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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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3.21 - i am GOOD at dancing and no one on fusion can make me feel otherwise - i am in the front dancing with cam for one whole minute of this set and no one can stop me - i am responsible and capable in life - i am a very good collaborator and director - i am gay so gay - i am starting rehearsals for my THESIS tomorrow - i am nervous - i am capable - i am surrounded by smart people - i am going to work with olivia forever and ever - i am very in love with it all - i am WAITING for national players to holla at me - im nervous about this commencement speech i MUST complete today i tweeted about being mad at men who silence me with one finger, and ben fuckin katz promptly snapchatted me holding up one finger and typed "shhh" and if that isnt the embodiment of an evil and manipulative spirit i dont know what is. i was profoundly disturbed by it and didnt respond - there were so many layers of wrong, the first being him provoking me in a way that would anger me, just for attention. part of me wants this tour just so i can disappear from him for a year, honestly. i have to remember that if i met him for the first time ever tomorrow, i would not be able to STAND him and, as with all fuckboys, see myself as (rightfully) morally and socially above him. 12 year old me had yet to achieve this level of awareness and self love, and she is living in there, holding onto the status relationship we began with, and its gotta go. anyway ENOUGH mindspace about him i simply had to purge sitting somewhere between 'THEYRE LETTING ME DIRECT A PLAY?!!?', and, 'of course theyre letting me direct a play. thank uuu bye' i believe in me!!!!!!!!! i believe in us!!!!! i believe in this project and positivity and ease and love!!!!! bye!!!
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ROSE -getting to theatre management took NINETY MINUTES but i made a pact w my mom that id stop taking lyfts on weekdays :/// -sbux with tati! love her -theatre management started like death i legit couldnt read words -group project actually.... was dope -i HATE being treated like i'm dumb though -our group crushed it馃挭 -went to cfa just to touch it -walked home and talked to kait -grocery shopped!!! -booze shopped!!! -got home and was a lump and NAPPED and -woke up feelin that nap regret holy shit -meeting with cam to talk choreo and also we just???? laugh til we collapse to the goddamn ground i love that kid so much we are true best friends -fusion wasnt even bad and whenever it was cam and i just looked at each other and moved on - had a really healthy and restorative talk with ebo - walked home with cam - laughed til we cried obviously - home - i have been nursing the same beer for TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!!! I cant drink but i cant sleep ok imma try now BYE !!!!!!!
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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TODAY
i will update
xo
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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49.
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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48.
woke up Very Very Late! Nice!
but what the F am i supposed to wear i need more leggings so i never have to do laundry again
put on somethin
hit the road
dunks聽
and directing!
directing was so so great today. we had such good and illuminating conversations about what it means to be a director and i am just feeling moved about it all (i need to go journal about this immediately after writing this post) i love directing so much its so great wtf
then work!
i love the office it used to be such a Danger Space and now it is so safe
had the weirdest experience where i was on the first floor for a second when i was running to go get liz and brian food and all of a sudden the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and i was like *this person is near and i am about to see them* and then that person walked around the corner seconds later
finished my blog post and started some more! i have 17 drafts in my draft folder for this blog! someday ill finish one
speaking of which playwriting makes me Die wanna read about it? cheq it https://dramalit.wordpress.com/2017/02/16/i-am-not-a-playwright/
thennnn fusion meeting at the gsu
it was so so great and i was so so happy and i could talk about fusion all day and we were right in the process of an important conversation when i had to leave which Killed me inside
rehearsal! worked through some stuff which was great i love jeremy
did an exercise that i hated & wished that i didnt hate bcause i hate hating things but i just!!!!!!!!! o well
home w jacks
ate ramen but made it like a witch, see above
ok listen
something is ! wrong with me this semester! i havent had a day of being present in months and i really mean that. i think fusion is the only place i feel present, and other than that i am something else. my roommates are noticing that i鈥檓 doing fucking weird ass things. TWICE recently i left my completely prepared and completely untouched breakfast on the counter (and had NO idea until my roommates told me) the other day i left my fully prepared coffee on the table, THEN GET THIS two days ago (tmi) i put TWO tampons in at the SAME TIME?! and had no fucking clue until hours later when i went to take it out and there was another in there?? i keep being so close to being late for things or being completely late for things and i feel like i am a million miles away at all times and i don鈥檛 know whats going on with me?? i am thinking about everything at the same time so i can鈥檛 think deeply about anything at once? or be in any moment deeply? and i can鈥檛 figure out what the source is and i am also scared to search for the source! i am going to explode and i also feel nothing! ! ! apathy blows!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is this what SAD feels like? i don鈥檛 feel like i could take on that term but i really think something is very amiss!!! !! goodnight
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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47.
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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45.
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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44.
this is all u need 2 kno
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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43.
2DAY WE AUDITIONED BONE MARROW AT FUSION IT WAS AWESOME
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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42.
DO U KNOW WHAT IS NOT TITE?! EMBARRASSING MYSELF! but i looked so awesome this evening and i love SOT parties at greylock
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ebrownrightnow 7 years
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41.
I LOVE STAMP
I LOVE SPON
I LOVE HOPEWELL
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