š³ļøāā§ļø 20's, she/they, feeder, encourager/enabler, admirer of adipose, taken, NB, bi, loving fat is entirely valid. I am a fat idealist, where I believe fat is not a bad word. I think fat is such a positive that everyone should be fat, regardless of background ^^. I even go as far to say that fat can part of one's identity.
I've been keeping myself well fed.. one of my legs is giving me a lot of mobility issues so I've been solving it by ordering more takeout than before.. a good idea no?
Tonight I had 2 XL pizzas with every meat topping, 12 chicken wings, wedges, garlic bread, 4 cookies and topped it off with 4 litres of pepsi.. this is to give me energy to move around more after all, right?
So do you think if I keep eating like this it'll help me? Or maybe I need to try different takeaways.. all I know is my body is begging for more and I can't stop..
1200 words Ā· 5 min read Ā· emptyheadedhousecow.tumblr.com Ā· October 2021
I remember how I used to be able to fuck you. I loved climbing on top of you and earning your love. I loved learning your every want, I loved exploring the intricacies of your body and your orgasm, and most of all I loved feeling useful to you. We werenāt far into our relationship when I was no longer able to do that. I couldnāt hold myself up for long, and later, it was difficult to climb on top of you at all. I was so scared that my growing arms, wobbling in exertion, would fail me and I would fall, crushing you ā or at least smothering you. Your eye gleamed when I shared that concern, and you told me to do it. You told me you wanted it; you wanted to feel my whole body boring down on you. But I couldnāt do it. I didnāt dare.
I remember how you used to be able to fuck me. When I could no longer get on top of you, you would get on top of me. I felt pathetic and weak, more like a thing than a person, knowing that I didnāt even have the option to switch places if I wanted to. You reassured me, telling me that this way of doing things was more than normal, even for vanilla couples; and you told me that so long as you could fuck me, Iād still be useful to you. But I donāt think those couples faced the same issues we did. First all you needed to do to get to me was push aside the fat on my thighs. Later, youād have to also lift up my ever-lowering belly fat. Later still, you also had to dig around in the fat that swathed my crotch to find me. That didnāt give you much trouble, at first, and youād crack jokes about my buried treasure. But, given time, you had to rummage for longer and when you found it you had trouble mounting yourself. You had me hold apart my legs or lift up my belly as best I could, to open myself to you as much as possible, but it wasnāt enough, and later, I struggled even with that.
I remember how you used to be able to fuck me with your mouth. My growing belly meant there simply was not enough space for your body for traditional sex ā perhaps we could have tried other positions, but it was so hard for me to shift myself around that you couldnāt bear to see me do it. But while you could no longer fuck me properly, there was still space for your head between my thighs, and if I strained you could reach me with your face. It was never particularly comfortable for either of us ā I had to contort myself into a position where I could pull towards me as much fat as possible, which quickly exhausted me; my lower body had to be raised with pillows and such to make me accessible to you, which forced more fat backwards by gravity and made it difficult for me to breathe; you still had to hold apart the fat covering my crotch, which tired even you out; and even then there wasnāt quite enough space ā you had to really push yourself into me, which canāt have been comfortable, and take breaks to breathe yourself. Our one-sided sex made me feel awful, leaving me no method with which to prove to you my love. It wasnāt workable for long.
I remember how you used to be able to fuck me with toys. Once weād exhausted all other methods, props were required. At first, these worked wonders. Where you could no longer reach, or could only reach with your hands and even that with difficulty, our new toys seemed to have no trouble accessing. Once it had made contact, it didnāt need to be moved much, and that meant we could both relax. My fat was pliable enough that there was still some wiggle room for the toys that needed motion ā it was a workout for you, but you somehow managed it. But, given time, it became ever more difficult to find the right spot and more tiring to keep it there ā especially after Iād reached the point where any attempt of mine to help you didnāt achieve anything. I couldnāt bear watching you put yourself through all this when I could never do the same for you, so I tearfully asked you to slow down. It pained you, but you agreed.
I remember how you used to be able to fuck me. Now, we rarely fuck at all. Itās simply too difficult; too taxing on both of us, both physically and mentally. Sometimes, I grow so desperate. I forget my guilt; I crave your touch. Thereās no hope of me touching myself, so I beg you. You laugh, and tell me āhoney, you know that youāre too big for that.ā You grew me a body that you canāt get off, and I grew a body that wants nothing else. Iām forced to find release myself, often through feeding, and often amplified by the knowledge that thereās simply no other way.
I remember everything we had, and I see how much of it is lost.
I want you constantly high and intoxicated just as much as I want you constantly snacking. I want to see for myself how you'll look when you lose your grip on both reality and your weight, just so I can make all of the "sane" decisions for you - deciding what you'll do, wear, eat, everything. It's so much fun to watch you slowly become the docile cow you were born to be.
Make me fat to the point where my weight becomes your excuse to keep me sedentary.
Oh, I'm too heavy for the chairs at a restaurant and I can't fit in the booths? Might be best to stay at home where I can sit on the couch or lay in bed. I'm sure they deliver anyways.
None of my clothes seem to fit like they should. Why worry about decency if the only person around is you? I can just throw on some pajama pants with a t-shirt that doesn't go over my chest.
I can't fit through the bedroom door frame! Not a problem, I can try to push myself through later. Why not go back to bed where you can bring me the snacks I wanted.
It's taking a lot of effort to get out of bed. Why bother struggling to get up when you always offer to get what I want. You always say how I shouldn't waste calories on such trivial things.