I hold you in my heart |
pairing: Tom Holland x Singer!Reader
summary: while the memories of your relationship with Tom still blossom, he finally feels ready to fulfill the promise he made to you.
warnings: fluff, angst (?) idk
wc: 3,7k {listen to 'even when' by joshua bassett - if you want to}, love by olivia rodrigo is also quoted // Part 1
I think of you when the wind blows
'Cause I just wanna be there when you wake
Tom was watching you from across the room, leaning on the door frame while holding two mugs of tea. You hadn't seen him yet, too focused on finding the right melody on the guitar strings.
The room was a mess, but a mess he loved. Papers were scattered all over the floor, some in the shape of small balls because you probably couldn't hit the wastebasket from your distance. You were sitting on the couch, a bun on top of your head and the cap of a pen in your mouth as you wrote frantically in a notebook, now using the guitar as a support.
Tom cleared his throat, and you looked up at him immediately, smiling in the best possible way. He laughed a little at your state, dodging everything that was strewn across the carpet to sit beside you.
"I think you need a break, baby." He said as he handed you one of the mugs. You thanked him silently, putting your materials aside to give him all your attention. "You've been working since yesterday, and I'm sure your back is not thankful that you spend so much time on this couch."
"My back is used to worse places, believe me." You retorted, shaking your shoulders. "So, I was thinking about the argument that happened last night and–"
"It was a stupid argument." He added, laughing along with you when you agreed.
"I mean, I don't know if many couples are used to fighting over pasta." You joked. "Anyway, I finished writing something this morning and wanted you to hear it."
"Okay." He agreed, sitting up properly on the couch. "I'm listening."
"It's too cheesy, so please don't laugh at me." You asked as you brought the guitar close again.
Tom stared at you intently, curiosity evident behind his eyes. He was always so excited to hear anything you were willing to write. During interviews, he always joked about how that was the best part of dating a singer: hearing the songs before anyone else, and being able to be an inspiration to your lover.
"My mother always tells me that when things get tough and our heart gets scared of losing the one we love, we need to remember the beginning of everything." You said while playing some single notes. "So I spent the night thinking about our beginning, and even though we only fought over a stupid pasta, I guess I have to remind you about how much I love you."
Tom sighed, feeling his heart swell. You didn't even have to write a song or sing it to him, he already wanted to kiss you and love you between the messy sheets until the next morning.
"A Monday morning you meet me at the hotel, you bought me coffee just to spill it on yourself," you started the song with a small smile, letting out a nasal chuckle when Tom laughed at your first verse, probably remembering the image of his white shirt completely stained by your favorite coffee, "but you never take things seriously, It's kinda why I like you so much, honestly."
Tom pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and you squinted your eyes, but still didn't stop singing.
"And I wrote a note and left it folded in your pocket, you taped it to your wall in your New York apartment." Your number written with a glitter pen was placed strategically in his jacket pocket, a piece of paper so small that you feared he would lose it on the way from London to New York. He didn't, however, and it brought you two to where you were now. "Kissing in the taxi cab 'till the driver gives us dirty looks back."
The lips together, the way he squeezed your waist as he pulled your hair away, tucking it behind your ear. The rainy New York weather, the way the droplets streamed down the car window as the driver stared at you through the rear-view mirror, clearly scolding the two of you for the make out session in his car – not that you cared, anyway.
"Oh, it's l-o-v-e or something like that. You're crazy, but it's not in a bad way. Dancing on the highway, you make me feel older than 22.” You stared at him, giving a weak laugh as you stretched your feet covered with thick winter socks to try to cover the camera. Tom dodged all your attempts, smiling from behind his cell phone. He whispered an "I love you," causing you to whisper an "I love you more" before moving on to the last verse. "Yeah, this is l-o-v-e or something really close. Hey baby, I think you're really dope. I honestly don't know why I should ever leave your side, 'cause this is love, right?” You whispered the last word, smiling at the camera before Tom finished recording.
He said nothing to you before crushing you in a hug, pulling you into his lap. The cups had already been forgotten on the coffee table, but the smell of chamomile still hung in the air as if the drink had just been prepared.
"I'm assuming you liked it?" You asked between a giggle, returning the small kiss he left on your lips as he nodded.
"It's the best song I've ever heard in my entire life."
"Tommy," you whined jokingly, "you say that about all my songs."
"Well, it's not my fault if I have the most talented girlfriend in the world." He replied, shaking his shoulders. "It was amazing. You're amazing, and I certainly don't deserve that much."
"Don't talk nonsense, one day it will be you writing a song for me." You mocked. "In the nursing home, you know? And all the nurses will collapse in tears because oh! how can a young love last so long, and this old man in canes and geriatric diapers still has the disposition to sing to his old lady." You pretended to dry the non-existent tears.
Tom laughed, pulling you closer. "I will not wear geriatric diapers." He defended himself. "And even if I do manage to write something one day, which I think is impossible, it won't come close to the masterpieces you compose, love."
"I think you can compose anything blindfolded while doing your Spider-Man stunts." You argued back. "You are the most talented man I have ever met, and I don't just say that because you are my boyfriend. Period."
"Ok, then help me compose something for you." He asked, arching an eyebrow as he kept his hands on your hips. "I want you to be my teacher, teach me how to play the song on the guitar so I can play it for you just like you just did for me."
Denver always seems so far away
"Fine." You agreed, kissing him again. "Sounds perfect to me."
"Now I'm going to send this video to all my contacts, everyone needs to know how fabulous my girlfriend is."
But I hope you know
That we're still close
"I'm telling you, Tom is completely obsessed with Y/N." Zendaya delivered her co-star during an interview for the release of Spider-Man: Far From Home. "Not that I'm judging–" she was quick to add, raising her hands in surrender as everyone laughed, "I mean, I'm already obsessed with her and she's just my best friend, so we have to understand this loser's side here."
"I'm obsessed with Y/N too." The young interviewer admitted, holding up a number of cards with some questions that were to be asked. "I love her songs, and you make a very cute couple."
"Thank you, dear." Tom thanked her with a smile. "I'm sure she'd be happy to hear that."
"Y/N is training him to be a singer." Jacob stated, placing one of his hands on his friend's shoulder, "He's been practicing on the guitar and everything, it's really adorable."
Tom blushed, hiding his face in one hand as Z and Jacob laughed, poking him playfully.
"Oh, I have some questions about that, actually." The girl interviewing them said. "Y/N posted a video of you on Instagram, and in it you appear playing some guitar notes. Are you two writing a song together or something? The internet has a lot of theories about that."
"Yes, I guess you could say that." Tom replied, nodding. "You know, as boyfriend of a superstar, I get a lot of private gigs." He joked, "We got into a fight over pasta one night– God, I don't even know if I could be saying that, but okay." They laughed. "Anyway, it was something really silly, but we were stressed with work and, you know, things escalated and we said some stupid shit." The girl agreed. "Y/N was upset, rightly so of course, and I was upset too because I knew I didn't mean any of the things I said. She went to the studio that we have in our apartment because that is where she always goes when we have these little arguments. She spent the night there, like, all night, and God, it was hell sleeping without her when I knew she was only a few feet away."
"Aw, that's so cute." Zendaya expressed in a baby voice, squeezing Tom's cheek. "It's so easy to know when Tom and Y/N are upset about something. They always get identikit tootsies and shoulders like this," the actress bowed slightly, "like penguins."
"Yes, we look exactly like that." Tom laughed. "But no, we talked the next morning and agreed that it had just been a stupid fight, you know? She was writing a song when I arrived with the mug of tea I always prepare for her when we're together, and then, after everything was settled, she showed me the work she'd been doing all night, the most beautiful song I've ever heard in my life. I am so posessive about this song, so I'm sorry guys, but I don't think you will ever hear it unless Y/N decides to put it on the next album." The interviewer let out a whiny grunt, jokingly. "At the end of it all, she committed to teaching me how to play the guitar and teaching me some techniques to compose like that with her. We've had lessons every day since then, even when we're miles apart."
"That's so cool. Is she a good teacher?"
"Well, she's in Denver but she still committed to teaching today, so I have no complaints." They laughed. "Honey, if you are watching this interview, I love you."
"Whipped." Jacob and Zendaya shouted in unison before that topic came to an end, drawing laughter from the interviewer.
Because
Even when you and I are worlds apart
I'll hold you in my heart
"Tom is becoming a great composer. I'm so proud." You said behind your cell phone as you filmed your boyfriend who was sitting on the couch in the hotel you two were staying in.
Tom was holding your guitar, a big smile present on his face. He was wearing only sweatpants and socks, and maybe you should have thought a little more before you started that live that could be the reason for the collapse of many teenage girls around the world. Tessa was lying next to him, biting on a toy that had already become unrecognizable thanks to her bites.
"Baby, I wrote only one stanza, I don't know if I deserve that title."
"Do you remember when you told me you could never write anything? That's an amazing breakthrough, so I'm sharing with the world how talented you are."
"Okay." He agreed finally, knowing that it would be impossible to change your opinion of his musical abilities. "Can I start?"
You nodded, sitting down on the carpet as you continued to record that moment for more than three million people who were following it all live. The comments were going up frantically, it was impossible to keep up, but you knew that most of them were just talking about how hot your boyfriend looked without a shirt and with a guitar in hand – honestly, you couldn't blame them.
"Denver always seems so far away..." Tom hummed the first verse and you couldn't hold back a scream, making him laugh. "But I hope you know that we're still close."
Even when I'm a thousand miles away
I wish that I could stay
With you
"I broke up with her." That was the first thing Tom said to Zendaya as soon as she opened the door to her hotel room.
The actress just sighed, knowing more than anyone else what that meant. She hugged him, and Tom's sobs were not long in coming.
"I'm so sorry, Tom." She said honestly, pushing him slightly so that he sat down in the armchair that was in the middle of the room. "I don't think I need to ask how it went."
"A mess." He replied low, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "But at the end of it all, she still said she understood." He laughed humorlessly. "I broke up with her like a coward, but she still said she understood."
Z bit her lip, feeling her heart ache just imagining how devastated you were. You, of all people, shouldn't have to go through something like this.
"If you didn't answer something like that, it wouldn't be Y/N, uh?"
Tom agreed, a tentative smile appearing at the corner of his lips.
"Yes." He replied. "She always understands."
I shouldn't fear
'Cause I'm never giving up
Never giving up on us
"Did you guys really break up?" A girl of about seventeen asked Tom and Zendaya during a Comic Con. The boy who was accompanying her and didn't look much older nudged her not at all discreetly at the waist, flashing an apologetic smile at the two actors.
"I'm sorry about that, you don't have to answer." He was quick to say. "We don't want to sound like nosy journalists."
"Don't worry, we have no problem talking about it." Z laughed, handing him back a t-shirt with the Spider-Man print, now with her autograph. "But the rumors are real, we're not together anymore."
"Oh, I'm sorry." The teenager replied with a frown, feeling bad for having touched that subject. "You guys are still friends, right?"
"Yes, that's exactly why we broke up." Tom agreed. "We're better as friends."
After a few photos and a number of autographed items, Tom was giving the girl his last goodbye with a hug when she surprised him by pointing to her iPhone case.
Even though it was in drawing form, just the strokes and colors bringing the custom illustration to life, Tom knew that this was a representation of a photo of him with you, the first photo he ever posted with you on Instagram.
"I miss you two together." She said softly, hoping the other people there wouldn't hear. "Sorry to say this, I love Zendaya with all my heart, but you seemed happier with Y/N."
Tom smiled with compressed lips, still looking at the accessory.
"I was." He replied in a whisper, swallowing hard. "I was happier."
Baby
I wish you were here
The humid wind and the small droplets falling from the sky did not seem enough to make Tom go away. He was on the balcony, leaning against a wall while the noise of the party came muffled to his ears.
If he looked at the door in front of him, he would see you through the glass; your hair as bright as he remembered, your smile even prettier than the one in his mind, your sparkling dress hidden by a coat that looked like it belonged to someone much bigger than you – and it really did.
The hand of none other than Harry Styles was on the curve of your back all night long, and Tom had to be quick enough to invent an excuse to leave the crowded hall, seeking refuge in that godforsaken place. It hurt, but it wasn't as if he didn't deserve it.
"You've never been one for partying, have you?" Tom turned around quickly when he heard your voice, asking whatever god existed that it wasn't another play played by his melancholy brain – but it wasn't. It was real that time.
The jacket fell nonchalantly across your shoulders, held only by your arms reaching up, two cups in each of your hands.
"I didn't see you drinking anything and Z said you were here," You explained as you walked toward him. Tom raised his eyes to the door, holding back a smile as he saw Zendaya, Harrison and Styles making rather embarrassing hearts and kissing gestures. "I didn't know it was drizzling, though, and I don't think watery champagne is the best drink at this party."
"It's okay." Tom replied in a breath, blinking rapidly. "I-I mean, I really wanted to talk to you today, but you were accompanied and I didn't want to get in the way of your date. Now I don't know if it's really a date and I'm a little confused, but anyway–"
"Tom," You interrupted him, causing him to stop talking in the same second, "breathe."
"Okay, I'm sorry." He placed the cup on a nearby table. "I'm nervous."
You smiled minimally, nodding, "I know. I am too."
"So," he began, "I didn't want to break up with you. God, in a million years, that would never have crossed my mind. It was a stupid decision, and all the last few months have been hell because–"
"I know." You interrupted him again, swinging your feet from side to side.
"What?" He asked. "Do you know?"
"Yes." You let out a nasal laugh. "Sorry to interrupt you, but you looked like you were about to have a heart attack and I was worried."
"I-I don't care." He stammered. "I mean, do you know everything?"
"Z called me when you two supposedly broke up." You confessed. "I was angry at first, really angry. Everything could have been different if you had told the truth."
"For that reason I didn't say." Tom replied, causing you to arch an eyebrow. "You would be okay with just being my girlfriend away from the cameras, and hiding you was never something I wanted."
"So lying to me seemed the most viable choice?"
Tom squared his shoulders, sighing before answering. "If you hated me, maybe there would be more chances to allow yourself to find someone better."
You shook your head negatively, feeling your eyes fill with tears as Tom's words filled the doubts that had been lodged in your mind for so many months.
"No one–" you started to say, stopping just as the ringing of your cell phone sounded across the balcony. You huffed, searching for the smartphone amidst the numerous pockets of Harry's jacket, groaning at the sight of your manager's number glowing on the display. "I have to go." You wailed. "I have a flight in two hours."
Tom nodded, lowering his eyes to his own feet. "It's okay, I understand." He murmured, feeling once again as if you were slipping through his fingers.
You gave a smile that evidently reflected how he felt – you didn't want to say goodbye either. You leaned in, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before you gave up on the idea. "See you around, Tom." You said last, running to the door. "Oh," You turned around again. "H is just a friend– uh, I don't know if it matters to you, but– just saying, I guess."
Because
Even when you and I are worlds apart
I'll hold you in my heart
"I think you all know how Instagram is not my specialty, but I finally finished something and I promised someone I would show you all when it was done." Tom said as soon as he started the live on his Instagram, an exorbitant number of viewers watching him even though it was almost 2 in the morning. "I apologize for the clothes and wet hair, I took a rainstorm a few hours ago."
He was with your guitar, the only thing you left in the apartment you two shared; there was no letter or warning, you knew he would understand.
"Every night I've been counting the days, 'cause I just wanna be there when you wake."
Somehow, that simple start seemed enough for everyone to understand who the song was about. The videos you posted of Tom singing, the pictures of him with your favorite guitar, the one you liked to use the most during your concerts – you had left it with him because you knew he would still like to play it, even if it wasn't for you.
The comments began to climb frantically, a large number of emojis, exclamation marks, and messages in capital letters appearing every second on Tom's display.
"Even when you and I are worlds apart, I'll hold you in my heart."
'WTF Y/N IS WATCHING'
'THIS IS SO CUTE PLS I AM CRYING'
'tom finally finished the song he was writing for yn 🥲 i am dead'
'HI Y/N, OMG SHE MUST BE SO PROUD!!!!!! 😭😭😭'
'THIS IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, I AM FEELING TERRIBLY UGLY AND SINGLE'
'they are back? pls someone tell me they are back'
'THIS IS CONTENT FOR A WHOLE YEAR!!!! BYE I'M GOING TO WRITE FANFICTION'
Tom, too preoccupied with remembering all the lyrics and playing the right notes on his guitar, didn't notice when you joined the live or when the comments started to get so fast that they became unreadable.
You were already on the plane, a silly smile adorning your lips as you watched Tom sing the song he composed exclusively for you. The sandwich brought by your manager lay untouched on the table, other priorities getting in your way. The comments session was being one of your favorite things, and some people were noticed by you as their reactions went up.
You felt the need to be noticed, however, as the song came to an end. You saw when Tom let out a sigh, seeming to stroke the guitar a little before placing it on the couch behind him.
He picked up his cell phone that was in the holder on the table and at the same time your comment was sent:
'My heart has been holding you all this time too, brown-eyed boy'
-
taglist: @minejungwoo, @alaizaaa02, @happyeverafterjunkie, @wrendermeuseless, @petersasteria, @clumsymandu
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