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jeonsbun · 1 year

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i cannot explain this emotion — han

pairing: han jisung x fem!reader

tags: best friends to lovers, slight angst

warnings: swearing, wrote this on my phone so probs not formatted right, ji is a dumby in this one, reader is flirty.

inspo: the intro to chill (my beloved)

notes: this is my first skz fic so would appreciate your feedback and thoughts <3

{ wc: 3710 }

being best friends with han meant a few sacrifices along the way, like celebrating important occasions over facetime because he was working somewhere twenty thousand miles away, or it was having to take separate cars when going out so people won’t ask too many questions, and sometimes, it was spending the whole afternoon in the jype building bored out of your mind because jisung needed to work (and you enjoyed the quality time anyway.)

really you weren’t complaining, it was all worth it to be friends with someone as kind and as caring and as magnificent as he was. but you would never say anything as cringy as that to him- instead, you’d complain and complain about how bored you were.

“okay, the boys are coming in to record vocals so it’ll be more interesting now,” han promised you, smiling lightly as he dialed lee know’s number.

you liked watching the creative process, especially when it meant jisung had that crease in his brow he always got when he was concentrating hard on something, but who knew the creative process had to be this fucking long. jisung promised it wouldn’t take too long, but as soon as he recorded the first verse he told chan to delete everything and start from scratch.

when minho arrived at the studio, you gave him a big hug and whispered, “save me,” into his ear. he laughed big, his eyes disappearing into themselves as he gave you a quick squeeze on your hips. he asked what you needed him to save you from, using a term that sounded a lot like knight in shining armour and you giggled at him that jisung was keeping you hostage here.

“oh, is he?” he asked lowly, rubbing your shoulder lightly.

“yeah, i mean,” you sighed dramatically, “at least you’re here now so it’s better.”

minho smirked at you, popping up an eyebrow in a silent question.

“minho, can you focus?” han demanded in a sharp tone.

you quickly pulled away from each other and sat by chan and the soundboard, looking on as lee know sang and han gave him instructions and tips on how he wanted it to sound.

he was so specific, your best friend, he stopped lee know time and time again to get the note just right. you weren’t too musical yourself and you couldn’t tell much of a difference between what he did the first time and the fifteenth time—but only after so many times was han finally happy, claiming it was “just like he imagined!”

the sparkles in his eyes as he said that made your tummy do something funny, something you never felt before (and never because of han) and so you coughed lightly and focused on chan and the many sound waves on his monitor.

“right, i think that was it, lee know,” chan said excitedly. they clapped their hands together in celebration, and jisung leaned over to give minho a hug.

“your vocals sound perfect with the hook!” he exclaimed, smiling brightly at his friend.

minho’s face gleamed at that, bowing in acceptance of the compliment.

“right, get felix down here,” chan asked as he clicked a few buttons. jisung quickly called him, and you walked minho out with a smile and for a small catch up.

being best friends with one of the members meant you were close to all of them, and so you spent a few moments asking minho about the new choreography he was working on and if he was coming over for dinner during the weekend.

after a quick hug he had to go to practice a few more moves—just in time for felix to round the corner and spot you.

“y/n!” he smiled, pulling you into a hug and then back into the studio.

the pair of you entered giggling, chan smiling at you as he invited felix to sit down and listen to the guide track.

you were about to sit down on the sofa next to him, as felix was still holding your hand, but as you passed han he grabbed your waist and sat you down on his lap.

“hey,” you whispered at him as he nuzzled his face into your hair.

“sorry it’s taking long,” he whispered in your ear—causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. you were sure it wasn’t that cold in the studio, they didn’t turn the aircon on unless absolutely necessary, considering the noises it made could be picked up by the mics.

why were you getting chills?

“don’t worry,” you said, placing your hand on top of jisung’s, the one that was resting on your stomach, “i’m having fun.”

“you weren’t having so much fun when it was just me and chan,” he said, and you could almost detect a whine in his voice.

“because you guys were doing boring things. now it’s fun,” you turned to him slightly, so you could see his pout and his shiny lips and how his cheeks looked chubby when he was making his pout bigger, “it’s cool watching you take control of everything and tell the boys how to do it right.”

han looked away from you. “just my job,” he shrugged.

“ooooh!” felix let out when the guide track was finished, “this sounds cool!”

jisung tapped you on your hips, a sign for you to get up, and you took your chair by chan again as felix downloaded the lyrics document onto his phone.

han explained what he wanted, and felix gave it a try, asking questions and making sure his flow was just right.

you watched as han’s eyes followed the lyrics closely, making sure each one was delivered correctly, his head bopping along to the beat they created only an hour ago, right in front of you.

then it was hyunjin’s turn, and then it was changbin, and one by one the members came in to record their vocals.

each time you were amazed by your best friend’s abilities.

this wasn’t the first time you’ve watched him do this—you even saw him create a whole song on his laptop while you were doing your makeup before going out to a party together. you’ve seen him do amazing things, but there was something about him correcting seungmin on his note delivery that made your brain implore you to jump into his lap again.

of course, you ignored that insane instinct and remained in your chair instead. but still, you watched as he told the lead vocalist how to sing his song in the best way possible.

you weren’t sure when you started doing it, but your finger was slowly moving against your lips as you studied han closer and closer. you weren’t even sure why you were doing it.

“y/n,” chan said, snapping you out of your daydream—that involved a lot more of jisung’s lap.

“yeah?” you asked, looking around them. chan laughed.

“we’re taking a break and then we just need to put everything together. food?”

“sure,” you got up, quickly making your way over to your best friend and grabbing his hand. “is there much left?”

“maybe thirty minutes,” he said, giving your hand a squeeze. “why?”

“no reason,” you shrugged, grabbing his bicep with your spare hand as the pair of you followed chan to the cafeteria. “just wanna cuddle you for a bit.”

jisung giggled, fixing the beanie on his head a few times. “we can do that while chan finishes everything.”

you grinned at him.

“you’re really talented,” you said, seemingly out of nowhere. jisung looked at you, his mouth a perfect o shape as shock took over his face.

“are you moving away or something?”

“what?” you laughed.

“you’re being so nice to me, wanting to cuddle and giving me compliments. is this the last time i’m gonna see you?” he asked, fake panic in his voice.

“it better not be,” you warned him, before you felt the need to say, “bro.”

“don’t worry, bro,” jisung said, his hand falling from yours as he sat down by the table, “we’re gonna be friends forever.”

for some reason you couldn’t explain, that sentence didn’t make you as happy as it used to.

later that night, after the track was finished and you fell asleep on the sofa in the studio, jisung dragged you back to their dorm.

by the time you made it back there, you were almost more sleepy than you were before, and the pair of you didn’t say much to each other as you silently took some of the spare clothes you keep in jisung’s closet and went to wash up. you’ve done this many many times before, and so, it wasn’t at all weird when you ran into hyunjin in the corridor, clutching your dirty clothes in your hand.

“yay,” he said silently as he saw you, “this means we’re getting pancakes in the morning?”

you laughed at him, even through your sleep strained voice, “only if you’re nice to me in the morning.”

“of course mrs. han,” he bowed at you. you shook your head at him, giving hyunjin a shove at the stupid nickname he decided to stick to you. it never bothered you before—but when he said it now your chest felt tighter all of a sudden.

with one final middle finger his way, you walked back to jisung’s room and easily climbed into his bed and under the covers. he then went out to wash up, the smell of him surrounding you and a sudden realisation your heart was beating so strong you could feel it in your ears.

what was happening?

nothing about this was out of the ordinary, it was so normal in fact that neither of you needed to talk about you sleeping over anymore—it was just so obvious.

why were you… nervous?

you didn’t have much time to think about it before jisung came back, the smell of peppermint strong around him as he sunk down under the covers, a hand routinely laying over your stomach.

you couldn’t help but wonder if he tasted like peppermint, too.

the thought scared you so much you jolted away from him, quickly turning your back to him to cover it up in any way you could (and the warm blush on your cheeks).

“are you ovulating?” he asked after a few minutes.

“what?” you nearly yelled, turning around to make sure he actually asked that.

“you’re just being super weird today, i thought maybe you’re stressed or hormonal or something. i have chocolate in the fridge if you want me to get some?”

“i’m not ovulating,” you said quickly, leaning back into your spot.

“are you in pain?”

“ji, it really has nothing to do with my period,” you shoved him lightly, rolling your eyes at his theory.

“then why are you being weird?” he whined, placing his hand back on your stomach now that he knew it was safe to do so, and nuzzling his face into your neck. you froze.

“i’m not being weird,” you said, your voice sounding nothing short of robotic.

“you are,” he pouted. “you’re not hugging me back and i don’t think i upset you so what’s going on?”

“nothing,” you promised him, bringing your hand around his shoulder to prove a point. his pout had turned into a smile, the most adorable smile you’ve ever seen on him. his eyes closed as he nuzzled closer to you, his smile reaching his cheeks. you couldn’t stop the whimper leaving your lips.

jisung’s eyes shot open.

“you are in pain,” he said, or more like demanded. he leaned up on his hands, hovering over you as he checked if there was anything wrong with you.

“it’s just… i just can’t really explain it.”

“chlamydia?” he said with the most serious nod he could master.

“ji!!” you yelled at him, slapping his chest a few times as he giggled at you.

“just tell meee,” he whined, shaking you lightly with the hand still on your stomach.

“no, you won’t get it.”

“please?”

“no,”

“pleeeaaaassssseeee—“

“—fine!” you yelled.

at that jisung smiled, shaking you again in excitement. he manoeuvred himself so he had his chin resting on both hands, his eyebrows high in curiosity.

“i have a crush,” you said quickly, before you could take it back.

“oh,” he said, his chubby cheeks sinking lightly. “minho?”

“um, no,” you said slowly.

“who? i can talk to them if you need,” he offered, a very small smile on his face.

“no, uh, no. forget i said anything.”

you quickly turned your back to him, your heart beating much faster than you believed was humanly possible as you took in a deep breath.

what the fuck were you thinking telling him something like that? han has been your best friend for years and you can’t throw that away because of a stupid crush. no. this was ridiculous.

“what if i’m ovulating,” he said, breaking the silence.

“you can’t biologically do that,” you explained calmly.

jisung hummed, moving closer to you again and draping a hand over your waist.

“well, i’ve been really hungry lately—“

“—you’re always hungry,”

“yeah, but i’ve been angry too. then i realised it was jealousy.”

your heart fluttered.

“jealousy?”

“every time one of the members talked to you today it annoyed me. do you get that when you’re ovulating?”

“ji,” you giggled, turning around to face him, “i don’t think that has anything to do with your non-existent uterus, and you’re probably just jealous your best friend gets all the attention.”

“i want you to want my attention,” he said, lowly.

you froze.

“goodnight,” he said, after what felt like five minutes.

“goodnight, ji,” you sighed, and for the first time ever the pair of you didn’t cuddle as you slept.

the next morning you made pancakes just like you promised hyunjin, but by the time you were done and called everyone for breakfast—jisung wasn’t there. you knew he wasn’t there when you woke up alone, but you figured he just went to work out. but by now changbin was back, saying, “jisung went out to do a few things, he wanted me to say bye to you.”

“bye?” you asked, as you gave the pancakes out into each of the housemate’s plates.

“yeah, we’re flying tomorrow to tokyo for some press.”

“oh.”

that’s the first time you’ve heard of them doing anything in tokyo this week—let alone tomorrow, but you simply nodded and ate your pancakes in silence.

you: ur not saying bye?

quokki: busy today. see you when we get back

you knew now you never should’ve told han about your crush. he must’ve figured out it was him and now he wanted nothing to do with you. you couldn’t explain why, but you would’ve preferred it if jisung could’ve just told you he didn’t like you that way than running away from you altogether. you much preferred rejection than not even getting a goodbye hug. but then—wasn’t this his way of rejection you anyway?

the boys got back from tokyo five days later, five days you spent without even talking to your best friend. that never happened before. jisung always made a point of calling you before bed or sending you pretty pictures of things he’s seen throughout the day that he wanted to share with you. sometimes he’d send you voice recordings to summarise his days or an event they just filmed. he’d always keep you in the loop.

not this time.

after five days, you knew they were back home because minho sent you a message inviting you to a nice dinner at his dorm with everyone. of course you happily agreed to come, excited to see your friends again. still, it was an ache you couldn’t explain when you realised jisung could’ve told you about these plans but he decided not to.

why was he giving you the silent treatment?

but jisung would be there tonight, and at least you’d get to see him, and maybe you’d find out his phone was stolen or broken or he has some sort of amnesia and that’s why he’s being the worst friend ever lately.

you wish you never told him about your stupid crush.

minho opened the door after a few knocks, letting you into the dorm with a smile and a quick hug.

“how was japan?” you asked with a smile, rubbing his back briefly before you pulled away.

minho told you excitedly about the food he had there, and about how he knows he’s getting better at the language because it was so much easier to understand people this time around, and when he moved aside to let you in you saw jisung sat by the kitchen island.

as soon as he saw you he rolled his eyes, mumbled of course to himself and grabbed his phone, burying his head inside it.

so he didn’t lose it.

you wanted to gasp at his reaction, you wanted to scream at him that he was a shitty friend, but you just stood there instead.

“do you know what,” minho started, looking between the pair of you, “i thought i was gonna pretend but i’m not. i’m leaving, sort it out.”

and then minho took his jacket and just left the pair of you together in the kitchen.

it was then you realised the other boys were definitely not there and minho wasn’t preparing any dinner.

you turned to leave, not wanting to stay in a room with someone who was clearly upset with you over something you can’t control, and grabbed the door knob.

as soon as you did, you heard a loud key turning from the other side of the door.

so he locked you two in here.

you turned around with a huff, making a beeline towards the sofa and plopping yourself down on it.

“sorry he left,” jisung said after ten minutes of silence. you knew it was ten minutes because the watch on the wall was ticking away happily—the only sound in the room until jisung spoke.

“okay?” you said, because you didn’t know what to say, and looked at him in curiosity.

“i’m sure you were looking forward to spending time with him,” he nodded in understanding.

“who?”

“minho,” jisung said, more or less defeated—as if in acceptance.

“what?” you sighed, “i was looking forward to spending time with my best friend, but i think he left too.”

“you don’t wanna spend time with your crush?” you swallowed deeply. was he really gonna make you stop referring to him as his best friend? was he that disgusted by it that he didn’t accept the title anymore?

“look, i don’t care about a silly crush if i’ll lose you over it,” you huffed out, running your hands through your hair, “i’ll absolutely ignore it and never say anything about it again and definitely won’t act on it, i promise. just please stop whatever you’re doing.”

you weren’t too proud to beg, and jisung meant the whole world to you. so yeah, you’d ignore these feelings that would soon pass if it meant your friendship would prevail.

“jagiya,” he sighed, a nickname he only kept for important moments, “i’m not asking you to do that.”

he got up, made his way over to the sofa and sat down right beside you. you wanted to leap into his arms and hold him for five days but you decided that might be breaking your promise so you held back instead.

“you should act on it! you should tell him how you feel and see what he says and you shouldn’t ignore it just for our friendship. our friendship can last anything, especially something like this,” he promised.

“act on it?” you had to ask.

“yeah, like, kiss him or something,” he shrugged, unable to quite look you in the eye.

“kiss?” you all but whispered. was he asking you to kiss him?

han knew about your crush on him and he was telling you to act on it. that your friendship would survive it. kiss him.

so you trusted your best friend’s advise (you always did) and leaned forward. you planted a soft kiss on jisung’s incredibly soft lips, kissed him for only a moment, then pulled away.

jisung sat frozen in front of you, his eyes gaped as his mouth sat in a small, surprised circle.

“oh,” he said after a moment, “oh! oh, oh. oh!”

“what?” your eyebrows knitted together, as jisung kept saying oh with his hands on his head.

“i’m your crush?!”

“who did you think my crush was?” you almost yelled.

“minho,” jisung yelled back.

“what? no! it’s you,” you got up, grabbing his shoulder and shaking it, “that’s why you ignored me this whole week and didn’t say bye after i confessed.”

“no!” jisung shook your shoulder back, “you started stuttering when i asked if it was lee know and when i said i want your attention you said nothing so you like him! i ignored you because i was too jealous.”

you slapped his chest. “jealous?”

“i was jealous of your crush,” he sighed, grabbing your wrist to stop you from slapping him again.

“you’re my crush!” you yelled, frustrated at how silly your best friend was being this whole time.

“i know that now!” he yelled back.

“am i your crush?” you kept yelling.

“how else can you explain my stupid reaction?” he laughed, trying to fight back your hands that were aiming to slap him anywhere you could find.

“you’re always stupid,” you accused.

“you’re stupid!” he maturely countered.

“kiss me again, then, stupid,” you giggled, not giving up on your attempt to shove at his chest.

at that, jisung giggled, before he let go of your wrists and snaked his hands around your waist.

he leaned down to press his lips against yours, softly and sweetly, before he pulled away again.

“so i’m your crush?” he asked again, just to confirm.

“if you stop kissing me again for a silly question you won’t be anymore,” you threatened, empty, but jisung took you seriously all the same, and quickly grabbed your cheek so he could lean into you easily.

you suppose this made up for the week you spent apart.

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