halliesbingham

[halliesbingham]

I’ve spent years holding this hurt, I’ve let it build and build to the point where I carry it with me, wherever I go. It sits on top of my shoulders, weighing me down with every step I take. There are days I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of bed, days I think I’ll be weighed down to death. I carry this pain, carry it in the palms of shaky hands, carry it in my mouth with a clenched jaw, carry it on my back with weak knees. I hold onto this hurt, because letting go feels like giving up.

Isabel Cabrera / / if i let go, is it giving up? (via delicatepoetry)

[halliesbingham]

They're all screaming, and grabbing at you. And they all matter, but it's never going to be enough. You will never have enough hands, enough heart, enough of you.

-my poem

[halliesbingham]

Have you ever tried to have a good time or just tried to distract yourself but then suddenly you feel the sadness in your chest coming back and every second it gets heavier and even if you try to hold it back but you never win. So you‘re just there feeling how you slowly get empty again. This makes me want to appreciate those little moment of happiness no matter how long they last because sadness is always ready to take it away.

The Poetic Boy (via the-poetic-boy)

[halliesbingham]

you were a flower i adored so much i was scared you would wilt the second i laid my hands on you. so i kept my distance and prayed to the sun to keep shining on your darkest days and pleaded to the heavens for enough rain to keep you pure and beautiful. in my longing for you, i learnt to find pleasure and peace in loving someone so selflessly that it doesn’t matter if they’re aware enough to reciprocate your feelings. just you and your infatuation is enough.

is this what true love feels like? (via heavyemptyheart)

[halliesbingham]

i’ve been swallowing cigarettes with coffee for breakfast and i can’t remember the last time someone told me they loved me. i went from humming in the shower to crouching on the tiled floor heaving my lungs out not knowing where my tears began and the water ended. i always say goodbye to my loved ones as if that’s the last time i’m gonna see them because i forget to look either ways before crossing the road nowadays and find myself almost wishing to never make it to my destination while i’m inside a car or a plane. i read somewhere that “you never know when the bus is coming” so i think since then a part of me has been living in a way as if i’m always expecting for the bus to hit some days it’s ‘i better do everything that makes me happy and tell everyone i love them before it hits me’ but more often than not it’s ‘why hasn’t it hit me yet.’

[halliesbingham]

if we could go back in time, i would go back to the night i lied in your arms and for may, it was warm and everything was fine the calm before the storm and i would keep going back though i know it never lasts and break my heart over again that’s where i live, in my head and in the space in your bed floating, floating because after it ends i’m never the same again forever your space cadet

[halliesbingham]

“mama said i got a weak heart and my body too small to contain it she said ‘listen sweetheart people aren’t always who they claim to be’ i borrowed parts of me to people who don’t know about giving and i stayed up countless nights crying for souls that have abandoned their humanity so every time a hand reached out for me i gave both of mine in return they asked for an inch i gave a mile with the biggest smile plastered on my face as they emptied out every last cell in my body borrowed on an indefinite loan so i tried to play their game only to lose in the end because mama said i got a weak heart and i always live up to my expectations.”

— when you give too much // @heavyemptyheart

[halliesbingham]

Suffer for nothing by Ariee

[halliesbingham]

Wash.

29 June 2016

[halliesbingham]

[halliesbingham]

i’ve been swallowing cigarettes with coffee for breakfast and i can’t remember the last time someone told me they loved me. i went from humming in the shower to crouching on the tiled floor heaving my lungs out not knowing where my tears began and the water ended. i always say goodbye to my loved ones as if that’s the last time i’m gonna see them because i forget to look either ways before crossing the road nowadays and find myself almost wishing to never make it to my destination while i’m inside a car or a plane. i read somewhere that “you never know when the bus is coming” so i think since then a part of me has been living in a way as if i’m always expecting for the bus to hit some days it’s ‘i better do everything that makes me happy and tell everyone i love them before it hits me’ but more often than not it’s ‘why hasn’t it hit me yet.’

[halliesbingham]

you tell me to free myself of my chains even while you rattle your own. you are bound to your old ways, i am bound to skin and bone. the truth waits in haunted alleys mistaken too often for home. the beaten flesh hungers for tenderness, a heart-shaped garden, overgrown.

[halliesbingham]

*Me getting ready for bed knowing that I have lots of undone homework*

[halliesbingham]

For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in. I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums. 

Some fun facts about today’s news: I learned about Scooter Braun’s purchase of my masters as it was announced to the world. All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years. 

Like when Kim Kardashian orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter got his two clients together to bully me online about it. (See photo) Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked. Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it.

This is my worst case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at fifteen to someone for whom the term ‘loyalty’ is clearly just a contractual concept. And when that man says ‘Music has value’, he means its value is beholden to men who had no part in creating it. 

When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter. Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever. 

Thankfully, I am now signed to a label that believes I should own anything I create. Thankfully, I left my past in Scott’s hands and not my future. And hopefully, young artists or kids with musical dreams will read this and learn about how to better protect themselves in a negotiation. You deserve to own the art you make.

I will always be proud of my past work. But for a healthier option, Lover will be out August 23. 

Sad and grossed out,

💔

Taylor

[halliesbingham]

deadly class has been cancelled

i just wanna say a big FUCK YOU to syfy for letting go one of their best shows ever. deadly class deserves so much better.

#savedeadlyclass #deadly class #deadly class cancelled

[halliesbingham]

BenjaminWadzy - I’ve never in my life posted anything with my shirt off. This is 100% bc I’m proud of my results. I hope to look back on this and be bigger.

[halliesbingham]