dominantsky

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

Edit

[dominantsky]

i hate when i feel my communication with someone struggling. it feels like a physical thing to me. almost tangible. its like i see it getting weaker, losing the light that was there. ofc all communication has to lose signal at some point, but this is barely flickering at this point, and idk if there is fixing it when the person on the other end doesnt believe things like this can be fixed. i guess i can say for certain that i have fallen out of love. i still love her, but not how i used to. theres just been too many times in this one week alone where she stung me hard, in ways shes never done before, ive never felt anything like it before. i guess  i have realized yet again that i cant become too dependant on anyone, because then it starts to burn, got too close to the fire. no one has ever needed me the way i need them. i need so much attention, and contact, but i never let that be known, and i start to believe the facade that i created of this heartless independent being. which is what i need to be? which is also ironic, or poor timing of a revelation, because i was about to tell everyone around me that im changing and that i need them. but, that cant happen, they live their own lives, are going through their own things, they dont need the burden of me on top of that, they shouldnt have to worry about their needy friend. so its good that i never said anything. i feel this knot in my stomach. some of it definitely just because of the food i ate, some of it because i hate that i ate at all, some of it because of the emotions going on inside of me. my brain feels heavy, and foggy, like im only seeing so far, and im not seeing clearly. i should stop smoking, i dont think its doing my brain any favors. idk what happened today. why do people get so hung up on words? like i get it on one hand, the more precise with our words we are, the less miscommunication, but i guess, words are meaningless in the sense that the same word will hold different meaning for everyone. so i get it, but i would hope those around me would at least know that the way i use words is not direct. i am the most indirect direct person ever, so i understand why it would be annoying for those around me trying to decode what i say. i am a hypocrite, i do one thing just to do the opposite, but i own up to that fact, but i am not proud of it either. idk. idk. idk. idk. idk. idk. that feels like enough idks. maybe. idk. 

04/24/2021

[dominantsky]

Just going to dump my thought here for this evening..... I'm still in my feelings a little bit. I don't believe the old saying "time heals all wounds" because I am a walking testimony that I can be having a fully busy and good day when something will trigger me and I get bombarded by horrible thoughts of what so and so did to me back in yesteryear. And I can honestly say that it will bother me for hours or even days after. And I spend all that time trying to figure out why people act the way they do to someone who was so good to him/her. It will then set off a chain of events where I then start feeling hateful towards everything and everyone, including the earth itself and wishing the end of the world would just come already so this torture could end. So I guess with that being said, NO "time does Not heal all wounds" and it for damn sure doesn't help when you keep meeting new people who keep proving your case to be correct. And they all fail you time and time again. The level of selfishness and self serving lunatics on this dieing planet that take up a great percentage of the world population is and has become outstanding. People have really started allowing their demons to show through and they have no remorse or care in the world. Not to say that I'm surprised at this point because I'm not, it's only showing me that I'd be correct by saying I can't do the same kind things for people that I found to be easy to do before, and I can't be the sweet person I used to be. I feel like I'm being forced to change in order to protect myself, my sanity, my well being, my state of mind, my aura. Instead of people controlling their nasty evil conniving characteristics and become humane and nicer, us nice empathetic people have to shut down, and change how we normally behave just to keep the toxic people away. It's insane and Ludacris. Overall morale to this is "there is no use in even trying anymore. Not with "L**e" and not with people.

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

sachiiro no one room

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

Moths as metaphors for your love:

Love like moths to a flame.

Hunger only tamed

When exposed to the overwhelming warmth

Of the sun.

since I'll never be her

I shall shun the sun

And become the moon.

Moths come out at night

Awakened by the moons,

Much softer approach.

My Light enough

To wake you,

But not bright enough to keep your attention.

So while I cast comfort

You look for her.

I thought you loved the moon

You only seem alive

when your basking In the moon's glow

But you spend my nights

looking for her in everything else

As if my love isn't bright enough for you

As if my light is just too dim

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

Feeling anxious because something reminded me that I am not special & irreplaceable for the people who are special & irreplaceable to me.

[dominantsky]

[dominantsky]

Nothing changes. It’s just the same shit over and over and over and over and over.