huckurns

[huckurns]

omhaa steaks date: Mon, Apr 29, 2019 at 10:04 AM

my boss gives out coupons he loves the things thats his weekend, a kitchen island covered in all the taactile sticky non newspaper paper that lives in the middle  of the newspaper its a colorful mess, ot some acme got come khls got some best buy got some shop rite gor some good stuff for customizable checks you can get those things personalized, i bet i mean if i had a check book i alwasy thought it would be cool to have it be like a full football field wiht the end zone in siht i thought it would be a strong presence when signing the initial checks to start my llc for my custom car cleaning business, i mean that was a side project haha a real pike dream i just really wanted to get my hands all over my bosses car, but haha his coupons wouldnt work on me, but yeah sometimes he invites me over on the weekend to go through his collection, he takes a walk early saturday and opens up everyone on the street over from his newspapers, he lives in a condo development so the streets are all the same and it his neighbors all know its him but he still likes to take the coupons from the street bc he knows they have the best newspaper variety, some good pickings, everyone knows the times has the more upscale super market coupons he even mentioned how this weeknd he found what he thought could be the best coupon. sometimes hell just flaunt them around the office, like 'oh eveeryone ! we could e having a morning coffee cake 2 for 5 entements of course, BUT YOU ALL ARE SLACKING AND IT AINT EVEN WEDNESDAY YET MAYBE THE EXPIRATION DATE ON THIS GUY WILL RUN OUT BEFORE I CAN USE IT ON YOU GUYS HAHA OPH WHATS THIS IT EXPIRESFRIDAY UH OH SOME PEOPLE GOTTA GET their numbers up AND THOSE people who whta numbers need to go up and they all should know whom they are bc it s all of you ALL OF U NEED TO GET ALL YOUR NUMBERS UP. he meant it too, but this eweeekend when he showed me the omaha steaks gift card he said it with a tone that was different from his auther flaunts or taunts he showed me the coupon and saif " this could cahnge it all, this right here could turn the office around... i think i should give it to you. ITLL GIVE ME TOO MUCH POWER i cant start you know being a opush over all of a sudden i cant strart cashing in these coupons for my people i mean you are all my people i may be harsh sometimes , but an expiration date is a nice motivating factor right? you guys get all jived uop i can see if, i tell you that the deal on 36 packs of pepsi products aint going to last all week and yeah you guys might crack a few extra pops, BUT IT IS ALL FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME, PLAY HARD OR GO HOME if you aint cracking papsis to be getting more pepsis then idk where you are from bc from where i am from we gotta crush a can to crack a can." so he gave the omaha steaks coupon to me, then he snatched it back real quick" what what the fuck this is alot, this is alot of beef, HOLY SHIT THIS . IS A LOT OF COW MY MAN this is a lot of BEEF MY mAN, haha i mean maybe i cant give u all the credit they are going to lose it at work, but i mean what if they dont make it in time, what if you tell them the expiration date and it is too much and they start seeating start them meat sweats thinking about all the meat, before they are even close the the numbers we need to be doing they would already be mioles away thinking about green pastors and cows noshing cud chewing cud into their multiple stomaches, HELL WHAT AM I DOING, CUT THAT OUT i fires amanda right shes long gone haha, she told me that whole cud bullshit that whole 2 stomach lie amanda was so full OF HER SELF SHE DIDNT SEE EYE TO eye with the company hahaha but why am i telling you that you fired her haha for me may have you but i mean we didnt need her aroudn she would not have stood for this ill tell you that she would rip up this coupon in plain sight right on the spot ON SIGHT, damn vaygan damn stinky oat pusher, ahahaha no she was nice i gave her a nice reference and refered her to our other branch a little outside the city but outside enough that they have drool worthy rent, tgheres a brudgening art community out there more affordable living, and more of a focus on copmmunity, working together with neighbors and friends to be building a smaller more sustainable community, ahhahahahah it makes me sick what numbskulls." he give s me the coupon back "itll be simple okay," my boss, my boss is now looking for his beverage, id say coffee bc that what it looks like but this guy abstains from caffine i dont think he is mormnan but mentioned the complete power that mmornam fathers have he has given full speaches to full conferences of peple from aroudn the world on how mormon fathers are so powerful, how they control their whole familyds and brainwash their young into doing whatever they say. i know a mormomn and over the weeekdn she posted for her brothers birthday on insta gram, one of the most unforgivable acts one can preform on instagram, but this post, for her brother was a screenshot of a text from her dad and it was a picture of her brother sent from her father and it said: heres you post for gus's birthday with the caption : mr gus is growing up. and she just posted the whole screenshot which yes, right on the nose like she is aware she must be nuts like she is self aware that she is brainwashed by father but like is this a cry for help i saw that post and was like okay so this is just her mormon instagram where all the comments are people also apart of the acult but then i was like maybe this person is so delusisional that they are okay portraying themself as complete slave to their parents its weird in a way that she feels her father is her boss. its odd. "you take the coupon, where the hell is my ovultine," a big stack of the slippery colorfully printed coupon paper starts to slide off the table but its that slow fall where the top starts to fall and eventually the full stack will fall, but each layer has to pull the next layer down with it so itll take a while to fully fall but my boss lets em all fall as he takes a gulp from his chocolate drink. "oyou take the coupon you present it to everyone in the office you can even stand on my desk ill allow it this will be a bbig day, ill call out that day so that you can look like a dark horse and everyone will cheer for you, ill be hidining in my closet while this is going down but thats just for me:) i just want to hear their yelps when you exclaim when you announce nononon WHEN YOU DECLARE THE OFFICE BBQ, byt you really got to sell it it might help if you read soime of the lines off here, " BIG OMAHA STEAKS BIG JUICY T BONES" wow somne of this i might have to keep haha my freezers full, but it can go in the drink fridge in the 'rage in the garage thats whata i call my garage the 'RAGE but yeah i think theyll be into it, maybe something like 'OMAHA down set OMAHA HIKE EEEEE" its a football thing, those colts fans will get a real kick out of it a big kick. " hes standing on the couch stepping around the couch, crunchin coupons as he steps on the couch, he is dancing around like a quarter back pass faking everywhere pass faking around the living room. "OMAHA AAAAAA HIKE OMAHAAAAAAAAAAA"  he has done this before sadly, the omaha steak coupons arent rare they arent they just send them out seasonally so poepl get more excited for them the coupons are all for over 500$ worth of meat its a big deal he doesnt realize that he still has frozen beef in his drink fridge. "omahaaaaaaaaa down set OMAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA,  donwn set down set down set;..... HIKE OMAHAAAAA.. go for it this time okay go good for it this time we really gotta go get em good this time OUR NUMBERS WILL NOT LIE I AM TRUTH AND MY NUMBERS ARE THE FACTS AN EXPIRATION DATE IS JUST A MOTIVATION FACTOR TO GET IT BEOFRE ITS GONE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE BEFORE ITS NO GOOD ANY MORE" he breaks down in tears "I COULD HAVE BEEN A BEEF I COULD HAVE BEEN A QUARTER BACK"

[huckurns]

punk mtba date: Tue, Apr 30, 9:59 AM

theres a seat on the subway that is actually a step but its for the entrance if the t was going the other dirrection so it works out its in the far back of each train car where there would be the main entrance if the car was turned around. its far away from people but its low down its good bc you dont have to lookmnat anyone and it actually has one of the better views on the train from a seat, you sit on the floor and look out the door at a lower perspective then seen from any other spot on the train. when i get on the train in the morning i listen to straight edge hard core to get my brain and body ready the heavy bumping music in association with the motifs of the song really gets me ready for my catacolismic day in the office. I dont drink i dont smoke i dont fuck bopping around on a busy t is great fun if you are the one having it. in the monrnigs people want to find their territory and mark it pu however they can as fast as they can, for someone with a book that means whip that shit out of ur bag as fast a s possible and crack it open, if you are less then half way through you better read quick or you better be a daily commuter bc you will look like a fool if u start a new book on a train, train folk dont have time for any noobies to the scene. other people mark their territory by a horriszzontal phone watching full on tv shows, others will just take up as much space and drink their coffee with sunglasses on and fart up the whole train, but since they are wearing sunglasses no one know they are the ones farting. they know that too thats why they are constantly smirking. but all these train folk will find their spot and imediately set up camp no quirey as to where the heck all the people from the 15 more stops will end up, but theyll fit somewhere or ideally they dont ideally they see the man with the airpds and sunnies farting in a wide stance and they are like oh no im going to have to be late for work bc this train is at compacitiy. this should b the case people shouldnt have to mosh onto a train, unless you are havving fun, all to get to work on time. the last thing i want to do is stand after i just forced myself awake forced some oatmeal down forced a shit out i dont want to have to stand standing is for them whom cant get seats and i get seat i get seats alright. first cue music, the t arrives everyone lines up by the entry was once the t stops i bolt to the back so they open the doors for me and i dont have to pay, then you are sepping onto a lower level of the train car you have to get a vantage point to spot the secret two seats, sometimes i get hasty i get hasty and i check for the secret seat before even scouiting whats around before even peeping around me to see any available seat haha OF COURSE what was i thinking, somtimes you can identify BU students who take the train for 3-4 stops but then get off at bu central, you can pick them out bc they clutch their backpacks close to their chest, an obvious image of a scholar. if you identify the back secret seats are open then you have to turn up that mf music and take ur backpack off, KEY TIP backpacks are huge on your back and the teenage mutant ninja turtles make mobility with that thing look easy, talke that shit off and hold it in front like a brief case, embody that corperate investment entity, but turn up that straight edge harcore turn it up. now s ur time to be assertive, you go up the 3 steps to the upper level of the train car you start nudging yourself through the noodles of people dangling from the handles on the cieling, once you push through a few i recomend making eye contact with all those train folkj whom are now looking at you, you just disrupted their territory which they have been holding ever since they got on, while you are at it you might as well make eye contact with everyone else whom you havent bumped into but whom are all watching the only form of entertainment on the train. a few more people need to get brushed to the side then there it is, by this paint all the attention is on you, i recomend strong eye contact itll really confuse the doccile office goer in the morning a strong stare, nothing quite like one in the morning, everyone will be watching now and this is where they will lose it, you will plop your back pack down, what was once a briefcase is now just a nap sack a nap sack on a string you drop that thing on the floor and all the office goers gasp, they see that thing as a red bandana tied to a stick with all your belongingd in it, then you do this one for the train folk they eat it up, you hike up those pants, you pinch some fabric above your knees and slide em up before you even consider bending your knees to sit on this stair now make shift step. all the train folk dont really understand how i do it, they sometimes lose track of me when i lower myself down to sit, they cant even see me, they know someone sat down they saw someone avoid their pants wrinkling by hiking em up before bending the knees, so they know that at least they know someone sat down, but once those slacks hit that subway floor all they see is a punk all they see if a damn punker listening to minor threat bc he saw a logo flip of it made by some guy from malibu who created a company revolving around NYC culture, and look at me: i dont drink i dont smoke i dont fuck i can relate i can relate to a whole lot of people, but to all those who stand when there are no seats, think about it bud think about it you can sit anywhere and thats punk as shit

[huckurns]

toxic mold syndrome date: Mon, Apr 22, 2:12 PM

every night i brush my teeeth while some people brush them every morning and night i get it kjust once a day just at night im a nocturnal brusher and it eels good to go to bed clean. i am lonely and have no on e to impress in the morning no one wants to talk to me before my coffee anyway i would talk to them but no one wants to hear my voice before those beans hit my throat but thats okay i sit on the train and talk at people who dont notice me talking at them and thats all fine no one comments on my breathe becasue they dont know i am talking to them, its a good warm up to my day i talk a lot to the people on the train i talk alot to them and tell them a lot of secrets and they wont tell any one they sometimes smile at me after i tell them about not brushing my teeth in the monring and its funny to some of them some of them laugh and i make jokes about being so close to them like oh ahha sorry i am so close i wish i was in first class haha usually I TAKE FIRST CLASS, ussually in the MONRINGS I TAKE THE FIRST CLASS TRAINn. that one gets them everytime, theyll laugh a lot at that one but they dont know if i am talking to them but i am. i keep my tooth brush in a dark corner and thats the way its been for so long my tooth burush isnt a charcole one but its covered in black mold and i tell everyone its a charcole brush bc its trendy and popular the poipel on the train get a kick out of that one. someone once caught me at home a friend of mine whos been dead for years they watched me bruch my teeth and pout the brush back in the corner and lean it up against the walls the two walls that form a corner i lean it gently against both walls bristles facing in towards the black ora surrounding where i have been putting my tooth brush for yewars. i know its mold and im afraid but i am afraid more of fixing it all and getting rid of the mold, ive been doing it for so long and putting my brush there for so long and my relationships with my dead friend have gotten stronger and the peoplenon the train laugh reall hard these days at my jokes and sometimes are very receptive to my conversations that they dont know i am having with them, and its fine i wonder if i get a new tooth brush if things will taste different, everything has tasted the same for a while but i think thats becasue i have been eating the same sandwhich every day for as long as i have been brushing my teeth. are my taste hasnt changed i still like the sammy but maybe my taste will change if i stop and clean the mold. but the mold is maybe the reason i am so creative and popular now, my dead friend finds it ammusing that i know he is dead and wonders what complex fucked up childhood i must have as he puts it, what derrnged upbringing would lead to this, i think hes jealous beacsue i come from a happy healthy up bringing im a very healthy guy im a nut actually a health nut. all mold is healthy and the black mold in my bathroom isnt abnormal, bathrooms are damp and mold like damp places and it makes sense, why would i stop something natural why would i stop something that has been there the whole time its apart of me now its inside of me, but the people on the train dont like when i talk like that they wont even give me a giggle when i talk about the mold i thiknn the mold scares them, but change scares me and i like the mold becasue its not changing its always been there. ReplyReply allForward

[huckurns]

spit  date: Wed, Apr 17, 9:49 AM

in 2015 winter my family went on a trip to portugal and up to that point i had been sik from september on but it wasnt a real sick it awas mainly just due to me continuing smoking with a common cold and a big build up of muccus. but in 2015 almost half a year sick i learnt how to spit out my mucus i have seen people do it tons, but never understood how quitely how to do it quite. my sister tried teaching me and a few phases did the trick she was describing what will happen to the snot, bc you are basically coughing it up from ur loungs and into ur mouth to then spit out and that helped with the visualization and helped me under stand musinex. i figured out if i lean forward a little and do the cough usually it knocks the mucus up into my mouth so then i can spit a wad of mucus out ofg my lungs and onto any surfuace bc snot is sticky as hell when its that juicy lung stuff. i have continued to smoke but can get over any cold really quicck now and not gfeel like a ball of mucus, since i think that s a feeling people asssociate with being sick is just like swalling all thier snot like what the hell yeah you shouldnt be swallowing that gnarly shit like i get a runny nose, but like full like nose slurps of snot down into ur chest seems like the worst thing to do when u are trying to feel better, get thtat shit out get that shit out, they say that with every poison you know GET THAT out , alcohal yeah that shit is poison throw that shit up. even before i could spit out my snot i was always a fan of spitting once someone told me in public speaking class, one i took in hiehghschool bc it seemed like a joke and the teacher had my same last name, she was also the only teacher thati have witnessed fall asleep durring someones presentation, i know professors sleep i understand that heck ive even slept with a professor or two, but this one was out cold during someones presentation on the differences of the AL and NL baseball leagues, all his choice too, he chose to talk about that and was seizing like a fucking moped infront of an asleep mrs. turner whom was secured tightly in her chair fat spilling out under the arm rests she wasnt going any where even if her head was nodding, she wouldnt fall she was stuck in that chair she wasnt goiing anywhere. But some kid who we all called ritz caught me looking at him one day bc i thought he was chewing tobac and i always liked watched all the dope ass chill fuckers in school pack fatty lips bc it was like cool as hell, and i liked watch them think they were sneaky i liked knowing and watching, one time warningn them about the principal walking in, and other situations distracting teacher from noticing other students go up to the board and spit on the carpet, it was really cool. so he caught me looking, but i realize oh thats just a bottle of normal spit what the hell. hes like man dont start you aint going to want to start this one man its gross its so bad for your body and im like waht are you doing just spitting in that bottle all secrative? and he says no. he says his brother told him and his coach told him and all the varsity boys do it on the wrestling team, they chew gum and spit in a bottle and its the fastest way to lose weight. it chekced out to me and i was impressed this guy was also really fucking cool. so yeah you could say i got into spitting back when i saw the titanitc i mean everyone loves that loogie scene the spitting the 'leaverage' that shit is pricelous if people dont remember that scene then they arent rememebreing that movie right. so ever since the titanic ive been spitting and i realized at some time a nice spitting area is a urinal bc like big wide thing like its designed for bad aimers a normal toilet is a little too narrow a little too much of a challenge unless ur just dropping spit bombs which is fine i like doing that too, but so i would always take a piss and then spit at someppoint and flush and yeah sometimes wash my hands, but i mean this has been gpoing on for years nothing out of the ordinary. yesterday i head someone cat call me, they screamed slob on my knob, and i shuddered. that phrase stuck in my head all day, i get into the office to crank out a whicked pisser from all the dunkies i put in my body on an empty stomach e and then i spat a nice congealed iced coffee spit concetrated with one turbo shot, the spit lags as it leaves my mouth, it was a bomb rather a big fat bomb and it lags, it drags and stays on my lips longer than intened but since this is such daily shit to me im already finidshing peeing im about to put that guy away then i spit on my dick. 

[huckurns]

new desk new me  date: Tue, Apr 16, 10:31 AM

yeah sick haha, so good to have a new perspective. a good perspective change itll really put your head on a swivel itll really shock you, youll be shocked then oddly comforted. its good to see things from a new view from a different angle or even a different idle seat sitting in a new location more isolated from the people i work with is fun it will be fine. ill impress them with all the work ill still be able to do even with my new desk, i mean i should this things big as hell bigger than the last, BUT NOT BIGGER THAN MY NEXT. I get to re organize my stuff I get to have no one sitting next me, i get to spin around in my wheelie chair with all this extra room its empowering, wait a better word may be LIBERATING, its freeing I fee free being moved out of the cubicle with my co workers, free in a sense of force social interactions, yeah my weekend was great will i spill the beans on what happeneed into detail heck no maybe a little but only the office standard of spill a light leak, something like " yeah upstate new york for the weekend" and ill have a sweater tied around my neck and it will be cashmere with no stains on it. nothign like a new seat, i mean the chair is the same, but i had to redial in all my custom seat setting s, the lumbar support was first to be fixed way too low for my yoshi spine. the arm height was oddly high but im trying it out, the arms of my chair are over my desk, my elbws that would usually be hanging off the desk are now an inch off the desk resting on the arms of my chair, maybe i need to stack my laptop ontop of something, maybe i need a standing desk. all this chair fitting all this ergonomic necesity and i still havent unpacked all the belongings from my desk, well i mean it is a tuesday and i guess they moved it when i was 'OOO' yesterday, that means out of office for those not in the corperate world, we use that all the time on spread sheets it makes thing so simple, we use other series of threes also like 'xxx' which could mean that someone is working that day or it could also mean that they arent i havent quite figured it out yet but 'xxx' seems kind of like negative so my mood changes on that one, and so do my spread sheets. sometimes when it isnt 'xxx' it is a time frame like '9-5' and then that furthers this idea of 'xxx' being negative. oh darn my box of belongings all ym desk trinkets all my cute desk trinkets that i have collected over the mere months of having that desk and now i am already through 2 walls and to the right from my old desk, its so hard to believe. in the moving process on monday that i missed while being ooo somehow they lost the lid to my coffee mug, thats weird bc THAT WAS THE ONLY THING ON MY DESK. IT WAS MY ONLY TRINKET... the only thing on my desk is my coffee mug my portable coffee mug, but now with no lid its just a mug just a mug that tastes like metal, which i have gotten used too. it wasnt really the only thing on my desk but it was the only thing i remember, when unpacking to my nnew desk i realized that a mini pack of goldenbears haribo had traveled from my old desk which is not too nuts, but shocking i mean that metal coffee mug was my only desk item, this candy this is something that i would have noshed down, i would have taken one of my many walks through the office to the front desk, given a forced smile to octavia then twirled my finger around the candy bowl sturring up all the candy at the bottom. and this was a rare candy it was worth keeping around, it was worth leaving on my desk just even if it brought a smile to my face, you know, even if it had to hangout with the metal coffee mug all day or even if it was in a cubicle with all my coworkers its fine its a rare piece it was WORTH KEEPING AROUFDN.

[huckurns]

bean salad date: Wed, Apr 10, 2019 at 10:14 AM

yeah ill be the first to fucking scream it i aint a hand washer okay yeah its gross whatever, but yeah i wish i had stronger backing to why i dont wash my hadns its it could allign with the whole not washing fruits and veg is good, bc bacteria is healthy and thats all fine, but i never liked washing my apples bc i didnt feel like drying them off and a wet apple doesnt compare to a nice dry waxy apple. btu i do wash my hadns when i work somewhere that has a sign that says employees must wash hands, yeah they guilt the hell out of me and i have to take some pride in being called an employee where ever i can so i tend to follow those signs to a tee. most sinks i encounter are like well below standing heigh so i have to like arch my entire body to get my hand s unders the faucet, its insane im arching my back and bending over to get my hands washed, kitchen sinks are the right hieght why the hell are bathroom sinks below waist line, even hand blowers are way too low you have to bend ur knees sometimes to have ur hands get under there comfortably, ITS VCALLED ERGONOMICS and i think the paper towel dispence may be the only public bathroom feature that is at a propper height, you reach up to about head level and crank down on a lever thing and then boom paper towel at chest level you extend your arm fully straight out and then boom the paper towel is in your hand then you bend the elbow and it will rip off a nice slab of paper towel. so there i was morning before work waiting for my oatmeal, with sweetened vanilla almond milk and cranberries cool offl, 2 minutes in the nuke and its way too hot to eat for at least 2 minutes, maybe thats a formulla for microwave cooling that i should try an get out there, try and get it out there to the nukers to those hot pocket liovers who,m cant wait for their hot snack to cool off, mayeb its jus thte cooking time, maybe the cool off time is equal to the cooking time, well huh maybe i guess but actually FUCK MICROWAVES, some lady at the garden center place i used to work told me that she helped her kid with a school project where they tried to grow beeans using normal water and another setup using microwaved water, and guess, what, the hell, happened, her kid got an A on the project her star child hre favorite daughter got an A on the paper and recieved praise from the entire faculty of the private school that gets funded by parents whom want to see good grades on their childrens tests. So microwaved oatmeal was still cooling off and then i was thinking about lunch, i hadnt even had the oat meal yet and i was wondering if the massive tub of bean salad that had been sitting out in the kitchen since sunday was still good, i mean what the heck would go bad im not really sure and the more you think about it the more i am sure you can find reasons not to eat the salad, but this is a massive tub and the guilt, similar to the empployees must wash hands sign... i made that bean salad i paid for that thing to feed a whole crew, so i filled up a tub to bring to work, a test almost to see if the bean sald had gone off or to test the quality, since aparently i made way too much for a 15 person crew for 2 days. I had also realized after the weekend i ahd forgotten to add corn to the whole salad so this time, this time it had corn so maybe thats what everyone wanted corn. at work i told myself i was going to order a half of a sandwich, a melted cauliflower melt, and have it with the beans. i choked, well not a choike at all i just really wanted a fully sammy so i preteneded like i forgot my order when the lady at the register asked what i wanted and i said after a long pause " oh i forgot what i wanted," then looked up at the menu, then i thought to myself that nearly every week at least once i place an order with this lady and out of those times during the week most of the time i indulge in a rotation of a few bangers a few god damn slappers of sammys, so me looking up at the menu was funny to me since i had only started looking at that thing recently to see the summer specials they have , WHICH ARE ALL ABSOLUTE TRASH, so then i look back down to her and say "a full cauliflower melt please" the fast that i said full threw her off, but it made sense to me since i was havin the internal debate over the half  and beans or what have you. i eat the sammy fast as hell, usually i like to pick up the little fallen pieces of cauliflower and eat them with my fingers, but today i was less picky if they were too tiny i dindt even bother, after the sammy i was full, but i carried this bean salad down here so i cracked it open and went to town, wolfing that shit down... I couldnt really make a dent I WAS REAEALLY FUll, but i told myself hey now you wont be hungry for so long itll be worth it itll be worth it, i pounded back some more bean salad made with 4 pounds total of 4 different beans, the fava beans soaked with the black beans so their color looked like a smokers lunch and they didnt soak long enough so there was some bite to all varieties of beans, heck yeah it isnt my best arrangement of this salad i have done it better before. I couldnt finish the whole salad which is fine i was walking like a door back to the office, like a door being pivotted from one corner to another, like the card guys in alice in wonderland. i get back to the office and go to the bathroom and yeah, and YEAH i washed my hand WITH SOAP i soaped em up and then when i lean in to wash my hands i throw up in the sink, nothing major but mainly alarming. the salad is fine, ill stand by that, what the heck can go wrong with room temp beans, the salad is fine the sink height is the issue, the sink heigh i nearly the same height as a urinal, i just checked. ReplyForward

[huckurns]

my life a movie date: Tue, Apr 2, 12:04 PM

Charles Turner <[email protected]> Tue, Apr 2, 12:04 PM to Jamie, me, Neal, Patrick, Victoria https://www.apmmusic.com/albums/KPM-0670 music like this gets me going man it gets me thinking, if this is all copy right free music and its been used in tons of things how come these songs play in my head when i wake up ? huh how come when i flush the toilet a big brass band plays a tombone baseline as i saunter out from the bathroom? how come when i jog to catch the train a flute solo starts followed by a big string orchestra? you know why? bc i have figured it out its really simple, my life is a movie. HEY NOW SLOW DOWN i never said it was the best movi , no oscar noms over here no cannes for this lifespan. but my life is a movie i wake up to frilly light bubbly music and birds chirping, some fucking disney shit, all the terrible things i do at work, all the chickens I have to kill and defeather none of that matters bc I know someone out there says that their favorite movie is my life. I have come to grips with my reality and it being entirely in my control but have also fully noticed that my fans out there like me for who i am when they first started watching, what im supposed to wuit my job at the tyson chicken, give up my free chicken for life deal? what are you crazy? The numbers are in they love when i kill the chickens, they love when i defeather them, and my viewership SPIKES when i sit down for a plate of salted boiled chicken. mukbangs they are called, someone on the defeathering line told me that the other day, he says that its the most exciting part of any movie, the eating, that too is as simple as my movie. i mean we all eat we all love to eat bc we all love to live and we have to eat to live and living for me is a movie so it makes sense that i have cut back on a lot of my other interests and focused on eating and my job, its all a movie. there were some scenes that kept on happening that I had to cut out alot of scenes with some people from my past, i didnt want those in my movie they werent shady or anything but i can tell that when i think about my movie i dont want certain thing s interfereing i dont want certain types of people involved bc it is my movie at the end of my life and choosing all the scenes may not be entirely in my control but my development from a flat character to a round character is something that, i have been told, defines a movie. if i dont change then this life will not be a movie, I must change for my movie to conclude ReplyReply allForward

[huckurns]

for the love of brad date: Wed, Mar 27, 11:42 AM

so maybe im a addicted its, bad every time i finish one i just get up and get another. its a bad addication all those bubbles its bad, its burning a hole in my insides all of my insides FOR THAT MATTER all the insides and inside the insides the bubbles can find that, the bubbles are like little critters nibbling at your insides its like nano technology but in bubbles and it just corrodes away at you all your interiors all the interior walls eroding away do to this disgucting addiction to nice big ol tall glasses of cold bubbly nice tall glass of tall bubbly, and I aint talking about you hun lemme tell yeah. its a tall bottle for me, but sometimes a glass a tall boittle of bubbly with some flavor usually. here at the office kitchen, my favorite kitchen, its one of the best, there is always cake in there its always someones birthday in there. the machine in there for the bubbly give u a few options a few major options, and these options alter that tall tall glass of bubbly down to their dna their rods and codes are based on 3 settings of strenght and 3 settings of flavor. im addicted to tall extra strong bubbles in my extreme flavored lemon beverage. the settings for strenght are: a spit of timid bubbles, a handful of brawly bubbles, or an infinite amount of fully torqued up extra strenght bubbles, and those things are no joke they dont mess around. they are so strong they alter the whole flavor profile of the drink bc swallowing them isnt like a normal tall glass of your conventional store bubbly these sextra strength ones pack a punch thatll have u coming back for more. the taller the glass the more you fill, but the more you fill the longer it takes to drink and the longer it takes to gulp the flatter those bubbles get and no one wants those things flat, when they are flat the whole flavor tastes like the periodic table of elements all of them combined in a demi bubblly concocktion. the flavor well that shit gets gnarly real quick, first ios no flavor, OKAY MISS PLANE JANE THIS ONES FOR YOU, the second setting makes it feel gormet like hotel lobby water, theres a squirt of lemon, thats okay if you are wearing a suit, but i dont wear a suit to work, i wear my fucking OAKLEYS and my matching OAKLEY back pack with all the metal pieces fully utilized. BITCH. so yeah i like my flavor cranked up, no alot of people aroun the office say that fully torqued bubblles and flavor is unhealthy and that it is actually just siera mist and let me tell the naysayers something I LOVE SIERA MIST I LOVE THAT STUFF and yeah it does taste like it, and what if i have some caffine pills at my desk that i like to crush up and slip into my drink, and maybe a little yellow 4 and some caramel sweetner i got from my soda boys back in delaware. man i love a tall glass of bubbly, its love its not an addication is love an adicction? ima have to take that up with my soda boys back in DEL, we got a chat for stuff like this, the name keeps on changing but I once changed the group chat name to 'i love you brad' but then brad changed it to 'fuck siera mist' HAHA things are so topsy turvy when i dont have me some tall bubbly, man i miss my boys so fucking much.

[huckurns]

weekly reports date: Wed, Mar 27, 11:22 AM

hello there associateits come to my attention that you have not been filling out your weekly reports, what gives? what makes you think you can be any diffferent from the rest of us, we fill out our weekly reports every friday, I EVEN ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WHOLE OFFICE: 'its that time of the week again! week;ly report time'. I do it every time and yet here I am giving you a piece of my mind. what do you think the others will think, they all listen to me, and what am i supposed to do? let them know you fill out your report out of thursday? no . NO. the execs wont like this, they taught me to always do weekly reports on friday, but here I am taking time out of my busy day to try and talk some sense into you. weekly reports are done on friday and you know this. but you have filled them out on thursday for the past 3 weeks. by this point i can take a hint okay I get it, I can handle this info. but what about keith? you think keith is going to take to this well? you think KEITH MCCALLISTER CFO OF THE COMPANY will be please to hear this? 'oh yeah Keith everythings great the numbers are up the cost is down and OH YEAH WE GOT A GUY DOWN IN ACCOUNTING FILLING OUT HIS REPORT ON THURSDAY... oh whats that FIRE HIM ? oh OKAY MR CFO' thats a little taste of how that conversation could go. but lets just put that to the side, hey you can keep doing this. it doens tbother me. but I know it will bother everyone else, EVERYONE. so for me could you just keep it to yourself? I know you are pretty active on facebook, but I just need you to zip your lips about this if you plan on keeping it up, and let me tell you that its a better PLAN to not even think about filling out your weekly report before friday. think about the rest of the office! do it for them! dont let them down !ReplyForward

[huckurns]

my morning TEA. I had a tea this morning Date: Fri, Mar 8, 2019 at 10:44 AM

my employees love their bean. in our kitchenete theres a coffee machine not a pot no mr coffee sitting on a counter all lonesome, this thing stands up tall, human sized, this bean machine has settings for all sorts of 'specialty' 'gourmet' options its got a ton, but this morning it was empty it was hollow the bean machine was now just a machine with hot water and possibly powdered milk (i am not sure how they add steamed milk to the capachino but my thoughts are powdered milk and hot water all frothed up) a normal morning in that kitchenette comes in waves, everyone ariving at 9 will try to get to the kitchen before the rush but they are the rush, so waves of people will walk past the machine looking in to see whats happeneing in the kitchen. usually there is someone waiting for their coffee to be made while someone is eagerly in line, but thats the extent of the line, us here in the corperate world dont line up past one if you want coffee but someone is already in line you have to act busy in the kitchen and establish youself as occupied then once that person in line moves their cup up to that coffee spewer thats when you can tell youself "this coffee cup aint getting any cleaner, these coffee fonds will add to the flavor," and get in line. but like i said there were no bean where the beans are usually advertised with their roast and name no beans. none. the waves were coming though and no one would dare stop a corporate work place from their morning joe. each wave would start with a shake, seeing if there were any beans making noise. no beans. next step would to consult whomever is around: " uh HAHA i dont think this WILL BE A STRONG ONE!" "its usually bad so lets just try it" "they keep the beans up on that top shelf, you think im going to get them BEFORE I HAVE HAD MY COFFEE?! HA" I see some of the coffee coming out of the machine and its very clear, there are faint brown notes so it may actually be coffee, but once they get their cup, if they so dare, they leave quickly. no reviews were given so the waves kept coming and people kept cleaning their cups and getting them filled by our hollow machine. I know the front desk lady usually fills up the beans, but she is shorter than me, I look at the top shelf with the beans and see that the roasts dont match up THE LABELS ON THE MACHINE DO NOT MATCH THE BEANS. how long has this been the case? how long has there been no breakfast blend? I SEE THE DARK ROAST, thats there, thats fine the dark roast is very much there. but for how long now have I been pressing, regualr strenght breakfast blend to NOT ONCE BE GETTING A BREAKFAST BLEND. So now I am pissed at the front desk lady, Octavia, yeah i knew her name this whole time, but lets keep this somewhat cryptic so for the case of this story i will now call the front desk lady OCTAVIA. So yeah im heated. the cup of java I have been drinking for most mornings of the week has been bullshit, or COULD HAVE BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME bullshit. I know breakfast blend is a real thing, I have had it before, but NOT HERE. well yeah I was pissed so I didnt even think again about pouring those beans in the bean machine, that guy can remain hollow until news gets to OCTAVIA, she can deal with it. ALSO OCTAVIA where is your candy bowl this morning... I like a funsize snickers with my coffee my BREAKFAST BLEND coffee a baby snickers. but huh thats weird, theres no candy bowl at the front desk, okay, there are no beans in the bean machine, okay and the worst of it all, while not related to OCTAVIA this time i swear shes involved based on it being within her realm of responsabilities: the newspaper. this morning, a friday, the new york times has 2 weekend arts sections, and within neither of these sections is the crossword . So first off, its friday, i havent had my coffee, there are WEEKENDARTS two of them in my fridays paper, and where is my crossword? Probably the same place as the bowl of candy and the BREAKFAST BLEND.ReplyForward