genetically-engineered-dragons

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The two twins…

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she's everything

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banned from the clock app for making too many alarms. you set too many alarms girl! banned from clock app.

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req'd by @newthinkerer

god I can't believe I haven't written this yet

text: Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does.

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#the way my eyebrows jumped into my freaking hairline #also the ish does have me laughing

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no multi option, agonize and choose, no results option, pick one to find out or scroll onward

#hard to choose between laundry #magic plate #and magic veggie drawer #but I’m going with the veggie drawer just because it would 1 #save me a lot of money #2 #I always hate it when my fruit goes bad EVEN WHEN I’M MAKING AN EFFORT TO EAT IT FAST #looking at you raspberries and blackberries #also wrinkly grapes that get all sickly sweet rotten but I eat them anyway because I don’t have any other fruit that day #can you tell I struggle with healthy eating

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"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

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I love you dead punctuation marks.

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drawing sokka & katara with a polar owlcat to try to cure the artblock

Id in alt text

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AITA for jerkin' it to Goya's Black Paintings?

Emojis for convenience and humor: 🎨🖼🍆💦

I know someone's gonna yell bait about this but idc, like, what? Do you want proof? Video evidence? Grow up.

So I (30x) really like Goya's Black Paintings. Like, Saturn Devouring His Son, Duel with Cudgels, A Pilgrimage to San Isidro. I think they're hypnotic, beautiful, evocative. They make me feel emotions I can't quite explain properly.

As the title says, sometimes I beat my meat to them. Whatever. It's not really about horniness. But the intent doesn't matter.

Recently (in a discussion about sexuality in art, I promise it was relevant, similar sentiments were being shared) I mentioned to my partner (33nb) that I do this. They were pretty taken aback.

Apparently, they find this 'gross' and 'kind of dodgy' because Goya's black paintings were never intended to be shared with a wider audience. They were art that he did not mean to share, painted on the walls of his house near the end of his life. They say it seems like the work is too personal to jerk off to, that it seems invasive or like a violation.

I don't think it's a big deal. The guy is dead, it's not like his ghost knows what I'm doing. It's a good thing to consider, but I don't think it ultimately matters, ethically.

So, I guess AITA for this?

#nsfw #there are so many people on this earth #doing so many things that I will never understand #and that’s ok #art

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In one misfortunate year I ended up getting into several car accidents. It cemented my general fear and anxiety in cars, because in each case I was either in the car but not driving or driving safely when suddenly something hit me.

One was my ex driving in an unfamiliar city and cutting someone off on accident that resulted in a sideswipe. Another was getting rear ended when I came to a required stop.

The last was when I had a green arrow at an intersection. I turned and was smashed into by someone running a red light, T-boning my little car.

Dazed and in shock I tottered out of the car to behold a crusty older man eating a donut step out of the offending vehicle. A fire truck arrived to block us off from traffic since my car could no longer move under its own power.

“Were you on your way home from work?” The firemen asked me.

I shook my head, struggling to focus on them, “No,” I said vaguely, “I was on my way home from volunteering at the animal shelter.”

In an instant they were closing ranks around me, glaring at the ambivalent donut man who would dare to hit a tiny frail angel who volunteered at the animal shelter. They asked if I needed to get anything out of my car. I did.

“It’s… uh. It’s a little weird though.”

They gestured for me to proceed. I grabbed a bag with snacks and books and filled it with things I couldn’t just leave in my car. Last out I pulled my cutlass.

“Is that a sword?!”

It was. They were instantly like giant puppy dogs, excited and delighted but trying to mind their manners. The bravest said, “Can we…?” I held out the sword. They whooped with delight, unsheathing and marveling at it.

“Why do you have that in your car?”

“I honestly don’t remember, it’s just a fun thing to have at a party now.”

“Is your wrist okay?”

My shock was wearing off and I realized I was cradling my wrist to my chest. “Oh.” I rummaged into my bag and pulled out a wrist brace.

“Wh….why do you already have that?” I was starting to confuse the firemen. I volunteered with cats, had a sword offhand, and kept a wrist brace in my car bag.

“Sometimes I try to hold books in a way that sprains my wrist? So I have this in my car just in case.”

They stared at me. Maybe, like my wife, they assumed it was for masturbation induced injuries. They handed my sword back as the tow truck arrived and thanked me for letting them play with it. They gave donut man one last glare and drove their big truck away.

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You will NEVER experience the benefits of being a marine biologist ONLY the excel spreadsheets and the grant writing!!!

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Guy who has heard other guys refer to their wives as "ball and chain" and "battle-axe" and wrongfully assumed you can refer to your wife as any medieval weapon: oh there's my beautiful Lucerne hammer

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#obligatory reblog