intentionallyjoyful

[intentionallyjoyful]

May 7, 2023.

All I’ve been wanting for last ~5 years is genuine community and to feel influential or important. I was starting to build that in Ohio, people moving + pandemic disrupted that. I moved here over 2 years ago and still don’t feel those things despite immense effort. It’s definitely a “me” problem since that’s the common denominator and I’m tired of trying… I just don’t want to fail my kids in the process which I feel I will because of homeschooling. Idk. It just sucks. Few people truly care about me or feel I matter. I feel like I’m called for more and to be more relevant and serve, but I’m trying and nothing sticks. No one reciprocates or engages. Nothing pans out. Sad.

#not what I wanted this blog to be but here we are

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 9,2023

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Chores, co-op park meet up, laundry, family-play time, got offer accepted on house only to possibly back out because interest rates jumped…again.

How did I take care of myself today?

Outside for 3 hours. Forgiveness.

My favorite moment of the day:

The co-op was really nice today, kids had tons of fun and us adults got to talk entire time together which is rare. Weather was perfect.

Some challenging moments:

Reconciling with Josh. Anxiety of housing situation.

Response to those challenges:

Just was the bigger person about it and swallowed pride to move on. Clear communication. And housing we just might back out while we’re ahead and don’t lose the earnest $ too.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Kids’ being so happy today. A more restful night last night. Good weather.

Summarize today in one word:

Peace.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Yoga, some family time, double clients in evening.

It’s important to me because:

Take care of self, utilize time we have before Josh works full weekend, and earn some extra $$ with clients.

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 8, 2023

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Homeschool, library, gym, park, general chores.

How did I take care of myself today?

Spent 2 hours outside, worked out, napped.

My favorite moment of the day:

Bring at the park playing w/ kids and talking w/ neighbor. Nice not having Lucas with me too. Space.

Some challenging moments:

Josh and I didn’t talk. I feel sad today in general. Grayson lied to me too.

Response to those challenges:

Just giving josh space. Tried to read Bible and ensured I got a nap in. Disciplined Grayson.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Nice weather.

Summarize today in one word:

Draining.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Homeschool co-op at park, reconcile with josh and have some quality time.

It’s important to me because:

Community. And I love my husband even when he makes me mad, can’t stay mad forever.

How will I embody it?

Go to the co-op. Try to converse with Josh and be affectionate… swallow pride (and shame tbh).

[intentionallyjoyful]

Update: we didn’t get the house. Did a low ball offer on a second house… we’lll see. And got new realtor.

March 7, 2023

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Homeschooling, park play date with new friend, errands/chores, and night out with friends.

How did I take care of myself today?

Kid free time for 5 hours! Spent 6+ hours outside.

My favorite moment of the day:

Hanging w/ Kristen and Nancy.

Some challenging moments:

Fight w/ Josh that escalated wayyyy too far.

Response to those challenges:

Space and a texted apology since he was in bed by the time I got home. Prayer. Still feel unsettled.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Good Friends w/ similar values/opinions.

Summarize today in one word:

Social.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Gym, play date with neighbor.

It’s important to me because:

Health + maintain friendship for self and kids.

How will I embody it?

Just do it 🫠

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 6, 2023

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Homeschooling, Barre, lunch hang-out with Sarah, swim lessons for Damian and family time.

How did I take care of myself today?

Josh enabled me to sleep in some this AM, spent 2 hr outside. Worked out.

My favorite moment of the day:

Nap-time intimacy with the husband and going to swim with the kids — I haven’t gone in well over a month.

Some challenging moments:

Sleep deprivation, figuring out Josh’s summer school schedule.

Response to those challenges:

Josh let me sleep this AM versus getting up at 5am for the day, again. We compromised on Josh doing less classes this summer and him not applying for a masters program this fall but instead next year. Josh showed appreciation fort supportive role in all his career/education things.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Josh’s willingness to help me sleep more today and just spending time with him in general. Got a free Oreo crepe at Sweet Paris too.

Summarize today in one word:

Quality.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

meet up with a new friend at the park, pick-up a grocery order or go shopping after park (haven’t decided), get some “me time” in the evening with friends. Homeschooling.

It’s important to me because:

Friendships/connections give life meaning and purpose.

How will I embody it?

Be social/bubbly. Don’t cancel.

Prayer: we get the offer we put on house accepted tomorrow…. If that’s where we’re meant to be. Prayer for our country and a major culture awakening to take place. 15 min on Twitter just left me feeling hopeless.

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 5, 2023.

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Went to church, made awesome bread, watched movies, talked with my parents, got a short nap in, enjoyed some time daydreaming and in prayer, spent time outside with the nice weather. Rest.

How did I take care of myself today?

Prioritized getting a nap in. Spent 2 hrs outside.

My favorite moment of the day:

Chatting with my parents on the phone & playing soccer with the kids.

Some challenging moments:

Just dealing with exhaustion/headache for a week straight.

Response to those challenges:

took it easy today & got a nap in. Ibuprofen helps.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

My parents adjusting their lifestyle & hopefully relocating to being closer to me more. Dennis Prager’s videos and his wisdom.

Summarize today in one word:

Rest .

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Gym, park picnic with Sarah + get free Bundt cakes, swim lessons for Damian, homeschooling.

It’s important to me because:

quality time with a friend and educations/skill building for the kids.

How will I embody it?

Just do the things! Don’t let myself waste time on my phone and be present + productive.

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 4, 2023

Capturing Today

General overview of the day:

Cleaned bathrooms, laundry, organized Lucas’s closet, dusted, homeschooling, baked trifles, played with kids a little bit, went to park for an hour, saw a new house for sale + plan to put an offer on it, ate Chick Fil A for dinner and watched Tangled.

How did I take care of myself today?

Stayed off social media except maybe 10 minutes of the day. Spent 1 hr outside.

My favorite moment of the day:

Making cakes with the kids and seeing new house for sale.

Some challenging moments:

Nothing really challenging today, thankfully. Other than dealing with a headache again.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Kids were well-behaved and helpful today with chores.

Summarize today in one word:

Productive.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Church and rest day.

It’s important to me because:

Give thanks to God for my beautiful life.

How will I embody it?

Wake up & be on time to church! No school or housework tomorrow (other than dishes).

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 3, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Let the kids' watch movie in the AM so I could get extra sleep after a rough night. Abdominal work out + yoga.

My favorite moment of the day:

Seeing the new potential house. Playing card game with Grayson & Josh.

Some challenging moments:

Addressing negative attitude with realtor.

Response to those challenges:

She was receptive, but I feel a little insecure about it since we're friends too - I don't want to come off like a bitch, but being direct since we'll be writing her a check is probably best (that sounds like a verse from a rap song...).

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Josh's career being what it is and the flexibility that comes with his schedule and income.

Summarize today in one word:

Work.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Laundry + Deep clean the bathrooms, dust + organized Lucas's closet. Pray about the house we saw yesterday for some clarity.

It’s important to me because:

I want to stay on top of the house so it's easier to tidy up and this is my weekly Saturday to-do along with some things that just have been piling up. Need to decide if we should put an offer on house so we can start that process or not.

How will I embody it?

Knock out the chores in the AM before doing fun-stuff with the kids. Carve out mental moments to sit in pray without distraction at least twice - once in AM and one in afternoon. Hopefully have decision by following day.

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 2, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Rested during kids’ Quiet time.

My favorite moment of the day:

Teaching during co-op seeing the kids enjoying the lesson.

Some challenging moments:

Talking about group problems… processing how even one’s reaction (or lack there of) made me felt. Being woken up tons/early and functioning on ~3 hr broken Sleep.

Response to those challenges:

Prayer + was collected in how I brought it all up. Vented to my husband and closest friends. Got myself espresso while I was out of the house to help with fatigue. Tried to nap.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Josh being a proactive and hands-on partner, Kat removing herself from co-op group on her own terms (and so I didn’t have to later on).

Summarize today in one word:

Challenging

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Gym day, see a house listing, homeschool.

It’s important to me because:

be healthy/fit, need a new home beyond May, and I help children grow.

How will I embody it?

Wake up promptly.

[intentionallyjoyful]

March 1, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

“Me time” today was yoga & painting my nails + watching my podcasts for 2 hrs.

My favorite moment of the day:

My “me time” with the kids out of the house and talking with my mom on the phone.

Some challenging moments:

Bickering with the husband about dumb stuff and trying not to let it escalate. Negative social media feelings.

Response to those challenges:

Be prayerful and think before speaking to stay calm. Deleted apps off my phone again.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Pizza for dinner. Free kolache at breakfast. Side note: need to get back on track eating healthier again.

Summarize today in one word:

Chill.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Co-op meet up with me teaching. Address concerns with group and vision going forward. Babysit Isaac.

It’s important to me because:

I genuinely like everyone in the co-op, as do the kids, and want the group to somehow work out…. I just need them to be more committed to the group. & Watching Isaac because date night swaps are important for our marriages.

How will I embody it?

Be direct and brave to have tough convo tomorrow. Pray about it tonight and tomorrow AM. Patience with Isaac if he’s difficult and get what I need to get done for school/housework before he’s dropped off.

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 28, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Socialized with friends, spent 3 hrs outside.

My favorite moment of the day:

Hanging out at the park with Brey and alternating massages while watching show with Josh in evening.

Some challenging moments:

Babies being difficult while hanging with Sarah and we both weren’t in the best moods/very tired.

Response to those challenges:

Commiserating with friends and being okay with silence at times.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

Friends who it’s okay not to be okay around and friends with similar values/worldview. Being financially good.

Summarize today in one word:

Tiring.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Get some “me time” during the afternoon.

It’s important to me because:

carving out time every week where no one needs me is a good reset. Gives kids quality time with their dad too.

How will I embody it?

Have Josh leave house with kids and do some yoga at home and maybe do my nails.

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 27, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Gym work out, spent 1.5 hr outside, intimacy with my guy.

My favorite moment of the day:

School time with the kids. I just love seeing their growth. And Damian randomly coming to tell me he loved me and gave me a hug.

Some challenging moments:

Discovering the damage to our garage from some rodent or what we thought was termites, Damian being extra whiney at the park today & at dinner, Lucas fighting nap time.

Response to those challenges:

Contact landlord, have Damian remove himself to cool down before being invited back to play/eat. Let Lucas get out his energy a little longer and tried again for nap.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

A regular neighborhood friend for the kids to hang with at the park and me to talk with. Josh making dinner without me asking.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Spend morning with Sarah mostly outside with the nice weather, knock out some laundry, meet up with Breyanna for a play date in afternoon.

It’s important to me because:

I adore Sarah and Isaac and our time together. I haven’t seen Brey since December and hoping our boys can be good friends since we live close, they’re all same ages + they’ll be doing soccer together again soon.

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 26, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Went to church, Spent 1 hr outside, napped for 30 minutes, no big chores + just relaxed (as much as possible with kids). Went to bed early to recoup lost sleep from previous night.

My favorite moment of the day:

Watching new movie with the kids and everyone laughing together. Josh stroking my hair while we hugged in the kitchen once he got home from work.

Some challenging moments:

incredibly tired and grumpy in the AM from a sleepless night and early wake-up.

Response to those challenges:

Prioritized nap time right after church and are sure to go to sleep before midnight.

Something(s) I’m grateful for:

A beautiful sermon by a humble, relatable pastor who admit-ably doesn’t have all the answers to the tough questions I have too. My children being best buddies and able to play with one another well. My grandma being relocated to a better facility.

Summarize today in one word:

Rest

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

New gym class (barbell) + Family Time

It’s important to me because:

Be fit/healthy, spend quality time as family unit since Josh worked all weekend.

How will I embody it?

Go to the gym and give maximum effort, block out time in our afternoon/evening to let kids pick what they want to do for family time.

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 25, 2023

Capturing Today

How did I take care of myself today?

Gym- 30 flights on stairclimber + 1 hr of Surrender yoga, shower. Spent 1 hr outside.

My favorite moment of the day:

Playing soccer with the boys in the open field and walking to playground. Enjoying the weather and happy they’re so excited about their first pair of cleats for the new season.

Some challenging moments:

Damian lying + fit. Telling a friend they’ve hurt my feelings. Listening to my mother vent about stress w/ Grandma + Dad.

Response to those challenges:

Kept my cool w/ Damian, properly disciplined vs being impulsive — did raise my voice more than I’d like though. My friend was receptive and appreciative and I feel respected and at ease as a result. I comforted my mother & she was appreciative. I feel sad I can’t do more physically though.

Something(s) I’m grateful for today:

Having the means to be able to homeschool my children, beautiful weather, Lifetime’s childcare, no longer sick w/ stomach virus, kids’ didn’t give pushback on eating veggies at dinner or no screen time today.

Summarize today in one word:

Fresh.

Imagining Tomorrow

My intention tomorrow is:

Church + day of rest. Allow Damian to lead majority of the day.

It’s important to me because:

Give praise to God and show my children the importance of having days off. Damian had several lost privileges today so I want to show that we care about what HE wants to do, too.

How will I embody it?

Wake up on time & go to church. Ask Damian what he’d like to do as much as possible. Reiterate that we love what he picks and be fully present/off my phone.

**fun fact: I literally took all these prompts out of a $12 journal I saw at Target. I hope to answer this every day while I’m rocking baby to bed.

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 23, 2023

Hi. I haven't "blogged" in years, not quite sure what's compelling me to now. I don't know who will even read this anyways. I've got a lot of my mind, as I've spent the last 2 days in thought whilst puking my brains out with a stomach virus and laying down in a fetal position. Yay for stomach viruses.

Little background on me: Almost 29 year old mom of 3 boys (5 and under), married for 10 years now, Christian, politically incorrect, Texas, SAHM, and homeschooling. I feel like that info alone will deter most people who find this blog.

So what's on my brain? Well, about 2 weeks ago I took Instagram & Facebook off my phone. I've checked it a couple times because groups/businesses, but not scrolling or going through stories. I initially removed the apps to focus more on prayer, particular when it comes to us finding a house. The house we finally committed an offer on recently did not work out mind you...which disappointed, God, but I'll trust something better is coming up. Regardless, it was good for other reasons too because social media definitely has a negative effect on me. I should probably remove TikTok too, tbh. Anyways, the biggest lesson I've learned thus far is that Not that many people give a fuck about you, and you also don't give a fuck about them. Yet social media gives this illusion that you all do. I also take less pictures/videos because even though I mostly did it for myself, I evidently was also doing it for others and because why? I don't know, like I need to prove I have a nice life or something, boredom, hoping someone will start a convo so not so isolated, Idk. I have a list I'm forming of people who actually reach out to me and who I think to reach out to and after a full month, these will be the only people I will actively dump my energy into, because obviously that's where it naturally fell. I keep finding myself being way too good of a friend to people who really don't care that deeply for me. It's really a shitty realization. On the flip side, I've noticed people who I hardly paid any mind to or would even call a friend insist that we're good friends, lol. Weird.

Speaking of energy, being part of a homeschooling co-op has been a total energy sucker. I'm not a group person, I knew this going into it, and yet I tried to go out of my comfort zone and continue to try to stick it out when I'm truly not enjoying it whatsoever. The kids love it though, we all get along great with similar values, it's just..... people are inconsistent and not as committed to the group. With me being the organizer, this leads to me constantly feeling frustrated by turnouts or lack of input/response, etc. I can't even fully explain it. I just keep praying for guidance on this and I know that if I was to just end things that it would end potential great long-term friendships for not only the kids, but for me. At the same time, I'm like if this isn't working out seamlessly already, why keep trying so much, especially when the effort is almost entirely on my part or people working through me, which I also dislike. Especially if I end up relocating further away from everyone since that's where our housing price-point keeps leading us.... shouldn't I be more involved in a community there?

Lastly, I wish my parents would move closer already. My grandma needs to pass, this poor old woman is miserable at 97 and barely hanging out. It's been thing after thing after thing. I hope and pray she passes soon and that my parents feel peace over it all. They are in desperate need of a break. Back when we lived closer to my parents, there were far too many issues. My brother was mentally unstable, my mother was in a terrible place physically and mentally as well, but fast-forward 5 years and things are so much better and now I just wish we could have simple family dinners or attend church together, get the cousins together for a playdate, or go on a nature walk with my mom. I always feel unsettled. Forever feeling like I don't belong where I'm at and that I'm missing something or supposed to be somewhere else. I don't know how to reconcile that.

And there's my first blog post. /end