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miraytabak
The entire world might as well have stopped what it was doing in that moment. She had to have heard him wrong, had to have conjured up the words from her own imagination, she wished so hard that she had. “Okay.” It’s a quiet sound, she doesn’t know what to say. Miray pulls away from him because it feels like the only type of response that she can provide him with right now. She’s not going to say that he ruined the moment because perhaps this was exactly where it was headed and she had every opportunity to stop it but actively chose not to.
okay...it was possibly the worst response she could have. and it was emir’s immediate reaction to take those words back. “i did not mean...in that way...” he massages his temples. “i know this is not what you see in me. i- i used to say it all the time before, no? before everything?” and yet every time he meant it with his entire being. but her reaction now being cold and distant stung. did she really never feel any love for him at all. “i...i am sorry.”
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miraytabak
Miray smiles more genuinely this time as he kisses the top of her head, it’s something that feels so natural between the two of them and something she’ll admit that she’s missed. She finds his hand again, giving it a light squeeze. Despite the fact that they’re on campus it feels as if they’re somewhere else altogether, somewhere that’s always only been reserved for them.
it feels like they’re back in turkey for a moment. the nights where they would lay like this for hours. miray reading a book, emir scrolling through instagram and playing in her hair. this was where his peace was, where his home was. his heart felt at home here. and the words that escaped his lips were not ones he could hold back, or that he would understand the repercussions of until after they left him. “i love you, miray.”
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miraytabak
“I understand if you send me your dry cleaning bill.” Miray teases him, bringing her hand up to feel the fabric of his shirt despite herself. She wants to tell him how grateful she is that he’s there and about a thousand other things but she doesn’t want to say the wrong thing to him, to push him away from her all over again.
he tries to still the beating of his heart when she runs her hand over his shirt, and he wonders if she can hear it. he blushes slightly at the thought, wishing he had his beard to hide behind now. instead, all he does is kiss the top of her head, and watches how the moonlight sprinkles over the water. it feels right, to hold her like this while the moon shines so brightly. there was silence between them then, but to emir it didn’t feel uncomfortable. it felt natural. the world breathed around them and that was all they needed right then.
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miraytabak
“I believe that.” Miray says, because Emir is definitely the one with the more carefree personality out of the two of them. “I’m sure a stranger wouldn’t be getting your shirt wet right now.” She laughs but it’s still sort of an empty sound.
he laughs at that, and the tone of it mirrors mirays. he pulls away only slightly to wipe the rest of her tears away with his sleeve, then holds her again. though it feels more relaxed now. his arms are wrapped around her more loosely. more casually. “lucky for you this isn’t cashmere, or i’d throw a fit.” he was joking, of course. emir didn’t care much for physical belongings. he spent years living out of a backpack. the sound of the lake beside them fills the bit of silence, and emir finds himself at peace.
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miraytabak
She can’t help the way she literally melts into his hand when he wipes the tear away from her cheek. Later on she’ll think back to this moment and hate the fact that he saw her be so vulnerable but for now she’ll allow herself to simply be. A rarity on it’s own. Miray leans into him, wrapping her arms around him and she remains there even after she’s briefly allowed a couple more tears to escape. “Sorry, I know this is the last way you imagined spending your day.”
“if i’m being honest, i very rarely plan what my days are going to look like.” he’s teasing now, and you can hear the smile in his voice, though there’s still the tinge of heaviness from their conversation. “though this is much better than some awkward conversation with a stranger over dolmas.”
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miraytabak
It’s both the reaction she’d been expecting and not the reaction she expected. She mostly expected him to immediately dive into talking about how that’s exactly why they shouldn’t be at Gallagher or want to continue in the world of espionage although it’s also entirely like him to be completely understanding. “It’s not your fault.” Miray dismisses his apology almost immediately. There’s no part of her that wants to look up at him because her eyes are filling with tears and even he has never seen her cry. It’s something rare that she likes to pretend never actually happens. “I don’t really care about my parents doing any of this.” That’s a lie. “It’s my brother.” The person she’d stuck with throughout all of her life, the person she cared about more than anyone else on this earth. Miray sighs as he lifts her head to meet his gaze. The feeling of guilt overwhelms her for a moment again because maybe she shouldn’t be burdening him with her issues. At his words she doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t know what to say, merely offering him a halfhearted smile.
he thinks of elvira then. of how betrayed he would feel if he found out she was working against him in any way. he knows how deeply miray loves her brother, how she has cared for him and almost raised him. he cannot even imagine what she is going through, but he can help her carry some of the weight, so it isn’t weighing down her chest. “you don’t have to smile for me,” he whispers, wiping a tear away from her cheek with his thumb. “i know there is not much i can do to fix this, but you don’t have to carry this alone.” he wants to hold her. properly hold her. and he hesitates for a second before he does so, pulling her in to his chest. letting her hide so she can cry without feeling shame.
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miraytabak
“My dad is working for a different organization now and my brother is working with him.” Miray tries her best to keep her tone even, fixing her gaze on the lake again. “My brother called to tell me because he felt guilty, I guess, he hasn’t actually been going to school somewhere else like I thought. They’ve all been lying to me, I don’t even know for how long.”
his heart drops the second he hears the word pour from her lips. he wondered how long she kept that information down, how heavy it must have been weighing on her heart. especially since she allowed it to come out so freely to him, whereas normally it would take a bit more coercing. he holds her immediately. he can feel the pain in her words. there is anger now that boils in his chest - did they really find miray so incapable? when she was one of the best students at this school? did they really hold her to such low regard that they wouldn’t even attempt to include her? he took note to ask his father about it, because he figured her family being with another organization would be something he’d like to know. but that was only a fleeting thought, a bitter taste of revenge on his tongue the moment he heard the hurt in her voice. “i am...so sorry miray.” but he knows that’s not enough. “i know i do not speak highly of this life,” he starts. “but i really, honestly, truly believe you are going to be amazing at what you do. i know....it hurts now, but if they cannot and will not see your talent...there are other people, and other places that will. they are not the end for you. they are not your only option. you have...so much ahead of you.” he puts his hand on her cheek, guiding her to look up at him. “i cannot wait to see all that you do, miray. i know it does not stop the pain or the betrayal right now but...sometimes it helps when you know there is something else.”
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miraytabak
“Just ‘cause of the rules, I don’t know.” She shrugs, hiding her face against his chest for a moment before backing away enough to look at him. “They’re fine.” Miray chews on her bottom lip. “My family is doing great as they always are.”
he wraps his arms around her as a natural instinct, looking down at her with a confused expression at the tone of her voice. “are you going to give me more information, or would you prefer i beg?” he teased, though he did want to know.
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miraytabak
“Right, I’m sure that’s why.” Miray laughs though because she appreciates the compliment and she’s glad she got to finish bootcamp.
“what other reason would there be?” he laughs too, and then there’s a lull in the conversation. “how are things? outside of gallagher? how’s your family?”
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miraytabak
“It’s fine, it’s a lot better now.” She smiles, looking up at him. “You were right, of course, and I still got to redo the match.” Passing with a perfect score for a third year in a row, just like she always wanted.
“i knew they would let you,” he smiles proudly, sitting up a bit taller. “they wouldn’t do that to one of their best.” he nudges her playfully.
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miraytabak
“I just don’t like hearing you talk that way about yourself.” She explains, looking down at their hands now intertwined. “Nowhere. I mean, it’s just…probably nerves. New semester and an injury during bootcamp and all that.”
he smiles, knowing in that moment that as much as he looked up to her, she looked up to him too. and that made something in his heart twist- though he tried to pay it no mind. “how is your ankle?”
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miraytabak
She hears his words but she finds them entirely hard to believe, especially considering the past month. “Don’t do that.” Miray sighs, placing her hand over his when he brings it up to brush her hair away from her face. “Don’t put yourself down because you’re trying to make me feel better.” The brunette’s mind is entirely too caught up in him to realize that she should stop what she was doing. “You’re plenty impressive yourself.”
he shakes his head. “i’m not putting myself down. i am recognizing that you are better at some things than i am. big difference.” he smiles a bit, and moves his hand now to hold hers, brushing his thumb across her knuckle as he looks down at her. “talk to me. where is this coming from?”
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miraytabak
“No!” The word comes out automatically because of course she should’ve known that’s how he would take it. Although she can’t help for a moment think back to when he had been towering over her in the hall after the new year’s dance. Miray quickly shoves that thought away. “It’s because I want to be able to impress you.”
his heart softens at that, though it seems like his heart is always soft around her. it seems that she has that effect on people. “miray...you do impress me. everyday. i’m not just saying that. i know you have the world on your shoulders, and you still go through life as if the weight isn’t there. and you make it look effortless. meanwhile i can barely handle any of the pressure.” he pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. a habit not easily released. “i look up to you, miray. i really do.”
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miraytabak
There’s no second thought to it as Miray leans her head against him. It’s a natural instinct from long before Halloween night. “I think…I think you just make me nervous.” Her voice is quiet because she doesn’t know if she should be saying that to him. She doesn’t look up to meet his gaze, her eyes remaining fixed on the cards.
his heart drops to his stomach, though he doesn’t know if it’s because of whatever emotions he had for her that were still lingering, hope that she might want what he wants, or if it’s because he never wanted to make miray feel anything other than safe, and at home. he turned his head to look down at her, brow slightly furrowed. “i make you nervous? in a bad way?”
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miraytabak
“Oh.” She furrows her brows and looks down at the card because she could’ve sworn that she’d actually gotten it right this time. The flush on her cheeks is inevitable although she knows he’s the last person she should feel embarrassed around. “I guess.” Miray shrugs, setting the cards down. “I told you, it’s just…silly.”
every instinct in him to protect her goes up immediately. he slides closer to her and wraps an arm around her. “it’s not silly. i can tell you really love it, and the more you do it the better you will get. i’m always here if you want to try out a new trick, okay?” he smiles, looking at her, trying to get her attention so she could see he truly and absolutely was so in awe of her and everything she had talent for.
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miraytabak
Miray tries her best to actually focus her attention this time, shuffling the cards slightly less fast but still fast enough to be able to do the trick. She pauses after a moment, holding out a card to him again. “Is this it?”
emir looks down at the card, then up at her again. “close.” and turns his phone around to face her. it’s only one letter away. “maybe your magic has a hard time with numbers. it must happen often.” he’s only half joking, emir doesn’t really know how magic works.
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maiacurfman
“I’m not saying that men don’t deserve gifts,” Maia continued, waving her hand as if to make her point. “But I am saying that I think it should be easier to shop for them. What do you get a man as a gift? A shoehorn? A… fancy pen?” She grimaced, her nose scrunching. “Normally I’m great at shopping, but if they identify as male, I’m stuck.” // @gallagherstart
“a nice cologne you like the smell of would be a nice gift.” he smiles a bit.
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