ididntputanythoughtintothis

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Signs a Parent is Emotionally Immature

Emotionally immature parents can’t function in the role a parent should. Instead of feeling protected, loved, and important, their children feel a constant state of insecurity and bring feelings of self-doubt into adulthood. Some signs a parent are emotionally immature include:

Overreacting to minor things.

Not expressing empathy or awareness of the child’s feelings.

Treating their child as an emotional support, but do not reciprocate.

Refusing to listen to logic or reason about disagreements.

Changing the subject when their child tries to engage in emotional connection.

-Abriged from “Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

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How to Identify Emotionally Mature People, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson,

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“People who have been wronged by an emotionally immature person may start to think they’re at fault if they continue to feel hurt by what the person did.

Emotionally immature people expect you to take them off the hook immediately. If it feels better to blame you for not forgiving them fast enough, that’s what they’ll do.

After a rift, many people will make what relationship expert John Gottman calls a repair attempt (1999), apologizing, asking for forgiveness, or making amends in a way that shows a desire to patch things up. But emotionally immature people have a completely unrealistic idea of what forgiveness means. To them, forgiveness should make it like the rift never happened, as though a completely fresh start is possible. They have no awareness of the need for emotional processing or the amount of time it may take to rebuild trust after a major betrayal. They just want things to be normal again. Others’ pain is the only fly in the ointment. Everything would be fine if others would just get past their feelings about the situation.”

Excerpt From

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents

Lindsay C. Gibson

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Perhaps both parents turn a blind eye to their own underlying anger and self-centeredness and see these traits in their children instead. (We’re loving parents, but our kid is mean and disrespectful.)

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

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"Emotionally immature people are easily overwhelmed by deep emotion, and they display their uneasiness by transmuting it into quick reactivity. Instead of feelings things deeply, they react superficially. They may be emotionally excitable and show a strong sentimentality, perhaps being easily moved to tears. Or they may puff up in anger toward anything they dislike. Their reactivity may seem to indicate that they’re passionate and deeply emotional, but their emotional expression often has a glancing quality, almost like a stone skipping the surface rather than going into the depths. It’s a fleeting reaction of the moment. Dramatic but not deep." —Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson.

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For emotionally immature people, all interactions boil down to the question of whether they’re good people or bad ones, which explains their extreme defensiveness if you try to talk to them about something they did.

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

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Children have no way of identifying a lack of emotional intimacy in their relationship with a parent. It isn’t a concept they have. And it’s even less likely that they can understand that their parents are emotionally immature. All they have is a gut feeling of emptiness, which is how a child experiences loneliness. With a mature parent, the child’s remedy for loneliness is simply to go to the parent for affectionate connection. But if your parent was scared of deep feelings, you might have been left with an uneasy sense of shame for needing comforting.

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sister who loved me, how could i ever repay you?

lisa lee on an interview to USCnews, “the bond between sisters and history” / mommy issues: unlearning inherited pain, joan tierney / the hunger games, gary ross / the fall of the house of usher, edgar allan poe / the reynolds pamphlet, hamilton: an american musical, lin manuel miranda / the other boleyn girl, justin chadwick / the sisters, mary cassatt / the midnight star, marie lu / sisters, holly warburton / call your sister, taylor edwards / the hunger games, suzanne collins / fleabag, phoebe waller-bridge / i don’t love anyone, belle and sebastian / sister, mac demarco

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Shut up I'm not crying. Also behold the rewards of research and sensitivity!! That's practically a fable - like the lion decided out of true generosity of spirit to research mice and discovered it actually WAS a mouse and that was why being a lion was so goddamn difficult ... the analogy needs work but you get it. Anyway go and see Everything Everywhere All At Once. People said it was what ADHD feels like and going in I was like "if it gives normal people ADHD glasses then how will I, an ADHD person, even be able to distinguish that" ... and then there were scenes like "The protagonist is having an extremely fraught conversation about her taxes. She is simultaneously, in another reality having a very fraught conversation about saving the universe. In both, she is scolded for not paying enough attention although in one her interlocutor should KNOW exactly why this is difficult." And the line "I never know what is going on but I have a feeling it's my fault!" ... and I was all OK yes this is in fact what ADHD feels like.

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Everything everywhere all at once is a film about a girl ripping the entire universe apart just to find a part of her mother that she feels understands her. And everything everywhere all at once is a film about a mother ripping the entire universe apart just to understand her daughter. And my chest feels like it’s caving in when I think about it too long

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When a story goes yes life and the universe is fundimentally chaotic, uncaring, and meaningless in nature... but have you considered love? And hope? THAT'S when it gets me

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it’s so true that the greatest weapon against nihilism and existential despair is to find joy in the mundane and never stop chasing after love

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“In general…there’s no point in writing hopeless novels. We all know we’re going to die; what’s important is the kind of men and women we are in the face of this.”

— Anne Lamott

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prompt 1567

If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive.

                                        ― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

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Hi! Can I request a web about the phrase "to be loved is to be understood"? I am planning to write a short story and I am looking for similar phrases for inspiration. I really like your blog! It is very inspiring

@capfalcon (via @nr0r)

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

@brigittefitzgerald, ‘who are you in this haunted house story?’ uquiz

Henry Rollins, The Portable Henry Rollins

Director’s Commentary, Pride and Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright

Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit

Michael Dempsey, Being Known Is Being Loved

George Orwell, 1984

Leonardo da Vinci, from The Complete Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci, Vol. II, compiled and edited by Jean Paul Richter

Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

Taylor Swift, cardigan

Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

Robert Brault

John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

@ilikemycoffeeiced (x)