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Brats - And how to tame them

Age Play Personas – Vol. 1: Brats and how to tame them

As any age player knows, there are many different roles and character types in age play related role-playing scenarios. In the same way as people of the same age category often display a great diversity of varying character traits, there also are many different types of adult babies, littles, middles, teens, youngsters and other age play personas with a variety of individual needs and desires. To avoid misunderstandings, disappointments and potential abuse, all persons involved in such a relationship must be aware that the nature of the respective relationship is not defined by abstract role descriptions, but by the actual dynamic between the individuals of said relationship.

While it is impossible to adequately portray the wide range of possible character traits that may affect the nature of said relationships by means of abstract categories, there are certain behavioral patterns that are often encountered by age play personas with similar character traits. Being aware of said tendencies may help understanding your age play persona a bit better and might help you communicate your needs and desires to your respective other.

For this purpose, the following article is supposed to shed some light on the inner workings of one almost archetypical character I feel most familiar with: The Brat.

Typical Character Traits of a Brat

Playful and cocky when interacting with others

Adventurous; inclined to take risks for fun / entertainment

Proud of own intelligence and wit

Competitive

Distinct need for self-assertion (or the attempt thereof)

Propensity for egocentric behavior

Does not cope well with boredom

Requires and actively demands attention; inclined to act out when feeling neglected

Wishes to exert (at least some degree of) control without having to shoulder the respective responsibilities

Inclined to deny any indication of having submissive tendencies; will struggle against anyone who attempts to assert dominance over them, just to make sure that there is no doubt in that regard

Secretly wants to be dominated by partner/caretaker, but will only submit to those who prove worthy of such trust and who show that they understand their constant need to challenge said authority; requires a well-meaning carer who administers firm, but gentle discipline.

You might be a Brat if…

… you know that you are always right, even when for some reason you appear not to be

… you are convinced that rules are only binding, as long as there is someone to enforce them

… you believe that anything that has not been explicitly forbidden is fair game

… you are sure that you can get away with anything, if you are stealthy / sneaky or bold enough

… you think that direct commands only apply till you find a way to circumvent them

… you think that the blame for your mischief lies with those who have failed to stop you

Favorite Activities of Brats:

Psychological Warfare:

Testing the patience of everyone in charge is one of the favorite pastimes of every true brat. In the hands of a brat, even the most innocent baby toy becomes a potentially devastating device of psychological torture. Be it a rattle, some blocks, a balloon or some kind of ball, there is always a way to utilize it in a manner that will create the maximum amount and the most annoying types of noise. If left alone for too long, the intolerable boredom of being ignored will fuel their creativity to look for the most effective ways to force your hand. After several minutes of increasingly severe acoustical water torture, you will either submit and shower the brat with attention (e.g. by restraining the brat) or go deaf and/or insane.

Finding Loopholes:

When it comes to finding loopholes in your rules and instructions, brats are bolder and much more creative than any lawyer. If you are not very careful how you phrase your instructions, a brat will always find a way to bend them to their liking. Even if there is nothing to gain from it, a true brat will always rise to the occasion and exploit any loophole that can be found. It is not about personal gain or disobedience, but about the intellectual challenge. Brats who are looking for loopholes without directly disobeying their partners, are actually respecting their authority over them and only challenge the rationality behind said authority. If you are inconsistent with your rules and instructions or if you fail to foresee how easily your plans can be thwarted, brats will always be happy to playfully remind you of your shortcomings in the most plastic way possible. By doing so, they keep you on your toes and help you become a better guardian. If you don´t want to lose your authority and your respect as a guardian, be mindful of these shortcomings and keep in mind that teasing is part of the dynamic when dealing with a brat. Exploiting loopholes is fair game and it is your task as a caregiver to always be at least one step ahead of your charge. If you fail to keep up, you can hardly blame your charge for taking advantage of that :-)

Pouting:

For a bratty little, there is always a reason to pout. It can be due to boredom or unease or because they have not succeeded in getting their will. If a brat starts pouting, it is always an act of communication that a carer should not ignore. Either it is a nonverbal sign that your little requires your attention (a brat would never say so directly) or it is an intentionally shown sign of grudging submission behind which you may find the hidden intent of later mischief. It can be that they are pouting solely because they would never admit that they secretly enjoy your care or it can be a sign that the actual battle has only just begun and that some mischief is up ahead. Experienced carers learn to read between the lines and adapt their behavior accordingly. Pouting is natural behavior for a brat and should not be suppressed by the carer. If your little starts to pout, it is an expression of their age play persona, not an insult against your authority. Never punish a brat just because they start pouting. You may lightly reprimand them or administer a symbolic punishment for excessive pouting (e.g. making them wear a pacifier because they seem cranky), but never do anything that would actually suppress their behavior. Instead, ask yourself why they are pouting and deal with any source of unhappiness that you can identify.

Bargaining:

Brats with more mature personalities (e.g. middles or teens), who feel too grown-up to resort to pouting, use other means to communicate their more or less grudging submission. By bargaining and haggling with their caregiver whenever they are required to do something or to submit to something, they make sure that nobody would ever suspect them of being submissive. Just like pouting, this is an expression of their age play persona and a result of their inherent need to assert themselves. Testing the boundaries and maintaining the semblance of independency despite their submissive nature is an important part of the dynamic when dealing with a brat. Therefore, you should never actually suppress such behavior and instead use this as an opportunity to let your brat discover how foolish and immature it is to behave in such manner. If you react with calm authority and only lightly reprimand them for excessive haggling, you can let the futile efforts of your brat pass in vain without giving them the satisfaction of forcing your hand. Make sure to listen to them and to give them the feeling of being heard, but also show them with benevolent firmness that it is in their own best interest to listen to you. Show them that being treated more maturely comes with responsibilities and that behaving responsibly is a requirement for being treated maturely. Thus, your brat has a choice. Either they accept your authority and submit to reason or they risk being treated more like a baby/child until they learn to behave responsibly. As an added benefit, this gives your brat the ability to influence the dynamic of your relationship without having to leave their role. It is simply a matter of maintaining the balance between giving your brat sufficient room for self-assertion and upholding your own authority in the relationship. Clever caregivers plan ahead and actually give their charges room for haggling so that they can experience a small victory and settle more willingly to whatever you actually wanted to have them do. E.g. if you want to enforce a certain bedtime, suggest a bedtime that is at least 30 minutes earlier than the one you actually want to enforce and suggest the latter as a compromise after your brat had sufficient opportunity to haggle to their hearts content.

Games & Gaming:

Since most brats have a competitive nature, they always like to play games (provided that they think they can win). While some prefer videogames that provide a welcome distraction and a worthy challenge for their restless intellects, more competitive games, such as board games, card games, etc. are also a very good option that will allow your charge to fully embrace their inner brat. The feeling of dominance resulting from the successful execution of ruthless strategies, the sheer joy of coming out on top, the thrill of trying to get away with cheating, the fickle moods of chance, the anger of losing because the other player is a big meanie and doesn´t let them cheat, all of that is a rollercoaster of emotions that will allow your brat to let down all guards and let their inner self take the reigns. Whether they manage to win or smash the board once they start losing, it will almost always have a cathartic effect and will give your charge a chance to behave as bratty as possible without any need to fear actual consequences. A bit of teasing and cheeky behavior should be tolerated in this regard, since it will be a good outlet for their brattiness that does not do any actual harm. Play along insofar as the brat does not break any of your actual rules (e.g. excessive swearing, etc.) and only lightly reprimand them if they do so due to the excitement of the game. If you acknowledge your charge as a brat and frequently play with them in such manner, it will also be good for your bonding and will validate your charge that it is okay to show you their inner nature.

How to “tame” a Brat:

General Advice:

Acknowledge that your charge is a brat and accept them for what they are!

DO NOT try to suppress your charge´s brattiness! It is part of their age play persona and you need to respect this character trait if you want to create a healthy relationship. Never force your charge to become something that would conflict with their inner nature.

The goal of “taming a brat” is not to turn the brat into something else, but to provide sufficient structure, guidance and well-meaning help, that the brat will accept your care of their own accord and trust you to act in their best interest.

Successful “taming” is achieved, once your charge voluntarily submits to your care and no longer offers more than playful resistance against your guiding authority. Even a tamed brat will still misbehave and break rules from time to time, but they will do so without directly challenging your authority and will accept whatever discipline you provide on their behalf (although they would never admit that this is the case).

Brats need attention and crave to be understood:

Although brats try to act confident and self-assured, most of them actually suffer from lingering self-doubts, insecurities and the fear of being rejected if they show how they actually are. This does not apply to all brats, but most brats show at least some degree of these fears.

Bratty behavior is often the result of these insecurities and serves multiple purposes that compete with each other: By trying to assert themselves and by successfully pursuing their own egocentric goals they attempt to quench these self-doubts and prove themselves of their own worth, while challenging everyone to see through the façade and expose how they actually are. At the same time, they actively push people away and misbehave due to their fear of being rejected, either because they want to avoid the inevitable disappointment once they let their guard down or because they want to face said rejection as early as possible so that there will be no false hope in the first place. By misbehaving, they challenge you to reject them just like everyone else and show you indirectly that this is actually the opposite of what they crave.

NEVER reject your charge for being a brat or for behaving like a brat! Show your charge that you respect them for who they are. Especially if you have to discipline them, let them know that you love them even when they misbehave and prove to them that this will never change. This is the necessary foundation for winning your charges trust. Without it, you will never be able to build a healthy relationship with your charge.

If your charge does not get sufficient attention and starts to feel alone or neglected, it can trigger their fear of rejection. Lingering worries about losing contact with people and being forgotten can create great anxiety and could drive your charge into a depressive state. If you cannot be with your charge, check in on them in regular intervals and let them know that you think of them. Show them your respect and affection even when they act as if they don’t want any or don’t deserve any. And most of all, NEVER ignore them or let them feel unwanted! Not even as a punishment!

Sometimes your charge will act out simply because they require confirmation that you still love them and that you will always be there to guide them when they lose their way. It is essential that you provide gentle discipline with lots of aftercare to alleviate these fears so that your charge will feel loved and well cared for.

Moderation is key:

The guiding principle of your relationship should always be what is best for your charge. If you fail to provide guidance and discipline where they are needed, your brat would feel as neglected as if you simply ignored them. Excessive strictness and harsh punishments on the other hand would tell your charge, that you do not accept them for who they are and that you want them to repress their inner nature. In order to create a healthy relationship, you must find a middle ground that tells your charge that they can always rely on your guidance and that you won´t reject them when they misbehave. It requires time and careful observation to find this middle ground and not all brats require the same degree of discipline. Be mindful of your charge´s behavior and adapt your discipline accordingly. It will show you whether your charge dares you to go further or if your rules are too restrictive.

When dealing with a brat it is always necessary to keep your cool even if they try to provoke you. Remember that they actually want your attention and affection and that their misbehavior is not directed against you personally. Do not let them tempt you to punish them in anger. In order to earn your brat´s trust, you need to act with calm authority and must avoid irrational decisions. If a situation becomes too much to handle, try to diffuse it without direct confrontation and postpone the actual discipline till you have cooled down. Never punish in anger!

Never punish your brat just for being a brat. Always give them the choice to make the right decision, despite being a brat. Since the first reaction of most brats to any kind of order is some form of resistance, you should always give your brat a chance to change their mind after this initial reaction. When you signal your brat that pouting and haggling will not have any effect on you and that the only thing they will get by disobeying you is a punishment, reason will often prevail and make them submit rather than risking a direct confrontation. Especially countdowns and ultimatums can be quite effective to put your brat on the spot and to force them to carefully consider their options. Counting down from 3 to 0 with the looming threat of yet unspecified punishment will have your brat squirming long before you even reach 1 and will most likely result in them giving in at the last second.

Most often, indirect consequences work better than direct punishments. When your charge misbehaves, gentle guidance does a lot more than a mere punishment. If for example, your brat uses a certain toy to torture you with incessant noise, it obviously shows that they are not mature enough to properly use said toy. Thus, you take the toy away until they learn how to use it properly, replace it with a more childish or babyish alternative and show them how to play with it instead. If they pout, give them a pacifier. If they act cranky, have them take a nap. If they don´t do what they are supposed to do, treat them as if they were too little to comprehend their task and help them with it as if they were still too young to do it themselves. Since most brats strive for independency (at least superficially) and want to maintain their dignity (or the semblance of dignity), this will most certainly work as a strong incentive to do it properly in the future.

Not all Brats are created equally:

There are many different types of brats with different needs and desires and different preferences in regard to discipline. While some brats have masochistic tendencies and may derive pleasure from being punished, most don´t crave the punishments as such, but the feelings of care, love and being accepted that are communicated through the provided discipline and the corresponding aftercare. Keep this in mind, when dealing with a misbehaving brat and adjust your approach accordingly.

Always clearly communicate which of your disciplinary measures are intended as actual punishments and which are only “funishments” that are intended to be enjoyed by both parties. Make sure that you are on the same page in that regard and that there are no misunderstandings.

Let your brat take part in shaping your relationship and give them room to adjust the intensity of your care via their own behavior. If they seem too reluctant to follow their bratty nature, this often indicates that you are too strict and that they need more room to misbehave.

Be constistent:

The quickest way to lose respect in the eyes of a brat is to fail to be consistent. If you try to enforce a rule that you do not respect yourself, it is obvious that the rule has no meaning and that you are just a bully and a hypocrite. Make sure that your charge understands why certain rules only apply to them while others must be obeyed by everyone, and follow through with the corresponding commitment.

If a rule is not expressly limited to your charge (e.g. excessive swearing), make sure to respect it yourself and provide a fitting penance whenever you break it (e.g. put a set amount of money into a swearing jar and stipulate that it will be used only for things/activities that benefit both you and your charge). It does not need to be the same type of punishment your charge would receive (they are little after all and need other types of discipline), but it must be an actual penance and an incentive to uphold the rule in the future. This will demonstrate your brat that the rules need to be respected and that not even you are above the rules. In addition, it will provide your brat with the fun pastime of trying to get you to break some rules in order to see you punishing yourself ;-)

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And, of course, do not forget to have fun yourself!

As troublesome and as high maintenance as most brats are, they never want you to actually feel bad.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or if it becomes too much for you to handle, let your charge know that you need some selfcare and even the brattiest brat will give you all the room you need, so that they can bully you further once you feel better :-P

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