fuckwoodyallen

[fuckwoodyallen]

I was just sobbing over this again yesterday it's so fucking over

I reach new levels of self-hatred every week. this is so awesome. I love body dysmorphia and sobbing for hours over how ugly I perceive myself to be

[fuckwoodyallen]

I reach new levels of self-hatred every week. this is so awesome. I love body dysmorphia and sobbing for hours over how ugly I perceive myself to be

[fuckwoodyallen]

[fuckwoodyallen]

[fuckwoodyallen]

I haven't had a proper meal in more than 24 hours. Feels good

[fuckwoodyallen]

when you're trying to starve yourself but your mom decides to make fucking banana fritters. how could I possibly say no to that. also I have not consumed anything in the past 9 hours except for coffee.

[fuckwoodyallen]

Water Serpents II by Gustav Klimt (1907)

[fuckwoodyallen]

do you just want me to fucking kill myself or something

[fuckwoodyallen]

Venus and Cupid by Frederic Leighton (19th Century)

[fuckwoodyallen]

why does it have to take all the strength in the world for me to be more. anything larger than myself feels impossible.

[fuckwoodyallen]

it's nearly time for your birthday, your mind's favorite sore spot, so of course you feel the very potent urge to visit the shedding shop for a new skin to don. this has happened every year since you were [redacted] years old. you can't even remember when anymore. your attempts at friendship with safety are appreciated (if you can call mere acknowledgement that) but useless on the whole. you abhor the implied requirement that is to perform joy. paying for a ticket to self-precedence feels intrinsically stupid. nausea. and like always you make sure to avoid catching a glance of your reflection. and like always you fail. nausea. the map tells you that this path you're on traces back to self-infliction. moron. you're infatuated with self-abuse, can't you see? how do you get inoculated against the sickness you feel every time you discover yourself? who sees you?

#upholding my birthday tradition of ramped up suicidal ideation #classic stuff

[fuckwoodyallen]

it's over it's over it's literally so fucked and over I am cooked. deep fried. grilled to the bone. burnt. I am listening to silver jews as an alternative for doing hard drugs to cope. not that I would do hard drugs.

[fuckwoodyallen]

thankfully I don't feel suicidal this time! I merely wish that I was born a gay boy

screw my gay ass life these feelings of clusterfuck have made their return once again

[fuckwoodyallen]

screw my gay ass life these feelings of clusterfuck have made their return once again

#I blame gallovich for this

[fuckwoodyallen]

And I was absolutely right LMFAO who could've guessed

needed a place to just straight-up go “I want to kill myself” all the time without it seeping into my creative outlets unwanted or directly burdening the people I love - it’s not as if I really talk to my friends about that sort of thing, anyway. surely this will be healthy for me!

[fuckwoodyallen]

When will I ever stop feeling this way. It hasn't stopped since I was 12. Mentally ill and unmedicated. I am rawdogging reality, so to speak

#I wish someone could teach me how to love myself

[fuckwoodyallen]

maybe I should just stop fucking thinking about this for one second and relax. it’s 12 PM on a tuesday for crying out loud. 

#I shall not let these all-consuming thoughts get in the way of having a damn good brunch