feilien

[feilien]

ooh i like it what i see  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i like it a lot  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#{♚ x I've taken off the angel's halo to wear a crown on my heart [MATT] x}

[feilien]

I really want to write my boy more tbh. I miss him so much 🥲

#{♚ x There are always ears on the other side of the wall [OOC] x}

[feilien]

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE 2022 | dir. Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert

#{♚ x Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one [MUSINGS] x} #{♚ x No matter how tall the mountain is‚ it cannot block the sun [ABOUT] x} #Reblogs this again bc the accuracy still makes me all :') #Sighs I love this boy so much

[feilien]

 “I know. I get told on a regular basis,” he shrugged, having heard it so many times by now that it didn’t even bother him anymore. Even if it had bothered him, he would’ve forgotten all about it as soon as Faye stretched. He let out a quiet sigh in response, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her shoulder—unsuccessfully. Fucking hell, Long Zhi had missed this. Had missed them. Even if he’d refused to admit it; it had been easier to avoid those feelings than it was to face what he had given up—voluntarily, no less.

 “Yeah? Then just pretend it’s someone else, I suppose. Because I’m not stopping until you make me.” Despite his words, however, Long Zhi did stop, but only to move closer and slowly wrap one arm around them. Lips once more found their way to her shoulder, before he settled down with a sigh. “I know you hate me, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. Hell, you probably won’t believe me anyway, and you have every right to. But I missed you, Faye.”

she wasn't going to lie - she had enjoyed it. when they were dating, they'd always asked him to rub their back when they were sleeping or sick. a simple reassurance that he was there, right next to her. that no matter what he was doing, he would still be there to take care of faye. it was something they had come to miss in the days following their breakup. almost embarrassingly so. still, it wasn't an excuse for her to have fallen back into bed with him. every logical part of her brain screamed at her that this was a bad idea. that it didn't mean their relationship would be fixed. but a small, very loud part of herself had enjoyed it. the recklessness of it all only made this feel more attractive. at least for now.

"you're so ... annoying," she yawned, stifling the sound with the back of her hand. stretching again they were unconscious of how much skin they showed, the blanket slipping lower down their back. clutching the pillow with her arms, faye relaxed despite her attempt to appear irritable. "that was before i knew it was you."

#{♚ x v; You lost that right to hold that crown; I built you up but you let me down. [MAIN] x} #honeyrage #Oh boy here we go

[feilien]

 Matt was, by no means, a complete stranger to certain… propositions by Gangjae. But those had always been while he’d been, well, fucked up in some way or another. Meaningless. A moment of opportunity, nothing more. Opportunities Matt knew meant nothing at all to the other, but meant everything to him. Opportunities he knew were dangerous to seize, but did so anyway, because he was too weak to resist.

 He’d always thought Gangjae didn’t remember. And if he did, made sure never to mention for reasons known only to himself. Matt had simply followed suit, not wanting to risk their friendship and the only home he had left.

 For a while, Matt said nothing at all. Simply watched in silence while he waited for the joke to reveal itself. Was it a joke? He couldn’t tell. “I just told you I have no interest in snatching anyone out from under you.” Crossing his arms behind his head, he shrugged his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling with a quiet sigh. “I could replace them. But I don’t do half measures.” He glanced down at the other for a split second, then closed his own eyes. “I don’t think I’d be content with being just ‘one of them’.”

 gangjae wasn't quite skilled in pinpointing the gender he usually goes for and has feelings for , he was never good at choosing or making decisions so it's easy for him ; he doesn't . it's been long ago that he learned that he didn't mind the gender he was attracted to , no matter the lengths he'd go to deny the fact that he was also attracted to boys — shy boys , who were a little too oblivious and stubborn for their own good . boys that didn't catch the meaning of his words even when he basically told them against their pretty faces . now gangjae isn't very good at flirting because he's not subtle , he says what he wants and waits for people to decide what to do with his shameless revelation . but he was apparently much better than matt in this area . ❛ . . . ❜  he grins wider , tilts his head as he regards the other in silence . it wasn't even about competition , not really , he didn't have time to fight for anyone's attention if they weren't matt . ❛ that's not what i meant , idiot . ❜  of course matt is more handsome than he is , he's gentler , he knows some manners . gangjae gently lowers his gaze and head , toys with the wrinkled part of the sheets for a while before laying back down on the bed . hands under his hair , eyes closed , pillow sinking gently under the weight of his head . ❛ i meant if you'd like to be one of them . but i guess you're more interested in snatching them from under me – ❜  he raises his brows but doesn't open his eyes . ❛ instead of replacing them . tsk . ❜

#{♚ x v; Just keep in mind one thing: the prize is your life [MY NAME] x} #{♚ x dyn; r4bidog » tbd [MATT&GANGJAE] x} #r4bidog #Look at my boy standing up for himself :')

[feilien]

 How exactly they’d ended up like this, Long Zhi wasn’t too sure. It wasn’t supposed to happen, and he knew he was playing a risky game with dire consequences should anyone find out, but… He also didn’t regret it. It was the first time in years he didn’t feel entirely alone, even if he was fully aware that it was nothing but a temporary relief. A band aid on a gaping wound.

 But he’d be damned if he didn’t take full advantage of it while he could. Long Zhi wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing it by the time Faye woke up. When they went from ‘keep going’ to ‘what the hell are you doing’, he couldn’t help but grin in amusement. “When did you start using my real name?” he muttered, but didn’t stop. He didn’t want to. “You can pretend you’re mad all you want. You just told me to keep going.”

@feilien : (GRAZE) for sender to graze their knuckles up or down receiver's back. [...]

in  their  sleep-addled  state,  the  sensation  is  welcome.  the  gentle  brush  of  knuckles  grazing  up  and  down  her  back,  warm  and  soothing  through  the  thin  fabric  of  her  t-shirt.  faye  lets  out  a  contented  sigh  in  their  sleep,  arcs  their  back  ever  so  slightly,  mumbles  out  a  "feels  nice,  keep  going."  she  could  stay  like  this,  really.  and  faye  might  have  until  they  remembered  where  they  were.  and  who  else  was  with  them.

  eyes  snap  open  to  scowl  at  him  over  her  shoulder,  bleary-eyed  but  suddenly  alert.  there's  a  split  second  where  they  consider  taking  the  knife  from  under  their  pillow,  but  exhaustion  drapes  over  her  like  a  weighted  blanket.  "what,"  she  snaps,  voice  drowsy  but  no  less  annoyed.  "do  you  think  you're  doing,  long  zhi?"

#{♚ x v; You lost that right to hold that crown; I built you up but you let me down. [MAIN] x} #Faye: >:(( Matt: :)) #They're stupid I love them lmao #honeyrage

[feilien]

inspired by boop day, reblog this post if its ok for people to send you random asks and interact on your posts with no judgement. i want to talk to people.

#{♚ x The pen of the tongue should be dipped in the ink of the heart [PSA] x} #Me @ like my 5 mutuals

[feilien]

rp preferences -

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

basics

✧ NAME: J

✧ PRONOUNS: they/them, but cool with any

✧  SEXUALITY: ace & panromantic

✧  TAKEN OR SINGLE: very happily taken by @thiefofcrows

three facts

when i get pretty bored with my hobbies i sometimes sign up for online courses, forget about them, and then finish the coursework within the span of one week. i'm currently taking an online course on latin.

my music taste is all over the place, i like girl groups and indie/alternative most of the time, but i also need to blast yoyo ma or tchaikovsky's swan lake on my loudspeakers sometimes.

i am friends with some honest to god local celebrities, and i fear the day that someone thinks to use one of them as a faceclaim because i wouldn't really know how to explain why i refuse to write against or use them. "did they do something problematic" no my guy, i just used to help this guy with homework in college and know too much about his escapades.

experience

✧   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): If we're talking proper proper writing (in English) then around ten years; if we're talking general rp (and count non-English) then we're looking at about 17 years

✧   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: tumblr, and discord (and aim, while it still existed); also animexx and forums back in the day

✧   BEST EXPERIENCE: Some of the friends I made along that way, as corny as that sounds. There are people I've known for over ten years now, and who I've seen (and will again see) in person multiple times

muse preferences

✧   FEMALE OR MALE: Male. I've just never been able to write females for some reason

✧  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: Generally angst, though I very much enjoy fluff thrown into it from time to time to balance things out. Smut is rare to non-existent, bc there's just been too many bad and awkward experiences. Rare exclusions apply if I know someone well enough and have a deeply established ship.

✧   PLOTS OR MEMES: Plots ten times out of ten for new interactions for sure. Memes are cool once there's been a dynamic established that I can work off of.

✧   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Mine? Always long bc I have zero chill lmao. I do try to keep it medium sometimes to not scare people away. Short? Impossible for me for some reason. Literally struggle with short stuff. A lot.

✧   BEST TIME TO WRITE: Ngl, at work most of the time. Now and again after work if I still have the energy.

✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Like Matt? Not really. Wish I was though. I admire him for his ability to remain soft and happy and just generally for the person he is, although I don't envy him for the rest. The more grumpy muses I used to write... Yeah, personality-wise I tend to be a lot like them lmao.

tagged by: @destroyedthere (thank you <3) tagging: Don't really have anyone to tag :/

#{♚ x Indulgences have more victims than swords [GAMES] x}

[feilien]

This is the biggest fucking Matt energy ever and I would absolutely die for him kthxbye

#{♚ x I've taken off the angel's halo to wear a crown on my heart [MATT] x} #{♚ x No matter how tall the mountain is‚ it cannot block the sun [ABOUT] x} #Literally tagging this as about bc I can #I just love him sm #He's such a little shit

[feilien]

 Long Zhi, of course, had no intention of letting go any time soon. At least not until he could be certain she wasn’t going to pull out yet another knife. It wasn’t that he wanted to be this close to her; he absolutely did not. It was painful, a stark reminder of the past and the future he once imagined himself having were it not for the circumstances of everything that he was. But it beat being stabbed and having to deal with it during his daily, already exhausting, routine.

 “You made up the excuse yourself, didn’t you? Made yourself believe that, not only was I capable of, but also had cheated on you.” An action that was, in truth, absolutely unthinkable to him. Loyalty was important to Long Zhi, always had been. And why would he cheat on the one person that had given him the only thing he’d always wanted, craved, begged for: love? “All I did was not argue it. Figured it’d be easier if you hated me, if there was an end to us we couldn’t come back from. Crush all hope and... whatever feelings there might’ve been between us.” Fucking hell, he wanted to leave, run, disappear into the night never to be seen again. Before he started to unravel. The past was the past and it was better off fucking staying there.

 The sudden pain to his stomach was almost a welcome distraction, and Long Zhi keeled over while trying to regain his breath. “Good one,” he gasped in between breaths, letting go of her hands and taking a couple of steps back as a precaution. “Are you satisfied now? Or is there anything else you’d like to get off your chest while you have the chance?”

it  happened  too  quickly  for  her  to  jump  out  of  the  way  in  time.  the  first  thing  she  knew  was  that  she  had  a  knife  in  her  hand.  ready  to  throw,  not  caring  if  she  left  a  scratch  or  if  he  decided  to  react.  in  the  span  of  time  between  her  days  with  him  and  their  breakup,  she  was  sure  she  could  hold  her  own  in  a  fight  now.  it  would  be  infinitely  better  if  he  did  react,  at  least  to  faye.  the  knife  clattered  to  the  floor,  her  back  hitting  the  wall  behind  her.  faye  glowered  up  at  him,  back  stinging  slightly  at  the  impact but not enough to knock the wind from her.  "let  go  of  me,"  she  demanded,  vexxed  at  having  been  taken  by  surprise.  it  didn't  help  that  he  was  so  close.  close  enough  for  her  to  see  his  lashes  and  the  shape  of  his  mouth. 

she hated that it still hurt. for all her efforts to try and appear untouchable and unbothered, it all flew out the window once confronted by her past. by the feeling of being unwanted (again). if only she could appear as untouchable as he did.

"you  could  have  give  me  an  excuse,"  she  insisted,  tearing  her  eyes  away  just  as  he  pulled  back.  to  her  irritation,  the  grip  on  her  wrists  remained.  "anything  at  all,  instead  of  making  me  feel  like  it  was  my  fault.  i  still  would  have  broken  up  with  you."  would  she  have,  really?  faye  was  all  too  aware  of  how  hard  she  tried  to  cling  onto  people.  even  those  that  didn't  want  her.  would  she  have  let  matt  go  or  tried  harder?  it  was  all  too  much  to  think  about  now.  and  it  only  made  her  madder.  without  warning,  faye  rammed  her  knee  into  his  stomach.  it  might  have  been  easier  to  smack  him  with  her  head,  but  she  was  sure  his  little  family  wanted  him  in  one  piece. 

#{♚ x v; You lost that right to hold that crown; I built you up but you let me down. [MAIN] x} #sagishii #s i g h s @ them two

[feilien]

I miss Matt ://

#But alas sighs

[feilien]

@thiefofcrows making memes about Matt that are 100% on point and accurate has to be one of the best things ever 😌

I mean...

#{♚ x There are always ears on the other side of the wall [OOC] x} #He just knows me and Matt so well. I love him <3

[feilien]

 Gangjae’s comment only earned him another roll of Matt’s eyes and he leaned back with an exasperated sigh, tough without ever moving his hand. Sometimes, Matt wondered just why exactly he stuck around. To say the other drove him mad on a regular basis would be a grave understatement, after all. Then he reminded himself that, even if he wanted to—which he didn’t, and that was the truly maddening part—he had nowhere left to go. He’d abandoned everything the moment he had left Dongcheon in favor of finding his friend.

 “That wholly depends on what you consider fun, I suppose,” Matt nearly hummed, using whatever little ammunition he had to tease the other back as best he could. Clearly, it wasn’t enough. Because now Gangjae was sitting up, calling him out much worse than before. Matt froze for a second, so did his heart and his breathing. But he recovered quickly and scoffed, averting his eyes while he shook his head and crossed  his arms in front of his chest. “And what exactly would I be jealous of, eh? I have no interest in having a higher bodycount than I do killcount. I know I could snatch them out from under you if I truly wanted to, but I don’t. So don’t worry your pretty little head about it—I have no interest in being your competition. You can have them all to yourself.”

 death was a friendly idea to entertain , sometimes even comforting than frightening . do gangjae had no one to give his wealth to when he died . it'd probably be a very quiet funeral if he got any , but he's pretty sure that matt would follow him there . wouldn't leave him alone until he was under the cold ground , six feet to be exact . ❛ they're usually too busy moaning my name . ❜  canines glint through his grin again , too lazy to make any more comments about the girls that would definitely stab him with a pencil if they sat with him during the breakfast — usually , gangjae didn't care if they ate or left because he'd leave before five . that was better , though , or maybe that was because his mind was always quite busy with other matters that mercilessly demanded his attention .

 he doesn't even flinch when matt's fingers brush against the scar . and that should be concerning – it's healing , healed . gangjae doesn't flinch when someone tries to reach for his face anymore not does he get moody for no reason at all . especially at nights , after his nightmares . he has them less when he sleeps in matt's bedroom . ❛ tsk . i'm a fun guy . ❜  that might be true , he used to know how to have fun , back in dongcheon , now he does even know where to go to have a drink without being targeted or tracked down . plain and simple ; gangjae pauses , he sits up after pushing matt's hand from his face just to turn to him and cross his legs indian style . facing matt , frowning in concentration as he stares at him before murmuring ; ❛ you're actually jealous . ❜  gangjae isn't stupid , and he can appreciate a guy's curiosity for wanting to know what goes beyond the closed doors of gangjae's bedroom that leave the girls messy haired and out of breath , almost dazed when they come out .

 he smirks , tilts his head ; ❛ you wanna know how i get them addicted to me ? hmm ? is that why you're so grumpy ? ❜

#{♚ x v; Just keep in mind one thing: the prize is your life [MY NAME] x} #{♚ x dyn; r4bidog » tbd [MATT&GANGJAE] x} #r4bidog #Me @ Matt pls you're not being subtle

[feilien]

It takes so much strength to stay gentle and soft and kind in this world.

#{♚ x Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one [MUSINGS] x}

[feilien]

130808

#{♚ x I've taken off the angel's halo to wear a crown on my heart [MATT] x} #I love this haircolor so much on him ugh #Matt is definitely going back and forth between this and the red the most ngl

[feilien]

 When Gangjae once more exclaimed that he was going to die, Matt simply rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his book; or, at the very lest, pretended to pay attention to his book. He hadn’t been able to really comprehend a single word since the other had walked in. Death, of course, was inevitable, especially in their line of work—if one wanted to call it that, anyway. And in their case it was pretty much guaranteed to be sooner, rather than later, even if Matt was going to try his best to prolong it for as long as possible.

 “Maybe not. But I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them feels the overwhelming urge to slit your throat in the middle of the night.” He sure did right about now, after Gangjae had called him out like that. Without even knowing just how true his statement had been. Matt was indeed jealous, unreasonably so, and enough to occasionally overshadow his otherwise unchanging laid back and sunny disposition.

 Then the book—his shield, his distraction—was gone and he had no other choice but to look at the other and his own hand now in his friend’s hair. “What’s there to like?” he muttered, but despite his words, his fingers slowly combed through Gangjae’s hair, playing with it as his thumb occasionally traced the edge of the still healing scar. “They don’t need to like your personality, anyway. They come to you because you provide them with something they want and need, and you get something you want and need in return. It’s a business transaction, plain and simple.” That’s why you come to me for everything else. Because you know I’ll provide without ever asking for anything in return.

 it was a privilege to see matt like this ; comfortable clothes and relaxed posture . nobody else was quite allowed to barge into his room like this — of course they were . matt wasn't as friendly with anyone around the gang as he was with gangjae himself , nothing to blame him for because all these people were strays and terrible criminals . do gangjae cared about each one of them , surprisingly , but that didn't mean he'd have matt do the same . ❛ i'm going to die . ❜  he repeats himself , and he doesn't have an aim with it . death was a part of this business and it was bound to come his way , quicker than others . much quicker . matt’s words make him open his eyes , breathe out a mocking snort before raising a hand to rub his eye . ❛ too many girls will kill me ? tsk . you're jealous . i won't die because i come that much . ❜  his dirty joke is accompanied by a hand that reaches out to push the book away from matt's hold and onto the ground . he takes the same hand and guides it to his half dyed locks . the contact of his fingers makes the older man close his eyes , dropping his own hand back on his chest . ❛ . . . they don't play with my hair . you know ? i think they don't like my personality . matt , do you ? hm ? ❜

#{♚ x v; Just keep in mind one thing: the prize is your life [MY NAME] x} #{♚ x dyn; r4bidog » tbd [MATT&GANGJAE] x} #r4bidog #I already said they make me go feral but... They make me go fucking feral

[feilien]

 “Earthling, eh?” Long Zhi couldn’t help but grin at that; not only because it sounded so incredibly odd, but also because he now started to wonder if the other was, perhaps, an alien. Regardless of how unlikely that might be, it would at least explain the weird behaviour and even weirder monologues the other seemed to drift away on. It would lend some sense to this apparent madness.

 But that train of thought was lost when Long Zhi saw the amount of bruising on Loki’s side. It looked ugly, no doubt painful, and he wouldn’t at all be surprised if there were a couple of broken ribs. He himself was by no means a stranger to injuries like that; granted, his didn’t come from falling out of the sky, but there’d been a time or two he’d fucked up while parkouring over rooftops, and didn’t stick the landing the way he’d wanted to. He’d looked much the same, albeit not as severe. Still, it had hurt. And the day after? Ten times worse. So Loki was in for one hell of a rough time. Unless, of course, he had some magical blood that allowed him to heal quicker.

  “Name’s Matt.” Not really, of course. But it was the name he had chosen once he’d been allowed to go to school. Because it was easier for others to pronounce at first, then simply stuck with it because it kept his pretend normal life neatly separated from his true reality. “I reckon you have a couple of fractured or broken ribs. There’s really not much anyone can do about it,I'm afraid. Other than tell you to lie down and get some rest. But I can run to the store and get some painkillers. Maybe some lidocaine to take the edge off, if you want.”

"you can be both, you know," he pointed out, "in fact i'd say you were many things. midgardian, human, earthling, chinese, asian, hm? of course... your land did not know my kind well when we once ruled in far closer quarters. an interesting choice by my father, i must admit..."

the man wouldn't understand the implications of that unfinished thought, of how it made loki wonder when his own father decided a personal presence on this realm was no longer needed. had he even reached beyond those nothern peoples they mingled with so freely?

loki knew the answer, of course, but still... why hadn't his father done that? it made him wonder if thor was only the unseasoned version of odin, and if odin saw himself in thor more than in loki.

but of course that was a stupid thought too, of course he saw more of himself in thor, loki was just a monster that--

he had to sit, and when he did he very carefully lifted the hem of his tunic to inspect his torso. he had purpling bruises spread like spilled ink across his ribs. he landed awkwardly, clearly, and had slammed hard into the unforgiving earth on his right side, mostly.

his eyes softened when he glanced up to the man again, the hem of the tunic drawn back down.

"i would be grateful... you did not give me your name."

#{♚ x v; You lost that right to hold that crown; I built you up but you let me down. [MAIN] x} #indirecticn #lmao it's all good bc I took even longer sIGHS