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One of the most heartbreaking things about Trilla, really, is that–if you watch her, as the game progresses, it becomes so crushingly obvious that Trilla Suduri was never a warrior.

Like, this isn’t me going “oh poor little baby,” this isn’t a desire to woobify, I really genuinely do not think Trilla handled the war well at all. I don’t think she was a fighter. I don’t think she was even a passable soldier. And I think that fucking broke her before the Inquisitorius even got the chance.

It’s hard to articulate because all the evidence for it is like…it’s a thousand tiny moments and all of them sound very thin in isolation, but the thing is they’re consistent.

Like, okay, an example:

(source)

Compare that to Trilla’s fine control and carefully deliberate stances in a duel. Compare that to literally every other experienced Force-user we’ve ever seen deflecting blaster bolts.

That’s fucking sloppy.

Those are massive, messy, energy-inefficient, time-wasting movements that leave her wide open.

Trilla was a padawan during the Clone Wars. As best we can figure, she would have been about 17; just around Ahsoka’s age, a little bit younger but not by much. An older teenage padawan who served in the Clone Wars should be better at deflecting blaster bolts than this.

It’s not an animation error or something, we see characters animated with precise and controlled motions in this game. Trilla is just really bad at the one thing that should be subconscious muscle memory.

(And how stressful must that have been to her master? Cere, who’s extremely gentle and selfless but still a fighter, a survivor, a field commander, with this sweet girl she half-raised who seemingly cannot learn a basic survival skill but is expected to lead battalions?)

(Even aside from that and allowing for the handicap of that fucking helmet, Trilla’s reactions in combat outside the tightly-controlled arena-like environments she arranges to face Cal in…well, you see it up in that gif, a bit. She looks over her shoulder, she stops in unwise places, she doesn’t actually have good battlefield instincts. I think Cere reflexively ripping Cal out of the way to open fire–stop staring and take cover, damn it, padawan–was a very practiced move for them, during the Clone Wars.)

Anyway: The fact that Trilla is absolute dogshit at blaster deflection despite the timeline…says something, about her. About what she would have been like as a padawan. Her suitability in a martial setting and her inability to adapt to it.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great duelist, certainly–but saber-on-saber dueling was like…academic, in the pre-war prequel era. The Sith were gone, nobody but Jedi used lightsabers, so the odds of you ever actually needing to know how to handle yourself in a saber fight were basically nil. Who are you going to actually fight? It would have been a sport, a form of meditation, an art form, but it wasn’t…real. No competition fencer is training with the intent of someday having to fight for their lives.

Combine those things and what I hear is: A nerd. Fairly sheltered before the war, probably easily overwhelmed, not terribly confident (except, probably, in the duelling ring, because that’s a hobby, it’s a meditation, it’s a martial art that deepens her connection to the Force and gives her a physical outlet and it’s not real.)

And then, solidifying that, we have our flashbacks from Cal accidentally overdosing on the psychometry–Trilla’s own memories of Cere’s abandonment, the raw panic in her voice, the hyperventilating, the way her voice shakes, the way she sobs in open fear before the torture has a chance to start.

Of course she was barely more than a child; of course none of this is a criticism. She was alone and afraid in the middle of the fucking apocalypse, and the fact that she wasn’t defiant and confident in those circumstances is not evidence of anything, really.

Except that, well, we have seen what typical reactions to stress and fear from other wartime padawans look like. There’s fear, there’s pleading, there’s “wait, master, don’t go”. And then there’s the wild incoherent terror of “DON’T LEAVE US,” the way her voice is high and unstable as she tries and fails to reassure her younglings, the fact that the softest and most tender we’ve ever heard Cere’s voice is when she’s explaining her plan to her padawan–whom she is clearly used to having to calm down in overwhelming situations. We see Trilla instinctively grip Cere’s arm and then let go, which also hints at a reflexive pattern–something she’s done before.

(The fact that Cere’s last words to her are not “protect them” or “get them to safety”. Cere’s last words to her are “stay with the younglings, Trilla”. I don’t think she meant anything by that. I’m not sure Trilla shares my confidence.)

Trilla’s responses in a highly traumatic situation are completely normal reactions…for a civilian child who’s in way over her head. Not a military commander in a war zone.

Trilla was never a warrior.

But the Inquisitorius didn’t need Trilla Suduri, did they.

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Hi guys sorry I died I’m alive now :D

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Hey bitch, get in the Sawmobile

(Saw bathroom sticker from Studiohouse Designs!!! My lovely gf got me the other two so idk where they came from unfortunately)

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this is girlhood. ethiopian skater girls. source

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amanda young, the jigslay killer

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"what are you gonna do with that degree?" I don't know. probably kill myself.

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chainshipping yuri at the bar…

BASED ON ONE OF THE SCENES FROM @finalgirlfrnkiero’s FIC!!

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Saw fanart is so funny. It's always either gut wrenchingly beautiful should be in museum level talented art, explicit lesbian sex or mark hoffman in a fucking maid dress. Sometimes it's all of the above.

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The way that mlm and wlw interact is so different like

Mlm: i made eye contact with this guy once and i think we’re married now???

Wlw: every day she makes me pancakes and kisses me gently on the nose and holds my hand as she sings softly to me. We’re such good friends :)

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@halonumbers​ your wish is my command

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every band needs their groupies

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hi!!! so i just wanted to lyk how i really enjoy ur work (legit downloaded tumblr bc ao3 wasn't enough loll) i was wondering if you could do a lynnmanda sick fic? im currently sick as shitt and reading sick fics is how im coping :p but it would be really cool if u wrote something along those lines!! much love & stay safe <3

hi!! i'm well aware it's been at least a week since u sent this, so i hope you're feeling better now! sorry to take so long but may i offer you. sick fic chapter two :3

sick day (2/2)

Pairing: Amanda Young/Lynn Denlon Rated: T Words: 2,964

Amanda has never been particularly good with vomit. Funny, really, for someone who's overdosed and seen friends overdose so many times, seen John vomit over himself occasionally towards the end. She wrinkles her nose, tries to resist the urge to gag herself, and holds Lynn’s soaked hair back gently, watching it drip onto the floor. “Hey, get it all out, ok?” she whispers, and tries to sound stronger than she feels. 

Read on AO3

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red flags and long nights

Pairing: Amanda Young/Lynn Denlon Rated: M Words: 15,690

Lynn stares down at the littering of cigarette butts, at least three or four cartons worth at this point, and sighs. “This is pretty sad, you know that?” she says, exasperated, world-weary.

Amanda had expected her to be scared, and she doesn’t know what to do with this calm tiredness. Everyone is always scared of her, and she loves it that way. Lynn stares back up at her, though, unwavering, and she feels strange under her gaze. “Fuck off,” she bites out.

or, the one where Amanda is a vampire and Lynn is her unhealthy human fixation.

Read on AO3

tws for murder of unnamed side characters, vampire-typical blood & gore, violence, stalking/voyeurism, wine mom alcoholism, talk of grief/trauma/depression, blood-drinking, biting, bloody vampire fucking.