hot-void-blog

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careful burning bridges because sometimes the flames will follow you still and keep you running forever and ever and ever and ever and ever from what you could have just left alone 

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I just want to sneak out the back door of all of this 

My stomach shrank before I could sit down and eat this thing I’ve made 

Gonna leave the table hungry with an unpicked plate 

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also I am so unqualified for this position first off but like whats he gonna do now not hire me after all of this banter 

if he does 

im gonna tell his hr 

just kidding 

but like 

I could 

embarrass him at the least 

take that 

this is what u get for joining tinder for the first time ever and offering someone a job offer within 2 hours of conversation 

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I am a promoter 

at a members only club 

I schedule club events 

I am relatively normal 

I have a relatively normal job 

‘Old dominion club’ sounds like boring old white man guild 

everythings gonna be fine 

except a reference call

when the HAMC were your most recent employers and the employer that hired you at the club before that is your ex and no clue on who is manager now or if you even know them and you've never talked to the big boss because you avoided him like the plague because guess what MOB and before that is a plastic surgeon who's on weird terms with your mother and before that was being employed by separate mob in a restaurant front  

and before that was high school jobs 

theres one manager that said I can use him as a reference but he would need to lie and I've already used him as a reference once and he doesn't even work there anymore he lives on the other side of the country now and what if he slips up because you know no huge deal to him if something slips and he has no huge reason to really help me adsfgdhjgkhj

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“If you get this job I will be your boss”

“and I can't show favoritism”

“unless I run this like an 80s movie and hold your job over you to get you to go to dinner with me” 

......

“well a girls gotta eat, it would be unethical to let me go hungry” 

LMAOOOOO 

I don't know which one of us needs to be slapped more 

wtf am I doing 

Im getting a civilized job thats what 

except I don't know how to behave in a professional work environment anymore and this might end up a total disaster but you know what fuck it I have less to lose than he does!! 

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there are so many lives that I want to live 

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thank you tinder for helping me in my pursuit of continued education 

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 prob gonna bang/date next boss he's already said we’re hiring hint hint 

gonna make this a new pattern like how I only did other scorpios 

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and why they all white boys tell me that 

gross 

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why am I juggling men again all of a sudden while crying over one I don't have and having these weird fucking unstable mood swings its like I'm 20 again 

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won't succ millionaire dicc for a lump sum to fund my way through school for however long I tell the dicc I'm gonna wanna be in 

but would I succ a different dicc for an internship position to slightly increase my chances into getting accepted into grad school through a short chain of butterfly effect factors

and this dicc aint half bad looking  

maybe 

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in conclusion its all my parents fault and I am Never to blame 

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I am so fucking stupid 

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best worst feeling in the world because how refreshing after not feeling an emotion so deep since the last time I saw you 

and I loved someone between that time 

such a hold to have on someone

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and all of a sudden I'm this deranged person again 

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now I remember why I avoid intimacy 

because how its made me absolutely batshit fucking out of my mind insane 

I think I got so mad at thaddeus calling me crazy because even though I wasn't this way with him when we were together, he was right

 I can literally feel the jealousy passion euphoria hormones pumping in every part of my body actually throbbing again and its like an being in another reality seeing red