ishkass

[ishkass]

"You who suffer because you love, love still more. To die of love, is to live by it"

- Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

[ishkass]

“You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love. That, my dear, is love.”

Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

[ishkass]

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd: the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been;”

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

[ishkass]

Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath. - Anne of Avonlea 1909 by L.M. Montgomery

[ishkass]

“There’s no room for you in my life anymore. And I don’t owe it to you to make any space.”

Taylor Jenkins Reid, Malibu Rising

[ishkass]

“Must be nice. To be able to be weak. I wouldn’t know.”

— Taylor Jenkins Reid, Malibu Rising

[ishkass]

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[ishkass]

to that someone who see me as an stellar,

hi irdk how to start composing this open letter for u knowing that we didn't really date nor get out beyond the talking stage?? haha

i really thought that we were going to be special to each other. i admire your talent, how you sing, your INTELLIGENCE, your wit and your personality. BUT, i also noticed how you were so close to your girl bestie. dont get me wrong, i am not a hater of this girl bestfriend thingzz because i am a gbf too. but i dont see the limitations. all i can see is two people admiring each other and hiding it through friendship because they are too afraid to admit things.

i saw how you mentioned her almost everyday to your instagram stories, tweets and even on facebook. i saw how your friends ship you both to each other. i saw how you tagged her in that one picture of you in your ig. i saw how you bond for DAYS while playing valorant. i saw how you send and receive meals from and to her. i saw how close you are to her parents. i saw how you struggle with her while doing your acads.

but i dont have the right to complain diba because who am i to do that? am i a friend?? am i a jowa?? no.

i saw how i envy these things and i saved myself from that. i stopped. i stopped liking you because i can not imagine myself dealing with this kind of situation if things get serious. i can not imagine myself being jealous everyday and keepimg it to myself because i fear that you might consider me toxic if i were to tell you to stop doing those rhings with her. because i know that she is your bestie, and that you are comfortable doing THINGS that you love with her because you share the same interests and values.

i knew you liked me too. call me assuming or something but i felt it. even for a brief moment. why would you entertain me eh you know naman na i like you from the very start? why would you react to my stories and tell me that i am stellar? why would you greet my mother on mother's day and call her mama? diba haha

i also think about what happened. is it because i started sharing echo's vid on ig? did that bother you?? did that make you question my feelings toward you?? i hope not.

you gave me mixed signals. and i didnt even bother to think and reanalyze things. but for the past few days, i already did. and i am happy. and i hope you are too.

i want you to be still my friend. i still want to continue that horror movie date with u and i still want to be part of your celebrations.

migo, if only i could be her, i would.

#mdc

[ishkass]

5-7-20 4:42 i wanna die

[ishkass]

daphne bridgerton icons 🐝

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“When something breaks, if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it. Unfortunately, sometimes things don’t break, they shatter. But, when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments, when the pieces of what we were catch the sun, I will remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be, because it was us. And we were magic.” Someone Great (2019)

[ishkass]

kinakabahan ako sa di malamang dahilan. para akong si do san. doon sa scene na sinabi ni dalmi na "i like your big hands" na pinaghawakan ni dosan. pano kung yung "ang stellar mo talaga" na sinabi sakin ni migo yung pinanghahawakan ko rin sa ngayon. paano kung hindi naman pala ako stellar? :-(( paano kung hindi naman pala ako yung iska na akala niyang ako haha. ang hirap naman pag walang tiwala sa sarili.

may second thought din ako doon sa staycation kasama sila sa tagaytay. kasi ayun yung magiging unang beses naming pagkikita lol. paano kung madissapoint siya sakin? pano kung hindi siya magandahan? pano pag narealize niyang im a smol gurl pala talaga chz? saka pano kung maobserbahan niya kung paano ako kumilos, tumawa, gumalaw? huhu nakakakaba. kasi alam ko rin naman sarili ko kung ano ako. pero ayoko naman baguhin sarili ko para lang magustuhan ako. sana lang talaga, maging okay lahat?? saka paano kung hindi ako magustuhan nung mga kaibigan nila? paano kung yung nga bagay na ikinakatakot ko eh hindi naman ko naman pala talaga kay migo mararamdaman kundi sa mga kaibigan?? hahha nakakatakot.

sa totoo lang, gusto ko na ilevel up kung anong meron. nakakasawa yung puro chat lang. random kamustahan. minsanang usap. gusto ko na rin magkaroon ng validation yung mga nararamdaman ko gaya ng pagkainis ko kay *** sa tuwing sinasabihan niya yung sarili niyang stellar kait hindi naman. char. gusto ko na rin na magbigay ng assurance sa kanya sa tuwing nakakaramdam siya ng lungkot o ano man. ang hirap kasi na wala akong ginagawa. i mean?? bakit?? naman?? ako?? magchachat?? dahil?? lang?? nagtweet?? siya?? na?? malungkot?? siya?? diba hahahha

at isa pa, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero lagi kong nafifeel na nagchicheat ako kapag nagkakacrush ako sa iba. hahaha talk about ~loyalty~ bitch hahaha chz. pero totoo nga, crush ko si adie. inaaya nga ako ni bea na manood ng online gig kasi nakikipag interact sa mga fans pero hindi ako nanonood kasi baka lumala paglacrush ko eh emz. eh gusto ko si migo.

hahahaha hayy hirap. pero pag natapos ang taong to na wala pa rin kaming progreso, pangako titigil na ako hahahhaa.

[ishkass]

hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba. hindi ko naman to dapat nararamdaman. hindi naman sa pagiging sabik, pero nakakamiss din pala maramdaman na mahalaga ka. nakakamiss din pala na may tao kang mapagsasabihan kung kamusta yung araw mo. yung tipong kahit walang kwentang bagay, pwede niyo pag usapan. simpleng kamustahan. pero lahat may kinahihitnan.

nakakamiss pala maging sigurado. ewan ko. ang gulo gulo ng mundo. gaya ngayon. hindi naman ako ganito kanina. hindi naman ako malungkot. pero parang bumabaliktad talaga ang mundo. umiikot pala talaga to. maaring sa ngayon ay okay ka. bukas makalawa, ay hindi na. paswertehan na lang sa mga taong makakasama mo sa laban.

nakakamiss din pala na may taong nagpaparamdam na mahalaga ang iyong presensya. yung tipong may nagpapasalamat na buhay ka. yung tipong nararamdaman mo na may magandang bagay kang nagawa. yung pakiramdam na para kang perpekto sa paningin ng isang tao.

nakakamiss maging komportable. yung tipong magpapakatotoo ka lang dahil alam mong tanggap ka niya. nakakamiss magkaroon ng taong nagbibigay sayo ng balidasyon.

pero hindi ko uto sinusulat sa kadahilanang namimiss ko ang mga taong nagparamdam ng ganito sa akin. nakakamiss lang yung pakiramdam. pero ayoko balikan.

maaaring oo, pero nawa'y sa tamang tao na.

maaaring oo, pero sana sa kanya na.

#ddc

[ishkass]

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icons of actor nam joo hyuk🌙☀️

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