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Every year, the richest person in America is declared the “Winner of Capitalism.” They get a badge. Then all of their wealth is donated to charity and they have to start over at $0.

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people have been illegally dumping their old boats all around abandoned neighborhoods in detroit so this one newscaster on the local news station has been collecting them and finding out who the owners are by looking up the ID numbers on the boats and then she puts them on a flatbed truck and she brings them back to their owners wearing a fucking captain’s hat and she knocks on their doors and goes “hey we found your boat!”

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i used to think green apple was a flavor invented by the candy industry like blue raspberry bc i had never seen a green apple before I just thought all apples were red and long story short when i realized i was red green colorblind it really fucked me up

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“Can I squish your face?” “You can do whatever you want.”

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Chicago - 26/07

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Chicago - 26/07

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a bunny wearing bunny ears

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07/06/2018

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“I reckon my mother would have my head off if I moved that far away from home. She’d kill me, so I won’t be doing it any time in the near future, maybe someday. If I can force my mother to move to Australia or if Australia just happens to get closer to where we’re from; you know how the plates move and all that stuff.”

— Niall talking about wanting to move to Australia - Flicker World Tour Sydney 05/06/2018

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Niall giving us a tour of his dressing room

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One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

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Y’all John Mulaney didn’t die in Infinity War J.J. Bittenbinder taught him better than that

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Two Tom(s) and Two Chris(s) play F*ck Marry Kill with Pratt, Evans and Hemsworth.

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what if people got a new name every birthday

what if the name represented how old you were, like every 11 year old was named Josh

“I had my first kiss when I was Greg”

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#chris evans #in where he is actually steve rogers

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this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it