imnotverycool

[imnotverycool]

After your parents found out you are gay and kicked you out, the only place left for you to go was the magical forest. Write about your life.

[imnotverycool]

After you and Death had a bad break up, they told you they would never come back to you. Two centuries later and, true to their word, they still haven’t come for you.

[imnotverycool]

[imnotverycool]

amazon bring me….my child

[imnotverycool]

pornbot: *follows me*

pornbot: hey

pornbot: ;)

me:

[imnotverycool]

Make A Wish - Submitted by Anonymous

#C6D2F2 #E2F7DB #FBFFD7 #EDD9FD #CBC1EC

[imnotverycool]

guess what i’m drinking tonight!!!!!

[imnotverycool]

In your meth class, while your teacher is busy explaining the correct way to shoot up, your buddy leans over with a calculator and asks you, “hey, man. Do you wanna try some math?”

[imnotverycool]

Tiny King - Submitted by Eclipsed-Pendulum

#EEF5FD #D6E2EE #C5C4C2 #A09F9B #FFF8AB

[imnotverycool]

your dog needs meat and your kids need vaccines. end of discussion.

[imnotverycool]

Piggy.

[imnotverycool]

A Dance With Death

Summary: Dan is the God of Death, who helps people to the Underworld when they pass. One day, he randomly pops up at a masquerade ball for Prince Philip’s coming of age ceremony. He doesn’t know why he is there, but it’s hard to focus on his job when the prince asks him to dance. Word Count: 7,919 Warnings: character death, blood, graphic depictions of dying A/N: Many thanks to Haley ( @haleykinz) for this WONDERFUL idea! I just kinda took this idea and ran with it, and now it’s far too long. As you can see, this does have character death in it. BUT, it is a happy ending. I mean, Dan’s the God of Death, what do you expect? Also thank you to Jillian ( @jilliancares) and Elizajane ( @snowbunnylester) for helping me develop this fic, and thank you to Hannah ( @flyingstarshowell) for betaing this for me :’) love u all tag urself, god edition art by haley Read it on AO3!

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Dan has a guilty pleasure.

It’s a weird one, that’s for sure, something that most people like him don’t have any desire for. But he can’t seem to help it, honestly. He likes the way people move around him, how they laugh and dance and genuinely don’t care about anything else in the world. He likes the way girls’ dresses flow as they twirl and the way men wear little bow ties around their necks. Hell, sometimes girls wear bowties, and Dan likes that too.

And for a single moment, nobody thinks about death.

Masquerade dances are the perfect excuses for Dan to be himself. Well, kind of.

He’s dead. He’s been dead for thousands of years, in fact. He is a creature of the underworld, one made of bone and paper-thin flesh that he can mould to his liking. He have s changed his appearance sometimes, just because he could. Once, he had found himself moulding into Shrek and had laughed for a good three weeks before deciding to change it up.

Keep reading

[imnotverycool]

Today on “rules of English language I didn’t realise were a thing until someone pointed it out”

[imnotverycool]

✩ *: ･ﾟ - BO BURNHAM SENTENCE STARTERS.

quotes from just some of my favorite songs by bo burnham. feel free to change the pronouns / names / punctuation whatever ! 

“ what’s funny ? ”

“ my ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. she liked to dress up as herself & act like a fucking bitch all the time. ” 

“ if you can’t beat them , join ‘em. ”

“ i make all the single ladies ‘ oh (name) ! ’ ”

“ i swear i’m straight. ” 

“ just do a chinese accent. ” 

“  fuck my life, I don’t fuck my wife so fuck my wife & fuck my life. ” 

“ my daughter’s a whore like another girl who used to be her mother. ” 

“ my son is gay, but not sitcom gay. ”  

“ & i masturbate because i’m the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me! ”

“ we had a helluva ride.” 

“ well, i motherfucking lied. ” 

“ just shut up ! ” 

“ fuck the system. ” 

“ it’s not jesus. it’s cheez - its, right ? ” 

“ you think i’m joking ? ” 

“ art is dead. ” 

“ tonight at ten the world is ending again. ” 

“ only on the channel 5. ” 

“ i’m a faggot. ” 

“ no girls wanna fuck me, trust me. ” 

“ i don’t give a fuck, don’t adjust me. ” 

“ one, two, three, whore - i mean four - shit, three, four, five, bitch - i mean six - shit. ” 

“ well, congratu-fucking-lations. ” 

“ i got your back kid. ”

“ fuck the rules, fuck the game, fuck you tools, fuck you’re lame. ” 

“ yeah, fuck me for my hard works, fuck another r - word, fuck me for my hard work that got me into harvard. ” 

“ you’ve got sticks and stones to turn to but I’ve got words to hurt you, so save your bullets ‘cause you’re fucked. ” 

“ you think you’re clever ? you’re fucked ! ” 

“ i must be psychotic, I must be demented to think that I’m worthy of all this attention. ”

“ i’m wearing makeup. ”

“ ‘cause i wanted my name in lights when i could have fed a family of four for forty fucking fortnights. ” 

“ but i’m just a kid. ” 

“ maybe i’ll grow out of it. ” 

“ i’m a gay sea - otter. ” 

“ i hate catchy choruses. ” 

“ i’m a hypocrit. ”

“ take off your bra & burn it. ”

“ eat a dick ! ”

“ oh my god, honestly are you fucking five ? ”

“ i think i’ve made the right decision. ”

“ it’s over. we’re unhappy. ”

“ & once the dust has settled i hope we can still be friends. ”

“ eat a fucking dick, like this ! ”

“ put on your dick - eating bib ! get ready to gobble a dick up ! ”

“ i didn’t think you’d cry for me… i didn’t know you cared. ” 

“ lick my clit ! ”

“ sorry you’re not what i need hun, lick this clit then leave son ! ”

“ i deserve better than you ! ”

“ you got a job to do, you better do it right. ”

“ i like oreoes & pussy ! yeah, in that order ! ”

“ i’m looking for somebody to love… or put my penis in – ” 

“ holy fuck i think she might be the one ! ”

“ i just want her to — how do I say this — sit on my face ! sit ! sit on my face ! ” 

“ you think you’re the right one every time ! ” 

“ according to my calculations, uh, you’re a pussy. ” 

“ i saw a homeless man named rich. isn’t that just terrible ? ” 

“ he didn’t here me say ‘ look out for the train ! ’ …because i didn’t say anything. ” 

“ i went to a store looking for something to buy but they only sold paintings of the same sad guy … no, wait — this store sells mirrors – ”

[imnotverycool]

This is my bible. Bye.

[imnotverycool]

death doesn’t discriminate *whips* between the sinners and *nae naes* the saints 

it takes *dabs* and it takes *dabs* and it takes *dabs*

[imnotverycool]

Will-o’-Wisp - Submitted by Kahvinporo

#002277 #3355BB #6677BB #DDAADD #BB55AA