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Backyard

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Afternoon Sky

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Daybreak

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Winter in the Park

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All About the...

The flurry of activities that happened the past two weeks was so stressful... coupled with a torrential downpour of negative emotions and a lot of traveling from here to there, made me very close to having a breakdown.

Bad as it was, there is a lesson to be learned somewhere. This time, it's this:

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Fear

The key to change is letting go of fear. ~ Héctor Ricardo, The Power of Six by Pittacus Lore

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“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly,  'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;   The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,   And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.”

“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair     -can ne'er come down again.”

~ The Spider and the Fly by  Mary Howitt

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Overheard

Past a certain point, your body doesn't get more tired, Your mind just gets more willing to quit.

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The Faults of Our Parents

There was a quote that was said on the TV series Criminal Minds which goes "They mess you up, your mom and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you. - Philip Larkin."  

The episode is about two brothers who are identical twins who are on a killing spree.  The thing is, their mother, when questioned, was clearly as disturbed as the brothers are, in her own psychopathic ways, which is probably why the quote was mentioned.

I looked the quote up and found out that it was part of a poem that Philip Larkin did.  

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had. 

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn. 

By fools in old-style hats and coats.

Who half the time were soppy-stern. 

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can. And don't have any kids yourself.

This lead me to think and wonder.  I have two wonderful kids who grew up in my care (and of course, another one, who I am sure, is as equally as wonderful, who grew up with her mother), who I love deeply and dearly.  Am I really messing them up? I really hope and pray not.

Looking back at all the things that happened with me and my kids, I know that all of the times, parents only want the best for their children.  They always want them to grow up healthy, happy, wealthy, and wise. :-)  The way they do it might not be always be agreeable to their children, but I know, being a parent myself, their intentions are always for the best.  I want them to know that they are loved, deeply cherished, cared for and protected... unconditionally.

However, the reality is that we are all a product of our upbringing- people like to think that they are free of bias and totally open-minded, but no one became who they are in a vacuum.  Since hurt people, hurt other people, we’ve been caught in a feedback loop of abuse and criticism which is passed down from generation to generation, and that has created the person we are today.

I have faith in my kids though.  In spite of all the criticisms and hurtful words that I've said, I know they would take both the bad and the good from us, their parents, just hopefully more of the latter. I know that eventually, they will be aware of how their parents have "messed them up."  This might just be the first step in trying to not pass those flaws on to their own children.  But they have to know that at the same time, striving for perfection in this world is an exercise in vain.

Like any quotable or poem, its interpretation and what you get out of it are always subjective.

Perhaps for some it is cautionary- a reminder for parents to be mindful of the ramifications of our actions concerning our children, particularly in light of our own upbringing.

But for others, perhaps it is a comfort or relief: "man hands on misery to man..". It's the nature of the species- no matter what you do, your child is likely to grow up just as flawed and disgruntled, but as perfect and happy as anyone else.

But does that make life not worth living? To take the poem's last line at face value ("get out as quickly as you can, and never have kids of your own!") is to advocate for our own extinction. I for one think this line is ironic in nature; it invites us to accept that, regardless of our anxieties as parents and/or the grudges we hold against our own, life is still very much worth living.

Yet I should always remind myself that children shouldn’t have to sacrifice so that we can have the life we want. We should make sacrifices so our children can have the life they deserve.

One thing that comforts me though is the fact the we gave the gift of life to our children- that's something they'll probably appreciate, no matter what missteps we make in raising them, and love and respect us more for it.

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Like water we are truest to our nature in repose. ~ Cyril Connolly

Peace and quiet at Coeur d'Alene, Idaho

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Life is like a series of slaps on your face which will eventually define your character. You will either cower from them, raising your arms in a weak and futile defense, fearful of the blow... or you will accept them and cast your eyes down tearfully in your silent misery and then feel sorry for yourself... or, you will take it with a clenched jaw and slap back harder, straight in the face, and then smile when you pick up the loose change.

Meet my black book... of joys, secrets, and thoughts and tears.

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Scars

“Scars remind us where we have been, but they don’t have to dictate where we go.”

~~~

I heard it tonight while watching, of all shows, the TV series, Criminal Minds. As with all things that are true, this one loudly rang and its echoes continually resonates with me long after the show is finished.

Just like any ordinary person,  I am scarred. They may be different when compared with others who may have deeper and longer scars, but they are scars nonetheless, and they are mine. In some days, I can feel my scars as though they have been freshly emblazoned upon me for all the world to see.

On other days, they are more hidden, but not invisible when touched, and some days, during those blessed days, they are nearly invisible. On some days, I use my scars as my shield and I let the world see them to put out a strong front to protect what is fragile and tender. There are also days when I wore my scars as a badge. A badge of honor. I wear them proudly to show the world just who I was and where I had been. However,  whenever I feel like that,  I would ask myself: “Why do they need to see that? What is the point? What purpose does it serve?”  If it would serve some good purpose, then I would let them see.  But most of the time,  I feel like people don’t really need to know.

I am not ashamed of my scars, they made me who I am. Being proud of them does not make them less painful, it just makes the pain easier to deal with when I realize how far it has let me come and how those lessons that I learned when I got them would help me go further.

#scars #lessons

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Blind Spots

We all have blind spots.  By Wikipedia's definition, a blind spot "is an obscuration of the visual field. A particular blind spot known as the physiological blind spot, "blind point", or punctum caecum in medical literature, is the place in the visual field that corresponds to the lack of light-detecting photoreceptor cells on the optic disc of the retina where the optic nerve passes through the optic disc. Since there are no cells to detect light on the optic disc, a part of the field of vision is not perceived. The brain interpolates the blind spot based on surrounding detail and information from the other eye, so the blind spot is not normally perceived."

Got it? Don't worry, neither did I.

What I understand though is that the reason you have blind spots, is because your eyes cannot see those part that is beyond what your eyes cannot see.

Got it? Good.

However, we don't really notice our blind spots.  I think the primary reason is that our brain is great at guessing what should be there and then it automatically fills in the blanks.

Sometimes we know what we want to see and then our brain turns that expectation into a kind of virtual reality to make us perceive that it is real. However, that means that some of the world we see is really just an illusion.  Something that is not real.  A scary thought when you consider how vulnerable that makes us.

So how do we uncover our blind spots? How do we ever fully see the truth that's right in front of our eyes? Well, a good place to start is to simply open your mind.

Because as the French philosopher Henri Bergson said, "The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend".

#blindspot

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The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion... the tunnel is.

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If you would have your son to walk honorably through the world you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path but teach him to walk firmly over them- not insist upon leading him by the hand but let him learn to go alone. ~ Anne Bronte

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Go For It

go for it... run toward it.... dive in head first.... live life with no regrets.... put your heart out for someone.... don't be scared you might get hurt or fail.... it's all worth it in the end.

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Ain't No Mountain High Enough

On January 14, 2015, two rock climbers successfully climbed the 3,000-foot vertical wall of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. They spent the 19 days free-climbing up the rock’s nearly vertical wall using only their hands and feet to achieve their record-setting feat.

I’m really not sure what their names are (though I should have), but they’re all over the news. I saw them first on Good Morning America and then in the local evening news.

I started thinking about how many mountains have been climbed, and how many more are still there that we still have to climb. Well, there’s Mount Everest, to start. And… hmmm. Well, I can only think of Mount Everest. :-)

Going back to these two guys. I can only imagine the physical, emotional, and mental preparation that they did. I don’t know how long it took them to prepare for it and what they had to go through during those period of planning. However, there’s one thing I’m sure of, they must have a lot of support and cheers from the people closest to them to keep them from going, those “guides” that told them not to give up and keep on showing them the way to their dreams and aspirations.

Kudos to them.

Yesterday, I was thinking of mountains, and I realized, almost all people have climbed their mountains… one way or the other. And of course, at this point, I am not talking about mountain climbing.

Not all the mountains that we need to climb are physical, in fact, most of them are not. But definitely, having a coach.. a mentor… a guide… helps a lot. When you think about it, we have a lot of “mountain guides” that walks in and out of our lives but have gone unnoticed. You know, Dad, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, Uncles and Aunts, Teachers, Professors. Sometimes friends… and on certain occasions, strangers. They have acted as guides or coaches for us at one point of our lives or the other.

They knew which mountains were worth climbing, and which were not. In fact, this knowledge came down to them first-hand. It was either they have experienced it, or was there when those things happen. Then it was shared with us.

In this fast-paced world, where we live away from these guides, where the only communication that we have with them are e-mails or phone calls, and also during these times when growing up, maintaining a family, loving people, doing your work well seemingly takes a lot of our time and energy, we need to stay in touch with them, connect to them, and more importantly, learn and not forget that we all need the help that we can get.

So whether it comes from the stranger in a taxi talking about 5 minutes of heat to your mother who says that 9 out of 10 people loving you is not such a loss… GRAB IT ALL… grab all the help that you can get! You will never know when you need to use it… or pass it on.

So to all those who have been my mountain guide for the past years of my life… to those who are still there, to those who will be coming, and to those who have given up… this is for you… THANKS!

#aintnomountainhighenough