irl-ichi

[irl-ichi]

nvm no high tonight cause partners playing a long game with friends and its boring being high and gaming alone but i cant call anyone to play with since hes on the phone and i dont wanna be rude or have all that conflicting noise T_T boring grinding (dying to the same bs 24 times before i finally kill something on ultra hard) on forbidden west it is i guess...

[irl-ichi]

usually my partner would be worried im showing these signs of being dependent on it or whatever plus how fast my tolerance shot up but i think hes giving me slack since he knows alllll the garbage im dealing with right now AND knows im gonna go on a break soon anyway since he leaves wednesday and the weed is his so i get the feeling hes letting me enjoy as much of a mental break as i can in this limited time

#ichi mumbles

[irl-ichi]

i kinda feel like ive maybe realized something tho. gotten a little closer to understanding how addicts feel i mean. like... i know that usually i would keep trudging along in life being mopey from the crap so if i HAD to i COULD deal with it... but since i HAVE weed i have an option to take a break from rotting and being mentally dead for a few hours so of course i take it. cause its there. and i find myself wanting to take it earlier each day just cause existing sucks. i dont know why i neber thought about this before... i just kinda thought.. addiction involves a lot of time put into ACQUIRING the drugs and going through it really quivk. like... more time is spent going out and getting them than how long they last. something that sounds annoying stressful and more effort than its worth to me. so i never really got it. its really obvious and silly but oh well. sheltered life and all

[irl-ichi]

so many stressors in mylife rn ive been getting high every night for like the past week otherwise i just rot in bed my tolerance is like triple already 💀 a very pathetic moment in my life

[irl-ichi]

"if you were a bad person i wouldnt have fallen in love with you at the zoo"

you fell in love with me on our first date? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻😭💜

[irl-ichi]

person on phone wasnt helpful they told us to go to a bank branch so we went after class (already tired cause that whole class was about rape) the woman there was much more helpful but it still took a long time i opened a whole new account its 4pm and im finally home havent eaten today but im exhausted i wanna die i hate this world

#i still have to email the school im just too tired

[irl-ichi]

i changed my passwords and security questions and everything but couldnt find a way to do two factor authorization so they still drained my account 😭 gotta call the bank again after class ugh

[irl-ichi]

not only that tho... i didnt mention my "new internship" to my parents because i was still... hesitant if the whole thing was legit and wanted to see how it played out cause if i did get scammed id rather just die from that and not also get lectured/have my parents think im not able to live on my own cause ill be getting scammed left and right 🫠 dad was lecturing me about gettng a job so partner asked why i didnt mention twll my parents... he was only trying to get dad off my back and didnt know my reservations so hes not to blame or anyrhing but i feel double stupid

[irl-ichi]

ive heard of the type of scam that sends checks that bounce but i didnt know it happens TWO days after... i only waited one T_T

[irl-ichi]

great. im getting scammed -_- i never put my school email out there so i never get spam and they said they were with my school wtf... it says the oayments are still pending but the customer service rep said they couldnt cancel it i have to wait for it to be done tomorrow then open a dispute... dont those things like. never get your money back 🙃

[irl-ichi]

nose piercinh is cute but i cant wait to change the starter stud to a ring the spiral shape makes my nose whistle when i breathe and it drives me craxy 😭 they dont warn you aboit this

[irl-ichi]

sobbing through tears: god i love my partner so much

[irl-ichi]

most jobs either ghost you or take weeks to send that rejection email but this one i applied to and REALLY wanted sent me a rejection the next day 💀 like they didnt even CONSIDER... help...

[irl-ichi]

horizon zero dawn + forbidden west is so dear to me one of my top fave games ever so i really wanted my partner to play and know the story but he didnt feel like it so i did new game+ and he could follow the story while i sped through it but after watching the gameplay he really wanted to play himself also in this playthrough ive been ignoring side quests and stuff which he loves doing so weve been taking turns doing two different save files on my playstation hehehe

#HORIZON GOOD EVERYONE AT LEAST WATCH THE STORY

[irl-ichi]

okay im not even high tonight why tf am i still hearing this summer night background

i double checked and yup partner does NOT hear it

is this a possible side effect of the new med i just started interacting with my current meds? why did it take like 4 nights since i started taking it before the hallucination started then...?

[irl-ichi]

on one hand i think that with how much my college is trying to advertise itself as a safe and accepting place of all lgbt people they shouldnt have the male/female restrooms but on the other hand im scared of how dirty the restrooms would be sharing with men

[irl-ichi]

weirdest thing happening rn. two nights in a row same exact auditory hallucination. at least its good i guess... endlessly repeating peepers and crickets or whatever. typical summer night. even tho 1) its muffled but still really loud 2) i am underground and in the summers i would barely be able to hear it 3) i dont think its nearly time for those animals to do that. certainly not the weather for it

#coincidence these are the only two nights ive been high?