fadwaima

[fadwaima]

A Message to Whoever Let Me Go

First of all I wanna say thank you to all of you, because you've been part of my life and gave me such beautiful colors even at the end all of 'em got darker and darker.

But from all of you guys I learn so much! I finally found myself and my goals in this life. To leaving all you guys was the best decision I've ever made and I would never regret it. If I'm still stuck with you guys, my life wouldn't be happier than right now. I'm so grateful that I'm finally getting over all of the sad memories and ready to moving on with a brand new me.

[fadwaima]

Me: sebetulnya lebih enak tuh tinggal di Indonesia. Mau ngapain aja gampang, semua dimanjain. Kayak kalau laper aja tinggal pesen go food yg servicenya 24 jam dan jenis makanannya pun bervariasi. Kalau transfer uang, detik itu juga uangnya sampai ke rekening penerima. Hari minggu toko-toko pada buka. Mau kemana-mana juga lebih gampang karena ada gojek/grab yang anter jemput ke tempat tujuan. Dan lain-lain.

Mom: Lah terus kenapa kamu malah betah di Jerman?

Me: Lebih nyaman aja, karena ga ada orang yang suka ikut campur urusan orang lain, jarang ada orang julid, orang-orangnya individualis.

Hey.. tapi jangan salah mengartikan kata individualis ya temen-temen. Kalau denger kata "individualis" pasti kesannya negatif gitu kayak egois, ga peduli sama tetangga, cuma mikirin diri sendiri, mau menang sendiri, dll.

Bukan, bukan gitu yang aku maksud. Individualis di sini maksudnya fokus terhadap kepentingan diri sendiri. Yaa memang sebetulnya kita ini hidup untuk diri sendiri dan keluarga. Fokus terhadap aktualisasi diri dan tujuan hidup masing-masing, cari hobby dan passion, fokus sama pekerjaan dan rumah tangga sendiri. Ga ada salahnya kan? Jadi hidup terasa lebih bermakna untuk diri sendiri. Ga usah lah buang-buang waktu buat ngurusin urusan orang lain. Ga guna!

[fadwaima]

How does it feel to study and work abroad in Germany? AIN'T GOT NO TIME FOR MYSELF. MY DAILY ROUTINE LOOKS LIKE EAT, SLEEP, WORK/STUDY AND REPEAT. THAT'S ALL!! AND WHEN I FINALLY HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT IT, BECAUSE THERE ARE STILL LOTS OF DEADLINES AND EXAMS.

[fadwaima]

A Cup of Vulnerability

Aku mau sharing sedikit tentang "vulnerability" kehidupan di Jerman.

Mungkin temen-temen udah pada tau sejak Januari 2018 aku mencoba untuk keluar dari zona nyaman, yaitu pindah ke Jerman. Fresh Graduate, tanpa pengalaman kerja sama sekali hanya berbekal pengalaman organisasi.

Tujuan utama aku pindah ke Jerman sebetulnya untuk mencari makna kehidupan. Untuk apa sih aku hidup di dunia ini dan seperti apa rasanya berjuang? Karena sampai wisuda pun aku berada di zona yang sangat nyaman. Semua kebutuhan hidupku selalu terpenuhi tanpa harus berlelah-lelah dulu berkat adanya orangtua dan kakek-nenek. Semoga mereka sehat selalu dan panjang umur.

Okay lanjut.. Januari 2018 tibalah aku di Jerman dengan penuh rasa haru dan gembira karena sebelumnya ga pernah terbayang bisa menginjakan kaki di negara adidaya ini. Sampai sekarang pun aku merasa bersyukur Allah memberikan aku kesempatan untuk bisa meniti karir di sini dan di waktu senggang bisa melihat keindahan negara-negara eropa lainnya.

Tapi dibalik itu semua ada hal-hal yang perlu kalian ketahui, kalau tinggal sendirian di negeri lain itu lebih banyak perjuangannya alias sedihnya, dibanding seneng-senengnya. Kita juga mesti beradaptasi dengan lingkungan, suasana, cuaca, bahasa, musim, kebiasaan, makanan, dll. Maka dari itu ga heran kalau banyak banyak yang mengalami "Kulturshock". Untuk bisa berbaur kita harus bisa menyesuaikan diri dengan mereka. Sesuai dengan pepatah "dimana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung". Secara perlahan tanpa disadari pun aku pribadi merasakan perubahan dari penyesuaian diri itu, Either ke arah positif dan negatif, but mostly ke arah yang positif. Misalnya aku jadi merasa waktu sangat berharga, even satu detik. Kenapa? Telat satu detik lo bisa ketinggalan bus/kereta and it could ruin your another agenda after it. Contoh lain aku jadi lebih menghargai pendapat orang lain dan ga mencampuri urusan/keputusan yang mereka buat. Your life, your choice and you can do whatever you like and what´s right for you.

Di sini kesehatan mental pun diuji dengan berbagai cara. Misal, merasa kesepian karena jauh dari kampung halaman, jauh dari keluarga dan temen-temen. Hal ini memaksa aku untuk bersosialisasi dengan orang baru yang mana bersosialisasi dengan orang Jerman itu ga semudah dengan orang Indonesia. Pertama karena bahasa, di sini orang bakal lebih dihargai kalau bisa berbahasa Jerman. Jelas! Meskipun aku udah punya sertifikat bahasa Jerman level B2, tapi tetep aja aku masih merasa kesulitan untuk bergaul dengan mereka. Well sebetulnya bukan karena bahasanya sih.. tapi karena perbedaan budayanya. Maaf nih ya.. aku kan kadang receh orangnya dan orang Jerman tuh ga ngerti sama recehnya kita. Mereka tuh selera humornya jelek banget! Pernah suatu hari diajak bercanda sama orang Jerman.. buat dia itu bercanda, tapi buat aku itu ga lucu sama sekali. Karena bercanda mereka itu versi seriusnya orang Indonesia.

Terus belom lagi isu dilema introvert yang tinggal di Jerman. Kalau menurut hasil test kepribadian Myer-Briggs aku ini seorang INFJ (Introvert. iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging). Aku termasuk tipe orang yang sulit untuk memulai percakapan dengan orang yang belum terlalu akrab. Sedangkan orang Jerman sendiri pun bukan tipe orang yang ramah dan suka basa-basi seperti orang Indonesia. Jadi kebayangkan.. butuh effort yang amat besar untuk bisa berbaur dan bersosialisasi di sini. Tapi somehow dengan kepribadian mereka yang seperti itu ada bagusnya juga untuk orang introvert. They won´t mind your bussiness if you need some time alone.

[fadwaima]

A wise man said you should get out of your comfort zone to be success. Take a risk and always looking for challenges in your life. Always thinking about the ideas, what you gonna do in life. Think differently from other people and do what other people don't do.

Good morning and have a good week!!

[fadwaima]

Sky aesthetic 🌆

[fadwaima]

Do you ever feel like you dont fit in anywhere? Yes, that how exactly what I feel. I feel that I'm a bad person around good people, but on the other side also I'm a good person among bad people.

[fadwaima]

Let´s talk about love

Thank you for something I called heartbreak.

if it´s not because of you I would not stand on my feet, I would not find out my self, I would not find my passions, goals, and purpose in this life. I would not be grow up and become an independent women. I would also not learn to love and to be loved.

Back than, I was so naive and childish. I thought that I understand about love. I thought that we get love only from the outside or from someone special. But it´s all wrong! Love only come from yourself. Love is about to understand yourself, to accept everything that Allah gives to you, to be grateful about every little things surrounds you, to respect other people, and the only true love is about relationship between you and Allah. He is the only One who could understand you in every conditions, even if you´re not telling Him.

So, my point about love is... learn to love yourself first and improve your relationship with Allah.

[fadwaima]

And another rejection come again... I'm getting used to it.

[fadwaima]

idk but it´s fact! haha

[fadwaima]

Pernah ga sih lo merasa bersalah saat lo punya banyak waktu luang tapi lo malah santai dan ga mengerjakan apa-apa? Sebetulnya masih banyak sih to do list yang mesti dikerjain cuma... beberapa list itu baru bisa lo kerjain setelah dapet persetujuan dari orang lain, yang which is gatau kapan lo dapet persetujuannya. Jadi selama waktu menunggu itu lo ga bisa gerak dulu.

Birokrasi di Jerman emang bener-bener yeee

[fadwaima]

Liebe Fadwa,

Setelah membaca posting dari seorang teman tentang kehidupan setelah berumah tangga, sekarang aku sadar kenapa Allah menyuruh aku untuk menunggu sedikit lebih lama dibanding teman-temanku. Ya aku masih harus terus banyak belajar untuk memahami banyak aspek kehidupan. Mulai dari belajar untuk memahami dan menerima diri sendiri, belajar berbagi peran (minimal di keluarga, pertemanan, dan lingkungan kerja), belajar mengontrol emosi dan masih banyak lagi ilmu-ilmu yang memang sebetulnya tidak bisa didapatkan dari dalam buku teori.

From this moment, don't you worry about it anymore. Because to be married isn't something you have to rushed. Everybody has their own time and the most important is.... as long as you are still alone, you have so much time to explore about yourself and the world.

So, selamat belajar!!

Liebe Grüße

Fadwa Imaroturrohima

[fadwaima]

That's why I love being around myself

People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.

— Kim Culbertson, The Liberation of Max McTrue

[fadwaima]

One thing I've never learned from my parents is... to be ready for and accept brokenhearts.

But one thing I've learned from myself that to be broken is important. Because without it, we will never learn how to be tougher and stronger than ever. Besides, brokenhearted teaches you that you can't have everything in this world. People would go... either soon or later.

[fadwaima]

The things that break your heart give you clarity. They give you a new perspective on life, on people, on heartbreak and healing. The things that break your heart open up your eyes. They make you see things for what they really are, not how you want to see them. They make you see people without their false masks and personalities. They show you the truth and the truth always sets you free.

The things that break your heart teach you how to survive. They teach how to make it on your own. They teach you how to release any unhealthy attachments. They teach you how to pick someone out of love rather than loneliness. They teach you that some things are not meant for you no matter how much you want them and some people are not good for you no matter how much you believe in their potential.

The things that break your heart give you faith because you know that God broke those things for a reason, you know that God removed certain people from your life because they weren’t going to bless it or bless you, they weren’t going to make your life any easier.

The things that break your heart bring you closer to yourself. They make you reflect on what you want and what your boundaries are. They give you answers about yourself and others. They give you guidelines for the future. They make you accept that heartbreak will always be a part of life but there’s something good that comes out of it.

There’s always ‘good’ in goodbye. There’s always something rewarding after every loss. Sometimes you find yourself, sometimes you find someone better and sometimes you find God. In all cases, you win.

Yes, a lot of things broke my heart, but fixed my vision. Alhamdulillaah 🤍

📝 @thoughtcatalog

#journey #lifelessons #quoteoftheday https://www.instagram.com/p/COSSVBDhtgZVHsLbpH5IkG9ZNZlmDwB_XbULlU0/?igshid=1dwovz3pjph6t

[fadwaima]

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

— Haruki Murakami

[fadwaima]

Some people say... Do whatever makes you happy. The things make me happy are only to travel and being around the people I love.

At this moment I can't go travel because of corona and I don't have time for it. And the people I love aren't around me right now. They're too far away from here.

So it turns out I'm feeling happy when I'm only with me and myself.

I know it sounds strange and selfish. But it really is... All the situations and conditions have changed me.