itwasthisorthemilitary

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 26, 2024

Someday I'm going to make a scrapbook compiled only on photos of weird rashes I got while in Panama. The victim? My feet again.

Pretty sure it's Panama's version of poison ivy, especially because it's perfectly in the areas not covered by my Teva straps.

Not infected tho! Highly irritated and itchy af. But not infected.

Anytime I get down about my super sensitive skin I just remind myself that I'm better prepared here for an apocalypse that any of you are back home. I already live without electricity, I can prepare a chicken from breathing to fried in about 2 hours, and I know medicinal plants (most of which are illegal back home). Also, now whenever people in my cohort get rashes they send me pictures and ask what I think they should do (the med teams favorite response is: "Have you taken a benadryl?"). Becoming a witchy medicine woman, I like it.

Tomorrow I get to see SAM!!! I'm so excited. We coordinated our shopping day in Chorrera and we're getting up at 4 to meet there. I cannot wait to see him I'm so excited. Also, before y'all get your gears turning. Sam is not my boyfriend, he's dating Liv. Both of whom are my best friends.

Haven't seen the sun since Tuesday. Rain rain rain. Mud everywhere.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 22, 2024

I miss Los Mortales more than I thought I would. We were so comfortable there. Maria and Sughedys were the most comforting women I could be around and I can't wait to visit them. Don't know what you've got until it's gone.

But Los Cañones is growing on me. I'm eating so much fruit, oranges, pineapples, bananas, gaunabana 😍 Even fruits I didn't like in the states because they're just so good here. Still loving the no electricity because my meat intake is WAY down, it's amazing. I'm realizing I'm really not a picky eater? Everything tastes good when you're hungry and it's all super fresh because it has to be made and eaten within the day. Still incredible to me that we're only 30 minutes away from Los Mortales because the differences are insane. The bugs here are WAY worse, there are fireflies EVERYWHERE and so much more access to fruit.

Millie really is my best friend. She's turning 21 next week and we spend every minute together. She's the youngest of the adults, but is at least 10 years older than all the nieces and nephews. But being 21 without kids is weird so she doesn't really have anyone to fit in with (until me!) Most of the time she's just laughing at how stupid I am (what do you mean I don't know how to plant sugar cane) and that talking to me is like talking to a 2 year old because she has to talk slow and repeat herself a lot...

But after two years here I know that leaving her is going to be like leaving a sister all over again.

Today I went to the school for Earth day. I'm really killing it with Earth day because I use no electricity, don't drive a car, and eat no meat...how is your carbon footprint going??

Later Millie and I walked around for hours, meeting new people, eating fruit.

Then she and I ate a bunch of sugar cane and talked about how she hates the local representate here 👀 but we also talk a lot about boys and dyeing our hair and how I can't dance and I need to learn to impress the boys.

Grandma Rosa here is growing on me (Maria can't be beat tho, no competition). But Rosa has an amazing garden and tonight while the sun was setting she let me help weed and water the garden and best yet, she didn't talk to me at all.

People here seem to appreciate that I carry a notebook around to remember names and relationships, I think they recognize that I'm trying.

Defintely lonely, Millie makes it easier. The kids are getting more comfortable which is great.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

Seems like splitting up the photos is the way to go.

April 21, 2024 (Happy Birthday Claudia Bauman, I'll never forget your birthday)

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

Increasingly difficult to post photos. Feeling a little better, exploring, collecting oranges, roasting and grinding coffee

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[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 20, 2024

Oh hey I'm back. Leaving Ave Maria was rough. All of the different regions had different busses to get on so it was a painfully long goodbye in the parking lot. Because my region is right here, we got a small chiva, not a bus. Sam, Sophie, Janet and I would be at our sites within the hour, not 3-10 like the rest of our friends. Even better, I was the first dropped off. Before my friends had even made it to the main Panamanian highway, I was alone at a new house. Some comfort did come, on the drive here we pass Los Mortales and we stopped at Carlo's host family to pick up something that he had forgotten, so for a brief moment I got to see a familiar face.

Now this is my 3rd day in Los Cañones.

My guide is Ramiro Antonio (Toño for short)

My mom is Elena

My sister is Estaphany

My Aunt is Milly

It's been chaotic and this place is just never ending hills, if you want to get a reference, watch the emperor's new groove. I have no electricity which so far hasn't been so bad. I miss having a fan for sure but no refrigerator means way less meat in the morning. The water supply here is way more reliable than it was in Los Mortales. Yesterday I walked about 12 miles with my guide, Los Cañones has a very small population but it's super spread out. The oranges here are incredible, I think I had 8 yesterday. I genuinely feel like I've forgotten any Spanish that I once knew.

More from me soon, solar panel is set up. Pictures might be hard to post.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 17, 2024

Swear-In ceremony. Don’t feel like writing tonight, last night with the volunteers. Tomorrow we’re off

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After party!

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Despedida pics!

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Audrey and I after getting our hair done Thursday Night

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 13, 2024

I knowwwww I haven't been writing 🙃

Ok Thursday night: Sughedys straightened my hair for a good 90 minutes and then knotted it up in a hair net and bandana. I was under strict instructions to not get sweaty between 10 pm Thursday night and noon on Friday. Impossible? Really enjoyed sitting there while she played with my hair. Felt like a little girl.

Yesterday was one of my favorite birthdays Ive ever had and I think it was because I went into it with such low expectations. I received an insane amount of gifts from my family. A new necklace for the party, a pair of pants, a sun hat, a new bag (all which I now have to figure out how to pack). Dena came over bright and early with my favorite coconut water and chocolates 😊 I can't explain what it was like receiving so many cards, handmade bracelets, and little trinkets from trainees who were working with whatever they had. I feel so lucky that my birthday was during PST and I got to celebrate with everyone before shipping out. Caitlin gave me a book and a postcard from New Hampshire and that made me cry. So for the morning I didn't do much of anything (couldn't get sweaty). I bought a pineapple and shared it with some people on my porch. Then. At noon it was time to get beautiful. Elianis helped me do my makeup, sughedys took my hair out of it's holdings, and I changed into my new dress. It was CRAZY putting makeup on, also it was so hot so really only eye makeup and lipstick because I was sweating so much. Yesterday afternoon felt like getting ready for prom with Audrey and Caitlin. We were singing to music, taking pictures at each of our houses, and we think the women were more excited than we were. Once we were all done we walked into the center of town for the despedida. The despedida is just a farewell party for all the volunteers and their families. Not gonna lie, having a party throw on my birthday was kinda amazing. Everyone made it such a big deal and I was looking more fancy than most. The despedida was fun, albeit bittersweet. Caitlin, Audrey, Elianis, Crisyei, and I all did the macarena in front of everyone.

After the despedida we continued the birthday festivities at my house. Liv, Sam, Audrey, Caitlin, and Carlo all came over and we played old playlists from highschool while drinking gree apple vodka out of a water bottle. The running joke is that it was actually my 17th birthday because everything in the training community feels like being in highschool again. We danced and sang and all ate cake afterwards. My mom asked if I wanted to invite more trainees and when I said no she laughed really hard. Then I called Chloe which was a MISTAKE because then I got really sad that she wasn't there too. I was sitting with these 5 people who are so amazing and two months ago I didn't know them and now I couldn't picture my life without them but it still felt like chlo was missing from the equation.

All around, an incredible birthday, I feel so loved and it was fun to dress up even if it was a little ridiculous.

Today: championship baseball game!

Audrey, Caitlin, and I all went into Chorerra with our family to watch my brother, Elian, play at the championship baseball game. Its a new stadium for the major league but for the championship game they got to play there. He was SO excited when he found out we were coming. Olivia and Sam met us there. Elian is OBSESSED with Sam so you could just see him glowing that we all showed up with his whole family. We all got super into the game...for the first 2 hours and then we were wondering why the fuck the coach hadn't put Elian in once. Elian is so good at baseball he's been asked to play on an elite team during the season, and during today's game he was not put on the field once....I asked my family and they were livid. They've had issues with the director in the past and the vibe is he's resentful of Elian and the other player who have been asked to join this elite team. Obviously I don't know the whole story but he's a child and whatever your issue is, don't take it out on him. They brutally lost the game and when we got home elian was crying because he was so embarrassed that all of us came and he didn't play. I'm still so upset about it, not that I didn't see him play, I see him play everyday, but that he was caught in the crossfire's of adults.

After the game Liv, Caitlin, Sam, Audrey and I went out for birthday margs and lemme tell you, Passion fruit margs??? They go down real smooth, especially with some extra shots. So then Audrey and I went grocery shopping...bad idea. Put me in the American grocery store while drunk, yikes. I asked Audrey if I should get the peanut butter m&M's, the sour candy, the Milano dark chocolate cookies, or the extra cheddar goldfish and she said "it was your birthday yesterday....all of them?" So that was all the convincing I needed.

Then tonight was sam's mom's birthday so I went to her party because it's our last like real night here. After some more beer and wine I ended up on top of my usual hill looking at the stars.

Not sure if you've noticed but I use some combination of Audrey, Carlo, Caitlin, Liv, and Sam in every sentence. (I miss Ahmet daily, we facetimed him for my birthday party) I'm going to be gutted and I'm one of the lucky ones, I'm keeping two out of the 5 of them. After Wednesday, guaranteed no seeing them for 3 months. It's been the craziest codependency for the last 10 weeks, followed by isolation for the next 2 years. All five of them made yesterday one of the best birthdays Ive had and I'm just going to know them for the rest of my life.

Fittingly, on my last day in the states I was up until 3 am writing a blog post. Much like I am right now on my (2nd to) last night in Los Mortales. Tomorrow is packing and saying goodbye to everyone. Pictures to follow

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 7th, 2024

Yesterday I went into the city. First to get my packages from Chorrera and lemme tell you, it was like Christmas. I successfully got both packages and now i have a phone case and enough caffeine supplements are least for the next month. It was so successful that i could’ve been happy just going home to Los Mortales right then. But i didn’t. Instead I went to Casco Viejo with Sophie. Casio Viejo is the most touristy part of Panama City and although beautiful, kinda a waste of time. It’s so expensive and there are American tour groups everywhere, and i know I’m American…but I’m not that kind of American. But altogether, pretty successful Saturday.

Today we did a limpieza in town. A limpieza is just a town wide clean up. The idea was to organize it and hopefully community members would join to help. No one wanted to listen to me when i said that no one in their right mind would go to a limpieza at 7 am on a Sunday 🙃 but WHATEVER.

Organizing these things are hard! Where do we get trash bags? Where do we get gloves? What the fuck do we do with all the trash once it’s been collected? On top of that, Momma Bielca telling us that we need to feed the people who do show up. So now we also need to find/buy food with no budget and secure somewhere to cook it. We put very little energy into this limpieza.

All things considered, I’m stunned it turned out as well as it did. Granted it was mostly trainees, but at least 10 community members showed up to help. We filled 24 bags with trash, and another couple wheelbarrows full of glass. Absolutely gnarly, it rained so hard last night so everything was wet and muddy, starting early was good because there was less heat but “less heat” is still like 90° with 100% humidity. It was great to see the difference we made, even if only for the next 24 hours.

After the limpieza i went home and did absolutely nothing for the next 4 hours. It was phenomenal. I started a new book today and im 300 pages in already.

At 4:30, Audrey and Caitlin came over to my house while the moms played bingo. We had told them that this Sunday we would be making all of them dinner to say thank you. Initially it was going to be lasagna but when i saw that 12 oz if ricotta was going to run me $11, we changed gears and made baked ziti, salad, and chocolate chip cookies. I was so nervous because Audrey and Caitlin both told me that they would help however they could, but the ziti was my domain. Also, cooking for 17 people??? Really hard to do in an oven that I’ve never seen used. I’ve been really stressed about not knowing if i got the right quantities, or if they would all hate it. It was hard! Everything just takes so much longer to get organized. But once it was all said and done, we had plenty of ziti, enough to give everyone seconds. And more importantly, they WANTED seconds. Xavier told me i need to teach Audrey how to cook lol. We even had enough to invite some of the neighbors over (I may have overestimated). It was really exciting because other trainees have made their families dinner and

1. 1 Person found their meal hidden in a cupboard the next day

2. Olivia’s family called her dinner “sopa de gringo”

3. Sav saw her family feeding it to the dogs.

Felt really nice to cook with Audrey and Caitlin and the family was so happy.

This week I’ve noticed a very distinct change in the weather. It’s raining more, almost always cloudy, not any cooler, and somewhere more humid than before. But the wind is a lot stronger and feels amazing.

One more week in Los Mortales.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

1. Liv and I sending our spanish teacher selfies because he's on paternity leave

2. Some incredible person captured the second Caitlin and I found out.

3-4. Invaluable information

5. Nicolas with my new children

6. My current training community to approximately where my new site is

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

First round of photos. They really put the girlies from New Hampshire, Maine, and Mass in the same region🤗

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 5, 2024

Judgement day.

And I couldn’t be happier that my bracket was SO wrong. I hate to admit it, Francisco crushed this.

On April 18th I will be headed to Los Cañones, Panama Oeste. Approx population 200-250. Super rural. Electricity will be an issue but cell service and water are pretty reliable. Xavier knows the town and told me that there’s an orange orchard, a big river, and lots of kids. I’m only about 30 minutes away from Los Mortales.

Along with me in Panama Oeste are 🥁🥁🥁

CAITLIN, Sam, Maddy, Sophie, and Janet. It’s a motherfucking SQUAD. I’m so excited. When the big reveal happened and we all flipped our folders over, Caitlin and I were standing next to each other and it was the most relief I’ve ever felt. That girl is gonna be my neighbor the rest of my life i swear to god. I never believed I’d be in the same region as her and now I’m letting myself be excited. And let me tell you…our families are FREAKING OUT. They are so happy because we are so close. They all cried. Sughedys told me that if i hate my new family i can just come live with her again and we don’t have to tell the Peace Corps anything.

THEN in my packet of information, they mentioned the name of the last volunteer who was in this site, pre covid. Naturally i found him on Instagram in about 7 seconds and started messaging him. He returned to Panama after his service was terminated early due tot he pandemic and now he runs a hotel in Veraguas, Panama. So essentially, he’s amazing. He’s been messaging me all night and says he still goes back to visit Los Cañones because they’re his family now. Every message he sends just elevates this to such a new level of realness. He and his brother are going to visit me the day after I move there to show me around and introduce me to people.

Today felt insane. The anxiety and nerves and energy was really stressful and although I couldn’t be happier and was so relieved, the comedown from all the emotions made me jittery and exhausted. I’m nowhere near Audrey, Liv, or Carlo. We all are making plans to see each other but who knows the reality of how well we will execute those plans. Liv is so far and I know she’s scared because she’s hours away from other volunteers, whereas i can walk to Sam in less than an hour. I’m tempering my excitement around her, but she knows that’s what I’m doing and there’s no way to diminish her fears until she’s there and it all works out. Geographically she’s got one of the coolest sites, so i intend on keeping my visiting pact.

Feeling crazy, and sleep doesn’t want to greet me again. Unfortunate considering I’m headed to Panama City at 6 am tomorrow.