dontredecorate

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but do I want to say goodbye to all the glowing eyes?

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cliquetober day 16: sleep

i sleep when i'm not tired

i sleep far too often

i sleep in the daytime

i sleep in the nighttime

i sleep when i'm exhausted

i sleep when i'm stressed

i sleep when i can't focus

i sleep to skip the hours

i sleep to avoid things

i sleep so i don't hurt

i sleep 10 hours a night

and still, i can't seem to rest

#cliquetober #clique writing #clique art #cliquetober 2023 #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 15: forest

down in the forest,

we'll sing a chorus,

one that everybody knows.

did you know that when my sister was learning to drive, she had a no-radio rule. no distractions. and as she got more experienced, the rules changed and got more lenient. so her next step was that she could have the radio on, but only if it was sports games (but honestly, that rule was more for my mom than my sister, because my mom wasn't going to miss out on penn state games to teach my sister how to drive). then, she could have music on, but only twenty one pilots, because i started the whole family on them years ago and even my mom knows all the songs now.

the point is, those songs are engraved in my sister's brain, and my mom's and brother's. those are songs i know so well, they're songs you know so well. and when we're all together, down in the forest, or at a show with confetti pouring down, we'll sing a chorus. one that everybody knows.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 14: faith

faith is believing in something even though you can't see it.

twenty one pilots had faith.

they had faith in something they couldn't quite see yet,

faith in an audience,

faith in fans,

faith in listeners.

twenty one pilots are where they are today because they put their heads down and kept booking shows.

they had faith that we'd be there after the hiatus.

twenty one pilots had faith in us,

so we can have faith in ourselves too.

we got this.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 13: guns/hands

sometimes i wonder if my hands are good at anything besides hurting- myself, others. the damage I can do at a keyboard is immeasurable. but then I remember the time that i wrote a poem, in eight grade, about how much i love my hands because they help me create. then I remembered what Tyler and Josh say, about how hands are for fighting. and they are for fighting. fighting for good.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique art #clique writing #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 12: destroy

when i was little, my dad and i would build "hollow towers" out of lego bricks, the huge toddler-friendly ones. once we finished building it, we would drop all sorts of things down the middle and they'd fall out a hole at the bottom. then we'd knock the tower over.

when i got older, my neighbor came over after preschool so we could watch him until his parents got off work. we would play cars and slam them into each other. we went through dozens of tiny plastic cars, every few months we'd need new ones because they were so battered.

when i hit late elementary school, maybe 7-8 years old, i started caring for my things. i was meticulous, dusting my shelves and making sure all my stuffed animals sat just right and my floor was clear of toys each night.

when i was 13, i wondered where that destructive kid went. i liked things neat and tidy. my physical space was always perfect. i was perfect at school. I was the perfect oldest child.

and now, at 20, i think that destructive kid has turned inward. self sabotage is second nature. procrastination, outbursts, isolation. my destructive nature didn't go away, it just adapted.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 11: proof

what is proof?

is it physical evidence? because that only makes sense sometimes. i remember not telling anyone i was feeling sick until i had a fever, because i didn't have proof. i didn't tell anyone i was debilitating anxious or depressed until i had a physical reaction - proof. and still i undercut myself, said i was exaggerating.

why do we have an obsession with proof? why do i need to prove myself to those i love - why do i feel that need? why won't people just accept my words as proof enough - truth for truth's sake? and maybe that's the problem. we're surrounded by so many lies, and so much of my own mind convinces me to lie for the sake of others. so maybe the question that needs to be asked is not why do we need proof - but rather, why do we lie?

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 10: blurry

blurry is like a lawyer who always finds loopholes -

endlessly convincing but extremely aggravating.

blurry is like a bad day -

piling one tragedy upon the last.

blurry is like a ghost -

you never see them but they're always there.

blurry is like the clouds -

always there to darken your day.

blurry is like an instrument mute -

they're the best at muffling cries for help.

blurry is like many many things -

bad things.

but blurry is not all of you -

nor all of me.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 9: paint

i used to paint on my skin.

swirls of colors, brushes thick and thin.

landscapes, portraits, objects alike,

would grace my forearms and thighs at night.

painting was the best i could do,

when my world seemed to end without you.

so i kept doodling and sketching and filling-in

in the hopes that one day i would smile again.

and while i do not paint anymore,

some nights I still implore,

why did i paint on my body

when the art would soon crack, turn shoddy?

i suppose it was because, maybe,

there's nothing permanent about sharpie.

or, because i relished the fact that

no harm would be done by my little task.

so i no longer paint my skin,

with colors and brushes thick and thin,

but still i recall with delight,

the art i used to create at night.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 8: drums

i once knew a boy,

with drums on his skin.

he had rainbow curls,

but an eyeless grin.

he played day after day,

and night after night.

always working to make sure

his rhythms were just right.

he wasn't always there,

present, with me,

but his head was always working,

was he to stay or to flee?

and that drummer boy

might sound familiar while vague,

but i'll let it slip

you do not know his name.

for he is my friend,

and he is still quite young,

but gosh- when he smiles?

so does the sun.

and my drummer boy is not famous,

or at all well-known,

but within his heart,

beat the rhythms of my home.

and maybe, just maybe, he's inspired by

our drummer who's name we would paint in the sky.

or maybe it is the inverse, here,

i love josh because my drummer boy is near.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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‼️TW SUICIDAL IDEATION PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF WORDS LIKE THAT WOULD HARM YOU PLEASE‼️

cliquetober day 7: road

i often find myself driving

along long stretches of road

and usually, when i'm there, very few people know.

so as i sit there wondering,

listening to the radio,

how long would it take to notice, if i didn't come home?

it's a terrible thought, yes,

but one i unfortunately know,

as many times i think this as i drive along the road.

i'm going nearly 80,

there's no one else around,

so maybe my car just ends up in the ground?

but then i remember my sister,

my brother at the nest,

and realize that it would kill them, to have a sibling laid to rest.

and so i keep on driving,

along the highway i always know,

and i'll arrive back in my driveway, safe and sound (?) at home.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 6: perched

perched can mean many things - but often it means you're sitting somewhere high up where you shouldn't be. i'm perched on a fence as i'm overhearing words i shouldn't be.

it's my mother and the neighbor, talking about an old school friend of theirs. supposedly she's going to ascend soon. i don't like it when people do that.

i haven't really been close to anyone who's ascended yet - i suppose being thirteen years old will do that to you. but i know they don't come back from wherever they go - and everyone throws parties and there's celebratory ceremonies but then they never come back to see us again.

i don't want to hear about mom's friend becoming part of the glorious gone, because that might mean mom would leave me someday too. maybe i'll ask her about it when she's done. she'll give me the answers, always.

but as for now, i'm still perched on the fence between our small houses. i'm surprised no one has seen me yet, honestly.

now how do i get down?

#clique art #clique writing #cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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trench.

trench began on an overcast july day - i was on my way to work at a summer camp the day the notifications came in. i was so so excited to listen to the new songs. i unfortunately had absolutely zero cell service out in the middle of the woods (shocker). but my friend had a connection to the internet - and twenty one pilots - so we listened to jumpsuit and nico & the niners as many times as possible on our 15 minute break.

later, bandito tour tickets dropped, and i remember asking my parents to buy them for me as i'd be at work at that same summer camp. i was entranced by the singles and couldn't wait to see them on tour again.

when i learned that i got tickets - and lower bowl seats at that - i was ecstatic. october couldn't come fast enough.

fast-forward to the first week of october, 2018, and the leaks happened. i didn't listen to them but i was a little afraid of tyler that day. i thought he was mad at me.

but then the album dropped and i was addicted. my first favorite song off the album was the hype (currently, though, it's natn), and i had a countdown in my school agenda book to the show.

that show was not my favorite for reasons i won't get into here - but i still find myself reaching for that album at least once a week these days, maybe even every day ask we move into autumn. jumpsuit still hits even five years later. the whole tracklist, really.

and even though sometime in 2019 i fell out of my tøp obsession, i still went back to this album from time to time. in trench i'm not alone, right?

and now here we are in 2023, awaiting the next new album cycle. hopefully it'll be just as joyous and magical as trench was, as scaled and icy was, as they all have been. here's to trench.

happy birthday, loser. enjoy kindergarten.

#clique art #clique writing #cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph

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cliquetober day 4: rain

sometimes, when the rain falls, it's good.

clean.

refreshing.

but sometimes, when the rain falls, it's bad.

sad.

depressing.

because sometimes the rain makes me feel cozy and whole, with a candle lit and a book to soothe my soul.

but other times the rain eats me up and spits me out and leaves me sobbing on the floor because that's the furthest i could get out of bed that day.

so the rain and i are on complicated terms -

because often a wet forecast does not upset me,

but on the days it does?

on the days it does, i'm done.

tied to my bed by invisible ropes that I've made myself but i'm just not strong enough to break.

but the world needs it,

the rain cleans it.

so i'll just have to handle it.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique art #clique writing #tyler joseph #twenty one pilots #josh dun

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Day 01 of cliquetober: Morph

Hello everyone, sorry for disappearing, I was working on cliquetober! I will share new art almost everyday this month so please look forward to it

#AHH CARMEN I LOVE IT SM #clique art

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cliquetober day 3: saturation

days become bleak,

nights are worse.

everything is blurred,

greys and browns.

i'm falling.

i must've tripped somewhere -

i had been walking so steadily.

it had taken me a long time to adjust to my limp.

but now i'm falling again and there's less color towards the ground.

but then i notice there's something in the background - a melody. a melody with kick-ass drums and some really insightful words and a message of hope. and so i start to tune in.

and at first it matches me - this melody. it doesn't know what to do, what will come next, because it's falling too. but gradually, it seems to stand up. it hit it's bottom and it's now sitting, then kneeling, then standing. it's still a little hunched over, like i was, but the newest part of this long long song is talking about color. he's got colors back.

i miss colors.

so even though i'm on the floor,

i'm going to try to sit up today. might even make it to kneeling.

and I might fall over again, but that's okay.

because even as i sit from the floor, the saturation returns. there's just a little more vibrancy, some greens and reds in the browns and blues in the greys.

and sometimes, that hope is all you need to keep trying.

#cliquetober #cliquetober 2023 #clique writing #clique art #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #josh dun

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cliquetober day 2: dragon

i wish i was a dragon -

strong, tall, fearless.

instead i am the rabbit who runs from greater beings -

small, weak, skittish.

and maybe to be a dragon,

isn't all it's cracked up to be.

'cause dragons can be scared, too,

of things much less than he.

so if i were to be a dragon,

i'd still be filled with fear,

so instead i'll stay my bunny size

and become courageous while i'm here.

#cliquetober 2023 #cliquetober #day 2: dragon #clique writing #clique art #twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #josh dun