ironedsleeper

[ironedsleeper]

[ironedsleeper]

[ironedsleeper]

i'm sorry but this is the only submission to this trend that i'll consider giving any thought to

[ironedsleeper]

[ironedsleeper]

[ironedsleeper]

TIL In an epilogue at the end of the original 1931 Dracula film, Dracula breaks the fourth wall and taunts the audience, saying vampires are real and to be afraid. In a 1936 re-release, this was censored by the Hays Code, out of fear it would encourage belief in the occult.

via reddit.com

[ironedsleeper]

An extra nickel for a shake?

OUTRAGEOUS.

[ironedsleeper]

55 people.

Not 55 thousand, not 55 hundred, but 55.

Cruelty is the point.

[ironedsleeper]

Thank you keemstar for providing the world with one of the funniest tweets of all time

[ironedsleeper]

More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

[ironedsleeper]

We really don’t talk enough about the spleen these days. People used to talk about the spleen like it was the king of organs, Shakespeare wrote it verse, these days you’re lucky if someone even knows they have one. Moby Dick opens with Ishmael going to sea to drive off the spleen, what have you done for your spleen lately? I want to be complemented on the splendour of my spleen, just once. I want to taste splenetic delights.

[ironedsleeper]

the sigh of relief i let out after clicking on the last block of spoiler text

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[ironedsleeper]

i want to share with you some of my favourite graffiti from Pompeii

“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!“ 

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.“ 

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.“

“Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.“

“On April 19th, I made bread.“

“ I have buggered men.“

“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.“

“It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.“

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!“

“Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.“

“Secundus likes to screw boys.“

[ironedsleeper]

this is the best album release of all time because where else are you going to get unironic takes like this and then even get a few hundred people to agree with it

[ironedsleeper]

For the love of god stop