hopeless-eccentric

[hopeless-eccentric]

...he is weaving the chocolate. Do you copy, this bitch is WEAVING CHOCOLATE

[hopeless-eccentric]

taylor swift fans are so scary it's like i'm in the truman show. watching taylor swift fans talk about how she soo gets neurospicy mental illness grippy sock vacation is exactly how truman felt when his wife started advertising coffee or something to nobody in particular

[hopeless-eccentric]

[hopeless-eccentric]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[hopeless-eccentric]

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

[hopeless-eccentric]

still thinking about "decolonising" missionary work.

the way you decolonise missionary work is by not doing missionary work

the way you decolonise missionaries is like this:

[hopeless-eccentric]

the thing about gay bdsm dynamics is they will make explicit what is implicit in normative cisheterosexual dynamics and then those complicit in cisheterosexuality will act all scandalized about seeing themselves in the funhouse mirror

[hopeless-eccentric]

I wonder why

[hopeless-eccentric]

i know that "unalive" is part of larger worrying trend of self censorship but if you really are in a situtation where you have to avoid the words "die" or "kill" the english language already has centuries worth of much better euphemisms. the iconic and perennial "six feet under"? the lovely imagery of "pushing up daisies"? "shuffle off this mortal coil"????? literally anything from the monty python dead parrot bit???? you have so many options. please try to be more creative at least

[hopeless-eccentric]

[hopeless-eccentric]

Cocaine was a stimulant used by a priestly caste of the middle period United States called businessmen in order to commune with The Market. [1]

[hopeless-eccentric]

obsessed with this exchange

[hopeless-eccentric]

[hopeless-eccentric]

got so high I got scared and had to get out of the car to calm down and a coyote immediately sprinted out of the underbrush and stalked towards me

[hopeless-eccentric]

*gender reveal party video voice* I’m your peepaw and I HOPE TO GOD you’ll be a nonbinary barista

[hopeless-eccentric]

The real reason magnets do that is because they are perverse sexual beasts

[hopeless-eccentric]

The last time we were on a long flight, my wife and I invented a game we call "Little Guy."

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

We're big Twenty Questions to kill time in a waiting room people, but Little Guy is more about the journey than the destination. It's got a different kind of sauce that's nice if "killing time" and "lowering anxiety" need to happen hand in hand.