heartboudoir

[heartboudoir]

“There exactly what you are to me, you should know that by now.” Kissing your forehead Ushi is relieved when you seem to have calmed down and reaches over to grab your food since he wants to make sure you finish eating. “C’mon can’t let this go to waste, you’ve got a baby to feed.” He hums and smiles when you start to eat again, keeping you in his lap while he does the same.

-🐮

Every now and then his fingers run through my hair and down my back and it makes me shiver— even once I’ve finished my food, I don’t move from his lap, accepting his touches and gentle words until I’m practically asleep. The sun has set but I’m still warm and comfy and I rub my stomach softly “are your legs dead yet?” I giggle sleepily, peering up to look at him— but he’s nearly asleep too “Toshi…?”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“I’ve thought about you every day too. I tried going on dates but no woman could ever compare to you.” He admits, his lips against the crown of your head and smiles when you seem to calm down enough to where your breathing becomes more even and steady. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right but I’m here now and I want to help you. And if you ever decide you’d like to give things between us a second chance I’ll still be waiting for you.”

-🐮

“It’s a lot to take in all at once…” I admit, shutting my eyes before I take a deep breath and pull away, blinking my teary eyes at him— but he only smiles at me warmly, like I’m the most beautiful person he’s ever seen… “you gotta stop looking at me like that” I whisper with a small giggle, wiping my eyes as he asks me why “because if you keep looking at me like I’m this beautiful Angel, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get out of your lap”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“Hey, C’mere…” Pulling you into his lap Ushi cradles you in his arms and rubs soothing circles against your back, hoping to help you calm down since he’s sure crying like this isn’t good for the baby. “I’m not mad at you for leaving, Hera. I’ve never been mad about it, okay? And you being pregnant doesn’t…doesn’t make me love you any less.” He admits with a sigh, closing his eyes since he’s sure you’re going to tell him to leave but he can’t help himself. Ushi has has missed you every day since you left and having you back in his life just proves to him that you’re meant to be together. All three of you are meant to be together.

-🐮

I fall quiet, just a few sniffles and small sounds as I hold onto him— my eyes are shut, buried into his neck and shoulder. Eventually my breathing levels out to match his, body calmed as my stomach presses into his and it’s the first time in a long time that I actually feel this safe. “I missed you… I thought about you everyday…” I admit, not quite ready to move away from his hold, gulping. “You’re my best friend too… I don’t think I could ever stop loving you…”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“I can’t blame you for being unhappy, Hera. Obviously I’d hoped you would change your mind and stay here but I wasn’t going to stand in the way of your happiness, even if it didn’t make me happy.” Ushi rubs his fingers against your shoulder and rests his head on top of yours, wishing he could tell you how he still feels but knows you’re probably not interested in a relationship right now. “You’re still my best friend and I want to do whatever I can to help until you say you don’t need me anymore.”

-🐮

The way he’s acting and the stuff he’s saying just makes me cry harder, tightening my fingers into his shirt as my other hand finds his. His hands instantly envelops mine and it’s a comfort I’ve missed for years. “I d-don’t deserve it” I stutter out, sniffing and shaking my head “I left you. I moved out I— I got fucking pregnant from another man I thought I loved and you’re still calling me your b-best friend?” It’s all coming out In a stuttery mess but he knows what I’m saying “I don’t deserve you”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

[heartboudoir]

“Only for you.” He hums back, kissing the top of your head and relaxing since it feels comforting to have your head on his shoulder again, one of the many things he’s missed since you left. “Remind me when I leave to take a look at your car, I’m sure I could fix it up for you.” His constant offers to help overwhelm you a little and it’s easy to blame the tears that are building up on your lower lash line on hormones but you know it’s more than that, maybe something you’re not ready to admit to.

-🐮

I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional, so I just hide my face into his shoulder to hide it— but Toshi knows me better than anyone and it doesn’t take him a second before he notices my small sniffling. “Sorry…” I whisper when he wraps an arm around my shoulders and holds me closer. “You’re just being so nice to me, I don’t think I deserve it… ya know I… I left you. And yet you’re still so nice to me…”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“Can’t have ya squinting in the sun like that, not good for those eyes.” Ushi chuckles when you look up at him in surprise and sits in the chair next to yours, handing your meal over. He makes sure you have everything you need before digging into his own food. “So um…do you have a doctor yet? I wouldn’t mind helping you find someone and giving rides if you need them.” He offers with a smile but takes a bite of his burger, worried that he’s overstepping boundaries but he can’t help the need to take care of you and your baby.

-🐮

“Not here yet… I had one in Canada and then I moved here before I couldn’t fly anymore” I admit, feeling a little stupid that I’ve not made the effort to do so. Taking a deep breath, I lean my head on his shoulder as I chew on a fry and hum in thought “rides would be nice too, actually— my car broke down a couple days ago” we both laugh quietly at my luck and I take this moment in “you’re the best Toshi”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“What’re you thinking about?” His deep voice interrupts your thoughts but you turn around with a sweet smile on your face which makes his heart skip a beat and and can’t help but smile too. “Y’know I didn’t think it was possible but you’ve definitely gotten prettier over the years.” Ushi hands you a shake before taking a long sip of his so he has a second or two to collect his thoughts. “Do you want to eat outside? It’s not too hot out right now. Or we can stay in the air conditioning, I’m fine either way.”

-🐮

I blink at him when he sends me a compliment, mouth slightly agape as I take it in before realising he asked me a question “oh uh, outside would be nice” I’ll never admit it’s because I think they way the sun hits his skin is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I pick up the jug of lemonade and water before carrying them outside with a couple of glasses too. I squint in the sun, wishing I had something to cover it but then I feel soemthing being placed on my head.

His favourite cowboy hat

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“Lunch is my treat, you need to save money up in case the little one wants to be a ballerina or a soccer player.” Ushi smiles and walks over to the door since he doesn’t even need to ask what you w since he remembered your order from the local diner just as well as he remembers his own. You try following him to hand over cash but he stops you, turning to kiss your forehead without thinking about it before heading downstairs to his truck.

-🐮

I stare at the closed door for a minute, having missed how loved I feel whenever he’s around me or touches me… I get to my jobs with a smile on my face, humming to the radio that plays quietly. I pour some more lemonade into a jug and cut up the few fruits that I have in my fridge, setting it up on the old table and chairs outside as I wait for him. I wonder if we can be friends, finally getting along after so many years of being apart… I’m daydreaming when he comes back in

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“You’re the one who said you hoped it was a boy.” Toshi chuckles and grabs the empty lemonade glasses with his free hand before leading you inside to be in the air conditioning since he’s sure the smell should be gone by now. “I do think you’d have a beautiful daughter though but either way you’re gonna be a great mom to them.” He smiles warmly, giving your hand a squeeze then makes his way into the kitchen to wash the glasses for you. “But you still didn’t answer my question, can I go get some lunch?”

-🐮

“I uh… if you’re sure. You’ve already done a lot for me” I smile, squeezing his hand knowing that my answer is enough for him to go and get us food. I watch him wash up the glasses and I lean on the side, happy I can finally relax around him “what food would you like? I can pay” I reach for my purse but he quickly pushes my hand away and stops me “please…”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” If you asked Ushi to be truthful, he would have to admit that he still does love you. That he never stopped loving you even though all these years and how he wishes you would’ve come home sooner so the last 5 months of your pregnancy he could’ve been there for you. “Are you hungry? I can go pick you up something to eat, need to make sure you’re eating plenty for that growing boy.”

-🐮

“Boy?” I laugh, tilting my head at him as he blinks at me, “what makes you think it’s a boy?” Toshi offers me his hand, subtly guiding me out of the sun so I’m not so hot right now and I take it happily, forgetting to let go as I stand there holding onto his fingers and looking up at him “I’m not sure I’d be any good raising a boy”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“What? Not only do I clean carpets but I also give massages.” You know he won’t take ‘no’ for an answer so you quickly give in and relax in your chair, admiring him as his large hands work delicately to relive your swollen ankles. “Sunday was always family day so it’s the only full day I’m closed. The petting zoo is 9 to 2 but I understand if you only stay for an hour or two.” Taking care of you feel so natural to Ushi, probably because he planned on doing it for the rest of his life but even getting to do these few small things for you makes him the happiest he’s been in awhile. “I think I’ve got extra shirts, I’ll drop one off tomorrow.”

-🐮

I let out a small noise every now and then and I wish I could have this all the time, eyes shut and smiling at the way he perfectly massages my feet and ankles “sounds good…” I hum in pleasure, and I when he stops, I huff, peeking my eyes open to look at him and he’s just laughing softly at me and smiling as if he still loves me “what?”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“You’re welcome come see it. It’s just me there so it gets lonely, I could make us dinner which would probably make my grandmother’s picture very happy since her kitchen rarely gets used.” He admits with a chuckle and shakes his head, a little embarrassed that he doesn’t often cook for himself. “I told you about the petting zoo, right? If you wanna come help that would be great, I feel bad asking my employee to work weekends too.”

-🐮

I feel my heart ache when he says he feels lonely cooking for one and I nod eagerly, “it’s been a while since I’ve had proper food…” I admit with a small laugh and his look alone is enough to make me feel safe with him. “I’d love to help this weekend, is it just the Saturday?” I ask, sipping on my drink and rolling my ankles out a little so they don’t ache so much, gasping when he reaches down to pull them into his lap “Toshi…” I giggle

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“Farming is really about it.” He chuckles a little awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck since he knows you have no interest in that life, it’s one of the reasons you two broke up all those years ago. You wanted to get far away from his promise of being the farmer’s wife and the small town you grew up in. “I also got into renovating houses, the farmhouse is completely updated and I’m thinking about making it into a side business for the winter months.”

Suddenly Ushi feels like he’s been rambling and he smiles softly as he takes a long sip of his lemonade when his throat goes dry. “How about you?”

-🐮

“Uhh… I travelled for a little while and then met my uh, my ex” I hum, stroking my stomach as I talk and sip on my lemonade. “We were together for two years, settled in Canada— Toronto. Before I got pregnant…” I explain, smiling a little sadly at him “maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, to have gotten rid of him. Maybe I needed this and didn’t even know it” he chuckles and shrugs and I let out a small breath, taking in the sun “I bet the farmhouse is so beautiful”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“I’m not going to ask any questions. Like you said, things didn’t work out and if that’s where you wanna leave it I’m going to respect your decision.” Ushi has so many questions in his head but he’s not sure what you do and don’t want to talk about so he figures it’s better to just avoid the discussion all together. “I’m just glad you’re back, I was worried about you all this time.” He admits with a shy smile, wishing he could tell you just how much he’s missed you and how he waited every day for you to come home.

-🐮

“You were worried about me?” I ask quietly, expecting him to have moved on and found someone after all this time— maybe he has. Maybe I’m just jumping the gun… “I thought about you a lot, everytime I saw a cow or a nice view I wanted to show you…” I make it seem like a joke and we both laugh quietly but we both know I’m serious about missing him “I’m sort of glad I’m back now… what’ve you been up to this years?”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“O-okay, just let me wash my hands first.” Wiping his brow with the back of his hand, Ushi stands up from the floor clears his throat a bit before going into the kitchen to get cleaned up. He feels a little embarrassed for showing his emotions like that but he just can’t help it, to know there’s someone out there who hurt you makes me angrier than he’s ever been.

Drying his hands off he comes back towards you and rests his hand on your back to lead you outside to the little porch. “Do you want help painting? I’d prefer not to scrub the carpet again.”

-🐮

“Uh… yeah. Okay. That sounds really nice actually”I smile, sitting down into one of the chairs and smiling straight at him. He sits down opposite me and I sigh when I finally sit down, the pressure off my ankles and back. “So…” sipping on his lemonade he smiles at me and warmly and I miss him so much in this moment… “you must have questions— you can ask them. It’s okay”

#🐮.toshi

[heartboudoir]

“He’s an idiot, Hera.” Is all Ushi says, knowing you probably don’t want to open up to him about what happened but he believes that whatever loser left you is a bigger idiot than Ushi is for letting you go in the first place. “And he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. Boy or girl you’re going to be a great mom.” Turning back towards the carpet the giant scrubs harder at the carpet even though it’s practically spotless thanks to him.

-🐮

I sigh and shrug, stepping towards him and rest my hand on his shoulder, stopping him from scrubbing. “The carpets clean Toshi…” I whisper, stroking my thumb across his shoulder. I know he puts all his emotions into his work and I can tell he’s overthinking… “cmon, it’s okay. Let’s go sit outside or something” I smile at him and it helps him to stop stressing out “let’s go”

#🐮.toshi