equippedwithsarcasm

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Filters and assumptions.

Shame on you. What ever happened to being concerned. An ally. Ride or die. Help you through it. Times get rough people bail.. Let's be honest. Your not there for me just your own agenda and life.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

your words....wrote this for me.

Dear you,

How the fuck do I sum it up? Has it been perfect? Hardly. Any story with me at the center of it will never be anything less than a big smiling mess. But here’s what I know for sure—our time in the sun has been a thing of absolute fucking beauty. There’s no easy way to break this all down so I’ll just say it. I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t on the make. It was a perfect storm. He said one thing, I said another. Next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut: he might be The One. I know, I’m completely nuts at time… in a way that hopefully makes you smile and often can be even highly neurotic. You are comsumed in your own doom and often require a great deal of maintenance. For years it seem like we have probably both woke up, fucked up, said sorry, passed out and did it all over again. But as a girl who loves a guy, I realize there’s no such thing as perfect. There’s no sunset. There’s just now, and there’s just the two of us, which can be scary fucking ugly sometimes. That’s the good news. The bad is that I don’t know how to be with you right now. And it scares the shit out of me. Because if I’m not with you right now, I have this feeling we’ll get lost out there. It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment, the moment that could have changed everything. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on me. But damn you smell good. Like home. And you make excellent coffee – that’s got to count for something, right?

if you simply keep trying and never ever give up, no matter how many times you get it wrong, until the beginning and the end blur into something called until we meet again – and that’s it. I didn’t know how to finish it, because it’s not over. It’ll never be over, as longs as there’s you, and there’s me, and there’s hope, and grace.

Continually yours, Me

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Here is your blog

This is my last one. This was my place to write when not sober. To vent to myself.... Take it all. Take my outlet. Take my voice of no reason. Drive by my house. Stare in awe of my life choices. Read and interpret whatever you want to take from it. Assume it's all about you and not just something for me. This is your blog now. I'll go back to typewriters or ink and paper.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Alone

To me is one of the worst feelings.

Thankfully I have dogs.

My parents don’t know me at all. Fake voice. Fake stories. Gives you a week. To prepare for the next pretend happy conversation.

My brother is amazing. I burnt that bridge because of my life choices. He looks at me like he barely knows me. We used to talk about life while he walked home down the interstate.

My friends are fake or judgemental. I don’t lie anymore. I just don’t tell them anything. No reason unless… You want to be broken down, outcasted, or judge for your misjudgments They all have their lives together and your the emotional one that no one wants to deal with. Or something BIG always comes up and fuck the girl that thinks alot.

Who knows how you got here but at least they have stopped starring.

I sold the armoire. Good luck.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Love life

My new years. ..is perspective. Wish all of you the same thing in 2015

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Life is short and hard like a bodybuilding elf

People will try to take away what was special to you. They will bring up and focus on the bad. You are the only one. The only one that knows it all and can lay, bask and roll around in all the good. Live in the good.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Life lesson

Expect nothing of anyone only yourself.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Who wants to learn magic?

Tell a guy you care. Magic..and he's gone. Ignore a guy and be unaffected. Magic! He's all over your shit. My magic. Aka recommendation just go,the fuck to bed because you have more important shit to do then trying to understand a mirage.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

One day

Someone will love me.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Light that shit on fire....

Closure. I don't need it. It does nothing. Let's just never speak again. Starting now. Because lets all be honest...closure is like a bag of shit set on your doorstep that's lit of fire. Here's your closure a flaming pile of shit you get to stomp out in your shoes. Does nothing but ruin my shoes.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Bottom Line.

It hurts when someone treats you in a way that shows you exactly how meaningless you are to them. Living is your greatest revenge.

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Train rides and Rollercoasters

The first time I met him, I thought to myself…this is amazing he actually looks relatively like his profile picture. Cute. Handsome. Great Smile. 1.) In online dating this rarely happens. 2.) I don’t only care about someone’s looks but let’s all be honest. Physical attraction has to initially be there. It’s the only thing that gets me in the shower to get ready and then out of my car to walk into these initial online dating meet up scenarios.

It had been over a two years since I had met someone that not only got my humor but could dish it out right back. We sat outside a wine bar and talked for hours. I was so engaged in his life and stories. We bounced off each other so easily. Meanwhile, in the background there were several yet random loud sirens from emergency vehicles continuing to speed by and causing the exchange of bashful sincere smiles.

Being a girl who grew up with overly sarcastic and hilarious older brother I completely idolized as a kid. This means one thing you have to bring the personality. He did. He brought personality, passion for knowledge and big sexy arm muscles that made me want to make him my ultimate spooning partner for days.

"I got no where to go ‘cause where to go is up to you dear Happy as a clam, I see the glimmer in your eyes Hold you through the night and watch that Colorado sunrise” - 3iOH3

Obviously, things continued between us. Cooking steak dinners at home, partying with his wild lesbian roommate and friends, fall Sundays full of football, trip to the beach to visit my family, hiking aka “exercising” on small NC mountains/hills, nights of DJ shows and railroad walking and spooning…galore.

In typical fashion we fell off the track. Things went from the smooth sailing train ride to a radical amusement park rollercoaster ride. To be clear, I can’t ride rollercoasters. Ever since I was a kid they made me sick to the point I wanted to scream for them to stop the ride. My stomach hit the floor and gave me that horrible sick feeling in the pit of my insides.

He pulled back. He had big decisions about his career and moving back to Denver weighing him down daily. The rollercoaster took a huge plunge. It made me sick to my stomach and I lost control of my emotions. Worst of all, I lost myself. I went from being 100% happy with myself to putting everything on hold and making my focus all about “fixing” us. Word to the wise….don’t do this ever. It just made the rollercoaster go in a thousand different ways and our relationship suffer greatly. We both played a part in driving the other one way. We did this in very different ways and with different motives.

"If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way” - Nine Inch Nails/Hurt

My amazing neighbor who gives me advice and brightens my day often told me one time. “Relationships are like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you just have to get off the ride. “- Flowe

I wanted so badly to find my way back to the glorious spooning and fun adventures. At the end of it all, I had to get off the ride. I couldn’t take anymore. I had to get back to me. And that is exactly what I did and what I am still doing.

Reading. Working Out. Painting. Walks with the puppies. My friends. Looking for a job I’d love or at least where I make more money. Money can’t buy happiness. Well, that is a bunch of BS. I’d be much happier with extra money so I could travel and go on more fun adventures. Being Happy + Money = Super Happy and cool shit to do. (Insert random rant about my daily life stress of living paycheck to paycheck)

I’ve got to the point where I was done completely with him. All dudes. And relationships….all together. It was almost like being alone was the easiest and least painful way to heal and recharge. I questioned everything and myself.

"I’m thinking maybe I can’t have relationships ‘Cause lately they’re not making any sense” - 3iOH3 

But there’s a reason people continue to go back. Maybe it’s not over. Maybe they are insane for doing so…..or maybe they just enjoy it. We still hang out and we are not in a relationship. We have fun, most of the time. I don’t know what changed…maybe me. Sometimes it still hurts and I ask myself why I am still here. Other nights I just laugh.

Over a year has past since our first epic online dating website meet-up/date. And he still has that smile. He still makes me laugh. He still inspires me to learn. He still gives the best hugs. The difference now is he isn’t just a first date. He is my friend. He is the first person I want to call on a bad day, good day or to share a funny story. The impending doom is still there. He still wants to leave everyday. He still can’t wait to go back to Denver.

I just want to say….. Don’t.

Don’t go. And if you do, take me with you. I need a big life change. I need new scenery and new people. Don’t go without me. Let us and/or me figure this out. Give things more time to become and allow us both to become the absolute best version of ourselves. Don’t go. Instead…let’s take a smooth sailing train ride across the countryside and find some new adventures.

"And if I had something to say to you, I’d whisper it softly Kiss you on your rosy lips and never let you off me Shiver on our roof and see your face lit by starlight Hold you through the night and watch that Colorado sunrise” - 3i0H3

[equippedwithsarcasm]

Awesome Things

Listened to Neil Pasricha's Ted Talk today. These are a few of my favorite awesome things from his blog. Putting your own shoes back on after going bowling Dinosaurs The point on a road trip when you’re really far from where you started and really far from where you’re going Pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it When your friend returns your book and they actually read it Watching soccer and actually seeing a goal When your shoes are tight enough to stay on your foot but loose enough to slide on and off without untying them Picking the fastest moving line at the grocery store checkout When the person you’re meeting is even later than you are Peeling that sticky glue off the back of your new credit card When you find out your new place has a really good shower Happy Monday :)

[equippedwithsarcasm]

[equippedwithsarcasm]

there’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you. remember that.

(via graceinplace)

[equippedwithsarcasm]

What is that saying...

Something about repeating the same thing over and over. And then expecting a different result. Welcome to my disaster. I'm working on it. With all my effort.