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[generalmoonpolice]

Partners in Crime | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hi, friends! This idea came from the increasingly ridiculous and lovely discord I'm a part of, and the silly banter between @sgt-seabass and I :)

If you like what you read, throw a reblog my way! 🥰

Tag list: @beefybuckrrito @shadytalementality @everything-burns-down @rainbow-unicorn-pony @mandersshow @breakablebarnes @glxwingrxse @psychoticmason @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @dreamerglassesgirl @lonewolf471 @jamesbarnesjr @lipstickandbarbedwxre @the-gods-gloted-but-they-burned @mrsdrysdale18 💘

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Bucky regretted this already.

You and Sam were in Sam’s car, scream-singing along to some song by a band Bucky had never heard of. The car shook as the two of you danced in your seats and the loud thumping of the bass vibrated in Bucky’s chest. Part of him wished he hadn’t told Sam that he had plans to go shopping with you. Before he’d even told Sam the plan for the day, Sam texted you to see if he could tag along- and of course you said yes. Sam was Bucky’s best friend, and you were undoubtedly the love of Bucky’s life, but you and Sam were something else.

It was like the two of you shared one mind- or one braincell.

You finished each other’s sentences, quoted the same movies over and over, and laughed maniacally when you were together, driving everyone in your general vicinity crazy. It had gotten so bad that you and Sam were officially barred from going on missions as a team. Rhodey said you and Sam engaged in “too many shenanigans” to be allowed to work together. Bucky loved that the two of you got along so well. His two favorite people being so close only strengthened his support system, but going shopping as a group of three was always a mess.

You and Sam could make anything into a ridiculous game or a silly inside joke, finding uproarious laughter in every moment. Every shopping trip consisted of you and Sam filling the cart with increasingly ridiculous shit until Bucky nearly lost his mind. There was an incident with a bulk box of extra-large condoms that almost got the three of you permanently kicked out of Costco. You and Sam would hide from one another, only to pop out and scare the shit out of each other. Bucky would often lose the two of you as you got distracted by feeling soft blankets and smelling every candle you could find. He’d sometimes find the two of you testing out every set of patio furniture that was for sale and ranking how comfy they were. He’d always sigh like an overworked parent, but he secretly loved the nonsense.

Sam rolled his window down and unleashed the sounds of TLC’s No Scrubs into the air. “Come on, Buck! Let’s go!” This was it- Bucky’s last chance to escape. He was faster than Sam and definitely faster than you. He could make a run for it and miss out on the chaos that was sure to ensue-but he really needed to go to Target. With a deep breath, he cracked his neck and prepared himself for the shenanigans

The car ride was loud and absurd, just as things always were when you and Sam were together. Bucky sat in the back, arms crossed over his chest while you and Sam named your top five Tom Hanks movies and your least favorite cooking shows. “Wilson! How could you SAY such a thing?” you turned to Bucky with an aghast expression, looking for back up. “Buck, did you hear this bird-brain? He said that Master Chef is better than Chopped…like a heathen”. Sam’s laugh boomed over the music, and he threatened to “turn this car around” if you didn’t agree with his wrong opinion.

When the three of you finally arrived at Target, Bucky grabbed a small basket, but Sam stopped him. “We’re gonna need a cart, Barnes”, Sam stated as though he were on a recon mission, “I need a lot of stuff”. He threw you a wink and motioned for you to follow him, but you hung back. Bucky already looked exasperated and the chaos hadn’t even begun. You took his hand in yours and kissed his knuckles, “I know Sam and I can be kind of a lot, Buck. I’m sorry, I-“

“Don’t apologize. I love that you’re close. As long as neither of you get kicked out of the store, I’m perfectly happy”. He pressed a kiss to your nose and a slap to your ass as he told you to go catch up with Sam, your partner in crime. With a giggle, you landed a kiss on his cheek and skipped away to find Sam.

After raiding the snack aisles and filling the cart with other “necessities”, the three of you ended up in the coffee aisle. A quiet snicker caught Bucky’s attention and pulled his focus from coffee beans in his hand. He examined the contents of the cart and flicked his eyes up to meet yours.

“Um, doll…why is there a seventy dollar bird statue in the cart?” Sam struggled to contain his laughter and felt his chest tighten as his lungs burned for oxygen. With obnoxious confidence, you scoffed at Bucky. Your gaze landed on the bird, and you stroked its head a few times as though it were your pet, “we need it, Buck. I can’t live without this bird statue”. Bucky gave a small chuckle before landing his hands on his hips. He challenged you with the quirk of his brow, but you didn’t back down.

“Do you want me to die, Buck?” a feigned, hurt gasp left your lips as you clutched your chest like an actress from the golden age of Broadway. Bucky watched Sam’s shoulders shake with restrained laughter and rolled his eyes. He took your chin between his fingers and angled it upward, letting his lips almost brush yours. “Baby, I don’t think you need the bird statue. I think someone,” his eyes flicked to Sam, “likes messing with me”.

An incredulous scoff left your lips and you pushed Bucky’s hand away with dramatic flair, “I see how it is, you don’t love me any more…” Sam finally chimed in, elbowing Bucky in the ribs and giving him a sad head shake, “tough break man- a bird statue? Guess she likes me better than you”. Bucky couldn’t keep it together anymore. He returned Sam’s elbow with a playful shove, sending him into a shelf full of Folger’s.

“I’m just saying, Buck, I see where her true allegiance lies…”

“Wilson, she’s my wife-”

“But is there a wolf statue in the cart? Don’t think so, Barnes…”

You forced your body in between theirs with another dramatic flourish, “Boys, Boys! Don’t fight over little, ol’ me…although, Buck, Sam would probably let me get two bird statues, cause this one needs a friend…” Bucky gave up, declaring Sam the default winner. He narrowed his eyes at you and tried to force his amused smile away. He gave a deadpan response, sending both you and Sam into a howling fit of laughter, “I’m divorcing both of you.”

Without warning, your lips met his in a kiss full of giggles and love. He smiled into the kiss and shook his head at your antics, secretly adoring every second. “Fine”, you whispered as you pulled away, “more bird statues for us”.

[generalmoonpolice]

DEAD 💀

Steve you’re not helping…

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*ca:cw*

Tony: listen PAL you have to expect the unexpected

Steve: *slaps him*

Steve: did you expect that?

Steve: bitch

[generalmoonpolice]

The GED

Pairing - Grumpy!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Reader Summary - There's more than one way to be smart. Or so you've been told. But how on Earth do you go about proving that you're not (the stupid, illiterate Avenger) dumb?

Anon's 1K Celebration

"Can you please just listen to me?" Sam begs you. "I'm telling you this is a bad idea."

"Or it's an amazing idea and it'll all be for the better!" you counter, plating the last of your freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

He snatches a cookie from the plate when he thinks you're not watching, "Or you'll make an already strained relationship like ten times worse."

You glare at him, snatching the cookie back and placing it back on the plate, "Or by then end of the day we'll have a new set of friends."

Bucky groans, entering the room just in time to hear your rebuttal to Sam's negativity, "Please, not more friends. I don't like the ones I have as it is."

"See?" Sam wildly gestures to Bucky. "When do we ever agree on anything? It just proves that this is a terrible idea!"

"Hi," Bucky finally greets you, gently pecking your lips. "Missed you. Now, who exactly are we trying to make friends with?"

"The SHIELD agents downstairs," you blithely reply.

Bucky quirks an eyebrow at you, "Why? They hate us."

"That's exactly what I said!" Sam frantically exclaims.

"Have we ever asked ourselves why they hate us?" you muse. "Maybe we need to be a little nicer to them."

"Or maybe it's because they're bitter and jealous that we're better than them," Sam remarks.

"Well, it's definitely not because of Sam's incredible sense of humility," Bucky sarcastically retorts.

"Shut up," Sam snarks. "And we are better. Our stats are better, we get first pick of assignments, our mission times are like a third of theirs, Fury trusts us a hell of a lot more, and we get all the good snacks."

"And that means we can't be friends?" you rhetorically ask. "We work together all the time!"

"Listen, it's not that bad of a deal," Bucky tries to convince you. "They tolerate us. We tolerate them. It's never caused a problem on missions or anything, so who cares? Not everyone in this world is going to like you."

"Who else doesn't like me?" you frantically question, quirking an eyebrow at Bucky.

"Everyone likes you," Bucky assures you.

"Except the people downstairs," Sam teases.

"That's it!" You throw your hands up in frustration. "I'm going down there. I'm just going to bring these cookies down there and talk to them. They're just people, I'm sure they're all really nice!"

"Nice going," Bucky mutters to Sam, elbowing him in the ribs. "Come on, can't we just leave well enough alone? Isn't it enough that the people who actually know you like you? And not to mention, I like you and I don't like anybody."

"Aww.." you coo at Bucky, caressing his cheek. "Nope, too late, I'm committed."

"Why?" Sam groans. "You're never going to get everyone in the world to like you!"

"Oh, yes, I can! I've spend my entire time out in the world cultivating a personality that's impossible not to like just to satisfy my compulsive people pleasing tendencies."

Bucky's eyebrows furrow as a teasing smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, "People really don't see this side of you enough."

Sam nods, "You're a little scary when you think people don't like you."

"Scary or strangely endearing?" you wonder.

"Scary! Definitely scary!"

Bucky sighs to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You're not going to leave this alone, are you?"

You beam at the two of them, scooping up the plate of cookies, "Not even a little bit."

"It's a bad idea!" Sam bellows down the corridor as you walk away from him.

You roll your eyes as you step onto the elevator and tell Friday to take you to the third floor, where the SHIELD agents typically hung out.

It wasn't a bad idea. It was a great idea. What could go wrong with trying to bring people closer together? They were just people. They were people you had to trust with your lives, why not get to know them a little bit more?

As you step off the elevator, you immediately notice that this layout is almost identical to the one upstairs, except without all the extravagant touches of Tony Stark. You amble down the hallway, looking for a sign of anyone. You figure if the layout is the same, their common room will be in the same place as the one upstairs. 

You're right, you realize when you start to hear faint voices from where you thought their common room would be. Even all the way down the hall, voices echo off the walls as you make your way closer.

You certainly don't mean to eavesdrop or listen into a conversation that you're not supposed to hear.

No, you definitely don't mean to eavesdrop on your new friends, but the open floor plan does nothing to dampen the sounds of their booming voices. 

"Yeah, I leave first thing tomorrow," an unfamiliar voice sighs.

"Who with?" someone else asks.

You don't like the way they spit Bucky's name out in disgust, "Barnes."

"Oh, he's the worst!" the same voice dramatically groans. You silently scoff at the insinuation that Bucky was the worst. "He just sits and stares like he's got nothing better to do."

"Please, I'd take him over his girlfriend any day," a different female scoffs.

You freeze at the mention of yourself. You know you should go. You shouldn't be listening to this. The things they were saying were definitely not nice, but neither was eavesdropping.

"Oh come on, she's not that bad."

You sigh in relief, feeling a little better that someone was defending you. You could go upstairs and tell Sam that he was wrong, not all the SHIELD agents were that bad.

And in the next second, you were proved very, very wrong.

"She's just such an idiot!" Your stomach twists in knots as the same SHIELD agent continues complaining about you. This is what you got for eavesdropping, you tell yourself. They're entitled to their own opinions about you. Better yet, you could change their minds and show them that there was more to you than what meets the eye. You just don't want to believe that people can be this mean, that it's so easy for them to be this casually cruel. They just didn't know you. You were sure that if they did know you all, they wouldn't be saying such awful things. "I don't know what everyone sees in her, but I swear I can see right through that whole Sunshine act."

"I dunno, she acted like that on the last mission I had with her."

"She didn't let up? Not once?"

"Nope! The whole time."

"I'd rather get caught by the bad guys then deal with her for a whole week."

"Who knows, maybe Barnes likes them dumb," the agent giggles. The words feel like a punch to the gut. You want to leave, to turn on your heels and pretend like you never heard a thing, but you're frozen in shock. "Like a Stepford Wife thing."

"If that's true, then they'll be together forever," the same agent, the one going on a mission with Bucky tomorrow, jokes. 

"What do you think they even talk about?"

"Who knows?"

"My question is what kind of adult makes it knowing as little as she does?"

"The kind with Fury in their back pocket."

"Exactly! It's the only reason she's even apart of the team. I'd bet anything she's never even picked up a book."

"Can I tell you guys something?" an agent exclaims. "Someone got into a bunch of their files upstairs. And guess what? She can't even read! She's illiterate! An illiterate Avenger!"

Your blood runs cold. Those were private. They held so much intimate information about you and your history and they were using it to make fun of you, make fun of the people that chose to love you.

You weren't sure what was worse, that they were using your past to make fun of you, or that they knew intimate details of your past, they knew the torment you were put through as a child and they still thought it was funny, they still used it as a way to belittle you. As though you had any control over it. As though it was your fault.

It's only then that you realize that tears are staining your cheeks, that you're still standing in the hallway with a plate of cookies as a peace offering for the SHIELD agents making fun of you and your friends. 

"Probably doesn't even know what a book is. Maybe her next mission should be a day of kindergarten."

It's mean. It's meaner than they have any right to be, but a lightbulb goes off in your head as you finally regain the ability to leave.

You furiously wiped away your tears, storming down the corridor and back to your side of the Compound. You leave the plate of pastries on the counter for your team mates.

And you made a decision right then and there. You wouldn't cry. You wouldn't try to convince them that you were smart. You would just do better. Be better. You were going to show them that you could be more than the illiterate Avenger. 

In that very moment, you decide your very next mission: School.

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Grumpy Sunshine Series Anon's 1K Celebration

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

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Y/n: Elena hasn’t stopped staring through the window since the storm started

Y/n: I suppose i should let her in

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Tony: I’m making a documentary about my life. Rogers, I want you to play my father.

Steve: I don’t want to be your father.

Tony: Perfect. You already know your lines.

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Tony: *sliding a photo across the table* I need you to shoot this guy in the leg.

Bucky:

Bucky: That’s a picture of you.

Tony: Rogers and Thor want me to try Zumba.

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Y/N, to Tony: Okay, I’ll keep Steve away from you.

(Later)

Steve: Hey, have you seen Tony?

Y/N: Tony died eight years ago.

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Sam: There’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Bucky, from the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

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Y/N: I’m not all sunshine and rainbows. I have a dark side.

Natasha: Let me see your dark side face.

Y/N: [makes a face]

Natasha: Awww.

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Steve: You bought a taco?

Sam: Yeah

Steve: From the same truck that hit Bucky?

Sam:

Sam: Well me starving ain’t gonna help him!

[generalmoonpolice]

Steve: Did you just flirt with me?

Bucky: Have been since the Great Depression but thanks for noticing.

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Bucky: [stops kissing Steve] What do you think you’re doing?

Steve: What do you mean?

Bucky: I mean, your hands!

Steve: … They’re on your waist!

Bucky: I know! What am I, a nun? Put them somewhere useful.

[generalmoonpolice]

Bucky: Hey, Steve, could you-

Steve: I’d die for you

Bucky: That’s really sweet of you, but could you-

Steve: I’d go against dozens of countries for you

Bucky: That’s great, I just need you to-

Steve: Anything

Bucky: I just need you to do the dishes

Steve:

Steve: No.

[generalmoonpolice]

Incorrect quotes#92

y/n: what am I supposed to do?.. Apologise?

Steve: that's EXACTLY what i want YOU to DO.

y/n: over my RICH..HOT DEAD BODY...

[generalmoonpolice]

Bucky: [Watches someone get stuck in a revolving door]

Bucky: Ha, what an idiot

Sam: Isn’t that Steve?

Bucky, terrified: Oh, God, it’s Steve

[generalmoonpolice]

Sam *tired of listening to Steve gush about Bucky*: go tell him he’s cute. What’s the worst that could happen?

Steve: he could hear me.