gliftedk

[gliftedk]

Overdose

Ripping your families heart to pieces, You neglect to take care of yourself. You just keep running after the same thing everyday to keep you going. Euphoric. Chilling. Numb. Eyes roll back in your head, and you’re quickly in a trance. The subway train screeches by while you’re just lying underneath it. Cold. Destitute. Dark. The voice rings in your ear continuously every hour on the hour, day and night. Until one night, You hear the last train ever come to screeching stop.

-poeticok

[gliftedk]

The only way to describe my addiction that will be the death of me....

Addiction

You lost your way some time ago, Those pills and potions made you so Out of control, Out of this world, Because reality to you Was so absurd,

The bruises and gashes We’re never sewed up, The mind racing Would never shut up,

So you drank and you swallowed With no thought for tomorrow Live now and forget All this pain and regret, Just for one night “I hope I don’t wake up”

And sleep has evaded you Through the years of abuse, The torrent of worry Keeps your mind on a loop,

Just a few more pills, Should do the trick, One more, He says With a slick of his wrist,

It’s too easy you see To swallow more than you need, To disappear into a cloud Of codeine and ecstasy, Problems don’t exist when you’re up in the air You just soar on through, Wings floating above despair.

[gliftedk]

I met you in my lowest,

I met you at the door,

You sat there smiling quietly,

As you have done to me before,

But for months before I didn't let you in,

Even though you always tried,

For months I watched you get my friends,

For months I slowly died,

Mentally and physically,

The voices wouldn't stop

"You're stupid, you're worthless, you'll never be on top"

I let you in one fall day,

And the promise you did keep,

The voices and the whole world stopped

I nodded off to sleep,

Woke up feeling relaxed and free,

And that is where it began,

My relationship with opiates,

My closest, dearest. Friend,

The sniffing turned to shooting,

The shooting turned to lies,

The lies turned to agony

Which later turned to cries,

I left it all behind me,

Moved a thousand miles away,

Got clean and sober and happy again,

Until that dark and gloomy day,

A PTSD flashback,

So severely bad,

It sent me into a manic episode,

And I never really came back,

When I came out of the flash back

I wanted to be numb

I couldn't believe my attacker,

Was who it really was,

I needed the thoughts out,

And I knew one thing to help,

Four years sober down the drain,

As I took the drugs and knelt,

Down onto knees

but this time you weren't the same,

I fell in love with heroin,

But fentanyl was YOUR name,

You were cheaper and you were stronger,

More cunning and more keen,

You took more lives than I could count,

But you made me feel so free,

With you I never grabbed the needle,

Just shoved you in my nose,

With you I lost everything in life,

with you I lost my soul,

You took away friends

You took away my home

You buried people very young

I'm exposing you in this poem,

You're beautiful and smart,

You make me feel so right

You're everything I wanted,

While losing my whole life,

You guided me through sadness,

You guided me through pain,

You killed me once inside a car,

And guided me through shame,

That day that I oded,

You waited patiently,

Inside my pocket in the hospital,

Where youd be consumed by me,

You didn't care what you took,

You Dont care what you take

You drained me of my everything

Yet I loved you For fucks sake,

Why did, why do I love you?

Why does an addict do?

These silly things that hurt themselves,

And hurt family it's so true,

But it's like we dont care

Because our one love has our back

He always makes us feel better

Without him life is whack

He knows we need him to survive

When we are buried in despair

He uses it to his advantage

We believe noone cares

We believe we are shameful

We believe we are worthless

We believe we aren't worth saving

And we believe that life is pointless

But see, he cannot follow you

When you see the light

I mean he can try to stop you

But you better put up a fight

He doesn't really love you

He never really will

Hes a manipulative, cunning, fool,

Whose goal is just to kill,

So grab your bags and leave him,

Happiness is your next stop,

Do not lose yourself along the way,

For he is going to flop,

He cannot follow you to new beginnings,

If you dont allow him to,

He can't follow you to happiness

Or to your own pursuit,

So put your middle finger up

Tell him a big FUCK YOU

For mr. Opiate McGee

Will no longer manipulate you

This goes for any sort of addiction,

That has taken away your soul,

You too can leave him in the dust,

And get out of that dark hole,

For addicts sticking sticking together,

Throughout sobriety,

Meetings and phone calls

Have always helped me

I've slipped up, I'm not perfect,

This epemdimic has been hard,

But I'm still here and still breathing,

And I still have my heart

My parents still love me,

My baby does too,

My sober friends aren't judgemental,

And my heart feels full and true,

Let me wrap this up,

Let this poem come to an end,

If you're battling addiction,

And you ever need a friend,

Please dont hesitate to message me,

I will be there in a heart beat

Mentally or physically,

You have always got me

Rough draft: Caitlin Daley

[gliftedk]

Drugs

A poem written by D.K.Slayer

Drugs consume my soul and control my entire life,

So stop wasting your time trying to convince me to be sober,

Because at the end of the day I don’t fucking care,

And I know I can’t do this,

I’m not going to waste your time or mine saying I can grow and succeed,

So I’ll never let myself forget that I’m a horrible and selfish scum bag,

Nothing you or anyone else could tell me will ever convince me that I deserve better or that I’m a good person,

Because you and I both know that I’m not,

And at the end of the day,

I’ll always be addicted to something,

Whether it’s crystal meth or heroin,

Or if it’s just the addiction of my own sadness and death,

But I’ll never know if it was all by choice or if I was doomed to this life I’ve whored myself to of distraction, depression and chaos.

[gliftedk]

She looked at me and she said “I fell in love with heroin Soul alive but eyes like death He calls me into his warm, sweet bed He doesn’t care where I’ve been He calms me down and holds my head He calls me pretty in his arms Swears to God he’ll do no harm Late at night when he’s long gone He plays within me a pleading song Melodies that can’t be cut loose He promises he speaks the truth Sunday mornings at half past ten I lock myself in the bathroom with a bible in my hand I scream my prayers and hold my breath and I fall in love with heroin.”

k (via amnestyjournals)

[gliftedk]

The ‘hero’ in Heroin has a meaning. This substance is a hero for some of us.

Imagine you’re totally fucked up and hate the whole world.

One line, one smoke, one shot

and everything bad is gone.

Puff

In one second you’re happy.

This tumour that eats you out from the inside to the outside. He’s gone. Heroin came and ate him. Now you’re healed. Congratulations. The problem with Heroin is that it gives you the best gifts . It makes you avaricious. As long there is some dope around everything is fine. But the day, and I promise this day will come, you will have nothing more left. This is the moment you stop functioning, stop being ‘happy’ and all you want is this fucking substance. Then comes the rest. First you need you Heroin. You need it before you can and want to start anything else. That is drug addiction.

The devil asked me, if I want to play and I said yes.

Now play with me

[gliftedk]

It’s not that I can’t let go

Just nobody will talk about it

Every time I bring him up

Everyone dances around the shit

Yes, I have some PTSD

From the time he stole my car

Yes, I gave him the keys

But he took it way too far

Nobody asked me how I felt

About losing my home

Nobody asked “are you okay”

It was only “your poor mom”

You know, I lost my home too

I also lost my best friend

He changed before my eyes

Lost him to heroin again

You say I put myself in this position

There are things that I should change

But if you were in this position?

I promise you, you’d feel the same

We don’t just abandon people

Because they do bad things

Every one of us has done wrong

We’ve all made dumb mistakes

He is who he is

Never ran with the pack

I accept him for him

You’ll have to deal with that

©️Jessica Lyn Jones 2018

[gliftedk]

#6

Withdrawal is painful And addiction has no cure Everytime someone mentions their vice Mind races, heart feels like ice Because everytime someone mentions loss I think of you I think of all the lines you crossed How you abandoned me too When withdrawal pains hit you at night I’m clutching my pillow tight I lay fetal positioned on the kitchen floor Asking God for an answer Will I crave you forevermore? Pain with you and pain without Do I watch you die or just walk out? I blame myself as memories fade “If you would have quit I would have stayed” Another girl and two years sober You’ve gotten better since we’ve been over She leaves you and you call me Your old familiar friend Who said she’d be there until the end You always said you’d stop I always said I’d stay I guess lies are like methadone It’s easier that way.

[gliftedk]

She Told Me She’s A Heroin Addict

I saw her for

the first time in

years at the

Dollar General and she

told me she’s a

heroin addict.

I witnessed a

thousand hurricane seasons flash

in her eyes as she

told me about all

the dealers who

beat her and how her

kids were

taken away.

A decade ago we

smoked weed on

my back porch, inhaled

cigarette smoke as

if it were the

infatuation of which we

never spoke, and played

retro video games.

Now she’s

walking ash, just trying

to become a

more solid state

of matter.

I hope

it’s platinum.

[gliftedk]

you loved me first...

the shift was so complete this time it knocked all my senses out of line. when,  where have you been all my life? turns into where have been all night? bloodshot eyes betray all your lies  and I still can’t decide which is worse  when you actually tried to put me first, but just couldn’t seem to follow through… or when you just quit even trying,  saying I deserve more than you can do. You used to love me… couldn’t get enough and somehow everything I can give. would give, have given… just doesn’t compare to a substance that just keeps stealing from you. Each time, leaving you with less and less… leaving you looking such a mess… It a few moments of pleasure, but a lifetime of distress. I saw you the other day. You were trying to walk  but could only manage a sway. I remembered how once you looked into my eyes. And I held in my breath as you promised the moon. I used to step lightly, but I now drag my feet, passing you ask for a dollar with and the echo of, “ill see you soon…”

[gliftedk]

pick the skin 'til it's peeling -

sweating and moaning and

aching and shaking and

puking and humping and

laughing and crying and

just another fun in the bun.

while emptying bag after bag,

everything seemed to

hang heavier.

my eyes, her mood, dead leaves,

grass with no memory of green

and no identity save straw.

[gliftedk]

I broke his heart

A poem written by my 20-year-old brother. He wrote this when I was still in active addiction:

[gliftedk]

via weheartit

[gliftedk]

Biiiitch,

No words can describe the pain, and the illest regret that I feel now that ya gone. You fell down, and got back up. And the dumbest, most blind mistake Ive ever made was thinking just because you got back up, didnt mean you werent tired. Just because your smile was perfect, doesnt mean ya soul wasnt screaming. I am so fucking sorry I wasnt there when you first fell. When you lost ya dad and the pain and anger consumed you to where the only feeling you craved was numb. The questions that filled ya head, became lines of fentanyl infused percs. The nod, that beautiful fucking Nod.....let ya crown tilt. Im sitting here currently sitting next to the man I wish you could have fucking met. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with. The man Id like to be my husband, and a father figure to ya niece and God Son. Dude..... Im so fucking so sorry I ignored ya cries for love and care. for comfort and acceptance. I became so obsessed with wanting to take Petes waste of a life that I didnt pay you no fucking mind. And than ya mom told me you wasnt answering so she went home to find you gone. no bitch, you was right fucking there lmfao...right there but no longer fucking here. no laughing, no crying, no catching up. no reminiscing of the stupid memories from Narragansett High, or the house in tuxett where I lived with my mom. How she doing though? she mad as fuck I fell , but I hope shes proud im clinging on with every piece of fucking strength I have left. because its fucking hard , but bitch YOU KNOW that. you know this. you felt this. you lived this. the constant feeling like ya suffocating because everybody around you expects the world to balance and sit pretty on ya weak ass fucking shoulders. and when it gets heavy you just want to sleep because if you dont you contemplate the easiest and least painful way to take ya life....

but you went sleep my nigga. you really pulled some snow white shit on me when I NEED YOU THE MOST. I MISS YOU THE MOST. I LOVE YOU THE MOST. IM SO FUCKING SORRY THE MOST. BECAUSE YOU NEEDED ME. AND I IGNORED YOU. but could you do me the illest fucking solid? on hee-hee and naynay and ben curtis. on ya niece and ya God Son?....keep my mom company...but protect the man I lay next to. the man i give my heart to...for the last fucking time. silence his demons because they so loud and he so sad. please just... have me on this genuine happiness and this fight to build the world My babies deserve...

Rest Peacefully Brooke Baby