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a random assortment of my tweets on house md. guys this show so ruining my life

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ok… imagine a moon knight and daredevil crossover where dd has no issues fighting the invisible jackals because the dude cant see shit anyway. moon knight is like “you can see them??” and matt, not wanting to reveal his blindness but having no idea theyre invisible, is just like “yeah i can see of course i can see”

moon knight then assumes dd is an avatar of an egyptian god. bc what else? so, naturally, moon knight asks “what god do you serve?”

“jesus”

“what??”

“im catholic?”

“what???”

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The European mind cannot comprehend what it was like to be a person who'd only had Hershey bullshit chocolate my entire life and then have European chocolate for the very first time and it made me realize why people were acting like that in the Willy Wonka movies

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men can't get other men pregnant lol

Skill issue

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Slutshaming women is not ok Slutshaming Alexander Hamilton is totally ok Tumblr logic

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It's gonna be such a funny mess when Donald Trump dies of a stroke on April 1st, 2024.

Naturally everybody will think it's fake because of the date only to lose their minds (both positively and negatively based on their opinion of trump) when realizing it's real

There will be massive celebrations in the streets and on social media and lots of predictable "don't speak ill of the dead" discourse about those celebrations

Weird evangelicals will pull some weird number trick talking about how Jesus was conceived on April 1st and that makes Trump a sort of messiah and people will make fun of that

The Republicans (after they're done with the faux-sadness and faux-outrage) will stomp over each other to be his successor but none of them will succeed. They'll tear each other apart and have no single nominee for the November elections.

There will be discourse about if Biden and the living former presidents should go to his funeral (they won't, he was a traitor insurrectionist)

The Ukraine-Russia War immediately goes in favor of Ukraine as morale in the Kremlin is reduced. China similarly backs off from its threats on Taiwan.

Ten thousand new memes are made, some sticking around for years to come.

Not a month later a bunch of unofficial biographies of Trump hit the bookshelves, many with new details about just how awful he was.

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“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

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they should make a soup that fixes everything. one sip and you are free. one slurp and it all makes sense

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A list of theories as to why Martha Wayne’s Pearls scattered Like That, despite the fact that real pearls are knotted individually on the strand to prevent Precisely That Sort Of Thing from happening [incomplete]:

One: Martha chose not to wear her real pearls to the theatre that night, as it was a night where there was no one to impress. The string snapped because the pearls were not real, and Martha died for a $100 set you could pick up at Macy’s.

Two: The Pearls, upon understanding this was a symbolic moment in at least one Wayne’s future [and two Wayne’s end], chose to disregard their quality for the sake of a Dramatic Tableau.

Three: no more then three pearls ever snapped off the strand, but to a boy watching his mother choke on her own blood, gasping his name into the suddenly silent night, three pearls was enough.

Four: an opportunistic officer slipped the pearls off Marthas neck as she was loaded into the morgue van, figuring Bruce would not have the wherewithal to miss them. The pearls were subsequently reported as lost, having probably rolled down the drain in the following chaos. Only three were ever recovered, having become stuck in the puddle of blood that was under Martha Wayne’s head.

Five: the pearls, a set Thomas Wayne picked up as an engagement gift and a promise when Wayne industries was collapsing and his fortune nonexistent, were fake, and Martha adored them far more then any of the expensive jewels he was eventually able to afford. She made a habit of wearing them on family outings. Martha died for the sentimental value of a $100 set you could pick up at Macy’s.

Six: the pearls where not real. Martha was wearing diamonds that night. Bone, when exposed to moonlight and the horrified tears of an eight year old, shines like pearls. 

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Do you ever think about how pornography, like science fiction, reflects modern day economic anxieties? Asking bc I just saw one where in order to stay in an Airbnb she had to wear a chastity belt and she didn’t even leave a bad review after

these days the pizza guy is too busy working for three different apps to even fuck you

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