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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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Some time has passed...haha, well, it’s been a day. Let me not get super dramatic.

But it’s been a day or so since my Plan A to leave here fell through, and I’m doing okay. I’m not great, nowhere near 100% about things, but I want to tell myself if nothing else--that I’m better.

Plan A was to move with my Uncle, but Plan B has always been to just go by myself. So really, we’re just switching plans.

Yesterday felt very final, for me. Obviously, by the tone of the post I wrote. And, not gonna lie, getting out of bed was hard today. But once I was up, I kinda just...made the decision that I needed to get back to Plan B.

Ironic thing was, I’d deleted the original document with all the moving info because I thought Plan A was a pretty sure thing.

So I had to re-find all the previous info, but anyway.

I’m toying with the idea of starting a preparation blog or something goal-oriented to keep track of all my moving info. Really it’s more so I can stay optimistic and get off this, “My life is an endless circle of bullshit,” mentality that I’ve slowly succumbed to.

Because it does feel that way.

I feel like my life is an endless cycle of one step forward, two steps back.

I can’t stick in any job longer than a year or two because of unfair circumstances that are usually out of my control

I pay thousands of dollars to fix damage to my teeth that was a result of abuse, only for the first bullet point to result in me losing insurance so now I’m dealing with another broken tooth and no means to fix it

This broken tooth is getting more and more expensive to fix the more damage is done, which will inevitably cause me to lose money I’m trying to save to move

My losing money to move will push my move date back further, which traps me in an unhappy living situation

And on and on and on.

And I know. I could go on about how everyone scapegoats and doesn’t want to admit when shit is their fault but I’m more comfortable saying the hand I’ve been dealt in life has been absolute shit.

I’m the least favorite child out of three, which has culminated in decades of abuse, which stunted my emotional growth and self-confidence, tanked my prospects of landing any job worth a goddamn, ruined my ability to trust and form relationships, and left me in an endless cycle of hating my life and vastly unable to change anything about it.

The lack of control over my own life is very quickly becoming a trigger for me. If I could, I’d have gone six fucking months ago and gotten this tooth fixed before it got this bad, but I couldn’t. But now it’s going to cost me even more money when I can finally get around to going--so, out of my hands.

I’ve spent the last ten years living unhappily in a vermin-infested basement because I can’t land a decent enough job to live on my own, much less move, thus impairing my ability to date--because I can’t bring anyone back to this shithole, plus I’m not allowed to be openly gay in my own family. Ipso facto, out of my hands.

I don’t often say this, because I’m a pretty happy person generally and I prefer to try and hang onto my natural optimism, but I am miserable. I hate so many aspects of my life and I can’t do a fucking thing about them. Everything is just a waiting game, but I feel like I’m swinging in a noose. And there’s voices telling me to hang on, this isn’t forever, but how long can I just hang here?

Eventually, something is going to give.

And I didn’t come here to whine or whatever, but my headspace and outlook anymore are very bleak. I’m anxious all the time about my tooth, my job has just been increasingly more stressful, now my move date has turned into a series of question marks, but behind all these thoughts buzzing around in my head, there’s this horrible compulsion to start cutting myself again.

I’m an addict, in that sense, like I know if I do it’s like hey! Free endorphins! It was insanely hard not to cut myself last night. I think if I hadn’t been so goddamn tired I would have. The urge to do so is prevalent almost every day, even though I know it won’t really help anything. Problem is, nothing else is really helping much either.

I wake up and I’m still staring at this dusty ceiling, working a job I can’t stand, driving a truck that’s always breaking down, in a body that’s more broken and fucked up than Frankenstein, dealing with a family that is a mockery of the word, all for what?

The hope that someday, maybe, I won’t be here anymore?

Because I’m not going to say this isn’t forever. It has been, so far, and for all my optimism, I’m not stupid. I believed Plan A was going to get me out of here and it didn’t, and like Monica told me tonight, I’m having to do this by myself. It makes shit 10x harder.

I used to comfort myself by saying that at least doing this by myself means I won’t have to owe anyone anything. I’d say that about becoming an author. That my parents never believed in me so when I got rich and famous and successful, I wouldn’t owe them shit.

It’s hard to not look at myself in the mirror, now, and see a janitor too poor to fix her broken smile, to do anything about her visible hormone problem, who can barely pay her bills.

This is what I’m doing by myself. Where’s the pride in that?

Some people get spurred on by spite. Stefani is, lol. She always wanted to be famous but the more people told her she wouldn’t be, the harder she fought.

I know my circumstances are different and decades of emotional abuse and being told I was too stupid and worthless to do anything has to factor in, here--because it has, I don’t believe in myself at all--but that’s the problem. It’s yet another thing that’s out of my control.

I feel like a puppet, sometimes. When I was little, I was just yanked to and fro depending on my mother’s emotional instability. i wasn’t allowed to pick out the clothes I wanted to wear; she dressed me like a 45 year old moo-moo. I remember kids teasing me about it. I wasn’t allowed to wear my hair the way I wanted, much less dye it or have any self-expression at all. I had to play basketball until I was on crutches (even then, I was only allowed to stop after the second injury and a doctor intervened), I couldn’t be gay, and I can’t even talk about the diets and body shaming and food restrictions because I’m just not opening that pandora’s box tonight.

And now I’m just swaying back and forth on my strings. I’ve just been going through the motions. Hell, I was so depressed on Friday I was on autopilot the entire night. I know I said it before but I was so checked out there were times I was standing completely motionless, like some robot someone forgot to program to do something.

But so much of my life has been fucking me over left and right and I just get up and slap on a smile and do it all again and for what? So I can get up the next day, take my one step forward just to get knocked two steps back? This isn’t what I wanted my life to be. This is not the person I thought I’d be when I was a little girl. I lost that chance, those opportunities and I’ll never get them back. There’s...a lot I’ll never get back.

It’s hard to come to terms with that.

I came here to talk really quick because I felt sick to my stomach. I handle stress pretty well, my life has been...nothing but stress but I’m really...not well, anymore. It’s harder and harder to get out of bed every day. It’s harder to not relapse, to not just...give up. I wouldn’t have to worry about my teeth or my job or my loans or anything if I just gave up.

But it’s not...all bad. I try to remind myself of things, too. I don’t wallow and I don’t dwell.

If I gave up, who would take care of Phoenix?

I can’t imagine not seeing Monica after all this time. Like, it’s weird because I’d be...gone, but I feel like I would still miss her? Lmao, I know it sounds crazy but the idea makes my heart hurt.

I’m going to see CATS in May, so I...have to hang on for that.

Who would write the stories I’ve still got to tell, if I gave up? I don’t know what novels are in my future but I know I’ve still got characters to write and love stories to tell.

And...well, maybe I won’t be alone forever. I’ll never know if I give up.

All my problems are temporary. My tooth, my job, my living situation--you know, one of my all-time favorite quotes about suicide fits, here.

You don’t want to die, you just want your life to get better.

I remind myself of that every single time I start to think about giving up. Because it’s true. I don’t want to die, I just want things to be different, to get better than they are right now.

And if I gave up, they never will be.

{A/N}

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#{A/N} : personal

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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Resources For Describing Emotion

Emotions

Without Making Your Character Feel Too Self Aware

Showing Emotion Without Telling About It

Emotions Associated With Body Language

Telling Readers What The Character Doesn’t Want To Show

Hiding Emotions

Expressing Cardinal Emotions: Masculine vs. Feminine

Writing Extreme Emotion Without Melodrama

Specific Emotions

Conveying Shock

Conveying Embarrassment

Conveying Disappointment

Conveying Love/Attraction

Conveying Annoyance

Conveying Relief

Conveying Uncertainty

Conveying Impatience

Conveying Shame

Conveying Resentment

Conveying Panic

Conveying Guilt

Conveying Desperation

Conveying Sarcasm & Verbal Disrespect

Conveying Confusion

Conveying Stubbornness

Conveying Frustration

Conveying Indifference

Conveying Indignation

Conveying Confidence & Pride

Conveying Smugness

Conveying Enthusiasm

Conveying Curiosity

Conveying Hopefulness

Conveying Unease

Conveying Reluctance

Conveying Worry

Conveying Humility & Meekness

Conveying Happiness & Joy

Conveying Amusement

Conveying Disgust

Conveying Resignation

Conveying Jealousy

Conveying Anticipation

Conveying Contentment

Conveying Defeat

Conveying Excitement

Conveying Fear

Conveying Hatred

Conveying Hurt

Conveying Being Overwhelmed

Conveying Sadness & Grief

Conveying Satisfaction

Conveying Somberness

Conveying Sympathy & Empathy

Conveying Wariness

Conveying Defensiveness

Conveying Desire

Conveying Doubt

Conveying Energy

Conveying Exhaustion

Conveying Hunger

Conveying Loneliness

Conveying Physical Pain

Emotional Wounds

A Role Model Who Disappoints

A Sibling’s Betrayal

A Speech Impediment

Becoming a Caregiver at an Early Age

Being Bullied

Being Fired or Laid Off

Being Held Captive

Being Mugged

Being Publicly Humiliated

Being Raised by Neglectful Parents

Being Raised by Overprotective Parents

Being So Beautiful It’s All People See

Being the Victim of a Vicious Rumor

Being Stalked

Being Trapped in a Collapsed Building

Being Unfairly Blamed For The Death of Another

Childhood Sexual Abuse (by a family member or known person)

Discovering One’s Parent is a Monster

Discovering One’s Sibling was Abused

Experiencing a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Failing At School

Failing To Do The Right Thing

Financial Ruin Due To A Spouse’s Irresponsibility

Finding Out One’s Child Was Abused

Finding Out One Was Adopted

Getting Lost In a Natural Environment

Growing Up In A Cult

Growing Up in a Dangerous Neighborhood

Growing Up In Foster Care

Growing Up In The Public Eye

Growing Up In The Shadow of a Successful Sibling

Growing Up with a Sibling Who Has a Chronic Disability or Illness

Having Parents Who Favored One Child Over Another

Having To Kill Another Person To Survive

Infertility

Infidelity (emotional or physical)

Losing a Limb

Losing a Loved One To A Random Act of Violence

Making a Very Public Mistake

Overly Critical or Strict Parents

Physical Disfigurement

Rejection By One’s Peers

Telling The Truth But Not Being Believed

The Death of a Child On One’s Watch

Victimization via Identity Theft

Watching A Loved One Die

Wrongful Imprisonment

Spending Time In Jail

Suffering From a Learning Disability

Motivation

Achieving Spiritual Enlightenment

Avoiding Certain Death

Avoiding Financial Ruin

Beating a Diagnosis or Condition

Being Acknowledged and Appreciated by Family

Being a Leader of Others

Being the Best At Something

Caring for an Aging Parent

Carrying on a Legacy

Catching The Bad Guy or Girl

Coming To Grips With Mental Illness

Discovering One’s True Self

Escaping a Dangerous Life one Doesn’t Want

Escaping a Killer

Escaping a Widespread Disaster

Escaping Confinement

Escaping Homelessness

Escaping Invaders

Finding Friendship or Companionship

Finding a Lifelong Partner

Having a Child

Helping a Loved One See They Are Hurting Themselves and Others

Obtaining Shelter From The Elements

Overcoming Abuse and Learning To Trust

Overcoming Addiction

Protecting One’s Home or Property

Pursuing Justice For Oneself or Others

Realizing a Dream

Reconciling with an Estranged Family Member

Rescuing a Loved One From a Captor

Restoring A Name or Reputation

Righting a Deep Wrong

Seeking Out One’s Biological Roots

Stopping an Event From Happening

Trying Again When One Has Previously Failed

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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50 cliché tropes and prompts

It’s my first prompt list! Thank you to my followers for helping. Credit not needed but please don’t repost. Feel free to link back to the list! These may be cliche but I love them.

There’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close

Your shirt/jumper was in the laundry pile and I couldn’t help but steal it

I’m dying and I’m confessing my love for you

Kissing in the rain and getting soaked before running inside laughing

Playing with their hair while their head’s in your lap.

Jolting awake after a nightmare and being comforted

“Good morning, beautiful/handsome”

Hands brushing unexpectedly

There’s only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling

You confessed your feelings and we’re about to kiss but we get interrupted

Secret relationship

We dated in high school but then you moved away but now you’re back in town

Both going to grab the same thing and touching hands, then making eye contact.

We’re roommates but we’re falling for each other

Drunkenly confessing feelings

I need a date for this wedding

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Fake dating AU

Blurting out a confession of love

You’re in a coma and I confess all my feelings only for you to wake up

Blind date set up by friends

You’re my new bodyguard and you’re cute.

“Just tell why you did it!” “Because I’m in love with you, okay!”

You’re my ex but I think I still have feelings for you

Wrapping arms around them when they make breakfast

Cuddling in comfortable silence before murmuring “I love you”

Help me I’m being hit on at a bar please be my fake boyfriend for a second

We literally ran into each other

You’re leaving for something dangerous and I can’t help but kiss you

Painting the house that ends in a paint fight and giggles

“You’ve got something on your lip, here let me.”

A soft smile before leaning in for a kiss

Everyone thinks I should stay away from you because you’re dangerous

Spin the bottle

“Do you trust me?”

Friends with benefits and both people catching feelings.

We’re dating and I didn’t know you were a mobster/biker

Everyone thinks we’re already dating, but we’re just best friends- oh wait

Having a bad day and the other noticing

“You saved my life.”

Overhearing they have feelings for you

I’m going to save you from the terrible date you’re having

Taking care of the other when sick or injured

I’m your new neighbour and I got locked out, help!

You took a bullet for me

Argument leading to kissing/sex

“I’ve been in love with you for years.”

I called you at 2am because I need you

You caught me doing something dangerous and flipped out

I’m scared but won’t admit it so you take my hand

#{theme} : writing prompts

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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{A/N}

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It’s been about 12 hours since I got the bad news, and I couldn’t really do anything about it at the time. I had to get up and go to work.

But I can still feel the way my heart iced over.

A lot of people describe bad news like a punch in the gut but I always feel it in my chest, like my heart is freezing.

I shed two tears in bed before wiping off my face and shutting myself down. I got up, got dressed, and went to work. I’ve been on autopilot all day. I think I smiled, once, inadvertently when thinking about one of the kids from the Haus.

I catch myself not moving, completely motionless, because my consciousness has checked out and my body’s just doing what it’s programmed to do. There are huge gaps in my memory from today, like did I do everything at all my buildings? Probably, but I was so spaced out I don’t recall the majority of my night.

I was afraid to come home. There’s this curious tightness in my chest every time I physically talk. I feel like Misi, like there’s this terrible fragility that’s going to shatter me like glass the second I let myself feel anything.

I was at my first building and let myself think a little more than I should have and had to bite the side of my tongue for a few minutes to keep from sobbing.

I know this isn’t the end of the rope unless I want it to be, but goddamnit, it feels like it.

I feel like I’ve gone my whole life just to put up with bullshit and for what? To just keep doing it. They warn you not to put all your eggs in one basket but I only have the one egg. The one hope, to get the fuck out of here. And it’s been 30 goddamn years and I’m still fucking here.

I’m going to die here.

I’m never going to get out of here.

There’s that tightness in my chest again.

I’ve got no money to move, no prospects to make enough to get out of here, and the idea of having to spend another decade living in this fucking house, in this fucking family, in this fucking situation, makes me want to cut myself until I don’t have anything left to rip into.

There’s a certain empty hopelessness that follows me around, now. I’ve been a happy optimist my whole life but how many times am I gonna get the shit kicked out of me before I lose it? Nothing ever changes, nothing ever gets better, that’s not my lot in life.

I’m gonna die here.

I’m never gonna get out of here.

I feel like a fucking idiot, believing that this was going to be my way out. I’d said it before but I wasn’t ready to fully believe I was getting out until I was on the road. I guess some part of me knew better than to 100% commit, and I guess that’s for the best, or I’d be a lot worse off than I am.

But I’m so numb. Hollow.

Everyone always talks about how tired they are, guess I’ll just say I am, too. 30 goddamn years to wind up single, trapped, and fucking worthless. I haven’t written any of the books I wanted to when I was a child, I’m so fucked up emotionally and physically I’ll never let anyone love me despite desperately wanting someone to love and to love me back.

I should have killed myself years ago and been done with this. What the fuck was the point of holding out to be right back in the exact same fucking spot for the millionth time.

And sure, maybe in a day or two i’ll pick myself back up for the million and first time and try again but right now I got fucking nothing.

I’m done.

#{A/N} : personal

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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Myths, Creatures, and Folklore

Want to create a religion for your fictional world? Here are some references and resources!

General:

General Folklore

Various Folktales

Heroes

Weather Folklore

Trees in Mythology

Animals in Mythology

Birds in Mythology

Flowers in Mythology

Fruit in Mythology

Plants in Mythology

Folktales from Around the World

Africa:

Egyptian Mythology

African Mythology

More African Mythology

Egyptian Gods and Goddesses

The Gods of Africa

Even More African Mythology

West African Mythology

All About African Mythology

African Mythical Creatures

Gods and Goddesses

The Americas:

Aztec Mythology

Haitian Mythology

Inca Mythology

Maya Mythology

Native American Mythology

More Inca Mythology

More Native American Mythology

South American Mythical Creatures

North American Mythical Creatures

Aztec Gods and Goddesses

Asia:

Chinese Mythology

Hindu Mythology

Japanese Mythology

Korean Mythology

More Japanese Mythology

Chinese and Japanese Mythical Creatures

Indian Mythical Creatures

Chinese Gods and Goddesses

Hindu Gods and Goddesses

Korean Gods and Goddesses

Europe:

Basque Mythology

Celtic Mythology

Etruscan Mythology

Greek Mythology

Latvian Mythology

Norse Mythology

Roman Mythology

Arthurian Legends

Bestiary

Celtic Gods and Goddesses

Gods and Goddesses of the Celtic Lands

Finnish Mythology

Celtic Mythical Creatures

Gods and Goddesses

Middle East:

Islamic Mythology

Judaic Mythology

Mesopotamian Mythology

Persian Mythology

Middle Eastern Mythical Creatures

Oceania:

Aboriginal Mythology

Polynesian Mythology

More Polynesian Mythology

Mythology of the Polynesian Islands

Melanesian Mythology

Massive Polynesian Mythology Post

Maori Mythical Creatures

Hawaiian Gods and Goddesses

Hawaiian Goddesses

Gods and Goddesses

Creating a Fantasy Religion:

Creating Part 1

Creating Part 2

Creating Part 3

Creating Part 4

Fantasy Religion Design Guide

Using Religion in Fantasy

Religion in Fantasy

Creating Fantasy Worlds

Beliefs in Fantasy

Some superstitions:

#{theme} : writing references

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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Sometimes, when it’s quiet, I find myself afraid. Deep down, to my bones, terrified, because there’s an insidious whisper that repeats itself.

Tells me a part of me died, some unknown time ago.

And it’s too late to save it, and I’ll never be whole again.

#{A/N} : personal

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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Days get long, I call your name.

#{A/N} : commentary #{ song hit different today idk }

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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years

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{A/N}

I’ve already talked about this before but I have more to say, so.

I don’t often cite “being old” or “getting old” or whatever. I don’t care about changing trends or hating on what’s become popular “with the kids” like some Boomer. Idc what everyone else is doing, that’s pretty much been a staple for me my whole life. I do me, you do you, we’re good.

But one thing that just continues to confuse me and my bitter old ass, and has my whole life is this concept of romance and what’s considered “romantic” or I guess, idk, “acceptable” to put into romance.

Now, let me preface my post with a couple things:

I grew up reading romance novels. Damn good ones, thank you Miss Christine. So I’m used to not only real sappy, happily ever after stories, but also the idealistic way someone ought to treat you.

A lot of what I say can be taken lightly or as a joke. For some reason this seems to be lost a lot in translation with me so let me just be clear. A lot of my points aren’t serious and are mostly just light-hearted jabs at what I’m talking about.

I’m not a complainer. I’m typically happy with anything and if not I ignore it and move on, so keep that in mind, too.

I’m not gonna waste my time with the whole “romance is different for everyone” because we all fucking know that already. This is just me talking about me.

So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s sample the tea.

A lot of people are fucking awful at romance.

And I’m saying this having sampled a plethora of media on the subject. Bear in mind, I don’t consume media that doesn’t have some form of romance in it. I don’t read novels that aren’t romance or have SOME aspect of romance in it, I prefer ASMR videos that have personal attention triggers or are affection roleplays, I sample a fuckton of otome/dating simulation games, I consume x you/x reader headcanons and fanfiction constantly, I unironically watch rom-coms--I’m a sappy bitch. Love and affection are really the only thing that matter to me and it’s ironic as fuck considering how often I’m single, but whatever.

We already know fantasy > reality so we’re not gonna rehash that.

But that is my point. I don’t understand this sweeping trend of needing realism and shit in our escapism. That just...doesn’t work for me? It never has. I have a wild, vivid ass imagination and I know not everyone does, but it’s so fucking tedious for me to consume media and see people constraining themselves by reality because “this wouldn’t make sense in every day life”.

Bitch why do you think I’m here.

I’m a 6′2 lesbian of color with a hormone imbalance and a terrible family. I don’t fucking need reality for a goddamn thing. That’s the whole reason I’m here, to escape it.

And I’ve asked this question before, multiple times, but what is the fucking appeal of making characters mean to your audience? I know I’m probably in a minority here, but I will immediately lose interest in a character if they treat me like shit, even slightly. I am never and have never been one of those people who is all, “they could do whatever they wanted with me and I wouldn’t care,” like, nah. I’ve been treated like shit enough in my life, I come to a relationship to be treated well so you can fuck right off treating me like I don’t matter.

It’s so bizarre. Because I see it across the board. Like, all forms of romantic media is guilty of doing this, of creating these tropes of asshole types who are like, “I’m barely going to look at you. Date me,” and it’s like, my guy, you’d be talking to thin fucking air. That shit ain’t cute.

I ain’t a 1950′s housewife. You act right or you get to steppin’.

And I’m aware my independence likely has a lot to do with it. I’m 100% fine on my own so I don’t put up with foolishness, generally. Don’t have a need to, not scared to be by myself.

I very rarely get seriously invested in a lot of these otome/dating simulator games because the story is so flimsy or it’s very obviously just a ploy to “look at these pretty characters who’ll mildly ignore you” and that just ain’t for me. Looks are very much secondary in my book and if someone is attractive but they act like garbage they immediately become unattractive. If Tom Hiddleston was revealed to be some douche canoe that’d be it. I feel myself souring to characters when they act a certain way, and their appearance changes, to me. They become unattractive to me. Personality’s much more important, so the pretty pictures just aren’t enough to reel me in or keep my attention.

Monster Prom was the first one I can genuinely say I was wholly invested in. One, because I’m a monster fucker (thank you, Silent Hill during my formative years) and two, there was genuine care taken into the story. As a writer, especially a romance writer, I can be super particular about story-telling. It’s very easy to lose me to a bad story. But I loved the character concepts and designs in MP, a lot. I still do--but I will admit, the more I played, the more I got a little turned off because I started to uncover it was less about making the characters love you and more about “look how witty our banter is” or “watch how many times this character can give you the brush off or insult you, isn’t it funny?”

No. No...it isn’t.

Escapism, remember? But I’d have to be careful when I played MP because if I was having a bad day, it stung to be insulted or dumped/literally laughed at when I’m trying to feel better by escaping to a fantasy world with characters I love and who are supposed to love me.

I know I’m sensitive. And being emotionally abused my whole life has also left me with some pretty...well. Idk the right wording, but there are some things I don’t want to hear or be told because it puts me in a really messed up headspace. And so I take my opinion on what’s “mean” or “rude” with that in mind. I know these things about myself and there are times I’ll catch myself side-eying a response I get in these games, then laugh and be all, “Nah, that wasn’t a big deal.”

I have to do that in real life, too, so.

But that’s my whole point. I shouldn’t have to take myself out of the fantasy to remind myself that I’m not stupid just because some pixels on a screen are trying to be cutesy “mean” to me. No one likes to be called names or made to feel dumb or ugly or...idk, I just, that’s never been my style of writing romance and I don’t understand the appeal of it.

I always write to make my reader feel the best they’ve ever felt. No one in real life can adore and love you in the perfect way a fantasy character can. I learned that a long, long time ago. That shit really is only in fairy tales. So if you’re escaping a reality where people treat you shitty or make you feel unimportant why the hell would you choose to go to a fantasy life where characters you love are going to do the same thing?

I don’t understand writing characters, ANY CHARACTER, as being cold or aloof or mean to your reader. I don’t give a fuck who it is or what their character type is. I’ve said it before but love changes who you are, so whose to say a character who is cold and aloof and mean to everyone else wouldn’t be warm and affectionate with their lover? But that isn’t generally what I see, what I see are characters who remain exactly the same with their partner as they are with everyone else and so much for feeling special.

I can genuinely say there’s not a single character I’ve come across that I couldn’t write any way I wanted to, most especially romantically. Hell, if DC can write Bruce fucking Wayne initiating “I love you,” then you can write a character not being a bag of limp dicks to me.

The other otome game/DS I’ve gotten into is Obey Me! Been playing that for a while, and same with MP I love the character designs and the story. It’s engaging, it’s funny, the brothers are all diverse and adorable and I love them all ♥, but the same issue with MP I’m seeing with OM, too. There are times when the brothers are downright mean to you and I turn the game off for a while because I didn’t open it up to be insulted.

I can’t tell if it’s bad writing or if there’s actually people out there who enjoy that sorta stuff. I don’t talk to enough people to know who the hell this is for--and I’ve seen community comments along media where the readers just laugh it off and I generally do that, like in OM when Levi gets all tsundere or Mammon IS ON HIS BULLSHIT AGAIN (I love that idiot boy) but other times I’m straight up shut down by them and if that were me, IRL, that would be the end of a relationship.

Again, might just be preference. I don’t do hot/cold people, I spent my childhood dealing with an unpredictable household where one moment it would be okay to be in the same room or even look at my parents and the next I’d literally be shut up in my bathroom to have two sets of doors between me and them because it was safer.

Case in point? Earlier tonight I was spending time with Asmo in-game, who is just...an absolute flower and I love him so much, he’s so cute, but every single alone/personal time I spend with him he’s been fine to be touched, does that whole super cute, “More, more!” beg. So I went to touch him like always and he rejected me. Out of nowhere, after being thrilled with everything else we’d done together. And I immediately felt myself turn cold to him and had to stop myself--which is something I do IRL, too.

If you immediately switch up on me like that, don’t expect me to stick around. I can’t/won’t do it. Grew up with it, have no tolerance for it now.

And again, after I closed the game down, I was sitting there like, who is this for? Why is that even a thing? If I designed otome/dating sim games, the characters would all be receptive of MC because that’s the fucking point. If I wanted to be rejected I’d just fucking date IRL, I’m here to see pixels because I like feeling wanted, not insulted and told to go away--especially out of nowhere. That’s just...idk, mean to be mean?

It’s not that I get my feelings hurt, lol, I’m 30 years old and I know the characters aren’t real. It’s more that I’m just baffled by it. It’s illogical and leaves me scratching my head. I don’t understand what is so hard about making things perfect or why that’s so unappealing for so many people. The argument, “It’s unrealistic,” shouldn’t even be a fucking argument. None of this is real.

It’s like Joker, and how up in arms people get about seeing him written obsessive but still able to not be abusive to Reader. Like, writing him with his craziness intact, but making him obsessively in-love rather than abusive and people lose their goddamn minds.

“It’s unrealistic! He’s a psychopath, he’d never really be able to love you! He’s supposed to be abusive! This is OOC!”

Right okay but he isn’t fucking real? And your imagination is pathetic.

Going the opposite end of the spectrum, and you get a cold, aloof character like Crocodile and authors have zero issue with telling you he would never love you and he’d likely be mean to you a lot.

Cool, get away from me then. Also, why? You don’t treat the person you love the same as everyone else, otherwise...that’s not the person you love.

You wanna be realistic, let’s be realistic.

I’ve always considered my relationships like ripples in water. The people closest to me get the best of me, then further out will get some warmth and kindness but they’re not #1. Beyond that will get politeness and beyond that? Acquaintance-level. It’s like how ripples start out large and get smaller the further out they go. That’s how my heart works. I’m not going to greet my best friend the same way I greet a friend, because she’s more important and should know it.

And I wouldn’t treat my partner the same way I’d treat some rando on the street, but so many authors are guilty of writing characters so poorly there’s no discernible difference between me and some random.

And I hate it. ಠ_ಠ

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.

And I’ll say it louder for the chuckleheads in the back.

If you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.

And to be honest, I wouldn’t be...idk, 100% surprised that there’s someone out there who is actually fine with this sort of thing? Like, I know some people are fine with being denied/rejected, given the brush-off, etc, but my childhood has taken that off the table for me. It goes really south for me, really fast. It’s to the point I have physical reactions to it, I wind up feeling so bad.

But I mean, they have to be writing it for someone, right?

Let me give you two examples, though. Picture your favorite character (FC).

Example A:

FC comes up to you before you could react to their arrival, home at last, and greets you with a chaste but soft kiss. “I missed you,” is said quietly, almost secretly, against your mouth--an admission you knew no one else had heard from those same lips. The words are backed up with action, an arm swept around the small of your back, fingers cinched against your hip to keep you locked to their side so when they straightened up, they took you with them. Tethered together as you’d been apart long enough.

Example B:

FC was home, had arrived home hours ago, but had made no attempt to come see you or speak to you. Finally, you’d figured enough time had passed they’d be all right with a small interruption, but the knock on the door goes unanswered. After a second try, a brisk, “Come in,” is your welcome. Once inside, a glance is spared for you but no more words exchanged. “I missed you,” is your attempt for more attention, met with a silent nod to show it was heard, and a gesture you could be on your way. They were busy.

I would argue that, given the choice, most would go with Example A. Which is insane, considering the majority of fanfiction and game play I see tends to lean toward B.

And the wording is super particular, too. In B, the wording “be all right with a small interruption,” implies the Reader is actively bothering their lover. The brisk greeting could be said to anyone, but shouldn’t be said to Reader if they’re meant to be someone special. And the lack of reciprocation speaks volumes. You missed them? Who knows if they missed you.

And again, if you’re really into defending realism, a relationship where a character wouldn’t speak to you or if they do, they’re treating you like shit? You’re not going to form a relationship to begin with. It’s almost like how we, now, look back at those old time housewives who put up with/made excuses for their husbands who barely paid attention to them and ignored their kids altogether because “that’s just how men are”. We’re repeating it, just modernizing it.

Well, y’all are. I’m not.

Because I am of this wild idea that escapism should live up to it’s name. That I should be able to disconnect from my depressing ass reality to go somewhere that people are always happy to see me and then treat me like they are.

Reality is often disappointing and I am of the belief fantasy shouldn’t be.

And like I’ve said before, you can write any character in a loving relationship without making them OOC. It’s about the way you make the character show their affectionate side, their loving side, that matters--making a cold character a fucking frigid cockthistle isn’t the right way to do it.

Using Example B, a cold character who may not express themselves as openly, when written properly, might not say, “I missed you too,” but they might put their work aside, set their pen down, and hold out their hand for you. The attention they pay you there is how they show you they missed you, too.

An aloof/busy character who came home and couldn’t immediately come to see you, who still had work to do, might text you from their office and tell you--

“I’m home. Come here.”

No flowery language needed, you know they missed you. And idk about you but I’d get all tingly from that text. (♡´艸`)

And that’s what I’m talking about! How hard is that? Apparently very! I see glimpses of it in media, from the games to shows to movies (fanfiction leaves much to be desired but good writers are few and far between) but they always chase it with some unnecessary rude bullshit and then I’m like, well here we are again, me ignoring lines of dialogue because you cain’t act right.

But I digress. Getting into certain things at least allows me to cherry pick characters out of it and then rewrite them in my own head--hell, I’m a comic book fan. I’ve been doing that shit for decades, lmao.

Canon? Nah son.

So yeah. That’s just been tumbling around in my head for a while and I wanted to talk about it proper.

OM was the reason I finally decided to sit down and write this all down, and I have been seriously restraining myself from gushing in the midst of all my commentary--because I really do love the Demon Brothers something awful ♥ they’ve taken over in a big way. But this isn’t the place, unless I start analyzing the stuff OM does right--and that’s partly why it kept my attention where other otome/DS games can’t. Despite running into the same blocks as the other, similar media out there, OM does a lot of things right.

I won’t go into everything, just a handful of examples, because there’s a lot of subtlety that I think is masterfully done:

The way Lucifer is first to defend you and check up on you

The way Mammon turns from calling you “human” to “my human”

The way Levi shares his personal collector’s items with you

The way Satan invites you to events that mean something to him

The way Asmo values your compliments over anyone else’s

The way Beel shares his food with you

The way Belphie actually smiles at you

Out of context some of those could sound super unimportant, but the game does an excellent job setting it up so that you know all of those things? Mean that you mean something to the demon it’s coming from.

Lucifer has a million things to worry about but he leapt to my defense (before Mammon, who is technically in charge of me) and he goes out of his way to walk by my room and then texts me if I’m too quiet to make sure I’m okay--and offers to accompany me if I happen to leave my room for any reason. Lucifer is a super great mix of, “Come here. It’s lonely without you. Spend time with me,” and “I’m only asking where you are because I should be with you...for protection.” Like, okay. I’m onto you, old man. ♥

Mammon has little respect for humans and initially begins calling me “Human” rather than my name (despite being told to call me by name because yes, I did tell that ill-mannered boy to call me Dot) but then it gradually changes to “My human” and now I’m annoyed my heart skips when he does it. Him going so far as to say as “his human” I should only let him protect me because “It’s me or no one, understand?!” I hate you made me love you??? Plus he’s a masochist and I could obliterate him for it.

Levi is gonna get enough of calling me a fucking “normie”, aight. I’m not an otaku like you, kiddo, but I’m a fucking comic nerd so could you maybe chill--but the more you progress with him, the more he waits for you because he wants to show you his new manga or show or game. Someone wanting to share something personal with you is everything--god and he’s so tsundere he’s so easy to fluster. “It’s not what it looks like! I wasn’t waiting for you!” Outside my door? Right. Okay. “What, is that supposed to make me happy...? I-I’m sorry, don’t stop!” I love it.

Satan was one I wasn’t initially sure of. He’s very obviously hiding something beneath that cool, collected exterior (haha probably a lot of rage if you’ll ignore my Wrath pun), but he won me over pretty fast by inviting me to multiple events because, like Levi, he wants to experience things with me. Plus, when I get excited he appreciates it rather than making me feel silly. “That’s the answer I was looking for.” ♥ And he invited me moon-gazing so like, psh, yeah let’s get married.

Asmo I knew, immediately, I would have zero issue with. He’s the Avatar of Lust, which is one sin I’m real into. So while I wasn’t worried about him, finding out he had so many fans and lovers and the like, that I was worried would bother me. I’m possessive~♫ But the game did a huge service to me by showing Asmo wants my compliments more than anyone else’s. Him saying that to me made me coo, out loud. I’m typically not into narcissistic folks, but when it’s done a certain way? Like Tony. You can be important to a million people but if you show me I still come first? I’m smitten. With Asmo, the adorable way he’s almost like a puppy in wanting, “More! I want more! Just from you!” It’s so fucking cute.

Beel is best boy. Like, hands down, immediately crowned Best Brother. He is adorable, like the total giant teddy bear trope. And being the Avatar of Gluttony, food is everything to him. So when he started offering to share his food with me? Like boy oh my god. Freaking Sam hugging gif x100. I CAN’T EVEN EAT ALL THAT MUCH BUT YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES. It never fails to make me smile when I give him his favorite food and he goes, “You’re going to eat with me, right?” NOW I AM. Sobbing. While he tells me being hungry around me “isn’t so bad.” I’m not going to touch on the vore fetish he’s feeding in me every time he starts drooling and calling me a dumpling.

Belphie. Oh, Belphie. My difficult boy. Like Damian from MP I fucking knew you’d be a problem--WHICH IS DUMB YOU’RE A SLOTH, I’M A SLOTH. YOU LIKE NAPS, I LIKE NAPS. But he’s so aloof, he’s hard to pin down initially--but I was gonna get ‘im. I love how the game makes you glean Belphie’s caring for you from the things he says. “You’re late,” when you show up, because he was waiting for you. Or, “What were you doing?” because he wants to know what you’re up to and who with and why it wasn’t him. I adored his line, “I want to sleep but...come see me in my dreams or I’ll get mad.” Like baby I will live there. That and my other favorite is when he smiles and simply says, “Welcome back,” because he missed you and is happy you’re here.

That ^ is all quality. It shows that different character types can love and love well in their own way, without having to be assholes. Belphie loves differently than Asmo but you still know he loves you. The game falls into the same traps as others do, I’m not saying it’s perfect, but it definitely has my attention and I love the brothers now the same as all my other characters--where other games I’ve set aside and given up on.

I think I’ve rambled on about all this enough, it was just buzzing about in my skull and while I guess this is discourse? Really I wouldn’t even say it’s a hot take, it’s just confusing why this isn’t talked about more or why so many characters and games and stories and media are ruined by badly written attempts at romance.

My rule of thumb, or one of them, has always been similar to the golden rule:

Write your romance the way you’d want your favorite character to treat you.

I feel like, most of the time, you can’t go wrong with that. I certainly haven’t had any complaints, at least.

#{A/N} : commentary

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