emi1y

[emi1y]

#SMALL NOW 💔 used to be big and then i lost weight and now they're GONE and i seethe with jealousy over everybody who has a rack

[emi1y]

The new Lego D&D set was revealed yesterday and it includes the CUTEST painting ever, obsessed

[emi1y]

[emi1y]

#2251. its my secret diary.

[emi1y]

thinking about the two bratz dolls that are girlfriends. peace and love on planet fashion

[emi1y]

cursed tumblr drinks tasting flight

nothing frappucino

battery acid spaghetti

The Flavor

white gilgamesh

the sludge

dragon cum

peg nog

fistbumping lesbians

the concoction / "potion of extended bad taste"

the horsepussy

vanilla extract

edit: thanks all for your help I have added some of the things I forgot

#come on don't forget about the angels lament that's the best one

[emi1y]

Our queen

[emi1y]

[emi1y]

monica......

[emi1y]

[emi1y]

I'm so angry I could piss glue

[emi1y]

every artist writing about their shitty ex thinks they're carly simon writing you're so vain but like move on go write about the wind or the sun or getting railed in a sundress you're not carly simon

#amen

[emi1y]

[emi1y]

"all well" me when i'm lying

[emi1y]

>at feminism conference

>first male speaker in event's 50 year history

>great and terrible honor

>nervous

>get on stage

>40,000 people staring at me in silence

>all girls

>nervous

>introduce myself

>silence

>shakily bring up first slide of PowerPoint

>"things that I think women like, based on listening to women for 30 years"

>silence

>could hear a pin drop

>somewhere in the crowd a gun is cocked

>deep breath

>next slide

>"Whip-Its"

>deafening silence

>oh god

>I'm done for

>it's so over

>suddenly

>a slow clap

>slow clap builds to a few dozen claps

>few dozen builds to hundreds

>thunderous applause from all 40,000 women

>"finally!" they say

>oh shit

>tenative confidence

>next slide

>"Video games"

>applause continues

>women are stomping their feet

>hooting

>hollering

>next slide

>"treats sometimes"

>cheering

>whistles

>crowd of women chanting

>next slide

>"end of presentation. thank you for listening"

>women applaud me off stage

>pass the upcoming presenter back stage

>is a woman who is going to do magic tricks with a lion

>"thanks for getting them warmed up rookie"

>oh fuck do women like magic tricks

>magician goes on stage

>the women fucking love the magic tricks with a lion

>every day I learn more about women

#> hooting #> hollering #> next slide

[emi1y]

i am skeptical you could do that actually, tiktok user

[emi1y]

just the thought of a bald pussy could make me cry. that is not how God made us.