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fairyinchains · 1 month

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i’m going to journal the end of my day from now on , maybe i’ll look back on this and feel something maybe when i’m better i won’t care.

Today is march 23rd and it was a ok day , i find myself going outside half of the day a lot even though it doesn’t feel great to be outside , i feel like this house mixed with my negative thoughts are drowning me , it’s hard to stay inside my house for too long. I walked and walked around the neighbourhood… it’s funny that even outside you can still feel trapped . My neighbourhood isn’t gated or anything I just walked around so much that there’s nothing new to see , I hate the same way I go when i’m outside I hate how hot it is all the time I hate walking up back to the house , I hate my brain right now , will It ever be ok ? Will it ever be a blissful silence ?? I think with me I’ll look back and take this over something else .. i’m so tired though I hate my anxiety….

On the other hand my sister wanted to visit new york , i’d love more than anything to go but i quit my job and now i have no job and my business is slow as fuck no matter what i do , I feel like things can be so easy if i was cared about but they aren’t , things could figure themselves out in .2 seconds but why is God making so many road bumps ? i don’t know…

Today was ok not great not a Good day not a bad day . I want to be outside less there’s really no good that comes out from baking in the son doing nothing all day , maybe i need a partime job again.

Idk i’m sleepy gn hopefully i do day 2

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