graveconc3rn

[graveconc3rn]

no relationship i have ever really works out

[graveconc3rn]

"ang dami mo nang nagastos sa contest, wag ka nalang magextracurricular"

[graveconc3rn]

sometimes i wonder if you wish you had a different daughter. one of your smarter students, maybe. i'm sorry mama. not even my best is good enough. i'm sorry. please don't hate me

[graveconc3rn]

"ang arte arte mo wag ka ngang umiyak wala kang karapatang umiyak"

[graveconc3rn]

there are times where i wish that you never met papa. there are times i wished that i was never born. because then, you would be happier. you would either be successful on your own, or with another child that makes you happy.

i always wished those thoughts away. i always told myself that they were irrational, that you loved me. that you cared. but now all my worst fears have been confirmed

i know that i'm privileged enough to have a life like this. an easy life where i don't have to work. a life where i can just focus on my studies. i know this. so i study. but all you see after work is my gaming sessions. and you resent me for it. you think i'm not doing anything at all. you belittle and crush my own inspiration to learn. am i not allowed to have fun?

and now you tell me that i shouldn't join any extracurriculars since i don't even know how to balance them. isn't that such a mean thing to say to your daughter? i told you about my troubles with my quiz about me thinking that i got a zero because i was sad, because i wanted my mama to wrap her arms around me and hug me and tell me that i'm not as stupid as i think i am but no

you tell me that i am stupid. irresponsible. privileged. spoiled. you tell me that i don't have any right to cry over the things i'm crying about because i am privileged enough to avoid it. i'm nothing else to you but a spoiled brat of a child who doesn't want to learn. i'm nothing to you

and i'm tired. i'm so tired. i just want to close my eyes and never wake up again. i wish i was never your daughter, for the sole fact that you wouldn't have such a screwup kid.

[graveconc3rn]

"katokatok ka lang matulog ka na" "all you do is play games"

[graveconc3rn]

"you drain me"

"you're so privileged, i'm more tired than you are"

"what do you have to cry about? you do nothing. you have no effort in your studies. why are you crying?"

[graveconc3rn]

i wish i were never born so that she would be a happier person

[graveconc3rn]

i'm so tired of everything why do i even bother

[graveconc3rn]

can't forget the age old "maging labandera ka nalang katulad ng pamilya mo" when i didn't like studying. i wish you loved me enough to cultivate a love of learning. i wish you loved me enough not to critique when i subtly ask for comfort. i wish you loved me enough not to be mean to me

[graveconc3rn]

i wish i could stop talking

[graveconc3rn]

"just don't comment anymore, you look stupid" "stop telling me things if you're just going to be mad, ang pangit ng ugali mo" "it's an irresponsibility on your part"

i wish i could have a mother that treats me not as a student but as a child. i wish i could be her little girl again

[graveconc3rn]

what's the point i'm not going to get a good score anyway

[graveconc3rn]

why do i even bother telling you about things? at my core, i still feel like that little kid who wants you to love me

[graveconc3rn]

i'm so unbearable it's a miracle that anyone wants to talk to me at all

[graveconc3rn]

no one not even my ex bf not even my mother not even my sister not anyone. no one wants to hear you. you're noisy. you're pretentious. you're prideful. the world would be better without you. you have nothing to show for yourself, nothing at all

just shut the fuck up already no one wants to hear you speak

[graveconc3rn]

just shut the fuck up already no one wants to hear you speak