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i look a lot different from what i did a couple months ago, i gained weight and i grew out my hair and i haven’t shaved

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i’ll at least try to be happy my last couple days, maybe go out more if i can find the energy, hang out w my friends more. i have 4 thousand dollars i never spent. i wish i could give it all to him. what if i go somewhere else, somewhere far away. i hate california. maybe i’ll visit chloe one more time, haven’t talked to her in months though. i’ve already decided how i’m gonna do it as well

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i think i’ve decided on a date to do it, sometime soon after my football game this friday. kinda crazy to think my whole life i’ve been waiting to turn 18 but i never will make it, kinda silly LOL

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my life was already decided when i was born, it’s like a curse. like being born to my mother and father is a curse that kills you young. my oldest sister died when she was 2 years old, my older sister killed herself in elementary school, it’s finally my turn to die and i’ve fully accepted it. i pray that my mother and father don’t bear another child

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i just have to figure out a way to spend all my money i guess, probably just buy my friends stuff until i run out

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i’m not really sad or in much emotional distress killing myself has just always been something i knew i was gonna end up doing anyway. i actually feel quite happy now yk? atleast now i can’t hurt anyone and hopefully the people i’ve hurt can be happier knowing i don’t exist anymore

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it’s not only an inconvenience for me to be alive, people hate that i’m alive. alex said it herself, august said it himself, my mom said it herself, kylie said it herself

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i think im really ready to end my life, i mean i’m not terribly sad or anything it’s just i’ve hurt the people i’ve cared about and loved the most, i feel like my purpose is to hurt people but why is that?? i hate doing it and i don’t do it on purpose why am i like this. the last person i tried to have a relationship with said he hated my existence, my mother has said the same thing. my ex from about 2 years ago said she wished she could forget all about me. i just want to stop hurting others and the only way for that to happen is for me to simply not exist anymore. i’m constantly trying to better myself and not be such a dick but it doesn’t work and i just don’t understand

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oil in pan looks like the dodger logo

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my therapist said i might be on track to be undiagnosed with bpd because i’ve been doing so good lately 😊😊 i’m lying to her though i am doing terribly smh atleast i’ll be undiagnosed thougn

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i know i was in the wrong and i’m the one that messed up and i’m the one that hurt you why am i sad about this goffffhdbdn i regret ever messaging u

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i wish i could just forget all about you

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how am i suppose to memorize the capitals of each latin country when you’re the only thing that fills my mind

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instead of studying for a quiz i have in 5 minutes i’m going thru messages of when we first met im about to cry

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entering my slut era fr

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even with the shitty things i did, i don’t think i deserved that.

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when someone lead u on for weeks while u were putting your all into the relationship and apparently ur the bad guy