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What exactly is going on with Taylor swift? Did she do something wacky or just release a shit album that's so bad it's funny?

okay i have done time as a swiftie and i now watch over those weirdos like im david attenborough so you’ve come to the right place.

ur correct about it being an album so bad its funny. but theres more. im very sorry but this will be long.

so basically since like 2016 she was in an apparently steady and normal long term relationship with a blond man called joe alwyn whose only character trait is knowing how to shut the fuck up (and i love him for that)

then in april 2023 it was announced that they broke up while she was on tour but bc the relationship had been uneventful and boring this whole time, the general vibe from everyone was “huh thats kinda sad, oh well”

i might be mixing up the timeline a little here but a couple weeks later there were some articles about how she’s now dating matty healy from the 1975. people were mostly just like “pfft its just tabloid shit it cant be true” and then at the next 1975 gig, marty pointed into the camera and said “this is for you, you know who you are, i love you” before playing a love song. THEN at the next taylor gig she did the exact same damn thing and the swifties hit the fan.

to make a very long fuckin story short, they dug up a bunch of dirt about how this dude is a nasty little racist misogynist rat and he needs to get away from their poor little innocent billionaire princess. some people get kinda heated about whether these accusations are true and tbh id rather eat glass than get into that shit myself

SO, swifties outnumber us all and raised absolute hell online while taylor brought this guy to all her concerts and let him perform with the opening acts. her publicist released some statements saying taylor knows what her fans are saying and she doesnt give a fuck. but also said they’re not super serious and are just having fun together.

during all this, theres a small group of swifties that have decided to break away and become very pro-marty and essentially pit him against aforementioned blond man joe alwyn. their general narrative is that because joe loves being quiet and doesnt really do Celebrity Things, that must mean he was ashamed of his relationship with taylor. this is where we get the beloved He Lets Her Bejeweled meme

this fannade narrative becomes more relevant in a bit

at some point during this relationship she releases the joe alwyn breakup song You’re Losing Me, which just describes some very standard long term relationship breakdown stuff. they have different life goals and they’re drifting apart and the communication is breaking down. she kinda wants him to do something to save it at the eleventh hour but that wouldnt be realistic. very sad oh well.

theres a small amount of kicking off from the fandom about he’s awful for this but only bc they’re addicted to the idea that their favourite billionaire is the worlds most tragic victim and honestly whats new

and here starts the very fucking weird trend of her publicist releasing statements that are very clearly deliberately backing up the weirdo fan theories. a lot of “taylor and matty are showing up for each other UNLIKE HER LAST RELATIONSHIP and he is proud of her UNLIKE JOE ALWYN” like..alright.

anyway ratty and taylor break up after about a month of publicly dating and she sings some sad songs and cries at her concerts but everyone mostly forgets about the whole thing.

about a month later travis kelce asks her out and they end up dating and the white women of america collectively cream. personally i dont get it because i dont know what sports are and the only travis im familiar with is the tractor from bob the builder but i digress. the 35 year old deadbedroom swifties are going CRAZY. they’re saying these two are gonna get married and have ten kids and global superstar taylor swift can finally achieve the only real success for a woman: marriage and motherhood. because football man is the only Real Man she has been with due to the fact that he is tall and wide and bearded.

its severely tragic and vicarious

once again the focus does not remain on the couple. they’re turning on poor puppydog joe alwyn again. this time he’s evil not only for being “ashamed” of her but also for wasting her time by not marrying and impregnating her, because as we have established, thats the only point to life as a woman. how dare he waste all that time locking her away in the six mansions that she owns.

and her publicist does the same shit as before with the “he supports her and shows up for her UNLIKE JOE” bullshit. all of these people are over 30 and have never experienced a real problem.

this creates a cycle that is honestly kind of concerning, where the fans invent a strange theory, the publicist backs it up, the swifties add to the theory, the publicist back up the new additions, and so on. taylor continues dating travis and they go to each others concerts/games and act like a relatively normal honeymoon phase couple. the narrative has massively broken away from the reality.

so this continues, people hyping up travis and hating joe. at this point i want to note that taylor and her team have spent a lot of years crying about how the nasty misogynistic media only ever cares about her relationship drama and ignores her art because they hate powerful women or something. the irony is that just about every bit of publicity she’s done over the last year+ has been directly linked to whatever breakup or boyfriend she’s going through currently. they’re definitely not hiding that this is the PR direction they’re going with.

so, with the weird fan rumours continuing to reinforce themselves, the swifties become very confident that their imaginations are telling the truth. they stalk joe alwyns social media presence, of which there is very little. but if you go out looking for mess you never come back empty handed. they find that he has been around women. because he is an actor. and some other actors are women. anyway they fully believe this is proof that he cheated, and they launch harassment campaigns against these relatively small actors, who end up having to private their accounts. then the swifties find another woman to harass for being “the other woman”. it goes on.

then the abuse and domestic violence accusations against joe alwyn are created. not from taylor or anyone close to the situation. only from the fans. her PR team have at least stopped reinforcing the fan theories at this point, but the ball is already rolling.

when she announces her new album, the swifties ERUPT with joy that finally she is going to end joe alwyn, the man who im pretty sure has just been chilling in his house this whole time. the harassment of anyone and everyone deemed in any way guilty continues tenfold. they are openly tweeting about finding him in london and physically attacking and/or killing him (he’s not a huge celebrity and is often just hanging around alone with no security team or anything. im sure these threats arent serious but they feel kinda more dangerous when the target essentially just hangs around as a private citizen)

the album promo is pretty much just.. “hey i dated this dude and he made me sooooo sad isnt that interesting, swifties?” over and over again. each new post brings a bigger wave of joe harassment. they’re champing at the bit for taylor to tell them all the many ways he hurt her so dreadfully.

then the album leaks and its all about matty healy, which is very funny on the dismayed swiftie-violence front but also just..terrible in that she used the harassment of joe as an album promo tactic when the album barely mentions him. the only thing she really says about him is that he suffers from depression and it made their relationship difficult.

..and yeah, the album is about how she’s been obsessed with marty for over ten years and she fantasised about him while in her long term relationship, and theres maybe some overlap of the two relationships. the irony. all the “this man hurt me so much!!!”-type lyrics that were released to promote the album were actually about matty, not joe. a lot of the swifties are continuing to double down on hating joe bc they cant accept that the matty relationship even happened. theres a song about how much she hates her fans for hating her relationship with rarty. its called but daddy i love him. its a whole embarrassing mess for everyone involved, including me for typing all this out.

and after all that most of the songs fuckin suck

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mice aren’t cowardly they’re just shy. Introduce yourself non-threateningly to harvest mouse bites

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the youtube game is fun

#the really gay voice is me #but i feel like you know that

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im like if you relocated an insect to an environment it doesnt belong to like i do not have the right features to survive in this ecosystem girl!

im not saying im not attractive i just wish i was the type of guy that other guys found attractive because every time that my friends try to set me up the other person just says "oh hes not really my type"

#i think im good looking #but i dont think im the kind of person people are sexually attracted too

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im not saying im not attractive i just wish i was the type of guy that other guys found attractive because every time that my friends try to set me up the other person just says "oh hes not really my type"

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when will i learn i always yearn for the bars and yearn for the parties but every time i go i hate it. perhaps it is just not for me!!!!

#had a jack and coke and i am REGRETTING IT!!! my head hurts so bad

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176 BPM in 3 days. like fuck me

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its so predatory too because they know most of the musicians in this city willing to volunteer free gigs are not part of the union (including me but I will join it once I get my degree). and the way they are holding these auditions would not fly with union musicians this is ridiculous. like great now I get to shove literally everything else I have to work on to the side to crunch a bunch of technical stuff for music I should have been given way earlier for an audition that should not be this soon. The show isnt until late july/early august. Do they really need to know who's playing in the orchestra right this second?

local theatre company needs musicians to put on a production of the wizard of oz, and eventually the call for an oboe/english horn player comes far enough down the line to reach me. ok wonderful ill throw my name in. auditions are this saturday morning. I did not receive audition music until about an hour ago. productions manager says "we might not even have to audition certain people", and will "let me know" if i even have to audition by friday evening. what they are asking me to play for my audition is the entirety of cyclone, which is all of these chromatic runs up to 176 BPM. Learn that at tempo in the span of 3 days. All to win the part for a gig that doesn't even pay.

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local theatre company needs musicians to put on a production of the wizard of oz, and eventually the call for an oboe/english horn player comes far enough down the line to reach me. ok wonderful ill throw my name in. auditions are this saturday morning. I did not receive audition music until about an hour ago. productions manager says "we might not even have to audition certain people", and will "let me know" if i even have to audition by friday evening. what they are asking me to play for my audition is the entirety of cyclone, which is all of these chromatic runs up to 176 BPM. Learn that at tempo in the span of 3 days. All to win the part for a gig that doesn't even pay.

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joseph scott pilgrim has my ideal life he gets to A. be mean B. recording engineer for some indie band C. sleep with the singer

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Shh babygirl, I know it's not actually 7,000 steps to High Hrothgar. It's actually 763, but canonically, it's 7,000. Shh, I know love. It's ok. It's Skyrim Darling,followers can get trapped in walls,people can swim in mid air and you can break doors with dinner plates. Let it go. It will all be alright.

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medieval judge: i sentence you to a swift and painless death in private with all of your clothes on

gay masochist pervert criminal: NOOOOOO PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THAT!

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ms jealous (<- mocking nickname for daisy) has joined the fray

feeling sloshed with bill (the cat bill)

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feeling sloshed with bill (the cat bill)