service jobs are the hardest customer service jobs that exist and if you have them on your resume long enough that it's clear you could maintain them people should be begging on their hands and fucking knees for you to work for them.

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You are not immune to the highly dangerous tetrodotoxin

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i know this is coming from a place of like intense sexual objectification and homophobia and racism not to mention the world ending efforts of big oil but unfortunately it is so funny

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these tweets are holding hands

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ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing

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wait do those tin can phones really work?? I thought this was all a myth.

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i always think abt my cousin in greece who's like obsessed with american culture, bc ill say that im going to a barbecue and she'll be like "wow.... a real life american barbecue... will there be red cups?" you bet your ass there'll be red cups. take my hand. have a hot dog. all your dreams can come true here at the real life american barbecue

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