explodesyouwithmymind

[explodesyouwithmymind]

do you ever interact with content that makes you dissociate like:"naah, just a few more seconds, i'm ful̴l̷y̸ ̴i̸n̶ c̶̣͌o̷͔͒n̵̨͊t̶̠̊r̷̦͠o̷͕̓l̴̗̍ a̵̩͋ň̶̰̑̉d̸̪̀̉͜ ̴͈̇̃̐i̵̟̝̰͝'̷̲͙̉̒l̷͈̞͆̂͒l̴̡̼̫̿ ţ̶̻̪̌ǫ̶̞̣͇͍̩͇̿̀͗̾̚̕͜t̷̨̢̥̤̮͇̥͋̈́̅̄ȧ̶̖̘̝̱̰̀̃̍l̸̢̓͊͑͊̈́̊̊͘l̵̨̯̇ͅy̵̡̯̟͔͍͉͇̌̈́͋ ̴̥͍̞̂͛́̉͗͠b̸̧̗̯͉͚͖̎̏e̴̬̓̇̐̾̔̉̽̉ ̵̝̦̱̳̭̥͓͕̏ȃ̶̡̰̰̘͚̠͇̑̏̌́͘b̴̡̩͕͝l̴̲̈e̴̗͂̔̈́̄ t̴̳͈̞̼̦̂̀͆̊̈́̎̓͋͑̓̄͘͜͝ͅõ̴̧̢̪̤̠͍͕̥̺̰̮͖̩̭͔̞̃̉͛̇̌͐̈̅̾̋͘̕͝ ̵̡̢͕͓̹͉͔͓̍̾̃͆͂͊̾͌̽͘͝͠͝͠s̴̥͇̼̰͎̞̿ͅn̷̤͋̋̾͗̽̑͑̆̌͠a̷̱̤͗p̸̧̡̱͎̞̰̖̪̳̠̠̜̉͜ ̷̢̻̜̮͎̬͈̻͔̲̐̈͜o̸̤̮̩̽̂͆͘ů̶͙͍̮͉͇̻̥̙̘͍̃́͗̈́͋̏͂͂͆̆̈̔͝ț̴̓̒̐͐́͑̏͊̄̕͘͜ǫ̴̡̢̨̡̧͇͔̗̣͓̯̘̺̱̹͖͙̜̫͚͔͇̻͓̟̯̺̼͚͂̐̾̒̊̌̉̈́̿͜f̶̡̨̫̳͍͖͎̮̲̙͎͕̣̲͉̹̤͚̺͈̺̣͛͛͐̊̏̿̀̕͜ͅ ̸̧͍̻̺͇͈̞̩̜̠̼̭͖̙̞̪̗͖͕̺̤̟͙̥̺̦͂̇͗͛̄̈́̀͌̈́̏̓̈́̾͌́͛͜͜ͅi̴̛̜͊̏̂̈́͌̂̔̓͆̓͘t̵̡̨͙̣̜̭̜͙̰̙̑͑̽̚͝͝", or is it just me?

[explodesyouwithmymind]

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

[explodesyouwithmymind]

you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy

[explodesyouwithmymind]

[explodesyouwithmymind]

It helped me to realize this.

[explodesyouwithmymind]

I WILL BE GOOD AS LONG AS YOU WANT ME, 1/28/24

image from wikimedia commons

[explodesyouwithmymind]

ALAS

[explodesyouwithmymind]

Ren having a Bitch of a time finding faceclaim art he like so he made himself but as a ffxiv bunny boy.

And is now lowkey begging the rest of us to let him fantasia our main to said bunny boy.

#posting this like a month later #he won #we are a bunboi in ffxiv now #sighhhhh

[explodesyouwithmymind]

I’m going to unlearn shame *bursts into tears and beats my head against a brick wall*

[explodesyouwithmymind]

enemies to lovers but it's me and myself

[explodesyouwithmymind]

Having fun talking to people is all fun in games till you do it for to long and then you let to much of an unedited thought out to an incorrect audience and suddenly you feel so nauseous and need to disappear and never speak to another person ever again

#bashing my head against the wall

[explodesyouwithmymind]

i feel like i have rabies but like emotionally

[explodesyouwithmymind]

it’s okay if your memory is bad even if:

• you can’t remember peoples birthdays

• you can’t remember to eat or drink or go to the bathroom

• you can’t remember something someone asked you to do

• you can’t remember things that people think are essential

• you can’t remember to do household tasks

• you can’t remember plans you’ve made

you are not a bad person.

[explodesyouwithmymind]

Comic 1

Thanks I suppose?

[explodesyouwithmymind]

[explodesyouwithmymind]

*me, literally sick with want* whatever

[explodesyouwithmymind]

I can’t let motherfuckers know I got desires or they’ll think I suck